Gosh I'm sorry. Those memories leave their marks, but I'm sending love and hugs to tiny you. All children deserve sweet nicknames and kindness. I'm grateful you're here <3
All of this, all of it… the Chardonnay rages, the name calling, navigating the family secrets that everyone could see but no one talked about (ditto, here)… the way you take us from something so intimately known to the larger world and chaotic “leadership” abuse we feel, to the murdered baby we grieve.
The mirror you hold up to the world with your words is undeniable.
I’m so sorry you relate, Tammi, it’s not easy trying to make sense of it as a kid, and it’s not easy dealing with the people wreaking that same kind of havoc now, even though we are all grown up. It’s still exhausting and depleting. I appreciate your kind words so much, and I am sending you a lot of love. I’m grateful you’re here❤️🩹🥹
As one who was also referred to as Sarah Bernhardt, I really wish I could’ve been there with you when you found all those letters little you wrote to your mom, apologizing for her rage toward you. I know you know now you didn’t deserve it. But I sure wish I could’ve been there for little Ally.
The way you keep your heart open is really beautiful. The way you write is astonishing. I’m proud to be your friend.
I did not know we shared this nickname 😞 And I wish we’d met a long time ago, but I’m grateful we met at all. I feel so lucky to call you friend, too 🥹🙏🏼❤️🩹
This regime triggers me too, for many of the reasons you laid out so beautifully here. It’s been beyond difficult to watch the country fall for these machinations. It’s just heartbreaking on every level. I think I stay mad because letting the sadness in is too hard sometimes.
I totally get that, Kari, and I know you relate❤️🩹❤️🩹 I try to strike the right balance of the fury I can channel for fuel, and heartbreak that keeps the empathy flowing, but doesn’t leave me in a puddle of hopeless despair. Some days I do not succeed! 😩 We are all just doing the best we can in these ridiculous and unthinkable circumstances. Gallows humor is also lifesaving as you well know. But some weeks, such as this one, even that eludes me 💔 Hugs and love through the ether, friend. Always appreciate you xo
Wow. I was surprised at where this ended up. The connection made between the child trapped with an alcoholic parent and a country trapped with an unhinged regime is brilliant. We are in a bad place.
Thank you for being here, Susan. I have an essay coming out in about four hours (very specific lol) and I feel even more hopeful and fired up this week xx
We really are in a bad place right now, but I still have faith in us, Karemm. I believe in my heart there are more of us who don’t want the world to be this way than those who do. Thank you for being here, I appreciate you❤️🩹
I’ve essentially checked out from reading/watching most of what I used to consume daily, habitually, in a concerted effort to retain some sense of normalcy (sanity?) and even optimism despite all the abhorrent things happening daily…but I continue to seek out every post of yours because you distill things both personal and public so effectively and make me feel like there’s a kindred spirit out there, wrestling with so many of the same thoughts and feelings and horror of what we are living through. Thank you for being so, well, just so good.
Ally, your posts always leave me feeling like your kiddos are so lucky to have such a strong and loving mama, and that we are so lucky to have your maternal heart and voracious strength pour through your words 💗.
I feel so fortunate to get to connect with such kindhearted, generous people every week. This community is seriously one of the reasons I stay hopeful on the days when it’s hard. Thank you for being here, sending you so much love, Sabrina ❤️🩹
You’ve done it, yet again….made the political deeply heartbreakingly personal in all the ways. This broke my heart and your writing makes me feel less alone and more connected to humanity at the same time. Thank you.
Again, your writing has touched my heart. Again, I'm torn. I believe in the capacity of love and hope and think that it can change things. I worry that the damage done - greed, hatred, bigotry, et al - may take too much love and hope and that it will take more than the number of years I have left. The essence of me believes that we can - and will - learn from these last few years and be able to bring back the good of our country and build on it. The angry part of me is afraid that we will not learn from this or that there's more angry/hurt/cruel people in our country than I think there is. I choose to believe we can come back from this. That our human nature will win in the end.
btw - I am looking into whether I can afford "lunch" in October. I will let you know.
I have the same hopes and fears, Sharon. I’ve always been a “glass half full, love always wins in the end” kind of gal. I do not want to let these bastards rob me of that outlook now, so I am holding onto it with all I’ve got, but wow, they do not make it easy.
I will say watching the opening ceremony at the Barack Obama Presidential Center gave me a little shot in the arm. Michelle Obama’s speech was perfection.
And that is such awesome news about the potential for “lunch” in October! I was thinking the download might not have been the best way to include the information, I’m glad you saw it. Hugs and love, thanks for being here ❤️
This is the most essential reading, as always. I didn't know about Kohen in Mississippi. My god. It's one of those things I can barely stand to know about, and yet, we have to know.
The midterms feel so close, and yet still so far away. I don't know whatever we've unleashed in people, but you're right... it felt like there was a trajectory, too slow but at least moving in a more decent direction, and it sure doesn't feel like that now. I do feel like SO many people who voted for this malignant narcissist are now pissed, they hate the Iran deal (if it even holds), most of them don't love UFC fighters on the White House lawn. Of course the most motivating thing of all is always affordability of basic needs, which is a distant memory for most people.
I don't know if I feel hopeful right now, but I feel, at least, that with a lot of work we might possibly get to a hopeful place again. I'm grateful for your words, as always.
I want to believe this is not working for most people. I’d *like* to believe it would come down to more than affordability, and things that affect people directly, but that never seems to be the case in actuality. Which is depressing af for an idealist and someone who’d like to think people care about their friends and neighbors — and I know that’s everyone here. But even on affordability alone I agree, it seems 49% of Americans are struggling to meet their basic needs. His approval ratings are terrible, but I think that’s because they are so hideously low with liberal-minded people. I do think even his supporters are not pleased about this MOU, or the WH cage match insanity or gas prices etc. I just hope it’s enough to flip the House and Senate and at least curb this madness. But I also worry about Musk and Thiel and the constant bs about elections. I dunno. I hope, I hope, I hope. And I am backing up my hope with all the effort and action I can think of. Thanks for your kindness, Rob. Love to the family❤️🩹
I'd love to believe it's about more than that, too... and I like to hope so, like you. I'm not clicking on another headline that says his approval rate has "plummeted," and it's still, like, 38%! Anyway, it's definitely now or never, and I sure hope it's now. I'm with you, effort and action all the way, all the time. Love back to your family, too. Always so good to see your essays come in. They're never easy reads, but I always feel enriched and inspired by them.
There's always so much in your writing, Ally, and it always touches deeply.
I watched A Walk with Love and Death so many years ago, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Senseless wars, cruelty and destruction, just for the sake of it. But also, enduring love. Human existence on repeat.
Maybe it feels worse right now (at least to me) because our federal government is a clear villain, and not enough Americans seem bothered by that.
My mother has been gone for 19 years. If she were here, she'd be yelling at every political fool on the nightly news. That's not the part of her voice I miss the most, but thinking about it makes me smile.
It really is so senseless and so devastating. Such a waste. We get such little time here, and to spend it wreaking havoc, causing destruction, spreading fear and hatred when we could be kind, could be nurturing and loving, could be leaving this place better than we found it? I know there are so many millions of us who feel this way. I will always believe there are more of us. I just hope somehow we can tip the scales. Your mother sounds like my kind of people❤️
I always leave your posts to read last because I know I have to sit with them longer. I wish I could tell a personal story about an alcoholic friend but two of her grandchildren had a birthday yesterday. They turned 21. I hope they can't remember the drunken parts of their young childhood when I went along while grandma babysat. Their mother stopped letting them see her at some point just like I ended a 38 year friendship. I did attend her funeral. Too painful to relive it all. She chose alcohol or it chose her either way she sorely missed out on life. I saw the story about the baby being killed. Sadly many of my racist friends and family just scrolled past or ignored my post about Mother Emanuel or perhaps an algorithm keeps them from seeing anything they don't care about. 😢
Addiction is such a thief, isn’t it? I understand how it happens. I know my mother was in pain, and I have no doubt your friend was, too. That’s always how it starts, with relief from pain. I just wish my mother had been the kind of person who could have admitted she needed help. The cost of that relief always grows, I know I’m not telling you anything you don’t know. It robs everyone in the vicinity, everyone who cares.
My mother used to ask me to leave my kids at her lake-house over the summers when they were little. She’d tell me to fly in from Los Angeles and leave them with her, and head into the apartment in NYC to have some fun. As a single mom, of course I could have used a few days to sleep — forget about fun — but there was no way on earth I would leave my children with my mother. Not even for an hour without me, forget about a week! And I couldn’t say that, because we didn’t talk about her alcoholism, because “she wasn’t an alcoholic”😩😩😩 The rage I used to feel, Mary, because then I’d have to say, “Oh, that’s okay, Mom, we’ll just come together, I want to see you, too.” And I did want to see her, of course.
But there I was in my thirties, a mom myself, and I was still expected to pretend reality was not what it was. She wanted me to pretend it would have been safe to leave my kids with her, and there was no effing way I was doing that. Anyway. I’m so sorry about your friend.
And I’m devastated that we’ve come to a place where a beautiful, sweet, innocent baby boy is shot over diapers. It’s beyond the pale, Mary. Sending hugs and love to you, always❤️🩹❤️🩹
Hi Ally, listening to this turned my heart so tender to you, your mother, and all mothers. Beautiful writing, resonating memories, and the weaving into our current shattering of the things our innocent hearts believed in, hoped for, and somehow hold out for a massive, radical change for all beings. Much love, your way.
Thank you so much, Prajna. Somehow this felt like getting a big hug. Maybe it’s your mama heart coming through. I thank you, and I’m sending you so much love🥹❤️🩹🙏🏼
I am here. I read it. I have had to be careful about what I read lately. It's a lot. Well, I adore you and you're brilliant. As always. ❤️
Ouch. This brought up a long ago memory: when I was little my mother would call me 'Sarah Heartburn'🥲 Well, you know how that turned out.
Gosh I'm sorry. Those memories leave their marks, but I'm sending love and hugs to tiny you. All children deserve sweet nicknames and kindness. I'm grateful you're here <3
I knew this one was going to hurt and I was right. <3
I'm sorry, friend. Determined to go funny this week for all our sakes <3
All of this, all of it… the Chardonnay rages, the name calling, navigating the family secrets that everyone could see but no one talked about (ditto, here)… the way you take us from something so intimately known to the larger world and chaotic “leadership” abuse we feel, to the murdered baby we grieve.
The mirror you hold up to the world with your words is undeniable.
I’m so sorry you relate, Tammi, it’s not easy trying to make sense of it as a kid, and it’s not easy dealing with the people wreaking that same kind of havoc now, even though we are all grown up. It’s still exhausting and depleting. I appreciate your kind words so much, and I am sending you a lot of love. I’m grateful you’re here❤️🩹🥹
I am grateful for you Ally 💖
Too much sadness here.
As one who was also referred to as Sarah Bernhardt, I really wish I could’ve been there with you when you found all those letters little you wrote to your mom, apologizing for her rage toward you. I know you know now you didn’t deserve it. But I sure wish I could’ve been there for little Ally.
The way you keep your heart open is really beautiful. The way you write is astonishing. I’m proud to be your friend.
I did not know we shared this nickname 😞 And I wish we’d met a long time ago, but I’m grateful we met at all. I feel so lucky to call you friend, too 🥹🙏🏼❤️🩹
This regime triggers me too, for many of the reasons you laid out so beautifully here. It’s been beyond difficult to watch the country fall for these machinations. It’s just heartbreaking on every level. I think I stay mad because letting the sadness in is too hard sometimes.
I totally get that, Kari, and I know you relate❤️🩹❤️🩹 I try to strike the right balance of the fury I can channel for fuel, and heartbreak that keeps the empathy flowing, but doesn’t leave me in a puddle of hopeless despair. Some days I do not succeed! 😩 We are all just doing the best we can in these ridiculous and unthinkable circumstances. Gallows humor is also lifesaving as you well know. But some weeks, such as this one, even that eludes me 💔 Hugs and love through the ether, friend. Always appreciate you xo
Wow. I was surprised at where this ended up. The connection made between the child trapped with an alcoholic parent and a country trapped with an unhinged regime is brilliant. We are in a bad place.
Your comment is what I felt, but couldn’t come up with the words. Thanks for saying it so well.
Thank you for being here, Susan. I have an essay coming out in about four hours (very specific lol) and I feel even more hopeful and fired up this week xx
We really are in a bad place right now, but I still have faith in us, Karemm. I believe in my heart there are more of us who don’t want the world to be this way than those who do. Thank you for being here, I appreciate you❤️🩹
I’ve essentially checked out from reading/watching most of what I used to consume daily, habitually, in a concerted effort to retain some sense of normalcy (sanity?) and even optimism despite all the abhorrent things happening daily…but I continue to seek out every post of yours because you distill things both personal and public so effectively and make me feel like there’s a kindred spirit out there, wrestling with so many of the same thoughts and feelings and horror of what we are living through. Thank you for being so, well, just so good.
Paul. Thank you for this. Very much🙏🏼🥹
Ally, your posts always leave me feeling like your kiddos are so lucky to have such a strong and loving mama, and that we are so lucky to have your maternal heart and voracious strength pour through your words 💗.
I feel so fortunate to get to connect with such kindhearted, generous people every week. This community is seriously one of the reasons I stay hopeful on the days when it’s hard. Thank you for being here, sending you so much love, Sabrina ❤️🩹
You’ve done it, yet again….made the political deeply heartbreakingly personal in all the ways. This broke my heart and your writing makes me feel less alone and more connected to humanity at the same time. Thank you.
This was such a beautiful thing to say and I am so grateful you feel this way, MS. Thank you so much, and thank you for being here🥹🙏🏼❤️🩹
Again, your writing has touched my heart. Again, I'm torn. I believe in the capacity of love and hope and think that it can change things. I worry that the damage done - greed, hatred, bigotry, et al - may take too much love and hope and that it will take more than the number of years I have left. The essence of me believes that we can - and will - learn from these last few years and be able to bring back the good of our country and build on it. The angry part of me is afraid that we will not learn from this or that there's more angry/hurt/cruel people in our country than I think there is. I choose to believe we can come back from this. That our human nature will win in the end.
btw - I am looking into whether I can afford "lunch" in October. I will let you know.
I have the same hopes and fears, Sharon. I’ve always been a “glass half full, love always wins in the end” kind of gal. I do not want to let these bastards rob me of that outlook now, so I am holding onto it with all I’ve got, but wow, they do not make it easy.
I will say watching the opening ceremony at the Barack Obama Presidential Center gave me a little shot in the arm. Michelle Obama’s speech was perfection.
And that is such awesome news about the potential for “lunch” in October! I was thinking the download might not have been the best way to include the information, I’m glad you saw it. Hugs and love, thanks for being here ❤️
This is the most essential reading, as always. I didn't know about Kohen in Mississippi. My god. It's one of those things I can barely stand to know about, and yet, we have to know.
The midterms feel so close, and yet still so far away. I don't know whatever we've unleashed in people, but you're right... it felt like there was a trajectory, too slow but at least moving in a more decent direction, and it sure doesn't feel like that now. I do feel like SO many people who voted for this malignant narcissist are now pissed, they hate the Iran deal (if it even holds), most of them don't love UFC fighters on the White House lawn. Of course the most motivating thing of all is always affordability of basic needs, which is a distant memory for most people.
I don't know if I feel hopeful right now, but I feel, at least, that with a lot of work we might possibly get to a hopeful place again. I'm grateful for your words, as always.
I want to believe this is not working for most people. I’d *like* to believe it would come down to more than affordability, and things that affect people directly, but that never seems to be the case in actuality. Which is depressing af for an idealist and someone who’d like to think people care about their friends and neighbors — and I know that’s everyone here. But even on affordability alone I agree, it seems 49% of Americans are struggling to meet their basic needs. His approval ratings are terrible, but I think that’s because they are so hideously low with liberal-minded people. I do think even his supporters are not pleased about this MOU, or the WH cage match insanity or gas prices etc. I just hope it’s enough to flip the House and Senate and at least curb this madness. But I also worry about Musk and Thiel and the constant bs about elections. I dunno. I hope, I hope, I hope. And I am backing up my hope with all the effort and action I can think of. Thanks for your kindness, Rob. Love to the family❤️🩹
I'd love to believe it's about more than that, too... and I like to hope so, like you. I'm not clicking on another headline that says his approval rate has "plummeted," and it's still, like, 38%! Anyway, it's definitely now or never, and I sure hope it's now. I'm with you, effort and action all the way, all the time. Love back to your family, too. Always so good to see your essays come in. They're never easy reads, but I always feel enriched and inspired by them.
There's always so much in your writing, Ally, and it always touches deeply.
I watched A Walk with Love and Death so many years ago, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Senseless wars, cruelty and destruction, just for the sake of it. But also, enduring love. Human existence on repeat.
Maybe it feels worse right now (at least to me) because our federal government is a clear villain, and not enough Americans seem bothered by that.
My mother has been gone for 19 years. If she were here, she'd be yelling at every political fool on the nightly news. That's not the part of her voice I miss the most, but thinking about it makes me smile.
Take care🧡
It really is so senseless and so devastating. Such a waste. We get such little time here, and to spend it wreaking havoc, causing destruction, spreading fear and hatred when we could be kind, could be nurturing and loving, could be leaving this place better than we found it? I know there are so many millions of us who feel this way. I will always believe there are more of us. I just hope somehow we can tip the scales. Your mother sounds like my kind of people❤️
I always leave your posts to read last because I know I have to sit with them longer. I wish I could tell a personal story about an alcoholic friend but two of her grandchildren had a birthday yesterday. They turned 21. I hope they can't remember the drunken parts of their young childhood when I went along while grandma babysat. Their mother stopped letting them see her at some point just like I ended a 38 year friendship. I did attend her funeral. Too painful to relive it all. She chose alcohol or it chose her either way she sorely missed out on life. I saw the story about the baby being killed. Sadly many of my racist friends and family just scrolled past or ignored my post about Mother Emanuel or perhaps an algorithm keeps them from seeing anything they don't care about. 😢
Addiction is such a thief, isn’t it? I understand how it happens. I know my mother was in pain, and I have no doubt your friend was, too. That’s always how it starts, with relief from pain. I just wish my mother had been the kind of person who could have admitted she needed help. The cost of that relief always grows, I know I’m not telling you anything you don’t know. It robs everyone in the vicinity, everyone who cares.
My mother used to ask me to leave my kids at her lake-house over the summers when they were little. She’d tell me to fly in from Los Angeles and leave them with her, and head into the apartment in NYC to have some fun. As a single mom, of course I could have used a few days to sleep — forget about fun — but there was no way on earth I would leave my children with my mother. Not even for an hour without me, forget about a week! And I couldn’t say that, because we didn’t talk about her alcoholism, because “she wasn’t an alcoholic”😩😩😩 The rage I used to feel, Mary, because then I’d have to say, “Oh, that’s okay, Mom, we’ll just come together, I want to see you, too.” And I did want to see her, of course.
But there I was in my thirties, a mom myself, and I was still expected to pretend reality was not what it was. She wanted me to pretend it would have been safe to leave my kids with her, and there was no effing way I was doing that. Anyway. I’m so sorry about your friend.
And I’m devastated that we’ve come to a place where a beautiful, sweet, innocent baby boy is shot over diapers. It’s beyond the pale, Mary. Sending hugs and love to you, always❤️🩹❤️🩹
Hi Ally, listening to this turned my heart so tender to you, your mother, and all mothers. Beautiful writing, resonating memories, and the weaving into our current shattering of the things our innocent hearts believed in, hoped for, and somehow hold out for a massive, radical change for all beings. Much love, your way.
Thank you so much, Prajna. Somehow this felt like getting a big hug. Maybe it’s your mama heart coming through. I thank you, and I’m sending you so much love🥹❤️🩹🙏🏼