I could say with certainty that you and I have experienced plenty of rough scenarios, navigated many unpleasant personalities, and found ourselves neck deep in poop water on occasion. Was your first impulse after getting roughed up by life to start stirring up the shit with someone on the internet? I'm tired of handing out "maybe you're having a bad day" cards.
You were lovely and diplomatic in your reply, as always. But you can title your posts as you see fit cuz YOU ARE THE BOSS HERE.
I recently had a Note that had quite a few responses. It cracked me up that the negative ones were all "Clean up your profanity, readers don't care for that" surrounded by a vast majority of "FUCK YESSS" comments. Read the room, people. If you're not in the right place, grab your shit and go. I'm not against differing opinions, we all learn from civilized debate. But too many people come here to throw rocks at passing cars to blow off steam. xoxoxo 💜💜💜
Hahahaha. Yes, I definitely don’t need anyone policing my profanity or my titles. Sometimes I feel I have a battle going on between my inner “Mona Lisa Vito” (Marisa Tomei character in My Cousin Vinny) and my inner “Ram Dass” 🤣
I’ll ride shotgun on your Huffy bike any day. Salty is always welcome here, I probably trend too sweet. Old fucking habits die hard. Plus yoga. It’s a balance, Eileen. A little namasté, a little go fuck yourself. (Not you, obviously).
Thank you, Patricia 🙏🏼 And thank you for understanding so many of us here are absolutely horrified and love our Canadian neighbors so much. I’m heading to a march right now ♥️🇨🇦
Thank you for being a pepsi-milk person for me. These pieces are often such a surprising blend of heartfelt nostalgia and a call to arms, though yogically. Maybe it's more of a call to attention, which seems like the best way to inspire action.
I loved hearing about this babysitter. I had a similar mom to yours, and remember babysitters like this, fun and funny older kids who I so looked up to and tried to emulate in these very brief stretches of knowing each other.
Being of our particular vintage, there are, as you say, so many folks who we met and remember, and think fondly of... yet we have no idea what's become of them. I don't do Facebook or any of the socials anymore, but even so, it's lovely to wonder about these people we once crossed paths with—even those whose names we've forgotten, to wish them well, and hope their lives are going okay.
It seems maybe there's something there that's similar to what Cory Booker was getting at, and maybe what liberalism stands for, which is that we all have a responsibility to each other. I do think this starts by wondering about others, and being curious about their lives, or worried for their lives, whatever the situation might be. It's one of the things I appreciate most about your writing, that it prompts more of that wonder and care.
I may have to print this out and have it handy for the hard days, Rob. You’re a Pepsi-milk person for me, too🥹And I’m sure there is something for those of us of the same vintage, something that feels like time travel to a place we all understand, even if it wasn’t always easy then/there, either. It seems easier than this. It’s like a touchstone, at least you feel like there’s a timeline you share that made some kind of sense. Something like that.
And yes, Cory Booker. I loved that he just got up there and talked. I do find myself thinking about people I haven’t seen for years, and wondering where they are and how they are and who they’ve become. I don’t really know what the point is if it isn’t that. I love people, even now. I just find human beings so fascinating and vulnerable and I love trying to understand what makes a person tick, what scares them or spurs them on. I dunno. I feel so sad for us and for our kids. I think we’ve lost the thread and I just hope we can find it again before these lunatics burn the place down. There’s so much fun to be had. So many sentences to write and places to see and songs to sing.
Anyway, thank you for your comments. I’m so happy and grateful to have met you here. And I’m sending so much love to you and your family ♥️
Hi Ally, I'm sorry you're having a hard week. It seems wrong to look away from anything that's happening now, but it's also impossible to maintain a steady gaze. As always, I appreciate your writing.
I'm visiting my son in Kyoto for a couple of weeks. It's so tranquil and sane; I haven't seen him in person since he came home to visit in 2023. He told me I looked good, but sad. And I am. Whatever havoc I imagined would happen after January 20th was nowhere near as awful as our current reality.
My daughter is also with us. I wish I could leave her here, where the daily reminders of political misogyny don't affect her wellbeing. For now, we three are focused on the happiness of being together.
My echoes are from the 60s and 70s; civil rights, free love, the peace movement - all those bright hopes of a better tomorrow. I'd forgotten how strong hate is though, and how it keeps trying to best us. I'll be following Saturdays protests from here, with love and gratitude.
Oh I’m so happy for you to be with both of your kids at the same time. And what a joy it must be to see your son after so long. I hope you can just soak up the love and the peace while you’re there and together 🙏🏼
And I really understand your feelings about your daughter. I go through that anguish every day. This is not what I want for any of our daughters. Or any of us. I feel so sad when I think of my childhood and how naive I feel now. It’s not that I ever thought we were close to where we needed to be, it’s that I thought we were continuing to move forward, even if the pace was so much slower than what I wanted.
Now I feel we’ve been slingshot into some unthinkable timeline that is, as you said, even worse than I feared. And that’s saying something. So my heart aches and I am just doing my best to keep the faith somehow, and keep my eyes open, and try to keep my kids safe. And just figure it out as we go. So grateful for this community. And sending you and your family so much love ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for your post, Ally. Your words so often validate my feelings.🩷
These definitely aren't normal times. I’m also guilty of leaving comments that may be more harsh than they need to be. I’ll say something melodramatic and it's more or less hyperbole but I offend someone, nonetheless. Then this administration raises tariffs on a country of penguins who are broke AF and they deport and imprison a man for wearing a Chicago Bulls hat. Suddenly, the melodramatic comments I made the week before come across as rational—because just when I think this country can't become more of an embarrassment, things take another turn for the asinine. In the last few weeks, however, I’ve been largely taking a step back from politics and news because I too, am teetering on the edge. When the world is burning around us, it’s healthy to take a step back once in a while and have a normal conversation that will leave you smiling (or laughing until the Pepsi-milk comes out of your nose).
I think the large majority of us are just doing the best we can during unthinkable times. But snort-laughing with people who get you is the best. Thank you for being here ♥️
My coffee and almond milk almost ejected from my nose at “Why Bernie Sanders turns me on!” If you’re familiar with the “hear me out cake” (having a teenage daughter, you either know or she can explain—haha!) Bernie in his mittens was mine!🥰😆
Ah ally it’s been a while since I got chance to read or listen to you but just reading this has my day started on a positive note. You always make so much sense to me. Anyway. Im
Thought this was about coke. Was sure it was about coke. It wasn’t about coke. Or Coke. Thought it would be about a celebrity diet rally hosted by you wouldn’t believe who, (was looking forward to seeing what they look like now), but no. No celebrities. Or coke. Wasn’t about coke, even though it clearly states it’s not about Pepsi. Now if that isn’t the most sinister tease to ever hook me I don’t know why I bother. Though I am grateful you do. It was brilliant. Thank you.
Taking turns to bear the burden while someone else takes room to laugh is love, but the weight is passed from shaking hands to wringing fists — the burden unwrapped, exposed, shared. No-one can, should or ought carry the burden of these short-sighted realtors posing as public servants. But we all can. Micro-involvement. Know your neighbour. Ask after theirs. Everyone wants to be liked. Most want to love.
The love here is a broader, more comprehending and compelling love, a wonderful articulation of how most feel, a voice for those of us that lack the words. You speak fervently, elegantly and desperately about the state of watching things unfold and it is that…the watching…that twists and grinds as the world turns in spite of our fears and frustrations. The game is rigged to fill us with fear…go home, lock the door, watch the news, you are the only sane person left on your street. Not true. Go out, hit the streets, find your neighbour, meet theirs. You’re not alone.
Though I won’t be trying that frothy drink… Thanks again.
Hahaha. Damn, I did it again! Not about coke or Coke, either lol. Thank you for your very kind words. So glad you enjoyed, and I am looking forward to hitting the streets later today where I expect to meet many of my neighbors☺️As far as the frothy drink, what can I say. I probably wouldn’t recommend it, though no other drink stands out in my mind in all these years, so there is that! Lots of love, thank you for being here x
I chose not to be a good little girl and laugh off the super creepy "compliment" I got in the ReStore parking lot this morning. (What is it with me attracting parking lot creepers?). I didn't have it in me to feign politeness with a strange man that I did not invite into my personal space.
I was wearing my Dovetail Workwear overalls because they have so many pockets and such that I don't need to be weighed down by a purse, and, they look awesome! They're made by women for women, so they aren't just sized-down men's clothes.
A guy is watching me from three spaces over (the two between us were empty) as I'm loading a school desk into my car.
He comments "You look really good in those overalls. You look like a teenager."
I'm 63. I'm sooooo far from being a goddamned teenager. I have grey streaks at my temples, ferchrissake. I'm 5' tall and weigh 120 pounds. I'm petite. THAT is the only thing that might make someone clock me as younger, from behind or a long distance away.
My response? An uneasy chuckle and a "thanks"? Nope. Not. This. Time.
I said, and not meekly, "Dude, you're attracted to teenagers? That's really creepy." He said he was 75, as if that made a difference. I told him that was even creepier.
I did nothing wrong, and yet I feel dirty because of HIS unwelcome interaction. <sigh>
I was watching Painkiller: The Tylenol Murders last night about the 1982 Chicago Tylenol cyanide poisonings that killed seven people? I remember when it happened and how tragic and devastating it was, but I didn’t remember the details because I was 11 at the time. There was a huge recall and an investigation and I can’t say I recommend you watch it, because I’ll tell you, family members are interviewed and I was sobbing openly on my couch. It’s heartbreaking, I didn’t really know what I was getting myself into. But you wanna know how the case was broken?
Three family members died on the same day - 27, 25, and 20 years old. The 27-year-old first, a healthy postal worker, and then later in the day, after they left the hospital and went home to make funeral arrangements, his brother and sister-in-law. I just can’t even think about the absolute shock and horror for the whole family 😔The fire chief called the head nurse in the area, a woman named Helen Jensen. She was the only public health official in Arlington Heights. He called her at dinnertime and she went to the ER and started talking to one of the distraught family members, back for the second time that day. That’s how she found out all three people had taken Tylenol.
She went to the house and went into their bathroom and got the bottle. Then she went through their kitchen garbage and found the receipt to the pharmacy. She went back to the ER and told the doctors, ME and police etc it had to be the Tylenol, it was the common denominator. They would not believe her. She was there in shorts, she’d been interrupted during dinner with her family and had taken off immediately. She told the medical examiner they had to have the capsules tested. All the men there dismissed her. (She said the women in her area also gave her a hard time for being a mom who worked full-time.) I cannot tell you, Shirley,
I was sitting on my couch yelling at the television. I don’t know who finally decided to listen to her and test the Tylenol, but by morning, it was all over the news.
Anyway. I’m sorry about the guy in the parking lot. It is exhausting living in a world where there are still a ton of men who assume women are just dying to hear their hot take. Like, thank god, sir, I wasn’t even sure I was *here* until you said something about how I look! I thought I was a figment of my own imagination. And I felt pretty sure I looked good enough to be seen in public, but thanks for co-signing! Phew. And I look young? Like a teenager? Well, my god, what woman doesn’t want to hear *that* as she hauls a desk into the back of her truck?
Thank god for the women who didn’t back down over the years. All the Helen Jensens of the world and all of us who take up space as full human beings even if the world keeps trying to tell us what our worth is. Thank god for our sisters and friends and for all the good guys, too. The ones who would never say something dumb like that, but might ask if you’d like a hand with the fucking desk, not that you can’t do it on your own. Hugs!
He probably DID think he was paying me an immense compliment, but all it did was make me think he has a thing for teenage girls. Ick.
He was the latest man to treat me in unwanted ways over the last few weeks and I was in a place where I could speak up, so I did. A month ago I tried and was basically patted on the head and told I didn't know my own body.
My amygdala took over in a trauma response and I hurt my left thumb on Feb. 8, but I put off being seen because the VA is in such an upheaval and everyone's probably on edge, and I didn't want to burden them. Three weeks went by with no improvement. As soon as I looked up what I did and my symptoms, there was no mistaking I likely had an ulnar collateral ligament tear. I called the clinic and was seen the next day, but not by my awesome PCP Gretta Grube because she didn't have a slot open.
February 28 I was seen by some old guy, Dr. Loomens, who apparently didn't like me telling him what I couldn't do with my thumb, like pinching things or turning doorknobs and faucets, that I have pain and weakness and it feels unstable. He only asked what I COULD do, didn't even touch my hand to feel for any abnormalities or look at the redness and swelling, took an x-ray that did nothing to show a soft-tissue injury, and concluded there was nothing wrong and I should just go home and continue wearing the $10 Walmart splint "because the ones we have here are big and you wouldn't like them." My husband was with me and he even blew him off, so maybe he's just an all-around jerk.
Four days later I was in more pain and said "Fuck it. I'm going to the local urgent care." My concerns were taken seriously, I was put in one of the more effective splints and referred to an orthopedist. She wiggled my thumb, saw how floppy it was, ordered an MRI and a referral to a hand surgeon.
Guess who needs UCL reconstruction and is scheduled on Thursday, April 10?
You are one of the most beautiful writers and I love how you manage to weave in personal stories and political stances so beautifully. If people get frustrated thinking they're going to read about Neil Armstrong or eagle chicks and then they learn something about how fucked up the current government is, then they have the option of stopping mid-article...or has that never occurred to people? Anyway, you're definitely one of my internet Pepsi-milk people so thank you for everything you write 🧡
Also, this one sentence "people do what they want to do" has become my motto these days cause I'm getting so tired of bashing my head against a wall.
Thank you so much, Sonbol, I appreciate your comments, they went right to my heart. And yeah, there are some strange things that happen on the internet, aren’t there? 😳How about the people who announce they’re unfollowing on social media? Like…you can just go, it’s fine lol. Ah, people. On my good days I can laugh or feel concern, like I would for a friend of one of my kids. You know? That, bless their heart kind of feeling. But on hard days it’s more like, oh fuck right off 😂🫢 And then I worry about them later.
And yes, it really does help to keep things simple when it comes to people. For the most part, they will do what they want to do (my phone was filling in words/predicting what I was going to write and it filled in “donate beans” - apparently left to their own devices, my device thinks people will donate beans, Sonbol). I know when I’m spending too much time explaining things away or making up reasons things are happening the way they are, it’s gotten too complicated. Too complicated for me, anyway, and certainly for right now. I need some things to be easy. Just a few. Sending you a ton of love ♥️
The antennae that we children of strict parents develop in order to survive. Like yours, my mum was an absolute perfectionist about our home and everything in it. She could tell when something had been moved less than an inch - and wasn’t happy about it. My usual punishment was excommunication. One time, I folded a towel the wrong way and she didn’t speak to me for a week. Walking home from school each day was an exercise in preparing myself for the atmosphere I might enter when I arrived: what could she have found this time and how could I best handle the consequences? I learned to be a people pleaser - but I also developed spidey senses about her coming moods. The way she cleared her throat on any morning told me what the day would be like. I could tell by the sound of the handbrake what would follow after she walked through the front door. I could smell her coming a mile off. (I also adored her and frankly haven’t been the same since she died suddenly a decade ago now). I remain astonished by people who blunder around the world not reading the room, without a thought for other people’s feelings. I’m sure I’ve hurt people’s feelings myself, I know I have - and it absolutely MORTIFIES me whenever I think about those moments. Choosing to LIVE in that zone is just incomprehensible to me.
All of this is to say stay safe this weekend everyone and keep those antennae up.
When I say I could have written this, my god. My mother was the kind who’d fluff the pillows on the couch when guests went to the bathroom. She had these plastic discs that went under the base of our glass coffee table so it didn’t get scratched. They were the size of a nickel, thin and see-through, and if the coffee table top shifted, the discs could fall to the floor and sometimes did. This was unacceptable. Once when I was 14, in one of my first acts of defiance I had a party when my mom and stepdad went away. I was upset because it was Christmas and they took my brother to Florida (he was 3 and the light of my life), but I had to stay with my dad. Anyway, one of those fucking discs got lost even though I had carefully put them in a sandwich bag, moved the glass top to my parents’ room along with the metal base, and blocked off the room to friends. I tore the place apart looking for that disc because I knew my life depended on finding it. I did not know they sold them at the hardware store, unfortunately. Could not find it.
My parents came back, and my mother noticed the missing disc in 5 minutes. Longer story, but it was my undoing. I cannot tell you the price I paid for this stupid, tiny piece of plastic.
So yes, not reading the room is unthinkable. Scanning the environment for danger is something I do without thinking about it. Hurting people’s feelings is a nightmare for me. Last thing I ever want to do. Hard relate to every single word you wrote. And sending you massive amounts of love ♥️ Thank god for the Pepsi milk people who come along and teach us another way! And thanks for being one of them now xx
The Pepsi milk drink made me laugh—and it made me remember that I went through a phrase where I added fruit punch to milk when I was a kid, which is so gross because there's no fun fizzy factor in that combination. I like your weird milk drink better, haha!
I'm also too tired to do other people's work for them. I don't want to make assumptions on the one hand, but on the other hand, taking things at face value clears up a lot more space in my head and energy in my heart. Like you said, if people care, you'll know it.
I am 💀I bet she could have gotten me to drink milk and fruit punch, or milk and just about anything lol.
And yeah. I will swing for the fences for people I care about, but I can’t deal with having to do too much storytelling in my own head. I’ll hang in there for a while, I’ll hang in there for as long as it takes if I know someone is not okay. But if I’m in a vacuum trying to figure it out by myself, eventually I’ll just write myself out of the story🫤
I had some big, personal shit hit a very big fan at the end of December, and then Trump took office and I spent January trying to carry on as usual with friends and family. And then I spent February and the first part of March in what I now recognize as some kind of breakdown. Now it's April, and I probably look like that friend who doesn't care because I disappeared. Some of my friends look like that to me. I don't know yet what to think of all of us or what our friendships will be now, but I appreciate writing like this that helps me think about it now that I feel able to begin trying to reconnect. Thanks, as always, for your generous way of seeing the world.
I am so sorry you’ve had such a rough few months, Rita. My heart really goes out to you and I’m sending you so much love. I’ve had some other things going on, too, and it is so hard to have your own stuff happening while all of this unthinkable insanity is going on simultaneously. It’s too much. Message me anytime if you want to ♥️
And for whatever it’s worth, any friend who called and said hey, I have not been okay and I’m sorry I fell off the radar - would not even have to finish their sentence for it to be forgotten. I’m not one to hold onto things. I just don’t do well in a vacuum and start to feel all kinds of ways. For me it’s the most triggering thing, and even though I know that, and have done a ton of work on it, I’m just too exhausted to deal with it right now. It’s not that I’m done, I just can’t be the one to keep trying. Door’s open and I’m ready with a hug. That kind of thing. A person who gives a shit will call or show up eventually, and if they don’t there’s your answer. But anyone who would write you off because you’ve had a rough few months and couldn’t communicate isn’t much of a friend in my book. Hugs and love to you. I hope things get better and easier for us all 🙏🏼
Incredibly crappy timing. We should get some kind of free pass right now. Like, yeah, your government is on fire, we’ll just hit the pause button on everything else. Wish it worked like that🫤
Oh, the role our babysitters played in our lives. I think I had a mom similar to yours -- the way you write about it plucks my chords. I was in love with all my babysitters. Their talk of boys and makeup and the way they let me be free and silly, if only for a few hours made me feel safe and changed my small world view. My memories of them are so clear. Love this post. xoxo
Yes, I think I cherished her *because* she broke the rules, and I think I knew she wasn’t going to last because of that. It does sound like we had similar moms. Mine was tough. She ran such a tight ship, and she was the only one who was allowed to break the rules. Sigh. Thanks for understanding, Jennifer, your comments made my night ♥️
As you know, I'm from Europe, though living in the UK who exited EU, which at the time I thought was the bottom of the political decision making but enter Trump and suddenly Brexit looks like a decent idea. At least it's not a complete disaster.
M
I've seen some posts about Italians and Spanish, probably even Germans burning Tesla stores down and whilst I don't condone such thing, I must say in the current climate it seems legitimate response. Though the Maga treating it like terrorism and sending people to prisoners for 20 years over it, yet doing pretty much nothing against school shootings and paedophiles is absolutely disgusting!
At least spring is here finally and a few days ago I've noticed some first flowers on the bushes and trees so I felt a bit better for it.
I don't think your essays are feel good essays, but one way or another they make me feel better. So thank you for that.
Yes, I must say as bad as I feared it would be if he won, it is so much worse than I imagined. I was naive enough to think there would be Republican senators and congresspeople who would defend the Constitution and care about democracy. I did not think they’d be okay with a dictatorship even with their guy at the helm. I have been gobsmacked by how wrong I was about that. The shock has worn off and now I’m just wondering when they’re going to realize eventually they’ll be out of a job. There are no senators and congresspeople in a dictatorship, I hope someone tells them soon! Crazy.
And yeah. I’m not a violent person, and I don’t think I could ever destroy anyone’s personal property. But I saw someone post something about how wrong it is to spray paint on people’s “Tesslers” as our idiot in chief pronounces them, and it’s funny, because this person has not posted a single thing about anything political, ever. So I have to say if you can watch alllllllll the shit go down in this country, all the people whose rights are being violated and threatened, all the people who are scared - and be quiet, but then find yourself compelled to speak up on behalf of *cars* and the people who own them?!?! Yeah, I think your moral compass needs an adjustment. Big time.
Anyway, I’m glad my essays make you feel better even if I don’t think we can classify them as “feel good” pieces. Sometimes it feels good just to call things what they are and know you aren’t alone, or totally losing your mind. The comments section here is life-giving to me every week. It’s like oxygen and hugs and sitting in the redwood forest for a few hours with people you adore. I have no idea what’s going to happen, but I am very grateful for this community. Sending you lots of love from insane America. May you snort milk and Pepsi out your nose sometime this week, or whatever the desired equivalent might be ♥️
Hey Ally!!! Thank you so much for this great read. I follow quite a few people on Substack but certainly do not have time, capacity or inclination to read all their posts. I tend to trust my Inner Compass on this! Yours jumped out at me today, not sure why .. certainly not Pepsi (I throw it in with Coca Cola which in my opinion is another poison created to make us unhealthy, but that's a whole 'nother debate!). I simply needed to read this!
What I loved most about your post is that so much of what you express, is what I AM saying, to myself and others. I "blame" it on the Noosphere, our One Consciousness, which is becoming more and more apparent.
I really believe laughter is great medicine and you gave me my daily dose. I have also laughed when liquid came out of my nose, as an adult mind you and the first time it happened I was like WTF was that!! hahahaha!
You also gave me that sense of togetherness, that we are not an island, not isolated but all together in this shitshow, or at least the appearance of that. I have such a strong foundation, built over most of my adult life (I'm 69 in 12 days) and yet there is this continuous spiralling up and out and inward .. redefining what was once "gospel" and now takes on a different hue. So how much do our words, thoughts actually create this show that we are experiencing. So much talk about "it's all an illusion", "we create our reality" blah blah blah. Who knows what the Absolute Truth is, if there even is such a thing. This is my cynic aspect peeping around the corner today.
I observe the polarities as well, the ones who think the cult leader at the helm is a douche bag, and others who are sure the previous marionette was as much one. We have the same in our country (South Africa). The ones in power making decisions for the many on the ground who bought into the lies more than 30 years ago with promises of a great life, better this, better that, work for everyone. Has that been delivered .. not even close, yet the cronies and their cronies get fatter and own more wealth, while millions live in poverty and squalor. It sickens me actually. They had good teachers, no doubt.
These words of yours ring so true ~
"Who knows what anyone is doing anymore? Also, people have their own shit going on and assuming and projecting will get you into trouble every time. I think I’ve hit that point where I just have to take things at face value, though. I’m too tired to do all the work, make up stories, make things make sense. Some things you just have to let go, and trust if anything of value is there, you aren’t going to be the only person who cares. One thing I think you can count on - people do what they want to do. If a person cares about you, it isn’t going to be hard to tell."
Yesterday was one of my lowest days in a very long time. I'm a tough cookie, have gone through so much pain & grief in the last 20 years, but I bounce back and keep my centre. Trusting, surrendering. Yesterday was a severe challenge. Here I AM this morning reading you, appreciating your words and energy. Taking it no longer a day at a time, but a moment at a time. Trusting I AM walking into the Garden.
Thank you
(This was not meant to be an essay, but there you go!! It's the Storyteller in me, can't help myself!!)
I LOVED your words. Thank you for sharing. I’m glad you laughed and felt less alone, especially after a very hard day. I hope today has been a little better.
I know what you mean about the “thoughts create your reality” crowd, and sometimes I think we *must* be living in a simulation because this is all too insane. Ultimately I think there are just too many selfish, violent people in power/in the world.
I wish we would evolve already. Grow an extra heart or a bigger brain or something. The happiest people I know are the ones who have their basic needs met, yes, and also have people - have relationships that are real and lasting with people who know how to laugh and eat and make art and feel things deeply - and who understand we’re connected to each other and everything around us, so obviously don’t trash the planet (and don’t drink Pepsi or Coke lol).
I’m glad you ended up here in the comments section so I could send you a big hug and a lot of love from Santa Monica. I hope you feel it! ♥️
I could say with certainty that you and I have experienced plenty of rough scenarios, navigated many unpleasant personalities, and found ourselves neck deep in poop water on occasion. Was your first impulse after getting roughed up by life to start stirring up the shit with someone on the internet? I'm tired of handing out "maybe you're having a bad day" cards.
You were lovely and diplomatic in your reply, as always. But you can title your posts as you see fit cuz YOU ARE THE BOSS HERE.
I recently had a Note that had quite a few responses. It cracked me up that the negative ones were all "Clean up your profanity, readers don't care for that" surrounded by a vast majority of "FUCK YESSS" comments. Read the room, people. If you're not in the right place, grab your shit and go. I'm not against differing opinions, we all learn from civilized debate. But too many people come here to throw rocks at passing cars to blow off steam. xoxoxo 💜💜💜
Hahahaha. Yes, I definitely don’t need anyone policing my profanity or my titles. Sometimes I feel I have a battle going on between my inner “Mona Lisa Vito” (Marisa Tomei character in My Cousin Vinny) and my inner “Ram Dass” 🤣
Sorry if this was a tad salty, this kinda stuff gets me on my Huffy bike 🚲
I’ll ride shotgun on your Huffy bike any day. Salty is always welcome here, I probably trend too sweet. Old fucking habits die hard. Plus yoga. It’s a balance, Eileen. A little namasté, a little go fuck yourself. (Not you, obviously).
A tandem Huffy would be cool. Or I could put you on the handlebars.
Balance is life! Peace out, Rama Lisa Vito Dass. 😂
🤣😂🤣
Fuck yes, Eileen!
Canadian here. Sending love 💕 and assurance that you did not click bait anyone.
🇨🇦 sends 💗
Thank you, Patricia 🙏🏼 And thank you for understanding so many of us here are absolutely horrified and love our Canadian neighbors so much. I’m heading to a march right now ♥️🇨🇦
Thank you for being a pepsi-milk person for me. These pieces are often such a surprising blend of heartfelt nostalgia and a call to arms, though yogically. Maybe it's more of a call to attention, which seems like the best way to inspire action.
I loved hearing about this babysitter. I had a similar mom to yours, and remember babysitters like this, fun and funny older kids who I so looked up to and tried to emulate in these very brief stretches of knowing each other.
Being of our particular vintage, there are, as you say, so many folks who we met and remember, and think fondly of... yet we have no idea what's become of them. I don't do Facebook or any of the socials anymore, but even so, it's lovely to wonder about these people we once crossed paths with—even those whose names we've forgotten, to wish them well, and hope their lives are going okay.
It seems maybe there's something there that's similar to what Cory Booker was getting at, and maybe what liberalism stands for, which is that we all have a responsibility to each other. I do think this starts by wondering about others, and being curious about their lives, or worried for their lives, whatever the situation might be. It's one of the things I appreciate most about your writing, that it prompts more of that wonder and care.
I may have to print this out and have it handy for the hard days, Rob. You’re a Pepsi-milk person for me, too🥹And I’m sure there is something for those of us of the same vintage, something that feels like time travel to a place we all understand, even if it wasn’t always easy then/there, either. It seems easier than this. It’s like a touchstone, at least you feel like there’s a timeline you share that made some kind of sense. Something like that.
And yes, Cory Booker. I loved that he just got up there and talked. I do find myself thinking about people I haven’t seen for years, and wondering where they are and how they are and who they’ve become. I don’t really know what the point is if it isn’t that. I love people, even now. I just find human beings so fascinating and vulnerable and I love trying to understand what makes a person tick, what scares them or spurs them on. I dunno. I feel so sad for us and for our kids. I think we’ve lost the thread and I just hope we can find it again before these lunatics burn the place down. There’s so much fun to be had. So many sentences to write and places to see and songs to sing.
Anyway, thank you for your comments. I’m so happy and grateful to have met you here. And I’m sending so much love to you and your family ♥️
Hi Ally, I'm sorry you're having a hard week. It seems wrong to look away from anything that's happening now, but it's also impossible to maintain a steady gaze. As always, I appreciate your writing.
I'm visiting my son in Kyoto for a couple of weeks. It's so tranquil and sane; I haven't seen him in person since he came home to visit in 2023. He told me I looked good, but sad. And I am. Whatever havoc I imagined would happen after January 20th was nowhere near as awful as our current reality.
My daughter is also with us. I wish I could leave her here, where the daily reminders of political misogyny don't affect her wellbeing. For now, we three are focused on the happiness of being together.
My echoes are from the 60s and 70s; civil rights, free love, the peace movement - all those bright hopes of a better tomorrow. I'd forgotten how strong hate is though, and how it keeps trying to best us. I'll be following Saturdays protests from here, with love and gratitude.
Oh I’m so happy for you to be with both of your kids at the same time. And what a joy it must be to see your son after so long. I hope you can just soak up the love and the peace while you’re there and together 🙏🏼
And I really understand your feelings about your daughter. I go through that anguish every day. This is not what I want for any of our daughters. Or any of us. I feel so sad when I think of my childhood and how naive I feel now. It’s not that I ever thought we were close to where we needed to be, it’s that I thought we were continuing to move forward, even if the pace was so much slower than what I wanted.
Now I feel we’ve been slingshot into some unthinkable timeline that is, as you said, even worse than I feared. And that’s saying something. So my heart aches and I am just doing my best to keep the faith somehow, and keep my eyes open, and try to keep my kids safe. And just figure it out as we go. So grateful for this community. And sending you and your family so much love ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for your post, Ally. Your words so often validate my feelings.🩷
These definitely aren't normal times. I’m also guilty of leaving comments that may be more harsh than they need to be. I’ll say something melodramatic and it's more or less hyperbole but I offend someone, nonetheless. Then this administration raises tariffs on a country of penguins who are broke AF and they deport and imprison a man for wearing a Chicago Bulls hat. Suddenly, the melodramatic comments I made the week before come across as rational—because just when I think this country can't become more of an embarrassment, things take another turn for the asinine. In the last few weeks, however, I’ve been largely taking a step back from politics and news because I too, am teetering on the edge. When the world is burning around us, it’s healthy to take a step back once in a while and have a normal conversation that will leave you smiling (or laughing until the Pepsi-milk comes out of your nose).
I think the large majority of us are just doing the best we can during unthinkable times. But snort-laughing with people who get you is the best. Thank you for being here ♥️
My coffee and almond milk almost ejected from my nose at “Why Bernie Sanders turns me on!” If you’re familiar with the “hear me out cake” (having a teenage daughter, you either know or she can explain—haha!) Bernie in his mittens was mine!🥰😆
Ah ally it’s been a while since I got chance to read or listen to you but just reading this has my day started on a positive note. You always make so much sense to me. Anyway. Im
Sending love. Talk soon xo
Thank you so much, Julia. You just put a smile on my face first thing, too. Sending lots of love ♥️
Thought this was about coke. Was sure it was about coke. It wasn’t about coke. Or Coke. Thought it would be about a celebrity diet rally hosted by you wouldn’t believe who, (was looking forward to seeing what they look like now), but no. No celebrities. Or coke. Wasn’t about coke, even though it clearly states it’s not about Pepsi. Now if that isn’t the most sinister tease to ever hook me I don’t know why I bother. Though I am grateful you do. It was brilliant. Thank you.
Taking turns to bear the burden while someone else takes room to laugh is love, but the weight is passed from shaking hands to wringing fists — the burden unwrapped, exposed, shared. No-one can, should or ought carry the burden of these short-sighted realtors posing as public servants. But we all can. Micro-involvement. Know your neighbour. Ask after theirs. Everyone wants to be liked. Most want to love.
The love here is a broader, more comprehending and compelling love, a wonderful articulation of how most feel, a voice for those of us that lack the words. You speak fervently, elegantly and desperately about the state of watching things unfold and it is that…the watching…that twists and grinds as the world turns in spite of our fears and frustrations. The game is rigged to fill us with fear…go home, lock the door, watch the news, you are the only sane person left on your street. Not true. Go out, hit the streets, find your neighbour, meet theirs. You’re not alone.
Though I won’t be trying that frothy drink… Thanks again.
Hahaha. Damn, I did it again! Not about coke or Coke, either lol. Thank you for your very kind words. So glad you enjoyed, and I am looking forward to hitting the streets later today where I expect to meet many of my neighbors☺️As far as the frothy drink, what can I say. I probably wouldn’t recommend it, though no other drink stands out in my mind in all these years, so there is that! Lots of love, thank you for being here x
I chose not to be a good little girl and laugh off the super creepy "compliment" I got in the ReStore parking lot this morning. (What is it with me attracting parking lot creepers?). I didn't have it in me to feign politeness with a strange man that I did not invite into my personal space.
I was wearing my Dovetail Workwear overalls because they have so many pockets and such that I don't need to be weighed down by a purse, and, they look awesome! They're made by women for women, so they aren't just sized-down men's clothes.
A guy is watching me from three spaces over (the two between us were empty) as I'm loading a school desk into my car.
He comments "You look really good in those overalls. You look like a teenager."
I'm 63. I'm sooooo far from being a goddamned teenager. I have grey streaks at my temples, ferchrissake. I'm 5' tall and weigh 120 pounds. I'm petite. THAT is the only thing that might make someone clock me as younger, from behind or a long distance away.
My response? An uneasy chuckle and a "thanks"? Nope. Not. This. Time.
I said, and not meekly, "Dude, you're attracted to teenagers? That's really creepy." He said he was 75, as if that made a difference. I told him that was even creepier.
I did nothing wrong, and yet I feel dirty because of HIS unwelcome interaction. <sigh>
I was watching Painkiller: The Tylenol Murders last night about the 1982 Chicago Tylenol cyanide poisonings that killed seven people? I remember when it happened and how tragic and devastating it was, but I didn’t remember the details because I was 11 at the time. There was a huge recall and an investigation and I can’t say I recommend you watch it, because I’ll tell you, family members are interviewed and I was sobbing openly on my couch. It’s heartbreaking, I didn’t really know what I was getting myself into. But you wanna know how the case was broken?
Three family members died on the same day - 27, 25, and 20 years old. The 27-year-old first, a healthy postal worker, and then later in the day, after they left the hospital and went home to make funeral arrangements, his brother and sister-in-law. I just can’t even think about the absolute shock and horror for the whole family 😔The fire chief called the head nurse in the area, a woman named Helen Jensen. She was the only public health official in Arlington Heights. He called her at dinnertime and she went to the ER and started talking to one of the distraught family members, back for the second time that day. That’s how she found out all three people had taken Tylenol.
She went to the house and went into their bathroom and got the bottle. Then she went through their kitchen garbage and found the receipt to the pharmacy. She went back to the ER and told the doctors, ME and police etc it had to be the Tylenol, it was the common denominator. They would not believe her. She was there in shorts, she’d been interrupted during dinner with her family and had taken off immediately. She told the medical examiner they had to have the capsules tested. All the men there dismissed her. (She said the women in her area also gave her a hard time for being a mom who worked full-time.) I cannot tell you, Shirley,
I was sitting on my couch yelling at the television. I don’t know who finally decided to listen to her and test the Tylenol, but by morning, it was all over the news.
Anyway. I’m sorry about the guy in the parking lot. It is exhausting living in a world where there are still a ton of men who assume women are just dying to hear their hot take. Like, thank god, sir, I wasn’t even sure I was *here* until you said something about how I look! I thought I was a figment of my own imagination. And I felt pretty sure I looked good enough to be seen in public, but thanks for co-signing! Phew. And I look young? Like a teenager? Well, my god, what woman doesn’t want to hear *that* as she hauls a desk into the back of her truck?
Thank god for the women who didn’t back down over the years. All the Helen Jensens of the world and all of us who take up space as full human beings even if the world keeps trying to tell us what our worth is. Thank god for our sisters and friends and for all the good guys, too. The ones who would never say something dumb like that, but might ask if you’d like a hand with the fucking desk, not that you can’t do it on your own. Hugs!
He probably DID think he was paying me an immense compliment, but all it did was make me think he has a thing for teenage girls. Ick.
He was the latest man to treat me in unwanted ways over the last few weeks and I was in a place where I could speak up, so I did. A month ago I tried and was basically patted on the head and told I didn't know my own body.
My amygdala took over in a trauma response and I hurt my left thumb on Feb. 8, but I put off being seen because the VA is in such an upheaval and everyone's probably on edge, and I didn't want to burden them. Three weeks went by with no improvement. As soon as I looked up what I did and my symptoms, there was no mistaking I likely had an ulnar collateral ligament tear. I called the clinic and was seen the next day, but not by my awesome PCP Gretta Grube because she didn't have a slot open.
February 28 I was seen by some old guy, Dr. Loomens, who apparently didn't like me telling him what I couldn't do with my thumb, like pinching things or turning doorknobs and faucets, that I have pain and weakness and it feels unstable. He only asked what I COULD do, didn't even touch my hand to feel for any abnormalities or look at the redness and swelling, took an x-ray that did nothing to show a soft-tissue injury, and concluded there was nothing wrong and I should just go home and continue wearing the $10 Walmart splint "because the ones we have here are big and you wouldn't like them." My husband was with me and he even blew him off, so maybe he's just an all-around jerk.
Four days later I was in more pain and said "Fuck it. I'm going to the local urgent care." My concerns were taken seriously, I was put in one of the more effective splints and referred to an orthopedist. She wiggled my thumb, saw how floppy it was, ordered an MRI and a referral to a hand surgeon.
Guess who needs UCL reconstruction and is scheduled on Thursday, April 10?
Oh Shirley, I hope your surgery is a success and your thumb heals up in no time. So very sorry you’ve been going through all that 😔
You are one of the most beautiful writers and I love how you manage to weave in personal stories and political stances so beautifully. If people get frustrated thinking they're going to read about Neil Armstrong or eagle chicks and then they learn something about how fucked up the current government is, then they have the option of stopping mid-article...or has that never occurred to people? Anyway, you're definitely one of my internet Pepsi-milk people so thank you for everything you write 🧡
Also, this one sentence "people do what they want to do" has become my motto these days cause I'm getting so tired of bashing my head against a wall.
Thank you so much, Sonbol, I appreciate your comments, they went right to my heart. And yeah, there are some strange things that happen on the internet, aren’t there? 😳How about the people who announce they’re unfollowing on social media? Like…you can just go, it’s fine lol. Ah, people. On my good days I can laugh or feel concern, like I would for a friend of one of my kids. You know? That, bless their heart kind of feeling. But on hard days it’s more like, oh fuck right off 😂🫢 And then I worry about them later.
And yes, it really does help to keep things simple when it comes to people. For the most part, they will do what they want to do (my phone was filling in words/predicting what I was going to write and it filled in “donate beans” - apparently left to their own devices, my device thinks people will donate beans, Sonbol). I know when I’m spending too much time explaining things away or making up reasons things are happening the way they are, it’s gotten too complicated. Too complicated for me, anyway, and certainly for right now. I need some things to be easy. Just a few. Sending you a ton of love ♥️
I snort/laughed about people donating beans and woke up my dog 😂😂😂
I’m sorry your dog woke up, but maybe we should start donating beans. Maybe that’s the key to everything. It’s worth a shot. 🫘🫛🫘😂
Hell yeah to donating beans (or really anything that feeds people) 🧡
The antennae that we children of strict parents develop in order to survive. Like yours, my mum was an absolute perfectionist about our home and everything in it. She could tell when something had been moved less than an inch - and wasn’t happy about it. My usual punishment was excommunication. One time, I folded a towel the wrong way and she didn’t speak to me for a week. Walking home from school each day was an exercise in preparing myself for the atmosphere I might enter when I arrived: what could she have found this time and how could I best handle the consequences? I learned to be a people pleaser - but I also developed spidey senses about her coming moods. The way she cleared her throat on any morning told me what the day would be like. I could tell by the sound of the handbrake what would follow after she walked through the front door. I could smell her coming a mile off. (I also adored her and frankly haven’t been the same since she died suddenly a decade ago now). I remain astonished by people who blunder around the world not reading the room, without a thought for other people’s feelings. I’m sure I’ve hurt people’s feelings myself, I know I have - and it absolutely MORTIFIES me whenever I think about those moments. Choosing to LIVE in that zone is just incomprehensible to me.
All of this is to say stay safe this weekend everyone and keep those antennae up.
When I say I could have written this, my god. My mother was the kind who’d fluff the pillows on the couch when guests went to the bathroom. She had these plastic discs that went under the base of our glass coffee table so it didn’t get scratched. They were the size of a nickel, thin and see-through, and if the coffee table top shifted, the discs could fall to the floor and sometimes did. This was unacceptable. Once when I was 14, in one of my first acts of defiance I had a party when my mom and stepdad went away. I was upset because it was Christmas and they took my brother to Florida (he was 3 and the light of my life), but I had to stay with my dad. Anyway, one of those fucking discs got lost even though I had carefully put them in a sandwich bag, moved the glass top to my parents’ room along with the metal base, and blocked off the room to friends. I tore the place apart looking for that disc because I knew my life depended on finding it. I did not know they sold them at the hardware store, unfortunately. Could not find it.
My parents came back, and my mother noticed the missing disc in 5 minutes. Longer story, but it was my undoing. I cannot tell you the price I paid for this stupid, tiny piece of plastic.
So yes, not reading the room is unthinkable. Scanning the environment for danger is something I do without thinking about it. Hurting people’s feelings is a nightmare for me. Last thing I ever want to do. Hard relate to every single word you wrote. And sending you massive amounts of love ♥️ Thank god for the Pepsi milk people who come along and teach us another way! And thanks for being one of them now xx
The Pepsi milk drink made me laugh—and it made me remember that I went through a phrase where I added fruit punch to milk when I was a kid, which is so gross because there's no fun fizzy factor in that combination. I like your weird milk drink better, haha!
I'm also too tired to do other people's work for them. I don't want to make assumptions on the one hand, but on the other hand, taking things at face value clears up a lot more space in my head and energy in my heart. Like you said, if people care, you'll know it.
I am 💀I bet she could have gotten me to drink milk and fruit punch, or milk and just about anything lol.
And yeah. I will swing for the fences for people I care about, but I can’t deal with having to do too much storytelling in my own head. I’ll hang in there for a while, I’ll hang in there for as long as it takes if I know someone is not okay. But if I’m in a vacuum trying to figure it out by myself, eventually I’ll just write myself out of the story🫤
I had some big, personal shit hit a very big fan at the end of December, and then Trump took office and I spent January trying to carry on as usual with friends and family. And then I spent February and the first part of March in what I now recognize as some kind of breakdown. Now it's April, and I probably look like that friend who doesn't care because I disappeared. Some of my friends look like that to me. I don't know yet what to think of all of us or what our friendships will be now, but I appreciate writing like this that helps me think about it now that I feel able to begin trying to reconnect. Thanks, as always, for your generous way of seeing the world.
I am so sorry you’ve had such a rough few months, Rita. My heart really goes out to you and I’m sending you so much love. I’ve had some other things going on, too, and it is so hard to have your own stuff happening while all of this unthinkable insanity is going on simultaneously. It’s too much. Message me anytime if you want to ♥️
And for whatever it’s worth, any friend who called and said hey, I have not been okay and I’m sorry I fell off the radar - would not even have to finish their sentence for it to be forgotten. I’m not one to hold onto things. I just don’t do well in a vacuum and start to feel all kinds of ways. For me it’s the most triggering thing, and even though I know that, and have done a ton of work on it, I’m just too exhausted to deal with it right now. It’s not that I’m done, I just can’t be the one to keep trying. Door’s open and I’m ready with a hug. That kind of thing. A person who gives a shit will call or show up eventually, and if they don’t there’s your answer. But anyone who would write you off because you’ve had a rough few months and couldn’t communicate isn’t much of a friend in my book. Hugs and love to you. I hope things get better and easier for us all 🙏🏼
Thanks, Ally. Pretty crappy timing for a personal crisis, isn't it? I appreciate this. It's stuff I know, but reminders always, always help.
Incredibly crappy timing. We should get some kind of free pass right now. Like, yeah, your government is on fire, we’ll just hit the pause button on everything else. Wish it worked like that🫤
Oh, the role our babysitters played in our lives. I think I had a mom similar to yours -- the way you write about it plucks my chords. I was in love with all my babysitters. Their talk of boys and makeup and the way they let me be free and silly, if only for a few hours made me feel safe and changed my small world view. My memories of them are so clear. Love this post. xoxo
Yes, I think I cherished her *because* she broke the rules, and I think I knew she wasn’t going to last because of that. It does sound like we had similar moms. Mine was tough. She ran such a tight ship, and she was the only one who was allowed to break the rules. Sigh. Thanks for understanding, Jennifer, your comments made my night ♥️
Thank you for being the best kind of human. You've lightened my heart in these terrible times.
Oh Carol, thank you. You made my whole day, week, everything ♥️🥹 Hugs and love xx
Hi Ally, thank you for this brilliant read.
As you know, I'm from Europe, though living in the UK who exited EU, which at the time I thought was the bottom of the political decision making but enter Trump and suddenly Brexit looks like a decent idea. At least it's not a complete disaster.
M
I've seen some posts about Italians and Spanish, probably even Germans burning Tesla stores down and whilst I don't condone such thing, I must say in the current climate it seems legitimate response. Though the Maga treating it like terrorism and sending people to prisoners for 20 years over it, yet doing pretty much nothing against school shootings and paedophiles is absolutely disgusting!
At least spring is here finally and a few days ago I've noticed some first flowers on the bushes and trees so I felt a bit better for it.
I don't think your essays are feel good essays, but one way or another they make me feel better. So thank you for that.
All the best to you and your family as always ❤️🙏
Yes, I must say as bad as I feared it would be if he won, it is so much worse than I imagined. I was naive enough to think there would be Republican senators and congresspeople who would defend the Constitution and care about democracy. I did not think they’d be okay with a dictatorship even with their guy at the helm. I have been gobsmacked by how wrong I was about that. The shock has worn off and now I’m just wondering when they’re going to realize eventually they’ll be out of a job. There are no senators and congresspeople in a dictatorship, I hope someone tells them soon! Crazy.
And yeah. I’m not a violent person, and I don’t think I could ever destroy anyone’s personal property. But I saw someone post something about how wrong it is to spray paint on people’s “Tesslers” as our idiot in chief pronounces them, and it’s funny, because this person has not posted a single thing about anything political, ever. So I have to say if you can watch alllllllll the shit go down in this country, all the people whose rights are being violated and threatened, all the people who are scared - and be quiet, but then find yourself compelled to speak up on behalf of *cars* and the people who own them?!?! Yeah, I think your moral compass needs an adjustment. Big time.
Anyway, I’m glad my essays make you feel better even if I don’t think we can classify them as “feel good” pieces. Sometimes it feels good just to call things what they are and know you aren’t alone, or totally losing your mind. The comments section here is life-giving to me every week. It’s like oxygen and hugs and sitting in the redwood forest for a few hours with people you adore. I have no idea what’s going to happen, but I am very grateful for this community. Sending you lots of love from insane America. May you snort milk and Pepsi out your nose sometime this week, or whatever the desired equivalent might be ♥️
Hey Ally!!! Thank you so much for this great read. I follow quite a few people on Substack but certainly do not have time, capacity or inclination to read all their posts. I tend to trust my Inner Compass on this! Yours jumped out at me today, not sure why .. certainly not Pepsi (I throw it in with Coca Cola which in my opinion is another poison created to make us unhealthy, but that's a whole 'nother debate!). I simply needed to read this!
What I loved most about your post is that so much of what you express, is what I AM saying, to myself and others. I "blame" it on the Noosphere, our One Consciousness, which is becoming more and more apparent.
I really believe laughter is great medicine and you gave me my daily dose. I have also laughed when liquid came out of my nose, as an adult mind you and the first time it happened I was like WTF was that!! hahahaha!
You also gave me that sense of togetherness, that we are not an island, not isolated but all together in this shitshow, or at least the appearance of that. I have such a strong foundation, built over most of my adult life (I'm 69 in 12 days) and yet there is this continuous spiralling up and out and inward .. redefining what was once "gospel" and now takes on a different hue. So how much do our words, thoughts actually create this show that we are experiencing. So much talk about "it's all an illusion", "we create our reality" blah blah blah. Who knows what the Absolute Truth is, if there even is such a thing. This is my cynic aspect peeping around the corner today.
I observe the polarities as well, the ones who think the cult leader at the helm is a douche bag, and others who are sure the previous marionette was as much one. We have the same in our country (South Africa). The ones in power making decisions for the many on the ground who bought into the lies more than 30 years ago with promises of a great life, better this, better that, work for everyone. Has that been delivered .. not even close, yet the cronies and their cronies get fatter and own more wealth, while millions live in poverty and squalor. It sickens me actually. They had good teachers, no doubt.
These words of yours ring so true ~
"Who knows what anyone is doing anymore? Also, people have their own shit going on and assuming and projecting will get you into trouble every time. I think I’ve hit that point where I just have to take things at face value, though. I’m too tired to do all the work, make up stories, make things make sense. Some things you just have to let go, and trust if anything of value is there, you aren’t going to be the only person who cares. One thing I think you can count on - people do what they want to do. If a person cares about you, it isn’t going to be hard to tell."
Yesterday was one of my lowest days in a very long time. I'm a tough cookie, have gone through so much pain & grief in the last 20 years, but I bounce back and keep my centre. Trusting, surrendering. Yesterday was a severe challenge. Here I AM this morning reading you, appreciating your words and energy. Taking it no longer a day at a time, but a moment at a time. Trusting I AM walking into the Garden.
Thank you
(This was not meant to be an essay, but there you go!! It's the Storyteller in me, can't help myself!!)
I LOVED your words. Thank you for sharing. I’m glad you laughed and felt less alone, especially after a very hard day. I hope today has been a little better.
I know what you mean about the “thoughts create your reality” crowd, and sometimes I think we *must* be living in a simulation because this is all too insane. Ultimately I think there are just too many selfish, violent people in power/in the world.
I wish we would evolve already. Grow an extra heart or a bigger brain or something. The happiest people I know are the ones who have their basic needs met, yes, and also have people - have relationships that are real and lasting with people who know how to laugh and eat and make art and feel things deeply - and who understand we’re connected to each other and everything around us, so obviously don’t trash the planet (and don’t drink Pepsi or Coke lol).
I’m glad you ended up here in the comments section so I could send you a big hug and a lot of love from Santa Monica. I hope you feel it! ♥️