"People who look at the world the same way, and realize time is short. People who let you fall apart because sometimes the world is a harsh and scary place, but even when that’s true, if you look, you’ll always find someone with a magical red box. Even if it’s invisible, and they wear it on the inside.". I find that often times that's you. Blessings.
Despite the brighter moments in this, and the kindness you received, this is just so sad, so terribly sad, and written almost as if you still are that child. Heartbreaking, Ally.
I’ve been thinking about my grandma and my mom a lot lately. I feel such a through line with them, almost like we were sharing a nervous system and when my grandma died, everything kind of died for a while. That old life died, and the new life was not safe and loving anymore. My mom was so young and she already had a lot of trauma, and my dad was a selfish dick if we’re honest, which we are. Funny how I want to race to say he had some great qualities, too. I think he broke my mom and I don’t think she ever fully recovered. Partly because she would never ask for help. Anyway, I grew up and got to create that safe and loving place for my own kids, and that was healing for me, too. And I’m sure I had the roadmap seared into my heart from my grandma. So hopefully that leaves you feeling less sad, dearest Abby 🥹❤️🩹❤️🩹
It was in the past, and your future was different, but you took me back there and it was so real, the way you wrote it. But thank you, I will leave the sadness in the past and glory in your now.
My little girl self still lives inside me, too. And although she has a much better understanding of what it means to die, she still gets pretty worried about it from time to time. She also tries to hide her fears from people so they won’t be annoyed by her. She talks to her animal friends about her feelings, because she knows they won’t judge her for them or get upset. Or mad.
Now that she’s a grownup, with decades of birthdays behind her, she still regards kindness and compassion as one of the most important traits of any person. She has learned to take care of herself well, and to be strong and capable most days. But kindness, she’s never stopped valuing real kindness in others. And that little girl, she still squeezes her hand back the same number of times.
I love all our little kid selves. I love when I get so close to a person I start to see their little kid self peering out, wondering if it’s safe. I love that I can reassure that little kid who still lives inside me that she is safe now, that I have her back and she can just relax and play. Sometimes if someone isn’t responding to my grownup self in the way that I’d like, that little kid in me starts to panic, and then I have to remind her that we do not chase love. Ever.
Thanks for sharing, Esme. My little kid self sends hugs to yours. No doubt we’d be friends if we met on the playground. Thanks for being my friend here and now ❤️❤️🩹
It occurs to me that you would have become my playground friend, too. I always turned my back on mean kids, and reached out to gentle souls as friends. Still do.
I still hate shit like that tbh. Stuff where you are supposed to perform like a trained seal. I have no doubt trained seals hate it just as much. Also really appreciate people who make it safe to fall apart. You know who you are.
Beautiful work capturing how one compassionate adult can reshape a kid's entire trajectory. That detail about Kira not rushing the crying but just holding space really gets at something most people dont understand about trauma care. Had a similar teachr in second grade who let me read in the corner when things were too much, still think about her impact decades later. The catastrophic insurance parallel at the end ties it together perfectly.
Thanks so much. I am grateful for all the Kiras of this world who are sensitive and paying attention and can sense when someone is hurting or overwhelmed. Especially kids because we all need that kind of care so much as we’re growing. I also had teachers who got it later, and were there for me. It’s lifesaving stuff. Thank you for being here, and for your thoughtful comments. I appreciate you ❤️🩹⛑️
This is so heartbreaking and beautifully written….I don’t have the right words to describe the feelings it brings up…just want to thank you for sharing your heart.
Powerful piece. The way Kira showing up at that exact momnt changed everything for that kid is the core of it. That detail about her rocking you and not saying "don't cry" but just holding space for it all captures something huge about what people actually need when their world is falling apart. I had a similar moment with a school counselor around that age, and decades later I still remebmer exactly how the room smelled.
It is such a gift when someone has the capacity to let you feel whatever you need to feel without fear or embarrassment or any sense that there’s a time limit, or that they haven’t been there themselves. I needed it so much in that moment and I’ve needed it many other times in my life, but I think it’s rare to find people who know how to do that. I’m grateful I had that experience because it taught me that sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is just to be there, with love. Thanks so much for being here ❤️🩹
I cry for the child who experienced these things and I cheer for the adult who is able to tell the story with such honesty and clarity. It’s like that moment watching the game, when you see someone who has been injured stand up and walk, limping maybe and not quite okay but going to be. You have performed the alchemy of transforming pain into art. That last sentence—wow!
God bless the Kiras of this world. My heart goes out to you.
I feel so fortunate to have such kindhearted people in this comments section. I appreciate what you’ve written so much, J. Keanu and I thank you for being here ❤️🩹⛑️🙏🏼
Mercifully, between the people who are too scared, or too selfish, to love properly, there are a lot of Kiras in the world, and a lot of Allys. And they're both fully prepared and willing to bind the wounds of those who need it most. Both angels with big shoulders, and soft tissues, and well-stocked first aid boxes.
I'm hugging that little girl and marveling at the grown-up she became.
Well, I gave up not crying in this comments section pretty early this week! Thank you so much for this. My little kid self and my current grown up self thank you very much, Elizabeth. I’m so grateful you’re here ❤️🩹🙏🏼⛑️
Ally this is so beautiful and sad and moving. I can relate on so many levels. About connecting with someone so kind, and you could let your emotions out. So powerful. Also in the comments when you talk about our little kid selves… I have a photo from when i was very young and I am outside of a merry go round and looking at it with such wonder. I still feel that way inside. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us.
Oh Sarah, I love that. I have pictures with my grandma and I look like the happiest kid anywhere. I love looking at them because it reminds me of the way she made me feel, and the way I always wanted my kids to feel. Like they were more precious to me than anything, because they are. We all deserve to have some people who feel that way about us, but we don’t all get them, so I consider myself very lucky. And the Kiras of the world are the best. Thanks so much for being here, I appreciate you ❤️🩹❤️🩹
Thanks so much, Susan. And yes, that public speaking on demand thing never worked well for me. And safe people are the best. Thank you for being here xx
"People who look at the world the same way, and realize time is short. People who let you fall apart because sometimes the world is a harsh and scary place, but even when that’s true, if you look, you’ll always find someone with a magical red box. Even if it’s invisible, and they wear it on the inside.". I find that often times that's you. Blessings.
Well, now I’m crying! Thank you, Sharon, that hit me directly in the heart ♥️
Despite the brighter moments in this, and the kindness you received, this is just so sad, so terribly sad, and written almost as if you still are that child. Heartbreaking, Ally.
I’ve been thinking about my grandma and my mom a lot lately. I feel such a through line with them, almost like we were sharing a nervous system and when my grandma died, everything kind of died for a while. That old life died, and the new life was not safe and loving anymore. My mom was so young and she already had a lot of trauma, and my dad was a selfish dick if we’re honest, which we are. Funny how I want to race to say he had some great qualities, too. I think he broke my mom and I don’t think she ever fully recovered. Partly because she would never ask for help. Anyway, I grew up and got to create that safe and loving place for my own kids, and that was healing for me, too. And I’m sure I had the roadmap seared into my heart from my grandma. So hopefully that leaves you feeling less sad, dearest Abby 🥹❤️🩹❤️🩹
It was in the past, and your future was different, but you took me back there and it was so real, the way you wrote it. But thank you, I will leave the sadness in the past and glory in your now.
Thank the world for kind teachers and nurses and the quiet ones who make safe spaces for children, and for grownups, too. I so enjoyed reading this.
Truly. I think people like that saved my like along the way. So glad you enjoyed, Linda, and I’m very glad you’re here ❤️🩹
Your words are so often the little red box. Love you
I’ll just be here crying in the comments! Thank you, Kara. Love you, tooooo❤️
My little girl self still lives inside me, too. And although she has a much better understanding of what it means to die, she still gets pretty worried about it from time to time. She also tries to hide her fears from people so they won’t be annoyed by her. She talks to her animal friends about her feelings, because she knows they won’t judge her for them or get upset. Or mad.
Now that she’s a grownup, with decades of birthdays behind her, she still regards kindness and compassion as one of the most important traits of any person. She has learned to take care of herself well, and to be strong and capable most days. But kindness, she’s never stopped valuing real kindness in others. And that little girl, she still squeezes her hand back the same number of times.
I love all our little kid selves. I love when I get so close to a person I start to see their little kid self peering out, wondering if it’s safe. I love that I can reassure that little kid who still lives inside me that she is safe now, that I have her back and she can just relax and play. Sometimes if someone isn’t responding to my grownup self in the way that I’d like, that little kid in me starts to panic, and then I have to remind her that we do not chase love. Ever.
Thanks for sharing, Esme. My little kid self sends hugs to yours. No doubt we’d be friends if we met on the playground. Thanks for being my friend here and now ❤️❤️🩹
It occurs to me that you would have become my playground friend, too. I always turned my back on mean kids, and reached out to gentle souls as friends. Still do.
Same ❤️🩹⛑️
Oh my god. I couldn't love this story more. It's beautiful.
Thank you so much, Michelle ❤️❤️
Circe Time was one of Dante’s circles I think. I fuckin hated those stupid games too.
I’m so glad you found moments of tenderness from adults around you back then Ally but you deserved a whole lot more of them.
Brilliant and heartful writing as always. Little Ally is proud of who you’ve become. xo
I still hate shit like that tbh. Stuff where you are supposed to perform like a trained seal. I have no doubt trained seals hate it just as much. Also really appreciate people who make it safe to fall apart. You know who you are.
Beautiful work capturing how one compassionate adult can reshape a kid's entire trajectory. That detail about Kira not rushing the crying but just holding space really gets at something most people dont understand about trauma care. Had a similar teachr in second grade who let me read in the corner when things were too much, still think about her impact decades later. The catastrophic insurance parallel at the end ties it together perfectly.
Thanks so much. I am grateful for all the Kiras of this world who are sensitive and paying attention and can sense when someone is hurting or overwhelmed. Especially kids because we all need that kind of care so much as we’re growing. I also had teachers who got it later, and were there for me. It’s lifesaving stuff. Thank you for being here, and for your thoughtful comments. I appreciate you ❤️🩹⛑️
This is so heartbreaking and beautifully written….I don’t have the right words to describe the feelings it brings up…just want to thank you for sharing your heart.
Thanks so much, Mojgan. I am sending you a lot of love ❤️
Powerful piece. The way Kira showing up at that exact momnt changed everything for that kid is the core of it. That detail about her rocking you and not saying "don't cry" but just holding space for it all captures something huge about what people actually need when their world is falling apart. I had a similar moment with a school counselor around that age, and decades later I still remebmer exactly how the room smelled.
It is such a gift when someone has the capacity to let you feel whatever you need to feel without fear or embarrassment or any sense that there’s a time limit, or that they haven’t been there themselves. I needed it so much in that moment and I’ve needed it many other times in my life, but I think it’s rare to find people who know how to do that. I’m grateful I had that experience because it taught me that sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is just to be there, with love. Thanks so much for being here ❤️🩹
Such beautiful writing! This is a tender and moving story. Thank you.
Thanks so much, Peggy. I’m glad you’re here ❤️
I cry for the child who experienced these things and I cheer for the adult who is able to tell the story with such honesty and clarity. It’s like that moment watching the game, when you see someone who has been injured stand up and walk, limping maybe and not quite okay but going to be. You have performed the alchemy of transforming pain into art. That last sentence—wow!
God bless the Kiras of this world. My heart goes out to you.
I feel so fortunate to have such kindhearted people in this comments section. I appreciate what you’ve written so much, J. Keanu and I thank you for being here ❤️🩹⛑️🙏🏼
Mercifully, between the people who are too scared, or too selfish, to love properly, there are a lot of Kiras in the world, and a lot of Allys. And they're both fully prepared and willing to bind the wounds of those who need it most. Both angels with big shoulders, and soft tissues, and well-stocked first aid boxes.
I'm hugging that little girl and marveling at the grown-up she became.
Well, I gave up not crying in this comments section pretty early this week! Thank you so much for this. My little kid self and my current grown up self thank you very much, Elizabeth. I’m so grateful you’re here ❤️🩹🙏🏼⛑️
Ally this is so beautiful and sad and moving. I can relate on so many levels. About connecting with someone so kind, and you could let your emotions out. So powerful. Also in the comments when you talk about our little kid selves… I have a photo from when i was very young and I am outside of a merry go round and looking at it with such wonder. I still feel that way inside. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us.
Oh Sarah, I love that. I have pictures with my grandma and I look like the happiest kid anywhere. I love looking at them because it reminds me of the way she made me feel, and the way I always wanted my kids to feel. Like they were more precious to me than anything, because they are. We all deserve to have some people who feel that way about us, but we don’t all get them, so I consider myself very lucky. And the Kiras of the world are the best. Thanks so much for being here, I appreciate you ❤️🩹❤️🩹
Beautiful written story depicting how children need secure safe attachments. 🙏
Thanks so much, Susan. And yes, that public speaking on demand thing never worked well for me. And safe people are the best. Thank you for being here xx
Same. Our primary school teachers did similar. I never attended any pre - school or kindergarten. On the spot, picked to speak.
I hated it.
She has nailed childhood 😔 grief, beautifully. 😍