They run to those who help and comfort them. There are those of us who have "chosen" family because the "family" we were given at birth only betrays us.
No doubt I wouldn’t have made it without my chosen family, Katharina ❤️🩹🙏🏼Was also posing the larger question about how any of us can be safe when “not all men” but far too many — and the women who love them/are dealing with their own internalized misogyny — are holding up a system that harms us. Thanks for being here.
I completely understand your larger question, but chose to answer the one most necessary for those who might be hurting now. I find myself at my 'sort-of' advanced age wondering how come we are still fighting this fight? How can we still be voting for these people with our political votes, our dollars and most of all, our acquiescence to the way society wants women to behave. I watch it over and over again with my students who feel like they don't have as much worth if they don't have a boyfriend. The parents who still think their children have to get married. This refusal to buck the system that most young women think is the way to live. I try so hard not to despair - and you and others give me hope that perhaps your generation and the one that is coming up together with me and the others that are still fighting this fight will change something real in our society. I too belong to the club of women betrayed by their own mothers. I broke that cycle. Now I watch in horror how the manosphere feels that they have been "wronged" by women who just want to be able to say no to someone who creeps them out. *deep sigh* We keep fighting and trying to change things until hopefully someday this fight isn't necessary.
You're a master braider, Ally. Lillith, Snow White, wife rape, not being believed, himpathy... it's all so interwoven, all so egregious. My soul also cannot begin to conceive of drugging someone and debasing them. I can't even look at the weeping willow in my backyard without seeing the god light pouring through it. How exactly does one untether oneself from the fabric of reality? How does someone sever their connection with the divine in such a way as to defend or act upon these atrocities? What a goddamn waste of existence. (Also, I cried when your mother hugged you. More so when she didn't believe you, but there were real tears on both ends of that story. I'm so sorry, friend.) Thank you for shining so bright, even when it burns.
This is breathtaking, thorough, biting and emotionally vulnerable. My God. Thank you for your hard work, and your open heart. My heart is breaking right now.
Yes indeed. Some men rape and abuse women and some men doubt. I have never heard of a woman slipping something into a drink to take advantage of a man. But, I have heard of women financially raping me. How do they do that? They’re typically not stronger than men. The intelligence levels between the two genders is probably equivalent yet different. They probably don’t outsmart men. Or do they? Once again I ask- what do some women do to financially rape men? We probably all know the answer to that!
This is one of those comments — and I want you to know there are so few of them in all the time I’ve been writing here — where I pause to ask myself whether I should engage or block. And I am here for conversation and community so you really have to work to elicit that feeling in me. What I will say is if this is your response after reading what I wrote, you are part of the problem. Financially raped? Are you serious? What is it you’re saying, John? You had a consensual relationship with a woman and feel you were financially taken advantage of? And you’re comparing that to being physically assaulted?
I thought these same thoughts when I read this comment, Ally. Engage or ignore? And also, "oh look, a man attempting to sound clever while centering himself as a victim in a comments section following a beautiful, thoughtful, well researched essay about women who are actual victims." How quaint. (This is why women are exhausted.)
Damn, Ally. So painful and so good. We are all creating history and the work you and others are doing is invaluable. Especially during this time when we have all seemingly lost our collective minds.
Thank you for the hard work you are doing to illuminate this time period. It’s such a shameful record; we can only hope that we will all face our shadows, eventually feel collective shame, and actually change our systems.
Plough the bare Earth and build a park. Name it after the girl. Yes, while she yet lives.
Testify as a human community, "This evil was impermissible, so we caused that it should no longer remain among us. Here, in its place, we establish peace."
No school must remain standing if it will not stand for what's inarguably right.
Plough the bare Earth and build a park. Name it after the girl. Yes, while she yet lives.
Testify as a human community, "This evil was impermissible, so we caused that it should no longer remain among us. Here, in its place, we establish peace."
No school must remain standing if it will not stand for what's inarguably right.
I always get myself settled in when I read your work, Ally. I know I will be taken on a ride of emotions. I know I will relate. This one started with "Which way do the motherless daughters run?" and never let up. I can't add more to your glorious work (and why would I?) But, I see you. I stand with you. I cry with you. And, I rage with you.
They run to those who help and comfort them. There are those of us who have "chosen" family because the "family" we were given at birth only betrays us.
No doubt I wouldn’t have made it without my chosen family, Katharina ❤️🩹🙏🏼Was also posing the larger question about how any of us can be safe when “not all men” but far too many — and the women who love them/are dealing with their own internalized misogyny — are holding up a system that harms us. Thanks for being here.
I completely understand your larger question, but chose to answer the one most necessary for those who might be hurting now. I find myself at my 'sort-of' advanced age wondering how come we are still fighting this fight? How can we still be voting for these people with our political votes, our dollars and most of all, our acquiescence to the way society wants women to behave. I watch it over and over again with my students who feel like they don't have as much worth if they don't have a boyfriend. The parents who still think their children have to get married. This refusal to buck the system that most young women think is the way to live. I try so hard not to despair - and you and others give me hope that perhaps your generation and the one that is coming up together with me and the others that are still fighting this fight will change something real in our society. I too belong to the club of women betrayed by their own mothers. I broke that cycle. Now I watch in horror how the manosphere feels that they have been "wronged" by women who just want to be able to say no to someone who creeps them out. *deep sigh* We keep fighting and trying to change things until hopefully someday this fight isn't necessary.
You're a master braider, Ally. Lillith, Snow White, wife rape, not being believed, himpathy... it's all so interwoven, all so egregious. My soul also cannot begin to conceive of drugging someone and debasing them. I can't even look at the weeping willow in my backyard without seeing the god light pouring through it. How exactly does one untether oneself from the fabric of reality? How does someone sever their connection with the divine in such a way as to defend or act upon these atrocities? What a goddamn waste of existence. (Also, I cried when your mother hugged you. More so when she didn't believe you, but there were real tears on both ends of that story. I'm so sorry, friend.) Thank you for shining so bright, even when it burns.
This is breathtaking, thorough, biting and emotionally vulnerable. My God. Thank you for your hard work, and your open heart. My heart is breaking right now.
Yes indeed. Some men rape and abuse women and some men doubt. I have never heard of a woman slipping something into a drink to take advantage of a man. But, I have heard of women financially raping me. How do they do that? They’re typically not stronger than men. The intelligence levels between the two genders is probably equivalent yet different. They probably don’t outsmart men. Or do they? Once again I ask- what do some women do to financially rape men? We probably all know the answer to that!
This is one of those comments — and I want you to know there are so few of them in all the time I’ve been writing here — where I pause to ask myself whether I should engage or block. And I am here for conversation and community so you really have to work to elicit that feeling in me. What I will say is if this is your response after reading what I wrote, you are part of the problem. Financially raped? Are you serious? What is it you’re saying, John? You had a consensual relationship with a woman and feel you were financially taken advantage of? And you’re comparing that to being physically assaulted?
I thought these same thoughts when I read this comment, Ally. Engage or ignore? And also, "oh look, a man attempting to sound clever while centering himself as a victim in a comments section following a beautiful, thoughtful, well researched essay about women who are actual victims." How quaint. (This is why women are exhausted.)
This response made me laugh out loud it’s so ridiculously alpha male.
.. what the actual f. . . k…?!?! Go see a therapist..
Just read the first few paragraphs and am intrigued! This should be part of feminist studies courses.
Damn, Ally. So painful and so good. We are all creating history and the work you and others are doing is invaluable. Especially during this time when we have all seemingly lost our collective minds.
Thank you for the hard work you are doing to illuminate this time period. It’s such a shameful record; we can only hope that we will all face our shadows, eventually feel collective shame, and actually change our systems.
Peace to you.
"The school has not stepped in."
Fine. Raze it to the bare dirt.
Plough the bare Earth and build a park. Name it after the girl. Yes, while she yet lives.
Testify as a human community, "This evil was impermissible, so we caused that it should no longer remain among us. Here, in its place, we establish peace."
No school must remain standing if it will not stand for what's inarguably right.
"The school has not stepped in."
Fine. Raze it to the bare dirt.
Plough the bare Earth and build a park. Name it after the girl. Yes, while she yet lives.
Testify as a human community, "This evil was impermissible, so we caused that it should no longer remain among us. Here, in its place, we establish peace."
No school must remain standing if it will not stand for what's inarguably right.
I am absolutely in awe of your ability as a writer, and also what you have overcome to be such a voice, such a beacon 💙
And sick to my stomach too at the layers of depravity which are being uncovered week by week in our so-called civilised world
Sending you enormous love 💙
I always get myself settled in when I read your work, Ally. I know I will be taken on a ride of emotions. I know I will relate. This one started with "Which way do the motherless daughters run?" and never let up. I can't add more to your glorious work (and why would I?) But, I see you. I stand with you. I cry with you. And, I rage with you.