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Kate Mapother's avatar

Is there a way for me to cross post this so it goes out in an email to my subscribers because I want everyone on the planet to read this.

I know you’re exhausted and sad and angry, and I know some of that originated in a relationship that should’ve held you and kept you safe. The way you keep your heart open —despite all of it—is just so beautiful.

Thank you for writing this, for being by our eyes and ears on the ground, and thank you always for being our heart monitor. Your mom is proud and smiling somewhere, I’m fucking sure of it.

Be safe. Text when you’re home. 🤍

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Ally Hamilton's avatar

You can always cross-post. Thank you for every word you wrote. I don’t think I’ve ever had a harder time wrangling an essay, I have like 7 versions of it or something. It kept getting away from me.

Thank you for always making me feel safe and seen, Kate. I’m the luckiest to call you friend. I will text when I’m home. My kid is driving right now and I’m too tired to be terrified. So there’s that.

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Sad broken people only see what supports their version of reality, the narrative that everyone else is to blame for their suffering. They get infuriated when you refuse to be gaslighted by whatever carefully curated news they cherry pick to justify their misery.

Thank you for the look through your eyes. I know Fox News has all their lemmings believe that I narrowly miss being murdered here in Chicago day and night. Stay safe, Ally ♥️

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Ally Hamilton's avatar

I keep thinking eventually it will get exhausting to hold onto all the anger and smug assertions about how things are in places they don’t live. It’s so odd to me. If I watched a show that said things were a certain way where you lived, but you told me different, I’d believe you. Anyway. Stay safe on the murderous streets where you live and I’ll see if I can survive this sunny, 75 degree dystopian nightmare I’m in! Good luck to us both 🤣😳 Love you xx

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Danny Hoback's avatar

This is beautiful. Thank you for confirming what many of us knew. Please stay safe. I can’t write the tear this brought, but it sits on my cheek. Thank you and Wendy.

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Ally Hamilton's avatar

Thank you so much, Danny. I spilled some tears writing this one, some from frustration, some rage, some heartbreak. But I went to a No Kings protest this morning and there was a musician who opened with “This Little Light of Mine” and she asked everyone to sing. So today I cried the other kind of tears. Thank you for being here. We just need each other so much right now, and we need to remember they can never beat us if we fight with our whole hearts. I’m all in ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

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Susan Kacvinsky's avatar

Thanks for writing this - and publishing it. So important. BTW, Ally, I read that whole thread you had last time with that guy, and I couldn't escape the idea that you were arguing with AI. Maybe not, but there was something massively out of sync.

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Ally Hamilton's avatar

Yeah I ended up blocking because life is too short!

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Susan Kacvinsky's avatar

Glad to hear that.

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Aimee Liu's avatar

I got a MAGAT response also that I thought was a bot.

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Sarah Cassidy's avatar

Thank you for writing this powerful essay. I‘m in the UK so I’ve seen what our media have chosen to share about the situation in LA. Your words are important.

And for the first part of your essay. You‘ve broken that cycle. That takes incredible,hard work to do.

Stay safe

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Ally Hamilton's avatar

Thank you so much, Sarah. And thank you for caring about what’s happening over here. There are people in our own country who are not even paying attention. Hard to fathom.

And thank you for your kind words about the first part ❤️‍🩹 I’m glad you’re here x

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dharmadeer's avatar

This landed — from Alanon to protests being misrepresented as chaos. Thank you for sharing your voice

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Ally Hamilton's avatar

Thank you for being here, for the kind words, and for the solidarity - though I imagine it was hard-won. Hugs and love ❤️‍🩹

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Aimee Liu's avatar

My husband calls it the 3000 mile rule for sanity: move across country from toxic relatives. But the toxicity now surrounds us because it’s trickled down from the monster In Chief. I also moved to LA from NYC more than half my life ago. I also have been posting shots of the NONsurrection here. Trump has invaded us. We need to reverse this invasion and reclaim our city, our country, our sanity, and especially our MORAL COMPASS. Thank you for this post, Ally.

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Ally Hamilton's avatar

Absolutely this. It’s the same insistence we accept a version of reality that isn’t real, the same gaslighting and the same hypocrisy. I’m very grateful to say I managed to do (almost) a lifetime of healing with my mother during the last 3 weeks of her life, but all of this is wildly reminiscent of the decades I spent banging my head against the wall. It’s so painful. Thank you for your comments, we really do need to take our city back, our country back and some kind of sense that we are in this together. The veil is thick though 😣 I’m so glad you’re here, Aimee ❤️‍🩹

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Corey White's avatar

Thank you for separating fact from fiction, Ally! Even consciously trying to limit “news” doesn’t stop lies from influencing us. So, thank you.

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Ally Hamilton's avatar

It’s incredible isn’t it? Even on the days when I want to step back and rest a little because I can feel I need that, the onslaught is relentless. It’s in the air. Absolutely ridiculous to be terrorized by your own government. No one needs this. These people are supposed to be public servants. It’s all so fucked. A wicked old man on a golden toilet tweeting away. It’s like a character from a fairytale, but it’s our lives. We deserve better. Hugs to you my friend ❤️‍🩹 It will get better.

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Ally Hamilton's avatar

It’s incredible isn’t it? Even on the days when I want to step back and rest a little because I can feel I need that, the onslaught is relentless. It’s in the air. Absolutely ridiculous to be terrorized by your own government. No one needs this. These people are supposed to be public servants. It’s all so fucked. A wicked old man on a golden toilet tweeting away. It’s like a character from a fairytale, but it’s our lives. We deserve better. Hugs to you my friend ❤️‍🩹 It will get better.

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Harry's avatar

Magnificent. Thank you for taking the time to write this essay. I read and felt every word before even having coffee this morning. Please stay safe, and keep dancing if the spirit takes you there. We need your voice.

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Ally Hamilton's avatar

Thank you so much, Harry. I both sang and danced at the protest I went to this morning. I also had coffee - a Honey Bee Oat Milk Latte because I am in crunchy Santa Cruz right now. The Flower Power energy was strong and glorious. I’m so glad this resonated, and I’m very grateful you’re here ❤️‍🩹

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Harry's avatar

So glad you did all the things, Ally! I went to our local protest in suburban Chicago (10,000 of us) and yelled and chanted and met like-minded others and it gave my soul a little boost along with some hope.

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Ally Hamilton's avatar

The pictures and videos of millions of people out in the streets yesterday gave me so much hope 🥹❤️‍🩹

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Ged's avatar

While I appreciate the general gist of the article and of course also your reporting in general - please stay safe as well - it feels necessary to say a word for riots. I don't know how rioty the things are in LA, from what I am hearing it ACTUALLY isn't that much of a riot, but I still feel it's necessary to say a word for riots: they have long been a crucial part of the repertoire of protest movements and have been instrumental in bringing about social change.

Though Joshua has died recently, his legacy remains and considering what has been happening in LA, his publisher has been as gracious as to make his book available for free:

https://www.versobooks.com/en-gb/products/115-riot-strike-riot?srsltid=AfmBOopf9T0TFoWtzQKfPbe2fOKQskxLfDvL46YSX3-gy7NMZ_hy3DK4

He wrote this little poem.

https://poetrysociety.org/poems-essays/in-their-own-words/joshua-clover-on-haecceity

Haecceity

If what you want is calm

to be restored you are still the enemy

you have not thought thru clearly

what that means

if what you want is a national

moment of silence the indictment

of a single police officer

or two or three you are still

the enemy you have chosen the reverie

of law for you and your friends if you want

another review panel a Justice Dept

study a return to democracy rather than

for riot and looting to leap beyond

itself from county to county

rift to rift until it becomes general

you have not understood

what a revolution is it's just this

it's coming out again night after night more of us

than there are of them it's saying no

to every deal remember nothing

belongs to you because nothing

belongs to anyone

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Ally Hamilton's avatar

I totally understand the sentiment here, Ged. I do. I am aware of the long history of protests and riots. I know we have had civil rights leaders who believed in non-violent protest, and those whose beliefs evolved over time.

At this particular juncture with this particular administration, and given this particular city’s history with the word “riots” I can tell you that is a word that is being weaponized against us. I feel with my entire heart that burning and looting this city would 100% result in Martial Law. And I can tell you first hand these people will not hesitate to kill us. They will just shoot people dead in the street. They are already shooting peaceful protesters with rubber bullets, tear gas and stun grenades. That’s without provocation, if they happen to feel like it. Not all law enforcement, but enough of them for me to feel this way without a doubt.

And the reality is as I have said, it has been mostly peaceful. Personally, I believe that is the smart and correct move, because these people are just looking for a reason to bring down the wrath of this wannabe dictator and his white nationalist friends. I don’t see how anyone wins that way. Except the white nationalists, and I would very much like for them to fuck off for all eternity.

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Terry Mach's avatar

I had been hearing much the same from LA folks in a FB group I’m in. Sure, there were small pockets of aggressive behavior (much of it not by original protesters, but by fringes who got in on the action, so to speak). They all said the large majority of LA looked the same as it does on any other day - with the exception of the police and NG presence. Thank you for sharing the city from your point of view.

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Ally Hamilton's avatar

Yes, exactly this. I know so many of us are trying to post pictures and videos so people see what's really happening here, and that gives me hope. Some people won't believe it no matter what you do, but I think it does help with the people who have been checked out and are now starting to realize things are serious, and those who are disillusioned with a certain fan of uber-expensive and very lame military parades!

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Deirdre Sugiuchi's avatar

Love this! 💕

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Ally Hamilton's avatar

Thank you, Deirdre, and thank you for being here <3

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A CRONE WITH A BOTTLE. Or two.'s avatar

Love you so much, Ally. Stay brave and stay safe. xo

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Ally Hamilton's avatar

Love you so much, too! And you, too ❤️❤️‍🩹

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Lucy Conway's avatar

Switch phone to airplane mode and it just looks like the call had dropped

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Ally Hamilton's avatar

Funny thing, we finally started communicating openly at the very end of her life, when she couldn’t speak anymore. She got ALS and I spent the last month of her life in the ICU with her. She hadn’t been able to drink for months by then (couldn’t swallow) and she went from being this absolute force of nature to the most vulnerable, tiny, utterly dependent person in a hospital bed. Broke my heart. She didn’t need to be right anymore, I think she finally realized she’d been wrong about a lot of things.

I fought like hell for her and I think it just became obvious how fiercely I loved her and how much time had been wasted. Alcoholism sucks. But there was more to it with her. She had a lot of rage. She would never ask for help. Anyway. I’d give a lot to get a call from her now 🥺 But yes to airplane mode, and love to all of us who’ve loved people who make it so painfully hard. Hugs ❤️‍🩹

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Malcolm J McKinney's avatar

This is my first read of one of your posts. I immediately subscribed.

You framed a house, put on the roof and siding, installed windows and doors and planted flowers in front. Damn good writing.

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Ally Hamilton's avatar

Malcolm. Thank you so much. You painted the sky blue, threw a giant, shining sun in the middle of it, and sent some beams of joy right into my heart. I appreciate this, and I’m so glad you’re here. Wish there was a porch on the house under the blue sky so we could all have a little respite from this craziness, but this comments section is pretty flipping fantastic in the meantime 🌞 Welcome!

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Malcolm J McKinney's avatar

I will stop by your porch again Ally

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Wendy Wolf's avatar

Full of heart and brilliance.

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Ally Hamilton's avatar

Aw Wendy thank you ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

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