I'm grateful this isn't a listicle. It really doesn't feel like the holidays (whatever that's supposed to feel like,) probably because we all have PTSD over the last year's travesties (not to mention the last decade.) I have no sweeping statements to make besides I'm always glad to see you here as you write from your whole heart. ❤️
I think the day I write a listicle is the day someone should come check on me. Or…if I write one, we can assume it will not be your typical listicle. I had such high-pressure holidays growing up. Dressing up, showing up, glowing up even if there had been pain and anguish the night before, or on the ride over. When I had my own kids I promised myself their holidays would always be sweet and gentle. Casual, no pressure, just about spending time together. Holiday movies, baking cookies, cuddling on the couch, wearing pajamas, having friends over, whatever. Chill.
This year the tree is up and there are cookies and I am trying to find some holiday cheer. I am so happy and thankful to have both kids under one roof, it’s my favorite thing. I’m just so fucking sad about the world and want us to make it better for all our kids and all of us. I’m ready for all these scrooges and grinches to fuck right off, Eileen. Love you very much. Thanks for being here as ever ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
Thank you so much, Katrina. I am grateful for you more than I can say, and I hope you find some peace and joy with your beautiful family this holiday season ❤️🩹❤️🩹
A hard essay to read, Ally, but I'm glad you didn't write a listicle. If I had just one Christmas wish, it would be to find a way to box up all that empathy you have so much of to give as gifts to all those who do not. Imagine all these heartless hate-mongers opening their gifts on Christmas morning, and breathing in the sweet smell of empathy. Imagine it sinking into their souls. That would be a Christmas miracle worth praying for!
Merry Christmas, Ally. I hope you find some peace this holiday season.
Thank you so much, Jason. I would give just about anything to send those gifts out to the people who need them most this year. That would change everything for all of us — if only we could make it happen. Thank you so much for being here. Sending you a lot of love this Christmas and always ❤️🩹❤️🩹
Wow, Ally, thank you. Pieces like this, writers like you, are chronicling the madness as seen by so many of us. It’s vital and important work and I honor you. I believe, against despair, that what we do right now—how we process this incalculably horrific time—is in some way reforming our collective DNA, setting in motion agents of change that will result, perhaps only millennia hence, in a more just and happy and peace-filled world.
Thank you, Rob, I really appreciate it. I had to battle to get this one out and now I’m very glad I stayed in the ring. Grateful for your presence here as ever. Love to you and the fam ❤️🩹
At a loss for words that might add anything at all to this open-hearted essay, I've been reading through comments and seeing my emotions reflected again and again. This one, Rob, is beautifully succinct and also thorough. Difficult, essential, thanks...yes.
I think you both know how close some of the recent horror came to one of my kiddos. Those mothers in Bondi---who among us wouldn't do the same?
Sandy Hook is why we stayed overseas. Which is something that always fills me with both gratitude and guilt in equal measure. There is light, and I think the cracks are letting it through and we can do the whole platitude "it's always darkest before the dawn" crap, but you know, it's still fucking dark. But there are pin holes. I can see them. I can see them in between your sentences.
Honestly if I could have left then I would have. If I’d been living somewhere else I would have stayed away. I would have left many times before now because it is exhausting and painful to not feel confident your kids are safe at school when you spend all your waking life trying to keep them safe everywhere else. I’m tired in my soul and in my bones. But it was and has been complicated for reasons outside my control, and now it’s hard because they are older and have lives here and friends. I dunno.
I can see some light, too. I don’t think this maga insanity is going to last, but the gun thing has persisted. The gun lobby has such a hold on far too many politicians and we have a crazy gun culture. I just recorded the podcast and lost my mind. I don’t even know if it’s usable because I broke down like 4 times but that probably won’t stop me from posting it. I guess if you’re going to lose it over something this is the thing. Hugs from here.
Thank you for saying what so many of us are thinking and heartbroken over. It’s so difficult to have hope, especially at my older age……what kind of world will my grandchildren live in? Now I rely on the hope that in 3 years we can start reversing so much damage! Sending you some love and hugs.
Thank you for being here, Maureen, and for saying that. Sometimes I worry I am dealing with all this anguish on my own because so many people seem to be living their lives. I know that isn’t the case, I know there are so many of us struggling with all of this, it’s just that it seems that way sometimes. I am also waiting for the moment when we can start working to reverse and undo this damage. Right now I feel like we are fighting and resisting. Rejoicing and repairing and fixing things so something like this can’t ever happen again is what I want. I make myself hold that vision on days when it’s especially hard. I can’t bear the thought of leaving our kids a world like this so we will just have to make things better. And we will. Sending you a ton of love. I hope you find some joy this holiday season and squeeze your kids and grandkids extra ❤️🩹❤️
I just have to add…….the fact you take the time to reply so lovingly to all your comments already makes the world a better place! ❤️. There are so many of us who are fighting like you and we will continue to work for a better world for ALL!
"Crapjackal" was a real light in the darkness there, Ally. I just need to say that, because all the rest of my thoughts are buzzing in a rage filled GenX perimenipausal storm, which I promise to focus into a firehouse of ferocity as soon as I get some sleep. My kid is only in 1st grade, and I've already had a lock down scare, and I don't know if I can do this. What if I can't do this?
It’s brutal and I am so sorry, Kendall. None of us should have to do this. It is absolutely not normal. Something has to give, it cannot continue to go on like this so maybe, hopefully, we are reaching a boiling point. Maybe we can make this stop so you don’t have to live through 16 more years of this insanity. I think I have lost years off my life worrying over this one issue. Hugs to you, perimenopausal rage FTW, and may every single crapjackal feel our wrath. Sending you and your family so much love.
The trees are lit, Hanukkah candles soon to be; just made rugelah and latkes to be prepared in a few hours. Tonight we celebrate with friends and next week we celebrate a big Italian family Christmas with seven fishes plus! We must celebrate for the good in our lives. Thank you Ally!
I love this so much, Tina. If ever there was a time to celebrate everything and soak up the love from all directions, it is now. I hope you have a joyful time with your family 🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼❤️
Yes Sandy Hook sent me on a rant that I guess I will never stop. Sadly many people don’t show up at gun violence marches in my area but I do. I lived less than 5 miles from Mother Emanuel church before I moved to my new town. 😭
I will never vote for anyone that doesn’t make doing something about gun violence a top priority. I will be spending part of Christmas Day with my niece and her new husband at their house. It has been 4 years since I attended a family Christmas gathering. The younger generation is cool. Let’s hope the elder ones keep their mouths shut because my filter no longer exits. Love and hugs to you and yours! ❤️
You are a woman after my own heart. I am the friend who corrects her texts. I am glad you’re spending some of Christmas with your niece and her husband. I also understand the lack of filter, I lost mine when perimenopause hit. Byeeee. Don’t miss it. It makes life simpler. Love you, friend. I hope you find some joy and peace this holiday season. I’m grateful for you ❤️🩹
Every time I sit down to try to continue the essay I've been working on, I just can't. I'm a serious man who writes about serious things, sad things, disturbing things, crucial things, and for the love of toilet paper, I can't. It's all so obvious the layered peril we are in...and we collectively just keep going through the motions no matter what new farm fresh hell rears its head.
I'm worn out. Clinging. I need sanctuary.
I think I'll try some dark humor. Some gallows laughs. Because, fuuuck.
Keep kicking the dark, Ally. I'll always cheer ya on.
I really feel you. I can’t recall the last time I had such a tough time getting an essay out. It hasn’t been that long, every time something unfathomable happens I struggle, and something unfathomable happens all the time these days, but this last week was especially painful. Gallows humor is lifesaving. I couldn’t even make that work this week. Seething rage and sarcasm didn’t do it, either. Nice of me to tell you what didn’t work. Good luck with it, friend. I know you will pull some magic out of the hat. Lots of love, Cabot ❤️🩹❤️🩹
Through my tears, I read your words which resonate to my heart of hearts in the despair we are living through. Thank you for saying the truth which many of us feel. Light your candles tonight as I light my Christmas tree because we are in this together. Thank you, Ally.
I am so glad we’re all in tears together, it’s so much better than being in tears alone. I mean, I wish we weren’t in tears at all, or that they were tears of joy, but I am so grateful we have each other. My tree is up, too, but I celebrate with all my friends, whatever they celebrate, and many of them are lighting candles tonight ✨I think we are all looking hard for the light wherever we can find it ❤️🩹Thank you for being here, Tina. I am grateful for you 🙏🏼
Thank you so much, CW. That means a lot to me, I had to go back and start over and rethink multiple times. More than three :) I appreciate this very much and I thank you for being here ❤️🩹
I’m glad you didn’t try to happy it up and went with your gut. It’s not all doomy but also not falsely positive. I appreciate the authenticity and the skill.
I cried most of the way through this. I maintain hope by adamantly recognizing the good that has happened during this benighted year. Discovering you here on Substack is on my listicle of the best things. Thank you for sharing your heart, Ally.
I cried a lot writing it. Then I recorded the podcast yesterday and lost it at least four times, maybe five. But it’s okay, if we aren’t losing it over these kinds of heartbreaks, something is wrong. I really appreciate your kind comments and I am so grateful to be on your listicle of good things this year. That made me cry in a good way. Sending you a lot of love, Maria ❤️❤️🩹🙏🏼
I know you were struggling with writing about all the disturbing truths we’re facing, and I’m in complete agreement with how disturbing and troubling all of this is. I would just like to add that reading you telling the truth about all of this stuff IS hopeful and positive. I feel relief when I read someone saying what all sane and reasonable people know is true but is not being expressed honestly and widely enough yet. It cannot be allowed to continue. Transparency is so outrageously and purposefully missing in our government and mainstream media right now that it’s a healing balm to hear the plain truth being uttered. We do still have a long way to go and a lot of work to do. But you and your honesty are a warm bright light in it all. Writing like this helps add some desperately needed order back. So THANK YOU for expressing your genuine feelings here. I am so grateful for all you express and for who you are. They will not win. Not if we all keep up the positive and honest declarations of truth. I’m sending love and hugs to you. Enjoy your beautiful sweet kids being home. They are so lucky to have you as their mom. 💞❤️💞
Thank you so much for saying this, Jennifer. I really appreciate it, more than I can probably express. I do know what you mean because I am so relieved when someone else is as enraged or heartbroken. It makes me feel less alone and less like I must be living in some kind of effed up simulation. This community and this comments section is so reassuring, it’s like a balm for my weary soul and brain many days. I know there are so many of us who feel this way. I know it, but as you say, it isn’t always widely apparent. So I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Sending you a lot of love ❤️❤️🩹🙏🏼
I'm grateful this isn't a listicle. It really doesn't feel like the holidays (whatever that's supposed to feel like,) probably because we all have PTSD over the last year's travesties (not to mention the last decade.) I have no sweeping statements to make besides I'm always glad to see you here as you write from your whole heart. ❤️
I think the day I write a listicle is the day someone should come check on me. Or…if I write one, we can assume it will not be your typical listicle. I had such high-pressure holidays growing up. Dressing up, showing up, glowing up even if there had been pain and anguish the night before, or on the ride over. When I had my own kids I promised myself their holidays would always be sweet and gentle. Casual, no pressure, just about spending time together. Holiday movies, baking cookies, cuddling on the couch, wearing pajamas, having friends over, whatever. Chill.
This year the tree is up and there are cookies and I am trying to find some holiday cheer. I am so happy and thankful to have both kids under one roof, it’s my favorite thing. I’m just so fucking sad about the world and want us to make it better for all our kids and all of us. I’m ready for all these scrooges and grinches to fuck right off, Eileen. Love you very much. Thanks for being here as ever ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
Soak up all the joy with your kidlets, you've given them better holiday traditions than you had growing up. That's no small feat. Love you. xo
a non-denominational amen to all of this. So grateful for you guys. xoxo
Grateful for you, too, Helia 🙏🏼❤️❤️
I feel your heart and soul in every single word of this. And I am with you 100%, sister. 💙
Thank you so much, Katrina. I am grateful for you more than I can say, and I hope you find some peace and joy with your beautiful family this holiday season ❤️🩹❤️🩹
A hard essay to read, Ally, but I'm glad you didn't write a listicle. If I had just one Christmas wish, it would be to find a way to box up all that empathy you have so much of to give as gifts to all those who do not. Imagine all these heartless hate-mongers opening their gifts on Christmas morning, and breathing in the sweet smell of empathy. Imagine it sinking into their souls. That would be a Christmas miracle worth praying for!
Merry Christmas, Ally. I hope you find some peace this holiday season.
Thank you so much, Jason. I would give just about anything to send those gifts out to the people who need them most this year. That would change everything for all of us — if only we could make it happen. Thank you so much for being here. Sending you a lot of love this Christmas and always ❤️🩹❤️🩹
Wow, Ally, thank you. Pieces like this, writers like you, are chronicling the madness as seen by so many of us. It’s vital and important work and I honor you. I believe, against despair, that what we do right now—how we process this incalculably horrific time—is in some way reforming our collective DNA, setting in motion agents of change that will result, perhaps only millennia hence, in a more just and happy and peace-filled world.
FWIW I have found hope in the Vedic conception of the universe and the slow turning of the cosmic wheel towards love and healing. I found that my hopeful belief that we are living in the death throes of the patriarchy finds a place in this cosmology, at least as communicated by this Substack writer: https://open.substack.com/pub/fieldkeepercodex/p/the-10000-year-glitch-patriarchy?r=16gla&utm_medium=ios&shareImageVariant=overlay
May you have, in spite of headlines, a joy and love filled holidays with your family and friends.
Much respect. Peace.
Thanks so much, Robert, this is beautiful and profound.
“….We had art before we had patriarchy. We had music before we had patriarchy….”
I’m ready for the bubble to burst. I hope you have a joyful holiday season as well ❤️🩹❤️🩹
This was a difficult, essential read. Such necessary words, all of it. They will not win. Thanks for this, Ally.
Thank you, Rob, I really appreciate it. I had to battle to get this one out and now I’m very glad I stayed in the ring. Grateful for your presence here as ever. Love to you and the fam ❤️🩹
At a loss for words that might add anything at all to this open-hearted essay, I've been reading through comments and seeing my emotions reflected again and again. This one, Rob, is beautifully succinct and also thorough. Difficult, essential, thanks...yes.
I think you both know how close some of the recent horror came to one of my kiddos. Those mothers in Bondi---who among us wouldn't do the same?
All I can do is trust that the light will return.
Thank you, Ally. Seriously. Thank you.
I’m so glad your daughter is okay, Elizabeth. Sending you a lot of love ❤️🩹
Echoing Ally, Elizabeth. Lots of love to you and your family.
Sandy Hook is why we stayed overseas. Which is something that always fills me with both gratitude and guilt in equal measure. There is light, and I think the cracks are letting it through and we can do the whole platitude "it's always darkest before the dawn" crap, but you know, it's still fucking dark. But there are pin holes. I can see them. I can see them in between your sentences.
Honestly if I could have left then I would have. If I’d been living somewhere else I would have stayed away. I would have left many times before now because it is exhausting and painful to not feel confident your kids are safe at school when you spend all your waking life trying to keep them safe everywhere else. I’m tired in my soul and in my bones. But it was and has been complicated for reasons outside my control, and now it’s hard because they are older and have lives here and friends. I dunno.
I can see some light, too. I don’t think this maga insanity is going to last, but the gun thing has persisted. The gun lobby has such a hold on far too many politicians and we have a crazy gun culture. I just recorded the podcast and lost my mind. I don’t even know if it’s usable because I broke down like 4 times but that probably won’t stop me from posting it. I guess if you’re going to lose it over something this is the thing. Hugs from here.
Thank you for saying what so many of us are thinking and heartbroken over. It’s so difficult to have hope, especially at my older age……what kind of world will my grandchildren live in? Now I rely on the hope that in 3 years we can start reversing so much damage! Sending you some love and hugs.
Thank you for being here, Maureen, and for saying that. Sometimes I worry I am dealing with all this anguish on my own because so many people seem to be living their lives. I know that isn’t the case, I know there are so many of us struggling with all of this, it’s just that it seems that way sometimes. I am also waiting for the moment when we can start working to reverse and undo this damage. Right now I feel like we are fighting and resisting. Rejoicing and repairing and fixing things so something like this can’t ever happen again is what I want. I make myself hold that vision on days when it’s especially hard. I can’t bear the thought of leaving our kids a world like this so we will just have to make things better. And we will. Sending you a ton of love. I hope you find some joy this holiday season and squeeze your kids and grandkids extra ❤️🩹❤️
I just have to add…….the fact you take the time to reply so lovingly to all your comments already makes the world a better place! ❤️. There are so many of us who are fighting like you and we will continue to work for a better world for ALL!
Genuinely means so much to me that you all take the time to read and leave such thoughtful comments. I feel very grateful ❤️🙏🏼
"Crapjackal" was a real light in the darkness there, Ally. I just need to say that, because all the rest of my thoughts are buzzing in a rage filled GenX perimenipausal storm, which I promise to focus into a firehouse of ferocity as soon as I get some sleep. My kid is only in 1st grade, and I've already had a lock down scare, and I don't know if I can do this. What if I can't do this?
It’s brutal and I am so sorry, Kendall. None of us should have to do this. It is absolutely not normal. Something has to give, it cannot continue to go on like this so maybe, hopefully, we are reaching a boiling point. Maybe we can make this stop so you don’t have to live through 16 more years of this insanity. I think I have lost years off my life worrying over this one issue. Hugs to you, perimenopausal rage FTW, and may every single crapjackal feel our wrath. Sending you and your family so much love.
The trees are lit, Hanukkah candles soon to be; just made rugelah and latkes to be prepared in a few hours. Tonight we celebrate with friends and next week we celebrate a big Italian family Christmas with seven fishes plus! We must celebrate for the good in our lives. Thank you Ally!
I love this so much, Tina. If ever there was a time to celebrate everything and soak up the love from all directions, it is now. I hope you have a joyful time with your family 🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼❤️
Yes Sandy Hook sent me on a rant that I guess I will never stop. Sadly many people don’t show up at gun violence marches in my area but I do. I lived less than 5 miles from Mother Emanuel church before I moved to my new town. 😭
I will never vote for anyone that doesn’t make doing something about gun violence a top priority. I will be spending part of Christmas Day with my niece and her new husband at their house. It has been 4 years since I attended a family Christmas gathering. The younger generation is cool. Let’s hope the elder ones keep their mouths shut because my filter no longer exits. Love and hugs to you and yours! ❤️
I hate a spelling error.
no longer exists
You are a woman after my own heart. I am the friend who corrects her texts. I am glad you’re spending some of Christmas with your niece and her husband. I also understand the lack of filter, I lost mine when perimenopause hit. Byeeee. Don’t miss it. It makes life simpler. Love you, friend. I hope you find some joy and peace this holiday season. I’m grateful for you ❤️🩹
Thanks Ally!
Every time I sit down to try to continue the essay I've been working on, I just can't. I'm a serious man who writes about serious things, sad things, disturbing things, crucial things, and for the love of toilet paper, I can't. It's all so obvious the layered peril we are in...and we collectively just keep going through the motions no matter what new farm fresh hell rears its head.
I'm worn out. Clinging. I need sanctuary.
I think I'll try some dark humor. Some gallows laughs. Because, fuuuck.
Keep kicking the dark, Ally. I'll always cheer ya on.
I really feel you. I can’t recall the last time I had such a tough time getting an essay out. It hasn’t been that long, every time something unfathomable happens I struggle, and something unfathomable happens all the time these days, but this last week was especially painful. Gallows humor is lifesaving. I couldn’t even make that work this week. Seething rage and sarcasm didn’t do it, either. Nice of me to tell you what didn’t work. Good luck with it, friend. I know you will pull some magic out of the hat. Lots of love, Cabot ❤️🩹❤️🩹
Through my tears, I read your words which resonate to my heart of hearts in the despair we are living through. Thank you for saying the truth which many of us feel. Light your candles tonight as I light my Christmas tree because we are in this together. Thank you, Ally.
I am so glad we’re all in tears together, it’s so much better than being in tears alone. I mean, I wish we weren’t in tears at all, or that they were tears of joy, but I am so grateful we have each other. My tree is up, too, but I celebrate with all my friends, whatever they celebrate, and many of them are lighting candles tonight ✨I think we are all looking hard for the light wherever we can find it ❤️🩹Thank you for being here, Tina. I am grateful for you 🙏🏼
I was riveted by this. It filled me up, despite the awful truth of our world. That’s good writing right there.
Thank you so much, CW. That means a lot to me, I had to go back and start over and rethink multiple times. More than three :) I appreciate this very much and I thank you for being here ❤️🩹
I’m glad you didn’t try to happy it up and went with your gut. It’s not all doomy but also not falsely positive. I appreciate the authenticity and the skill.
This is the best thing I’ve read this year. Thank you. They. Will. Not. Win.
Thank you for saying that, Emily. I really appreciate it. And no, they will not. Truly.
I cried most of the way through this. I maintain hope by adamantly recognizing the good that has happened during this benighted year. Discovering you here on Substack is on my listicle of the best things. Thank you for sharing your heart, Ally.
I cried a lot writing it. Then I recorded the podcast yesterday and lost it at least four times, maybe five. But it’s okay, if we aren’t losing it over these kinds of heartbreaks, something is wrong. I really appreciate your kind comments and I am so grateful to be on your listicle of good things this year. That made me cry in a good way. Sending you a lot of love, Maria ❤️❤️🩹🙏🏼
If I’ve learned anything in this life, it’s that appreciation is like sunshine for a flower. It’s essential to express, and life-affirming to receive.
I know you were struggling with writing about all the disturbing truths we’re facing, and I’m in complete agreement with how disturbing and troubling all of this is. I would just like to add that reading you telling the truth about all of this stuff IS hopeful and positive. I feel relief when I read someone saying what all sane and reasonable people know is true but is not being expressed honestly and widely enough yet. It cannot be allowed to continue. Transparency is so outrageously and purposefully missing in our government and mainstream media right now that it’s a healing balm to hear the plain truth being uttered. We do still have a long way to go and a lot of work to do. But you and your honesty are a warm bright light in it all. Writing like this helps add some desperately needed order back. So THANK YOU for expressing your genuine feelings here. I am so grateful for all you express and for who you are. They will not win. Not if we all keep up the positive and honest declarations of truth. I’m sending love and hugs to you. Enjoy your beautiful sweet kids being home. They are so lucky to have you as their mom. 💞❤️💞
Thank you so much for saying this, Jennifer. I really appreciate it, more than I can probably express. I do know what you mean because I am so relieved when someone else is as enraged or heartbroken. It makes me feel less alone and less like I must be living in some kind of effed up simulation. This community and this comments section is so reassuring, it’s like a balm for my weary soul and brain many days. I know there are so many of us who feel this way. I know it, but as you say, it isn’t always widely apparent. So I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Sending you a lot of love ❤️❤️🩹🙏🏼