Okay. I'm back. I read the whole piece. You're a magnificent human. SO happy to read your work. I feel very connected to your writing. Thank you, Ally. So grateful for your words.
I agree with you, Nan! Ally, you are a magnificent human, and I am forever grateful to you for everything you do, including writing about what is real, raw, and vulnerable in life. Thank you!
Hey Ally, I want to start by saying that you were one of the first writers to make me realise that despite the darkness there is light, even if I can't see it, even if I must take a leap of faith towards it. Your vulnerability and witty writing inspired and uplifted me many times and I'm immensely grateful that you share your thoughts with us here. I was actually thinking of you yesterday when I had a thought "Oh Ally should be posting new essay soon." in the bus as I went to pick rollerblades for my daughter in nearby town off Facebook market. What I found fascinating was the fact that our minds can literally create any experience by thinking about it and I suppose that is a blessing and I curse. I'm sorry you had to go through that all and I am grateful you had that friend. By the way, I subscribed 😉 Wishing you and your beloved all the best, namaste 🙏
"Won’t someone please try to figure out why my mother is drinking so much and becoming so enraged? No, no one will do that because your mother is fine, you are the problem, and if you don't stop talking about this subject, you’re going to lose the title of good girl which is the only thing you’ve got. "
This is like...exactly my experience. That message was delivered to me LOUD and clear, and it's taken 12 years of intense therapy to truly understand that I was not actually the problem. And it took far too long for me to even ask for enough help to get a therapist in the first place, mostly because the therapists I dealt with as a child/teenager made me distrust therapists.
And YES - my NYC bitch comes out FIERCELY if you come after my people. I have loudly and brazenly thrown myself in the line of fire for others, and would do it again. When it comes to me, though, I turn into a terrified child. I'm working on it, but I don't know if you ever get that level of instability fully out of your bones.
I shouldn’t be surprised anymore, but it still amazes me that those of us with such similar backgrounds always find each other. Hugs and love to you, Kari. It isn’t easy, but I do feel like it gets easier! Happy to be connected 🤍
Maybe it can precipitate out of our bones. I’m tired of waiting for new bones, via reincarnation! Healing is a long process. Trying to take it minute-by-minute.
That’s definitely the best way. And it sounds like you’re “in it” right now. Just try to remember how you feel right now isn’t how you’ll always feel 🤍🤍
Okay. I'll fess up. I haven't finished reading your essay yet, but 5 or 6 paragraphs in I am completely overcome. YES to this. I can't wait to read the rest. I really feel like we're related. So much resonance. ALLY! Wow. I can't say enough. I wonder what I'll say once I've read the whole thing. You are a wonderful, self-aware writer. I'm so glad I found you! xoxo
Today, literally today, I’ve been sitting all day, blinking back tears.
I don’t know why. There’s a million reasons why. I want to scream. I want to cry.
If you ask me if something is wrong?
I’m fine. Don’t worry. I’m fine.
I put on a smile. I choke down the tears. People need me. If I need someone?
Well… I guess that’s just too bad because there’s never been anyone there.
Thank you for writing this. I wish I could support you in monetary fashion by subscribing. It is my dream to one day subscribe to all the great creators and writers I follow. For now, just know this made the tears fall (that’s not a bad thing)
My gosh your comments just made me cry. I really relate. Sometimes it’s all just too much and it hurts and tears are natural, but I wish I was there to give you a hug. I’m sending you a massive one and a lot of love. I’m so glad you’re here 🤍🤍🤍
'I’m the one who takes care of other people, that’s my job. I’m not allowed to not be okay unless I’m paying a therapist to listen, and even then I’m going to make sure I’m entertaining. I’d never want to be the client the therapist dreads.' OMG. Truth. We had the same parents.
Connect to a great deal of this. Thank you for writing so generously, clearly and providing validation around much of this. These things we've learnt and carry that shouldn't ever be are often so heavy.
I always read your pieces a couple of times because there’s always so much in them that I resonate with…that part about buying Father’s Day cards just hit me in my soul!
I really appreciate your comments, I felt them right in my heart, and ugh yes, the Father’s Day cards. That was never easy. Sorry you know exactly what I mean but so happy you’re here 🤍🤍
Oh wow, another Substack writer in Portugal! I'm in the Porto area, originally from the U.S. This piece resonates with so SO DAMN MUCH. Like, I can't even narrow down a paragraph or two or three or four because I want to restack and shout about all of them! The friends who know what three dots means, and ACT on it, are so rare and must be cherished.
Well, I’m sorry it’s hard for you to ask for help, too, but so glad this spoke to you! Your comments made my day. And yes, I’m in California but heading your way for a week-long retreat in June :)
Okay. I'm back. I read the whole piece. You're a magnificent human. SO happy to read your work. I feel very connected to your writing. Thank you, Ally. So grateful for your words.
I feel the same way about your writing, Nan, and I’m grateful we’ve connected here🤍🤍
I agree with you, Nan! Ally, you are a magnificent human, and I am forever grateful to you for everything you do, including writing about what is real, raw, and vulnerable in life. Thank you!
Oh Ruth Anne, thank you! Sending you so much love 🤍🤍
Hey Ally, I want to start by saying that you were one of the first writers to make me realise that despite the darkness there is light, even if I can't see it, even if I must take a leap of faith towards it. Your vulnerability and witty writing inspired and uplifted me many times and I'm immensely grateful that you share your thoughts with us here. I was actually thinking of you yesterday when I had a thought "Oh Ally should be posting new essay soon." in the bus as I went to pick rollerblades for my daughter in nearby town off Facebook market. What I found fascinating was the fact that our minds can literally create any experience by thinking about it and I suppose that is a blessing and I curse. I'm sorry you had to go through that all and I am grateful you had that friend. By the way, I subscribed 😉 Wishing you and your beloved all the best, namaste 🙏
Thank you so much, Peter. I felt that right in my heart 🤍
Standing here in a moment when my life feels like it might be falling apart, it was amazing to read your words. Thanks so much, Ally.
Really glad this showed up at the right moment, David. Hugs 🤍
Back at you!
"Won’t someone please try to figure out why my mother is drinking so much and becoming so enraged? No, no one will do that because your mother is fine, you are the problem, and if you don't stop talking about this subject, you’re going to lose the title of good girl which is the only thing you’ve got. "
This is like...exactly my experience. That message was delivered to me LOUD and clear, and it's taken 12 years of intense therapy to truly understand that I was not actually the problem. And it took far too long for me to even ask for enough help to get a therapist in the first place, mostly because the therapists I dealt with as a child/teenager made me distrust therapists.
And YES - my NYC bitch comes out FIERCELY if you come after my people. I have loudly and brazenly thrown myself in the line of fire for others, and would do it again. When it comes to me, though, I turn into a terrified child. I'm working on it, but I don't know if you ever get that level of instability fully out of your bones.
I shouldn’t be surprised anymore, but it still amazes me that those of us with such similar backgrounds always find each other. Hugs and love to you, Kari. It isn’t easy, but I do feel like it gets easier! Happy to be connected 🤍
Maybe it can precipitate out of our bones. I’m tired of waiting for new bones, via reincarnation! Healing is a long process. Trying to take it minute-by-minute.
That’s definitely the best way. And it sounds like you’re “in it” right now. Just try to remember how you feel right now isn’t how you’ll always feel 🤍🤍
Okay. I'll fess up. I haven't finished reading your essay yet, but 5 or 6 paragraphs in I am completely overcome. YES to this. I can't wait to read the rest. I really feel like we're related. So much resonance. ALLY! Wow. I can't say enough. I wonder what I'll say once I've read the whole thing. You are a wonderful, self-aware writer. I'm so glad I found you! xoxo
I’m so glad, too, and yes it feels like we’re cousins or something! xx
Today, literally today, I’ve been sitting all day, blinking back tears.
I don’t know why. There’s a million reasons why. I want to scream. I want to cry.
If you ask me if something is wrong?
I’m fine. Don’t worry. I’m fine.
I put on a smile. I choke down the tears. People need me. If I need someone?
Well… I guess that’s just too bad because there’s never been anyone there.
Thank you for writing this. I wish I could support you in monetary fashion by subscribing. It is my dream to one day subscribe to all the great creators and writers I follow. For now, just know this made the tears fall (that’s not a bad thing)
My gosh your comments just made me cry. I really relate. Sometimes it’s all just too much and it hurts and tears are natural, but I wish I was there to give you a hug. I’m sending you a massive one and a lot of love. I’m so glad you’re here 🤍🤍🤍
'I’m the one who takes care of other people, that’s my job. I’m not allowed to not be okay unless I’m paying a therapist to listen, and even then I’m going to make sure I’m entertaining. I’d never want to be the client the therapist dreads.' OMG. Truth. We had the same parents.
It’s good to know we aren’t alone! I was nodding and smiling while reading your words. Love to you, grateful you’re here 🤍🤍
so glad I found your Substack!
Me, too!!
Connect to a great deal of this. Thank you for writing so generously, clearly and providing validation around much of this. These things we've learnt and carry that shouldn't ever be are often so heavy.
Thank you for your beautiful comments. I’m so grateful this resonated and really happy you’re here 🤍
I always read your pieces a couple of times because there’s always so much in them that I resonate with…that part about buying Father’s Day cards just hit me in my soul!
I really appreciate your comments, I felt them right in my heart, and ugh yes, the Father’s Day cards. That was never easy. Sorry you know exactly what I mean but so happy you’re here 🤍🤍
Brilliantly stated. Thank you!
Thanks so much Megan. I’m happy you’re here 🤍
How good to read someone who understands! Thank you for this.
Oh my gosh, what a lovely comment. I’m so happy you’re here, Mary 🤍
Oh wow, another Substack writer in Portugal! I'm in the Porto area, originally from the U.S. This piece resonates with so SO DAMN MUCH. Like, I can't even narrow down a paragraph or two or three or four because I want to restack and shout about all of them! The friends who know what three dots means, and ACT on it, are so rare and must be cherished.
Oh wait, are you living in Portugal? Or just having a retreat here?
Well, I’m sorry it’s hard for you to ask for help, too, but so glad this spoke to you! Your comments made my day. And yes, I’m in California but heading your way for a week-long retreat in June :)
very useful read!
Thanks so much, Philip!
Thank you beautiful lady. Explained in words that has has shot straight to my heart ❤️ xx Love and big hugs xx
Thanks so much, Barbara. I adore you. Hugs and love ❤️
You too love ❤️ xx