I’m 19 and both my parents voted for Trump. I went to high school in small-town Texas.
Somehow I understand people like my mom and the 31%. I can’t, won’t, believe they’re all bad people. I know it’s a hard thing to put away your own problems, or your own life satisfaction, to care about someone else’s. I think you’re right that if they saw what was really happening, they would change their minds. I wish it was easier to get there.
My friends are overwhelmed with sadness and hate about the things that are going on. It’s hard when you care. When so many awful things are happening, it either overwhelms you to know them or you choose to put your phone down and ignore what’s happening.
Sometimes I feel guilty for not caring enough, for not doing enough. But sometimes I can’t manage to live my own life while doing so. So many awful things are happening all at once, and the people in charge of it act like it’s justified, that it feels like it’s supposed to be normal. It’s weird to me to be growing up in an America where I can’t trust the people who run it. Thank you for seeing, caring, and writing. People like you keep me believing in humanity 🫶🫶
Oh Sabrina, this went straight to my heart. I have an eighteen-year-old and a fifteen-year-old. It absolutely guts me that I’m part of a generation that is handing you a world full of this much chaos and violence. But it isn’t yours to take on yet, and that’s what I tell my own kids. I don’t know if you’re in school or you’re working, but at 18 you should still get to have some innocence and some fun and some time to focus on your own life.
I know it’s a different world and everyone has their phones and there’s no way to *not* know what’s happening - and I suppose I don’t think you want to totally not know - but you did not create this mess.
My feeling is you ought to have the next four years to mostly focus on you, on what it is that moves you and inspires you - because whatever happens, that’s what the world needs. It needs people who are lit up, and who do care and who find value in sharing their gifts. We’re all just drops in the ocean, that’s true, but in all of time there’s never been a drop exactly like you, and there never will be again. So I just think that’s sacred and you need time to nurture your particular spark (forgive my mixed metaphors), and let those of us who are appalled and heartbroken do everything we can to right the ship as much as possible before y’all have to take over the steering wheel. There are a lot of us who are devastated by what is happening and want to hand you a much better world. You deserve so much better than this. I’m writing through tears because I’m thinking of you, and my own kids, and everyone’s kids, everywhere. The grownups have lost the thread.
And I am so with you. I do not believe that the 31% of people who voted for this are all bad people. Your parents raised you, and look at you. Look at these comments you left. I think most people just want things to be better, and if they voted this way it’s because they thought this would be better.
Maybe they felt angry or unheard or like the “coastal elites” were out of touch. There have definitely been too many people falling through the cracks, and when people get desperate, they get angry (not talking about your parents, just how a thing like this can happen, where enough people vote for an angry, fire-and-brimstone nasty ticket).
I was just saying to my friend Paul, there’s this great Michelle Obama quote, “It’s harder to hate up close.” We just have to break through the noise somehow and reach the percentage of those 31% who really would be devastated by the repercussions of what is happening. Who do have a heart and who would not want to see good people suffer. Who do not want to take away someone’s right to love who they love.
I spoke to someone who voted for this months ago, I met her at the DMV of all places and she said, “I don’t care who anyone loves, I don’t care about pronouns, I just want more money in my pocket.” Short-sighted, absolutely. Not thinking about the danger to so many people, or not believing that so many people would genuinely be put in jeopardy? Very likely. I wonder if I ran into her today, how she’d feel now. I suspect she might regret her vote.
Sending you so much love. Try to enjoy your life and your friends and don’t beat yourself up for “not doing enough” because you’ll have plenty of time later. If you feel moved to do something, I’m such a big fan of small acts of kindness. They go such a long way. Sending you huge hugs from Los Angeles. As they say, the kids are all right ❤️🩹❤️🩹🙏🏼
Thank you for your response Ally 🥹🥹 Means the world to me. I’m keeping your words close to my heart 💗💗 I’m in college studying journalism! (How lucky am I to look up to writers like you??)
To say that I am thrilled to hear you’re studying journalism is a huge understatement. My daughter wants to do that very thing. Would love to know if you end up liking your program, and I wish you so much success with it. I can’t tell you what your words meant to me 🥹❤️🩹
Flaming baby Jesus, the felt rage and the dissonance is merciless. But the grief is soul-deep. It's taken most of my life to find a modicum of clarity about the world in which we live. And now the callousness and disconnection is fever-pitched.
The macro of it all is largely out of my control, but the micro is where it hurts most. Love. Relationships. Belonging. Man, the ache.
I so feel you, Cabot. Of all the things that hurt and are hard to take, the thing I find the most painful is the contempt. The smug assertions, the lack of compassion, the disdain when people are suffering. I just think people have been “turned” and I don’t have the heart for it. I do try, I haven’t given up. I engage where and when I can and try to point out that part of it. Like, hey, just wondering, do you not see how awful it is that you don’t care that good people are scared and hurting? Or do you not realize that you’d rather reject a story that challenges your beliefs - a
story unfolding in front of your eyes - than question your beliefs? But sometimes I have to withdraw because it just pains me too much to see people lose their humanity that way. It’s awful to witness. Hugs, love and free, happy lobsters, Cabot. You’re not alone.
I am keeping this on my email because it’s a good summary and a reminder of the atrocities that have occurred in a very short 6 months in this country due to this corrupt and incompetent and inhumane administration. As usual you hit every note like a master and the end message was absolutely perfect. I will not become a blood sucking lowlife like the Miller/Vance/Noem/Patel/RFK crew! Waiting for them to implode and each other up soon.
The sad part is, I can’t even cover everything, nor would anyone want me to! It’s too much. We are not meant to sustain this much awful, devastating news every day. But these people truly scare me. The hatred and contempt scare me. I think the people in power are lost and they aren’t coming back, but the people supporting them, I just hope we can bring some of them back. Sending you so much love, friend. And to your family ❤️🩹
Watching helplessly as educated "normal" folks I knew get brain worms and turn into exactly what you are writing about has been so hard. It's the true zombie invasion.
It really is. It’s so hard. I don’t know if you saw the 60 Minutes interview with Dani Mathisen - she’s one of the 19 women who brought a class action suit against the state of Texas so they’d have to elucidate what qualified as a “threat to the life of the mother” when it came to the state’s restrictive abortion ban. Her baby had a fatal fetal abnormality and her mother, a physician, got her plane tickets and gave her cash for an abortion in New Mexico - putting her own medical license in jeopardy - but doing it because she knew that’s what her daughter needed. For her own health and for her future fertility.
This woman, Dani Mathison (now a doctor herself) was crying during the interview. She wanted this baby, she was devastated. And some woman in the comments said the story seemed curated to make people feel bad and clearly it wasn’t true. So I took about 27 deep breaths and posted links. Told her it was very much true, and that clearly it had upset her to hear the story, but perhaps a better use of her time would be to do a little soul searching, rather than to call a woman who’d already been through a tragedy - a liar. It must be exhausting to live that way. To refuse to examine your core beliefs even when you’re presented with information that is compelling and obviously hurts your heart. I’m sure she identifies as Christian and pro-life, but where is the compassion? Where is the self-reflection? How do you follow a
man selling golden phones? Smh. Thanks for being here, Kari ❤️🩹
I didn't see that, lest I turn into a supernova of pure white hot RAGE.
There is nothing "pro-life" about consigning a pregnant human to suffering. There is nothing "pro-life" about a fetus that has abnormalities inconsistent with life forced to experience a painful birth and death. People in this country do not know what to do about death and the random horrible things that happen. They think they can sprinkle some Jesus on it and avoid the painful truth that human suffering CAN be avoided in many cases. I think the fact that we have options to alleviate suffering is a better case for the existence of a god than anything the Bible has to say.
"Sprinkle some Jesus on it" is a perfect description of what they do. It's clearly what happened to them. The lessons of kindness, compassion and justice were merely sprinkled on them. Nothing was absorbed into their hearts.
Amen. You know I am with you on all of that. Some things are just painful and hard and they hurt like hell. And you sure as shit do not need some man in your state legislature telling you how you’re allowed to move through a tragedy like that ffs.
"sprinkle some Jesus on it" Omg. This. You're so fucking clever. My sister, super conservative christian--a lit up cross in her yard, R voter, etc, will not do a thing to help anyone (she babysits kids in her home and when one's parent died suddenly, I asked if she was doing anything to help the family and she said: I'm sure praying for them!). I think about this quotation a lot: "You pray for the hungry. Then you feed them. That's how prayer works." Pope Francis.
Thank you for every word of this. It’s easy to hate, but to do so is to fall into the trap. I try to think of Thoreau, Gandhi, King, even while pushing back.
It’s so hard given what is happening here in Los Angeles. People are literally afraid to leave their homes because ICE vehicles are circling our neighborhoods. The way this is tearing families apart and scaring kids and just creating fear and chaos with absolutely no upside is brutal. But I know you cannot beat cruelty with more cruelty or overcome violence with violence. I know the way you win is to keep showing up with something so much better so that eventually the people standing there causing the pain really have to ask themselves what the hell they’re doing. I just hope it happens sooner than later, David 💔🙏🏼
It's easy to want to save the lobsters...they're innocent. (And thank you for writing about that. What we do to them is beyond cruel. There are restaurants I won't go to because they have a lobster tank and seeing them helplessly trussed up like that makes me cry.) A real question, and I don't mean to challenge you...will you be sad when the current occupant of the WH dies? Because I won't be. I'll celebrate. Does that make me one of the terrible people? Maybe. I do actively hate horrible people, but mostly, I don't give them much of my attention or heart. There's so much that I love. They exist side by side. The love is way bigger.
Part II, the guy. OMFG, what an asshole. I have a theory that people like that have VERY low self esteem. Once they have you, they lose respect, because why would you be with a loser like them? In their twisted view, you must be worthless, too. When you walked away, you were suddenly a prize to win again. Also, I think there's a seething rage in feeling inferior. He thought you were better than he was (and he was right) so once you saw what was (legitimately) good in him, he wanted to chip away at you. He looked up to you so he wanted to destroy you. And I think it's a pathetically common thing. I'm so sorry. And I'm glad you got out.
I will not cry when he dies unless they are tears of relief. I will not be sad at all. I will be relieved. I will celebrate that we no longer have to worry for ourselves or for our friends or for our children or anyone’s children that there is such an unstable and unwell person in the WH. There are more like him, so I won’t be truly relieved unless we are able to collectively remove these people from power, and come up with a much better vision and better future for everyone. I think we need a massive overhaul. The more I think about it, the more I feel we need proportional representation here. Democracy 2.0. But we can’t even have those conversations with gusto until we get these people out, or have an inkling of how to do that, and the way is unclear at best.
Having said all of that, I don’t *hate* them. I just want them gone. I want them somewhere they can’t hurt people anymore. Mars is fine. Jail is fine. The private sector is fine if we start taxing billionaires and stop treating corporations like people, and if we bring regulations back and independent regulatory commissions, and care about the environment etc etc etc.
I guess the distinction for me is that hatred is this living energy in your heart and mind. It takes up space. It grants people massive amounts of power over you. I don’t want to give them that power. I don’t want to let them harden me. I don’t want to allow their callousness and soullessness to infect me and make me turn on my neighbors, who have already been infected by the same disease. I experienced it when we went through the wildfires out here. It was the most brutal thing. It was the same energy Mike Lee displayed with his tweets this week, or the asshole president when he didn’t call Governor Walz.
It was a wide-scale sociopathic-level lack of empathy. I don’t ever want to be that. I don’t ever want to feel that for anyone. I won’t let them make me become that. I think that’s what I’m saying. I will still care about human beings when the grid goes down in Texas. I will still care when a hurricane hits Florida. I will not paint people with one swath. That’s what I mean if that helps.
And yes, I agree with every word you said about the guy. He vacillated between grandiosity and wild self-loathing. He tore me down to make himself feel better. Definitely partly the whole, “I don’t want to be in a club that would have me as a member” mentality. Why would I respect someone who cares about me thing. But yikes does it hurt. I’m glad I got the lesson even if it took a couple rounds. Will be very glad to not have guys like this running our country. Please and thank you. Love you ❤️❤️🩹❤️
Thank you for the thoughtful answer. I'll sit with this. I don't want a hard heart either (though I see a million ways I am still all soft and gooey). Maybe a bit of it is hard. Maybe it's a phase. We'll see. But my love is big and you are inside that circle.
Every time I read one of your brilliant pieces, I'm nodding my head at every single sentence. First off, did we all date the exact same guy at some point in our lives?
Also, it's mind blowing to think that there are still humans who support this felon and his gang of criminals. I live in a relatively affluent part of Northern California and it's unbelievable how many of my neighbors still have flags flying in support of $rump.
Ha. Funny thing, one of my best friends texted me this morning after she read this and she said a lot of nice things and then, “also, fuck____” but it was the wrong guy 🤣 Which is me saying I dated “that guy” more than once. Had to learn some lessons the very hard way 😬
And my god do I hear you. When I drive from LA to Santa Cruz to visit my kid it is so fucking disheartening to see the signs supporting this insanity. I want to pull over and knock on the door and just be like hi, can you please explain to me wtf is going on? Like really, I know you don’t know me, but I’m just astounded that you have this farm here, and you’re apparently supporting an administration that fucked you over and continues to fuck you over, so if I buy like 12 cartons of strawberries, can we talk about it? But I figure I’ll get shot, or chased down the driveway with a shotgun, so I don’t do it, Sonbol. I just fantasize about doing it lol. 🤯
I remember watching news reports of Pinochet's coup, the firehoses turned on protesters, defenestration of professors, the murders and disappearing of Allende's supporters. It was horrifying. How could that happen in a democracy?
I was 18 then, a college freshman majoring in history.
This was not the first despotic ruination of a country, and clearly not the last.
Soon, I learned the my government was involved in all of these despicable doings. But I still had faith in it. That's tough to maintain right now. But...
I come from a family dedicated to survival and compassion. To betterment over destruction. To helping rather than hurting.
I will not give up. We are the only ones who can save us.
Sorry to quote another power mad lunatic, but we all need to screw our courage to the sticking point. We each need to do what is in our capacity to at least get back to where things were imperfect, but sane.
This is it exactly. I am very aware that status quo was not working for far too many people. I agree we need to be having serious conversations and probably a very different approach (maybe proportional representation). But we can’t even begin to have those conversations while these people are in power and it’s astounding and scary to me that it isn’t becoming more clear to more people that the biggest danger is coming from inside the house!!
I am absolutely clear-eyed about who and what they are. Anyone who supports what you’ve outlined (and worse) is my enemy. Period. I used to think that with more information they’d come around. The morning after the election I accepted the truth.
My 18-year-old son came home Saturday night and sat on the couch. He’d been out so I was asking him how his night was, how his dinner had been, etc. He was quiet and I was doing that careful dance you do with your teenagers sometimes where you know something is wrong, but if you ask too much they shut down. I thought maybe something had happened with a friend. Then he looked at me and said, “Is the world ending?” And that pretty much broke me. I am so furious with everyone who is making life here so terrifying for so many people.
Hi Ally, thanks for another beautiful essay. You are quite right about the disease bit. I must admit that I played with AI recently and asked a few questions about a few things and one of them was something like "are humans evil?" and it surprised me how our exchange went. What prompted this question was two posts about genocide, one in India and one in Indonesia and with everything that's going on I thought "hang on, it seems for God know how long there's been a war somewhere, something is really off with the way we build society" and whilst AI didn't give me answer we got to point where it sounded like it agreed with me, something is very wrong with how we build our society.
I can't say I'm saint, but I definitely try not to be a dickhead or arrogant prick, but honestly the amount of idiots I see, or hear makes me wonder. Mainly these observations come from seeing people behave in arrogant way in the traffic, in public spaces etc. Our parents back in the day tried to raise us as good people, not necessarily successful people and that's part of the problem I guess. Despite being fairly happy with "how good I am/try to be", I'm not as happy with where I am in life, and it kind of sucks.
I think sometimes people think being good is a weakness and in a way, perhaps it is. The problem is that being good doesn't pay bills or gets us what we want.
I probably went way off the topic here so apologies. I just wanted to share something that I wondered about, the nature of human collective. I definitely agree with you as the girl wanting to save the lobsters, but I worry that the world we live in isn't a good place for such girl. Which makes me quite sad.
Thank you for being here and everything you do. I love reading your thoughts.
You’re not off topic. I’m trying so hard to hold onto the hope that this world is a good place for the kids who want to set the lobsters free. I know it doesn’t look like that right now. I know that all the way down to my toes. I just do not think it’s because of our nature. I think it’s because of the things we are taught to believe, and I think we need to unlearn a lot of that shit and start teaching our children better stories. Maybe we have to learn the hard way. It looks that way. I just hope we get it before it’s too late. I hope that with my entire heart. And I thank you for being here, Peter ❤️🩹
My reply when someone responds negatively at a rally is to say “I’m sorry for whatever hurt you.”
Not sure how much good it’s doing but it extends compassion, keeps my blood pressure normal and maybe, maybe, mayyyyyybeeeee, one day….it will spark a tiny bit of self study in their brains.
I think it all adds up. I think every time we don’t respond to violence and hatred with more violence and hatred, when we instead dig (fucking) deep and respond with neutrality or a question or our own sadness, we win. Even if the winning is only in holding onto our own tenderness and strength. It’s easy to lash out. I’m from NYC, do you know how easy it is for me to think of comebacks? I know you do. They’re bubbling out of my mouth almost before I can stop myself, and sometimes they are really fucking funny, too. But I stop myself because you don’t win that way. You get down in the mud. And fuck if we don’t have enough people down in the mud already. So I decline the invitation. And so do you. And I love you for it.
At Liberty Park tonight, there were young boys playing and one threw his plastic water bottle to the ground and started to run away and I quickly said “hey friend , you should pick that up” and the little nose miner turned right around, said “oh sorry!!” and picked it up!!! 🥹 The world will be better with people willing to acknowledge mistakes, apologize, and self correct in charge. I just hope they get the chance 😢
Amazing writing Ally! Saving this to re-read and contemplate further. So sad, at times, so hopeless. But I am committed. “We are in this together” - Joyce Vance Thank you Ally!
Beautifully done. I was a frog in boiling water, many years ago. I've also likened the experience of being momentarily paralyzed to stepping onto fly paper knowing that getting free means tearing off a part of me that I thought WAS me. The similarities are clear in that so many of us identify with being forced into a relationship, into an environment, into a union that threatens to destroy us. Suffocate us.
Helplessness, like children in high schools, and even grade schools, with guns to their heads. Horrific cruelty. Nobody asked for this. The greatest challenge is to step out of helplessness and take small steps toward strength, reclamation. A small part of me still believes, but it needs to get stronger. You help.
Yes the fly paper thing resonates, too. Especially if you grew up thinking your job was to take care of people. It’s so hard to break out of that programming and put a value on your own tender heart and your own feelings and needs.
I think there are a lot of us feeling trapped in this situation and it’s so nuts. Your government should not be taking up this kind of space in your head and heart. It shouldn’t have an impact on your nervous system. It’s your government. It should be doing the work of the government - allocating tax dollars to make things work. Obviously we’ve had presidents whose policies I haven’t agreed with before. But never before have we had a man who insults your heart and your mind and everything decent in your soul every fucking day. I can’t believe people wanted this again. And it’s so much worse this time because he fired all the “normal” people and brought in a brigade of under-qualified loyalists and terrifying factions of extremists with different agendas, each one awful enough to make you hold your head. Anyway. Hugs and love from Santa Monica, Laury. We just have to hold onto each other and not let our hearts harden. We’ll get through this.
I appreciate your heart and your skills and immense gift for communicating what so many of us are feeling, all at the same time. Every essay, you weave something together that's precious and complex and meaningful, something that matters. Don't give up, we're listening. You give so much, so take care of you. Sending love and hugs back to you from Colorado.
I’m 19 and both my parents voted for Trump. I went to high school in small-town Texas.
Somehow I understand people like my mom and the 31%. I can’t, won’t, believe they’re all bad people. I know it’s a hard thing to put away your own problems, or your own life satisfaction, to care about someone else’s. I think you’re right that if they saw what was really happening, they would change their minds. I wish it was easier to get there.
My friends are overwhelmed with sadness and hate about the things that are going on. It’s hard when you care. When so many awful things are happening, it either overwhelms you to know them or you choose to put your phone down and ignore what’s happening.
Sometimes I feel guilty for not caring enough, for not doing enough. But sometimes I can’t manage to live my own life while doing so. So many awful things are happening all at once, and the people in charge of it act like it’s justified, that it feels like it’s supposed to be normal. It’s weird to me to be growing up in an America where I can’t trust the people who run it. Thank you for seeing, caring, and writing. People like you keep me believing in humanity 🫶🫶
Oh Sabrina, this went straight to my heart. I have an eighteen-year-old and a fifteen-year-old. It absolutely guts me that I’m part of a generation that is handing you a world full of this much chaos and violence. But it isn’t yours to take on yet, and that’s what I tell my own kids. I don’t know if you’re in school or you’re working, but at 18 you should still get to have some innocence and some fun and some time to focus on your own life.
I know it’s a different world and everyone has their phones and there’s no way to *not* know what’s happening - and I suppose I don’t think you want to totally not know - but you did not create this mess.
My feeling is you ought to have the next four years to mostly focus on you, on what it is that moves you and inspires you - because whatever happens, that’s what the world needs. It needs people who are lit up, and who do care and who find value in sharing their gifts. We’re all just drops in the ocean, that’s true, but in all of time there’s never been a drop exactly like you, and there never will be again. So I just think that’s sacred and you need time to nurture your particular spark (forgive my mixed metaphors), and let those of us who are appalled and heartbroken do everything we can to right the ship as much as possible before y’all have to take over the steering wheel. There are a lot of us who are devastated by what is happening and want to hand you a much better world. You deserve so much better than this. I’m writing through tears because I’m thinking of you, and my own kids, and everyone’s kids, everywhere. The grownups have lost the thread.
And I am so with you. I do not believe that the 31% of people who voted for this are all bad people. Your parents raised you, and look at you. Look at these comments you left. I think most people just want things to be better, and if they voted this way it’s because they thought this would be better.
Maybe they felt angry or unheard or like the “coastal elites” were out of touch. There have definitely been too many people falling through the cracks, and when people get desperate, they get angry (not talking about your parents, just how a thing like this can happen, where enough people vote for an angry, fire-and-brimstone nasty ticket).
I was just saying to my friend Paul, there’s this great Michelle Obama quote, “It’s harder to hate up close.” We just have to break through the noise somehow and reach the percentage of those 31% who really would be devastated by the repercussions of what is happening. Who do have a heart and who would not want to see good people suffer. Who do not want to take away someone’s right to love who they love.
I spoke to someone who voted for this months ago, I met her at the DMV of all places and she said, “I don’t care who anyone loves, I don’t care about pronouns, I just want more money in my pocket.” Short-sighted, absolutely. Not thinking about the danger to so many people, or not believing that so many people would genuinely be put in jeopardy? Very likely. I wonder if I ran into her today, how she’d feel now. I suspect she might regret her vote.
Sending you so much love. Try to enjoy your life and your friends and don’t beat yourself up for “not doing enough” because you’ll have plenty of time later. If you feel moved to do something, I’m such a big fan of small acts of kindness. They go such a long way. Sending you huge hugs from Los Angeles. As they say, the kids are all right ❤️🩹❤️🩹🙏🏼
Thank you for your response Ally 🥹🥹 Means the world to me. I’m keeping your words close to my heart 💗💗 I’m in college studying journalism! (How lucky am I to look up to writers like you??)
To say that I am thrilled to hear you’re studying journalism is a huge understatement. My daughter wants to do that very thing. Would love to know if you end up liking your program, and I wish you so much success with it. I can’t tell you what your words meant to me 🥹❤️🩹
Flaming baby Jesus, the felt rage and the dissonance is merciless. But the grief is soul-deep. It's taken most of my life to find a modicum of clarity about the world in which we live. And now the callousness and disconnection is fever-pitched.
The macro of it all is largely out of my control, but the micro is where it hurts most. Love. Relationships. Belonging. Man, the ache.
I so feel you, Cabot. Of all the things that hurt and are hard to take, the thing I find the most painful is the contempt. The smug assertions, the lack of compassion, the disdain when people are suffering. I just think people have been “turned” and I don’t have the heart for it. I do try, I haven’t given up. I engage where and when I can and try to point out that part of it. Like, hey, just wondering, do you not see how awful it is that you don’t care that good people are scared and hurting? Or do you not realize that you’d rather reject a story that challenges your beliefs - a
story unfolding in front of your eyes - than question your beliefs? But sometimes I have to withdraw because it just pains me too much to see people lose their humanity that way. It’s awful to witness. Hugs, love and free, happy lobsters, Cabot. You’re not alone.
I am keeping this on my email because it’s a good summary and a reminder of the atrocities that have occurred in a very short 6 months in this country due to this corrupt and incompetent and inhumane administration. As usual you hit every note like a master and the end message was absolutely perfect. I will not become a blood sucking lowlife like the Miller/Vance/Noem/Patel/RFK crew! Waiting for them to implode and each other up soon.
The sad part is, I can’t even cover everything, nor would anyone want me to! It’s too much. We are not meant to sustain this much awful, devastating news every day. But these people truly scare me. The hatred and contempt scare me. I think the people in power are lost and they aren’t coming back, but the people supporting them, I just hope we can bring some of them back. Sending you so much love, friend. And to your family ❤️🩹
Thanks love!
And correction: the last sentence should say "...implode and EAT each other up..." ;)
Hugs xx
Watching helplessly as educated "normal" folks I knew get brain worms and turn into exactly what you are writing about has been so hard. It's the true zombie invasion.
It really is. It’s so hard. I don’t know if you saw the 60 Minutes interview with Dani Mathisen - she’s one of the 19 women who brought a class action suit against the state of Texas so they’d have to elucidate what qualified as a “threat to the life of the mother” when it came to the state’s restrictive abortion ban. Her baby had a fatal fetal abnormality and her mother, a physician, got her plane tickets and gave her cash for an abortion in New Mexico - putting her own medical license in jeopardy - but doing it because she knew that’s what her daughter needed. For her own health and for her future fertility.
This woman, Dani Mathison (now a doctor herself) was crying during the interview. She wanted this baby, she was devastated. And some woman in the comments said the story seemed curated to make people feel bad and clearly it wasn’t true. So I took about 27 deep breaths and posted links. Told her it was very much true, and that clearly it had upset her to hear the story, but perhaps a better use of her time would be to do a little soul searching, rather than to call a woman who’d already been through a tragedy - a liar. It must be exhausting to live that way. To refuse to examine your core beliefs even when you’re presented with information that is compelling and obviously hurts your heart. I’m sure she identifies as Christian and pro-life, but where is the compassion? Where is the self-reflection? How do you follow a
man selling golden phones? Smh. Thanks for being here, Kari ❤️🩹
I didn't see that, lest I turn into a supernova of pure white hot RAGE.
There is nothing "pro-life" about consigning a pregnant human to suffering. There is nothing "pro-life" about a fetus that has abnormalities inconsistent with life forced to experience a painful birth and death. People in this country do not know what to do about death and the random horrible things that happen. They think they can sprinkle some Jesus on it and avoid the painful truth that human suffering CAN be avoided in many cases. I think the fact that we have options to alleviate suffering is a better case for the existence of a god than anything the Bible has to say.
"Sprinkle some Jesus on it" is a perfect description of what they do. It's clearly what happened to them. The lessons of kindness, compassion and justice were merely sprinkled on them. Nothing was absorbed into their hearts.
I loved that phrasing, too. You should put it in a piece, Kari. I mean, “should” lol. You should do whatever tf you want, but that’s gold.
Amen. You know I am with you on all of that. Some things are just painful and hard and they hurt like hell. And you sure as shit do not need some man in your state legislature telling you how you’re allowed to move through a tragedy like that ffs.
"sprinkle some Jesus on it" Omg. This. You're so fucking clever. My sister, super conservative christian--a lit up cross in her yard, R voter, etc, will not do a thing to help anyone (she babysits kids in her home and when one's parent died suddenly, I asked if she was doing anything to help the family and she said: I'm sure praying for them!). I think about this quotation a lot: "You pray for the hungry. Then you feed them. That's how prayer works." Pope Francis.
Thank you for every word of this. It’s easy to hate, but to do so is to fall into the trap. I try to think of Thoreau, Gandhi, King, even while pushing back.
It’s so hard given what is happening here in Los Angeles. People are literally afraid to leave their homes because ICE vehicles are circling our neighborhoods. The way this is tearing families apart and scaring kids and just creating fear and chaos with absolutely no upside is brutal. But I know you cannot beat cruelty with more cruelty or overcome violence with violence. I know the way you win is to keep showing up with something so much better so that eventually the people standing there causing the pain really have to ask themselves what the hell they’re doing. I just hope it happens sooner than later, David 💔🙏🏼
It's easy to want to save the lobsters...they're innocent. (And thank you for writing about that. What we do to them is beyond cruel. There are restaurants I won't go to because they have a lobster tank and seeing them helplessly trussed up like that makes me cry.) A real question, and I don't mean to challenge you...will you be sad when the current occupant of the WH dies? Because I won't be. I'll celebrate. Does that make me one of the terrible people? Maybe. I do actively hate horrible people, but mostly, I don't give them much of my attention or heart. There's so much that I love. They exist side by side. The love is way bigger.
Part II, the guy. OMFG, what an asshole. I have a theory that people like that have VERY low self esteem. Once they have you, they lose respect, because why would you be with a loser like them? In their twisted view, you must be worthless, too. When you walked away, you were suddenly a prize to win again. Also, I think there's a seething rage in feeling inferior. He thought you were better than he was (and he was right) so once you saw what was (legitimately) good in him, he wanted to chip away at you. He looked up to you so he wanted to destroy you. And I think it's a pathetically common thing. I'm so sorry. And I'm glad you got out.
I will not cry when he dies unless they are tears of relief. I will not be sad at all. I will be relieved. I will celebrate that we no longer have to worry for ourselves or for our friends or for our children or anyone’s children that there is such an unstable and unwell person in the WH. There are more like him, so I won’t be truly relieved unless we are able to collectively remove these people from power, and come up with a much better vision and better future for everyone. I think we need a massive overhaul. The more I think about it, the more I feel we need proportional representation here. Democracy 2.0. But we can’t even have those conversations with gusto until we get these people out, or have an inkling of how to do that, and the way is unclear at best.
Having said all of that, I don’t *hate* them. I just want them gone. I want them somewhere they can’t hurt people anymore. Mars is fine. Jail is fine. The private sector is fine if we start taxing billionaires and stop treating corporations like people, and if we bring regulations back and independent regulatory commissions, and care about the environment etc etc etc.
I guess the distinction for me is that hatred is this living energy in your heart and mind. It takes up space. It grants people massive amounts of power over you. I don’t want to give them that power. I don’t want to let them harden me. I don’t want to allow their callousness and soullessness to infect me and make me turn on my neighbors, who have already been infected by the same disease. I experienced it when we went through the wildfires out here. It was the most brutal thing. It was the same energy Mike Lee displayed with his tweets this week, or the asshole president when he didn’t call Governor Walz.
It was a wide-scale sociopathic-level lack of empathy. I don’t ever want to be that. I don’t ever want to feel that for anyone. I won’t let them make me become that. I think that’s what I’m saying. I will still care about human beings when the grid goes down in Texas. I will still care when a hurricane hits Florida. I will not paint people with one swath. That’s what I mean if that helps.
And yes, I agree with every word you said about the guy. He vacillated between grandiosity and wild self-loathing. He tore me down to make himself feel better. Definitely partly the whole, “I don’t want to be in a club that would have me as a member” mentality. Why would I respect someone who cares about me thing. But yikes does it hurt. I’m glad I got the lesson even if it took a couple rounds. Will be very glad to not have guys like this running our country. Please and thank you. Love you ❤️❤️🩹❤️
Thank you for the thoughtful answer. I'll sit with this. I don't want a hard heart either (though I see a million ways I am still all soft and gooey). Maybe a bit of it is hard. Maybe it's a phase. We'll see. But my love is big and you are inside that circle.
I have to say I do not worry about your heart. At. All.
Ever.
That honestly helps.
What a big beautiful heart <3
Right back at you! And Jenn! And Michael 🥹❤️🩹
Every time I read one of your brilliant pieces, I'm nodding my head at every single sentence. First off, did we all date the exact same guy at some point in our lives?
Also, it's mind blowing to think that there are still humans who support this felon and his gang of criminals. I live in a relatively affluent part of Northern California and it's unbelievable how many of my neighbors still have flags flying in support of $rump.
Ha. Funny thing, one of my best friends texted me this morning after she read this and she said a lot of nice things and then, “also, fuck____” but it was the wrong guy 🤣 Which is me saying I dated “that guy” more than once. Had to learn some lessons the very hard way 😬
And my god do I hear you. When I drive from LA to Santa Cruz to visit my kid it is so fucking disheartening to see the signs supporting this insanity. I want to pull over and knock on the door and just be like hi, can you please explain to me wtf is going on? Like really, I know you don’t know me, but I’m just astounded that you have this farm here, and you’re apparently supporting an administration that fucked you over and continues to fuck you over, so if I buy like 12 cartons of strawberries, can we talk about it? But I figure I’ll get shot, or chased down the driveway with a shotgun, so I don’t do it, Sonbol. I just fantasize about doing it lol. 🤯
I remember watching news reports of Pinochet's coup, the firehoses turned on protesters, defenestration of professors, the murders and disappearing of Allende's supporters. It was horrifying. How could that happen in a democracy?
I was 18 then, a college freshman majoring in history.
This was not the first despotic ruination of a country, and clearly not the last.
Soon, I learned the my government was involved in all of these despicable doings. But I still had faith in it. That's tough to maintain right now. But...
I come from a family dedicated to survival and compassion. To betterment over destruction. To helping rather than hurting.
I will not give up. We are the only ones who can save us.
Sorry to quote another power mad lunatic, but we all need to screw our courage to the sticking point. We each need to do what is in our capacity to at least get back to where things were imperfect, but sane.
Then we can start to rebuild.
This is it exactly. I am very aware that status quo was not working for far too many people. I agree we need to be having serious conversations and probably a very different approach (maybe proportional representation). But we can’t even begin to have those conversations while these people are in power and it’s astounding and scary to me that it isn’t becoming more clear to more people that the biggest danger is coming from inside the house!!
Wonderful words with meaning !!! Thank you 🙏
Thanks so much, Rachel. If only I could sleep now! Hugs x
This is such a beautiful and profound piece, thank you for writing this and putting it out into the universe.
Thank you for reading it, for your very kind comments and for being here, Renee ❤️🩹
I am absolutely clear-eyed about who and what they are. Anyone who supports what you’ve outlined (and worse) is my enemy. Period. I used to think that with more information they’d come around. The morning after the election I accepted the truth.
They voted for this.
My 18-year-old son came home Saturday night and sat on the couch. He’d been out so I was asking him how his night was, how his dinner had been, etc. He was quiet and I was doing that careful dance you do with your teenagers sometimes where you know something is wrong, but if you ask too much they shut down. I thought maybe something had happened with a friend. Then he looked at me and said, “Is the world ending?” And that pretty much broke me. I am so furious with everyone who is making life here so terrifying for so many people.
Hi Ally, thanks for another beautiful essay. You are quite right about the disease bit. I must admit that I played with AI recently and asked a few questions about a few things and one of them was something like "are humans evil?" and it surprised me how our exchange went. What prompted this question was two posts about genocide, one in India and one in Indonesia and with everything that's going on I thought "hang on, it seems for God know how long there's been a war somewhere, something is really off with the way we build society" and whilst AI didn't give me answer we got to point where it sounded like it agreed with me, something is very wrong with how we build our society.
I can't say I'm saint, but I definitely try not to be a dickhead or arrogant prick, but honestly the amount of idiots I see, or hear makes me wonder. Mainly these observations come from seeing people behave in arrogant way in the traffic, in public spaces etc. Our parents back in the day tried to raise us as good people, not necessarily successful people and that's part of the problem I guess. Despite being fairly happy with "how good I am/try to be", I'm not as happy with where I am in life, and it kind of sucks.
I think sometimes people think being good is a weakness and in a way, perhaps it is. The problem is that being good doesn't pay bills or gets us what we want.
I probably went way off the topic here so apologies. I just wanted to share something that I wondered about, the nature of human collective. I definitely agree with you as the girl wanting to save the lobsters, but I worry that the world we live in isn't a good place for such girl. Which makes me quite sad.
Thank you for being here and everything you do. I love reading your thoughts.
All the best to you and your family, always. 🙏❤️
You’re not off topic. I’m trying so hard to hold onto the hope that this world is a good place for the kids who want to set the lobsters free. I know it doesn’t look like that right now. I know that all the way down to my toes. I just do not think it’s because of our nature. I think it’s because of the things we are taught to believe, and I think we need to unlearn a lot of that shit and start teaching our children better stories. Maybe we have to learn the hard way. It looks that way. I just hope we get it before it’s too late. I hope that with my entire heart. And I thank you for being here, Peter ❤️🩹
As always, brilliant words.
My reply when someone responds negatively at a rally is to say “I’m sorry for whatever hurt you.”
Not sure how much good it’s doing but it extends compassion, keeps my blood pressure normal and maybe, maybe, mayyyyyybeeeee, one day….it will spark a tiny bit of self study in their brains.
I think it all adds up. I think every time we don’t respond to violence and hatred with more violence and hatred, when we instead dig (fucking) deep and respond with neutrality or a question or our own sadness, we win. Even if the winning is only in holding onto our own tenderness and strength. It’s easy to lash out. I’m from NYC, do you know how easy it is for me to think of comebacks? I know you do. They’re bubbling out of my mouth almost before I can stop myself, and sometimes they are really fucking funny, too. But I stop myself because you don’t win that way. You get down in the mud. And fuck if we don’t have enough people down in the mud already. So I decline the invitation. And so do you. And I love you for it.
At Liberty Park tonight, there were young boys playing and one threw his plastic water bottle to the ground and started to run away and I quickly said “hey friend , you should pick that up” and the little nose miner turned right around, said “oh sorry!!” and picked it up!!! 🥹 The world will be better with people willing to acknowledge mistakes, apologize, and self correct in charge. I just hope they get the chance 😢
Amazing writing Ally! Saving this to re-read and contemplate further. So sad, at times, so hopeless. But I am committed. “We are in this together” - Joyce Vance Thank you Ally!
Thank you so much, Ellen, I appreciate this. And you!! ❤️🩹
Beautifully done. I was a frog in boiling water, many years ago. I've also likened the experience of being momentarily paralyzed to stepping onto fly paper knowing that getting free means tearing off a part of me that I thought WAS me. The similarities are clear in that so many of us identify with being forced into a relationship, into an environment, into a union that threatens to destroy us. Suffocate us.
Helplessness, like children in high schools, and even grade schools, with guns to their heads. Horrific cruelty. Nobody asked for this. The greatest challenge is to step out of helplessness and take small steps toward strength, reclamation. A small part of me still believes, but it needs to get stronger. You help.
Yes the fly paper thing resonates, too. Especially if you grew up thinking your job was to take care of people. It’s so hard to break out of that programming and put a value on your own tender heart and your own feelings and needs.
I think there are a lot of us feeling trapped in this situation and it’s so nuts. Your government should not be taking up this kind of space in your head and heart. It shouldn’t have an impact on your nervous system. It’s your government. It should be doing the work of the government - allocating tax dollars to make things work. Obviously we’ve had presidents whose policies I haven’t agreed with before. But never before have we had a man who insults your heart and your mind and everything decent in your soul every fucking day. I can’t believe people wanted this again. And it’s so much worse this time because he fired all the “normal” people and brought in a brigade of under-qualified loyalists and terrifying factions of extremists with different agendas, each one awful enough to make you hold your head. Anyway. Hugs and love from Santa Monica, Laury. We just have to hold onto each other and not let our hearts harden. We’ll get through this.
I appreciate your heart and your skills and immense gift for communicating what so many of us are feeling, all at the same time. Every essay, you weave something together that's precious and complex and meaningful, something that matters. Don't give up, we're listening. You give so much, so take care of you. Sending love and hugs back to you from Colorado.
Laury🥹
I felt that right in my heart and I thank you so much 🙏🏼