Craziest thing is that absolutely nothing happened to him. I almost wrote that part in, but it was getting too long. I went to the principal the next day — by then my arm was in a sling because my wrist was sprained. I told him what happened. I actually felt bad about "getting John in trouble" but I felt like he should know. He thanked me and said he'd take it under advisement or something. John did not apologize. I totally avoided him.
A few days later my friends who had witnessed the whole thing insisted on going back to the principal. They told him exactly what I'd told him. He said he'd call John's parents (who were big donors to the school). I gave up at that point. I can tell you if someone did that to my daughter there'd be a police report and I'm not sure it would be on the kid lol.
I did not mean to be flip with my tone in that first comment; I just found it useful to focus my ire on that asshole because everything else is so big and ugly and unmanageable-feeling. Don’t ever worry about going “too long”; I’ll read everything you write.
I have never punched someone in my life, but I want to use a time machine and punch that little asshole. (And I'd do a lot of other stuff. I don't want the time machine overlords to think I'm irresponsible...)
No, we never spoke again. It was honestly one of the strangest things I ever experienced because it came out of nowhere. Nothing happened, he just snapped. If I saw him at a reunion or something, I think I would not want to speak to him even now. We still have some mutual friends. It could have been a one-time thing, I really don't know, but it seems doubtful. Thanks for being here, Mary <3
Would not surprise me one bit. I think random, casual cruelty is more terrifying than a "crime of passion" — though I don't love that phrase. Thanks for being here, Jacqui <3
First of all, what the actual fuck, John? What.The.Actual.Fuck? Second, this is me checking in. Like you, no one I know is ok. But maybe, like you said, that's good. Because you know they haven't been eaten by the pods. It's the glee that gets me. And the numbers. I keep seeing, but his support is falling. No the fuck it's not. 40% of the country likes this. It's the same level it's always been. 40% want this. It's hard not to feel like 40% of the country doesn't want us dead. Or would be ok if we were dead. And I don't know how you're supposed to get around that. It feels kind of final, you know? But--yes. The epic battle. Wands up. Light sabers at the ready. Pepper Potts flying in and those bad ass women from Black Panther. I just wrote today that tyrants always fall. Community trumps violence, every time. Every time. xxx
One of my bffs is still a little bit in touch with him. Not like, socializing, but has seen him at reunions over the years (I always manage to miss them). I really have no clue, but there's some deep woman-hating stuff going on there, clearly. Also, I do think about how insane it is that nothing happened. He *assaulted* me and it was like, ho hum, just gonna act like that was no big deal. I think about what would happen if my daughter came home with that story. Then I wonder, was it the 80s? Or was it my mom lol.
This week for some reason just really got me. Felt like I was moving through water and things that should not have been too hard were so hard. I don't understand the numbers either. I am glad some R senators finally moved a little and didn't just toe the line, but it does piss me off that they could get him and the whole lousy administration out. And they don't.
As for wanting us dead, I don't think they'd shed a tear if we died. Not us liberal women who won't bear more children for them. So swords up all the way. You doing all rightish? Can't wait to read your piece <3
We really put up with so much in the ‘80s because no one told us we shouldn’t. What a dick. John’s a dick. Isn’t it bizarre how you reach a certain age and you can smell the ones who hate women from a mile away? I think if we were taught to trust our gut more, we would have accepted it even then, as teens, but I swear, girls are (were) bred to be gaslit. Now I meet someone and I’m just like, that man does not like women. Some of them are married to women. I have no doubt they think they love them. But you can smell the dislike for women a mile off.
We’re ok. My youngest registered to vote last night at an event I hosted. I’m fine. I mean, I might be a little twitchy, but…thanks for checking. x
100% I think it was a cultural norm and then certainly in my family of origin I was taught to be polite and pleasant. To not make waves, or make other people uncomfortable, even at my own expense. So even in this scenario I remember having to fight through this guilt about getting this abusive bastard in trouble. And I was so confused, too. Like how could my friend do this to me, and is it my fault?
Anyway. I am glad you're okay. I basically assume caveats for all of us. My daughter passed her driving test yesterday. First time. I am not ready, but apparently she is. Took the opportunity to have my Real ID picture taken again while she was driving because omg. Just no. And I'm not vain, but no. Hopefully this one is better.
That's what I told my nieces: Trust your gut. I have had cause to regret it every time I tried to quiet that voice, and am VERY lucky in a few instances that I didn't have way more. Underneath it all, we are animals with animal instincts. Trust your danger sensor, and take yourself out of harm's way.
Same.. everytime I see “HES TANKING IN POLLS” it’s like.. a statistical blip. Like .5 of a point. It’s ridiculous, and he’s not losing anything. These 37% are totally ok with everything he does, and that will not change even if there was video of him raping a child.
I am so sorry to say I agree with you, Cee. I am at the point where I think he could do anything at all, and that 37% would not budge. Never seen anything like it. And for *him* of all people. The mind boggles.
This sounds so much like growing up in the 80s. The way people were randomly violent, kids and adults alike. There's a theory out there that it was because the environment was still saturated with lead, and the drop in violent crime that began in the early 1990s and persists to today is because we stopped pumping so much lead out everywhere.
What a great piece. I love the way you write, and what you're saying makes all the sense. It's so dispiriting, but as Jason Isbell says, there can't be more of them than us. I am quite certain that love is the only way, even if it doesn't seem possible. Thanks for the all-nighter, it paid off beautifully.
The lead theory tracks changes in our society so well... until the introduction of social media and smartphones. It's like we collectively sighed and said, "Good riddance to that poison" then looked around for a new poison to introduce into our systems. You can see all sorts of positive trends as we dealt with lead, then many of them (like student achievement) reversing as kids got sucked into screens. And now we have AI, our new cultural poison.
Beautiful piece, Ally. Your description of school was so reminiscent of my experience (though no one ever assaulted me, thank goodness), and it makes me remember why I'm a high school dropout!
We keep trading connection for convenience. A while back, years now, I started asking myself “who benefits?” whenever I saw something that felt “off.” This is nothing you don’t know. But they’ve done a brilliant job of convincing people the fastest, easiest solution is the best. Why use your critical thinking skills at all? Why leave your house except to work? You’re exhausted, just DoorDash. Have groceries delivered. Have prescriptions dropped off. Whatever. I’m not saying everyone partakes, but a lot of people do. They’re worn down from working too hard just to survive, so convenience sounds good, and before you know it, the village is gone. People feel weird asking for help, like they’re failing, but the system is failing. This works out well for billionaires running the apps. It’s more poisonous than the lead.
Yes, and as people start using delivery service, it's hollowing out our communities. I try to buy locally, but sometimes I just can't find it. Shops that used to carry specialty items are gone, and general shops like bookstores and hardware stores can't afford to stock inventory. I have the luxury of a flexible schedule, but I know people who shop online because it buys them a tiny bit of free time. And then the cycle continues and eats its own tail...
This morning when I drove my daughter to work, I pissed off some man who apparently was thinking about switching lanes, except he was just driving straight, but when I signaled and pulled into that lane, leaned on his horn and raced up behind me. He tailgated me for a few minutes, until he could zoom around me and...drive behind the car just ahead of me.
Then I said to my daughter that the people I fear most in this world are the angry white men. Mostly because I can't understand what they're angry about. What do they think was promised and not delivered to them? Why do they think they deserve unmerited rewards and respect, especially when they are trying to grind everyone else into the ground?
Then we decided it was too depressing to keep talking about, and just talked about hockey.
There are a lot of angry white men, it is true. Personally I don’t think a patriarchal society works out well for anyone. I think everyone gets screwed. I dunno, I’m exhausted by it, though. I’m glad you talked about hockey. Sometimes I start talking about this stuff with my kids. I try to let them take the lead because it’s so heavy. So I try to only talk about it if they bring it up and I do my best to watch for cues when they’ve had enough. But sometimes I miss a cue and they’ll get a look and I’ll change the subject. It is just a lot for all of us right now. I say this to you with constant helicopters overhead. I don’t know what’s happening but I imagine it isn’t good. Smh. Hugs and love to you and your kids ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
The excuses Americans make for their homicidal police…in 2020, I finally understood that the United States just wasn’t for me. I have an American passport but I was raised elsewhere, with different values. I never felt at home in the US and 2020 was when it suddenly hit me why: I don’t accept the social contract. It is complacent in the face of murder, whether school shootings or police shootings. Like you, I just…couldn’t accept people talking about fentanyl when we all just watched a man die as a cop played judge, jury, and executioner. No, thank you, forever.
I can so relate to your dismay. It’s that sinking realization that we aren’t on the same page, actually. I thought we were all on the same page. I thought we were all fans of democracy, of the real rule of law (where everyone is subject to it, including presidents), of basic human rights. But we aren’t. The people I thought were like me just aren’t.
I sadly resonate with every word of this. We truly need an overhaul in this country in so many ways and I don’t know what it will take for more people to see what seems so obvious. Maybe it isn’t in the cards, I really don’t know 😩🥺 but there are so many people I love who are here. Giving up would break my heart even more. That’s where I am now, anyway. Where are you living if you don’t mind me asking? (Totally understand if you’d rather not say).
Thanks for your comments, Liya, I so appreciate them. And thank you for being here ❤️🩹
Oh Ally, first of all, part one of this made me feel so sad and angry for you - and in reading the comments, I see that nothing happened to John. It sadly sounds so typical of this type of situation back in the day, when violence and rape were too often swept under the rug. And of course all that rings a bell with the current climate, which takes it all to another level. Thank you so much for your passionate and beautiful writing and I agree, we need to continue to express ourselves through our art in whatever way we can. To be in touch with our internal light and continue to let it shine to help us find our way in the darkness. Thank you.
Thank you so much for these kind comments, Sarah. It really is devastating when I think about the things that happened to so many of us in the 70s and 80s and beyond.
I will say it didn’t help foster the idea that anything would be done if you did come forward, especially as a girl, but I think generally that was the message — “It’s 10pm. Do you know where your children are?” 😳
That’s a sweeping generalization of course, I have no doubt there were lots of kids with very engaged parents, but you don’t put that message in the commercial breaks of the prime time news for no reason.
It is infuriating and heartbreaking to watch as the current administration actively works to roll back the progress our grandmothers and mothers fought for. I wish we could all get on the same page and fight for each other, all the time. I wonder if we will ever get the lesson that our fates are bound.
Thank you so much for being here. I appreciate you ❤️🩹
Agree 💯. Infuriating and heartbreaking, too, to see the celebration and encouragement of the worst behaviors capable of people: intolerance, racism, sexism, homophobia, rape and murder. I hope that soon there will be a swing in the pendulum cause this has all gone way too far.
The grief is the thing that does me in sometimes, Michelle. There’s my no-longer friend who is in support of all this, and then I have some friends who are totally checked out. I can’t consider those “close people” in my life anymore. I guess this is a time when you really get to see what someone’s core beliefs are, what their values are — and there are some things you can never un-know. It’s a lot of loss on top of everything else. Anyway, I’m glad this resonated and I appreciate you so much ❤️🩹🙏🏼
First and foremost, I am so sorry this happened to you. What a nightmare to have to face such a cruel bully the next day. Unfortunately, big donors = no consequences. I am sickened about the cruelty of some everyday humans in this country. Something that seems so definitively right or wrong, suddenly has nuance? No, I don't think so. I've seen so many people say that the mocking of a disable journalist was the last straw for them. Some people are still drinking from that straw after all that has happened in the last 11 years. It's unbelievable to me. I have reached out to so many "content creators" that I used to enjoy. They were a nice escape from the reality of what is happening right now. A few responded and directed me to their statements about what is going on in MN, but most ignored me. The same women who ignored me were very vocal about October 7th, the encampments on college campuses, Charlie Kirk, and even weighed in on the Mayor's race in NYC. Their silence is deafening now. And yet, they still post their videos, hawking the latest in skincare, color trends, unregulated supplements, and their workouts all in the skimpiest clothes possible. And let's not forget the vacations in St. Barth's. Would it hurt to make one simple benign statement about preserving our democracy or the blatant mistakes being made in MN? Could they at least make a statement that murdering unarmed citizens is wrong? No. They're afraid of making people angry. Why would anyone want people who condone what is happening right now following them. Creepy. I know I'm only one person, but I unfollowed all of them. When I need an escape I'll get on my mat or read a book. All of a sudden {am I that naive???} I see them all for the narcissists that they are and I can't stomach it any longer. This morning I read a statement by Mother denim on Facebook. I couldn't believe the amount of hate that one statement received ~ by YOUNG WOMEN! What is wrong with people? The cruelty is beyond what I can deal with right now. I'm sickened by all of it. I'm starting to see cracks, is anyone else seeing that? Will it be over soon? Please.
I don’t think it’s just you unfollowing people. Or following people who are making their position clear. I have no patience for anyone in the “wellness space” who isn’t speaking up right now. People are being murdered, families are being separated, these detention centers are inhumane. So if your “wellness” allows you to ignore that I’m not interested. And you know me, I blab my head off about where I stand, no one is confused 🤣 Sometimes I get hate but byeeeee. I don’t want MAGA money. Truly. We good 🤘🏼 I think it’s great you spoke up. I think people in those fields should feel uncomfortable if they aren’t making their views known. I have strong opinions about that but 🤷🏻♀️ Hugs and love to you. I’m happy you’re here ❤️
While you were up all night writing about the epic battle part, I was also up very late (pulled my all-nighter earlier this week) writing about epic battles... We're so on the same wavelength. The details of your own story set against the backdrop of so many hateful men given full permission to do this to anyone and everyone with immunity, it's gut wrenching. Thank you.
Oh, thank you, Janeen. I'm guessing the odds that John will find his way here are slim, but if he does, fine by me! And thank you for being here. Hugs <3
First, I hope John got some karma and lessons in his life because that behavior was vile. Now that that’s out of the way, gorgeous essay. Thank you for putting this all down on the page. The kindest people I know are furious too. I’m so thankful to have them by my side.
To your subtitle, Ally, yes, and fear-based regimes always fail. Like you, I have no framework from which to understand how anyone supports the actions of this administration. But all I have to do is look across history to be reminded that we are far from the first to see this happen. Justification after justification, like someone struggling with addiction who is convinced they have the situation fully under control and simultaneously can't go a day without using. "It's not really hurting anyone I know..." rolls into "What's happening is bad, but still not as bad as 'them.'"
I learned today that someone I've been acquainted with at the gym for several years is a rabid supporter of this administration. Or his wife is -- they have a joint Facebook account (ew!) so it's hard to know who's doing the posting. I'm so disappointed. I try not to make sweeping determinations about people based on their political affiliations, but when someone feels compelled to plaster their social media in defense of what's happening, it displays a whole other level commitment...and smallness.
I'm babbling, which is indicative of what my brain is doing these days. I'm grateful for your words, and I hope by now John has figured out how to not be a dick.
I can’t have a genuine conversation with anyone still in support of this cruelty and lawlessness. At this point it is flat out racism, bigotry, misogyny, hypocrisy, a Constitutional crisis, an abandonment of any moral or ethical code at all, a lack of empathy that is breathtaking, and an “empire” built on daily, blatant lies. So. Yeah.
Sending you love, Elizabeth. So glad you’re here ❤️🩹
Yeah it remains one of the strangest experiences of my life because it was so random. I have had other more violent things happen, but this was so odd, all the way around. A friend, the explosive nature of what happened, and the absence silence after. I wonder if I will ever see him at a reunion. I’d have to go to one I guess 🤣 Thanks for being here, Prajna. I hope your knee is feeling a lot better 🙏🏼
I have not been to any reunions. It would be weird as I skipped graduation—that tells you something. My next older brother was held back in first grade. We went through the grades together. It was tough being the baby sister to him and his bully jock friends. Yes, I am back in yoga.
That sounds hard. I skipped my senior year of high school and went right to college so I missed all the senior things. I went to the graduation but sat in the audience and watched my class graduate. My first year at college was hard, I didn’t know anyone and, anyway.
I am so glad you’re back at yoga. You healed quickly 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I'm in Belgium, in the heart of the European Union and I am following all of this with trepidation. You are not alone. Also we in 'the old continent' are struggling to keep fascism and authoritarianism at bay. Keep fighting the fight. I hope when the time comes (not if) we will be brave enough to do the same.
It is so sad to me that there is this “lean” toward authoritarianism across the globe. One would hope we might have learned by now, this is not a form of government that works out well for the people! It’s one of the reasons this administration is working so hard to control the curriculum in public schools across the country. Straight out of the playbook. Anyway I thank you for being here and I can’t tell you how much it means to have people in other parts of the world who understand there are millions of us here who do not want this and never did. I am grateful ❤️🩹🙏🏼
Ok but what happened to that motherfucker “John”
Craziest thing is that absolutely nothing happened to him. I almost wrote that part in, but it was getting too long. I went to the principal the next day — by then my arm was in a sling because my wrist was sprained. I told him what happened. I actually felt bad about "getting John in trouble" but I felt like he should know. He thanked me and said he'd take it under advisement or something. John did not apologize. I totally avoided him.
A few days later my friends who had witnessed the whole thing insisted on going back to the principal. They told him exactly what I'd told him. He said he'd call John's parents (who were big donors to the school). I gave up at that point. I can tell you if someone did that to my daughter there'd be a police report and I'm not sure it would be on the kid lol.
I did not mean to be flip with my tone in that first comment; I just found it useful to focus my ire on that asshole because everything else is so big and ugly and unmanageable-feeling. Don’t ever worry about going “too long”; I’ll read everything you write.
Oh, I loved it, Bess. And thank you, that is so kind. I just got teary :)
🩷
Same.
I have never punched someone in my life, but I want to use a time machine and punch that little asshole. (And I'd do a lot of other stuff. I don't want the time machine overlords to think I'm irresponsible...)
No doubt he's working for ICE.
Same question, here. No apology from John, ever, huh? Thanks for this beautiful writing.
No, we never spoke again. It was honestly one of the strangest things I ever experienced because it came out of nowhere. Nothing happened, he just snapped. If I saw him at a reunion or something, I think I would not want to speak to him even now. We still have some mutual friends. It could have been a one-time thing, I really don't know, but it seems doubtful. Thanks for being here, Mary <3
My guess would be that “John” is a pardoned Jan 6er turned ICE agent,masked up and getting paid to roam the streets and assault women……with impunity.
Would not surprise me one bit. I think random, casual cruelty is more terrifying than a "crime of passion" — though I don't love that phrase. Thanks for being here, Jacqui <3
I wondered this, too!
First of all, what the actual fuck, John? What.The.Actual.Fuck? Second, this is me checking in. Like you, no one I know is ok. But maybe, like you said, that's good. Because you know they haven't been eaten by the pods. It's the glee that gets me. And the numbers. I keep seeing, but his support is falling. No the fuck it's not. 40% of the country likes this. It's the same level it's always been. 40% want this. It's hard not to feel like 40% of the country doesn't want us dead. Or would be ok if we were dead. And I don't know how you're supposed to get around that. It feels kind of final, you know? But--yes. The epic battle. Wands up. Light sabers at the ready. Pepper Potts flying in and those bad ass women from Black Panther. I just wrote today that tyrants always fall. Community trumps violence, every time. Every time. xxx
One of my bffs is still a little bit in touch with him. Not like, socializing, but has seen him at reunions over the years (I always manage to miss them). I really have no clue, but there's some deep woman-hating stuff going on there, clearly. Also, I do think about how insane it is that nothing happened. He *assaulted* me and it was like, ho hum, just gonna act like that was no big deal. I think about what would happen if my daughter came home with that story. Then I wonder, was it the 80s? Or was it my mom lol.
This week for some reason just really got me. Felt like I was moving through water and things that should not have been too hard were so hard. I don't understand the numbers either. I am glad some R senators finally moved a little and didn't just toe the line, but it does piss me off that they could get him and the whole lousy administration out. And they don't.
As for wanting us dead, I don't think they'd shed a tear if we died. Not us liberal women who won't bear more children for them. So swords up all the way. You doing all rightish? Can't wait to read your piece <3
We really put up with so much in the ‘80s because no one told us we shouldn’t. What a dick. John’s a dick. Isn’t it bizarre how you reach a certain age and you can smell the ones who hate women from a mile away? I think if we were taught to trust our gut more, we would have accepted it even then, as teens, but I swear, girls are (were) bred to be gaslit. Now I meet someone and I’m just like, that man does not like women. Some of them are married to women. I have no doubt they think they love them. But you can smell the dislike for women a mile off.
We’re ok. My youngest registered to vote last night at an event I hosted. I’m fine. I mean, I might be a little twitchy, but…thanks for checking. x
100% I think it was a cultural norm and then certainly in my family of origin I was taught to be polite and pleasant. To not make waves, or make other people uncomfortable, even at my own expense. So even in this scenario I remember having to fight through this guilt about getting this abusive bastard in trouble. And I was so confused, too. Like how could my friend do this to me, and is it my fault?
Anyway. I am glad you're okay. I basically assume caveats for all of us. My daughter passed her driving test yesterday. First time. I am not ready, but apparently she is. Took the opportunity to have my Real ID picture taken again while she was driving because omg. Just no. And I'm not vain, but no. Hopefully this one is better.
That's what I told my nieces: Trust your gut. I have had cause to regret it every time I tried to quiet that voice, and am VERY lucky in a few instances that I didn't have way more. Underneath it all, we are animals with animal instincts. Trust your danger sensor, and take yourself out of harm's way.
Agree completely.
Same.. everytime I see “HES TANKING IN POLLS” it’s like.. a statistical blip. Like .5 of a point. It’s ridiculous, and he’s not losing anything. These 37% are totally ok with everything he does, and that will not change even if there was video of him raping a child.
I am so sorry to say I agree with you, Cee. I am at the point where I think he could do anything at all, and that 37% would not budge. Never seen anything like it. And for *him* of all people. The mind boggles.
This sounds so much like growing up in the 80s. The way people were randomly violent, kids and adults alike. There's a theory out there that it was because the environment was still saturated with lead, and the drop in violent crime that began in the early 1990s and persists to today is because we stopped pumping so much lead out everywhere.
What a great piece. I love the way you write, and what you're saying makes all the sense. It's so dispiriting, but as Jason Isbell says, there can't be more of them than us. I am quite certain that love is the only way, even if it doesn't seem possible. Thanks for the all-nighter, it paid off beautifully.
Wow, that is wild, I had not heard that theory about lead paint and lead generally, but it totally tracks! This was about 1986.
And thank you so much, Matt. You just made my whole night 🥹☺️
The lead theory tracks changes in our society so well... until the introduction of social media and smartphones. It's like we collectively sighed and said, "Good riddance to that poison" then looked around for a new poison to introduce into our systems. You can see all sorts of positive trends as we dealt with lead, then many of them (like student achievement) reversing as kids got sucked into screens. And now we have AI, our new cultural poison.
Beautiful piece, Ally. Your description of school was so reminiscent of my experience (though no one ever assaulted me, thank goodness), and it makes me remember why I'm a high school dropout!
We keep trading connection for convenience. A while back, years now, I started asking myself “who benefits?” whenever I saw something that felt “off.” This is nothing you don’t know. But they’ve done a brilliant job of convincing people the fastest, easiest solution is the best. Why use your critical thinking skills at all? Why leave your house except to work? You’re exhausted, just DoorDash. Have groceries delivered. Have prescriptions dropped off. Whatever. I’m not saying everyone partakes, but a lot of people do. They’re worn down from working too hard just to survive, so convenience sounds good, and before you know it, the village is gone. People feel weird asking for help, like they’re failing, but the system is failing. This works out well for billionaires running the apps. It’s more poisonous than the lead.
Thanks for being here, Suki.
Yes, and as people start using delivery service, it's hollowing out our communities. I try to buy locally, but sometimes I just can't find it. Shops that used to carry specialty items are gone, and general shops like bookstores and hardware stores can't afford to stock inventory. I have the luxury of a flexible schedule, but I know people who shop online because it buys them a tiny bit of free time. And then the cycle continues and eats its own tail...
What a sweet thing to say. Thank YOU, Ally. 🥹
This morning when I drove my daughter to work, I pissed off some man who apparently was thinking about switching lanes, except he was just driving straight, but when I signaled and pulled into that lane, leaned on his horn and raced up behind me. He tailgated me for a few minutes, until he could zoom around me and...drive behind the car just ahead of me.
Then I said to my daughter that the people I fear most in this world are the angry white men. Mostly because I can't understand what they're angry about. What do they think was promised and not delivered to them? Why do they think they deserve unmerited rewards and respect, especially when they are trying to grind everyone else into the ground?
Then we decided it was too depressing to keep talking about, and just talked about hockey.
There are a lot of angry white men, it is true. Personally I don’t think a patriarchal society works out well for anyone. I think everyone gets screwed. I dunno, I’m exhausted by it, though. I’m glad you talked about hockey. Sometimes I start talking about this stuff with my kids. I try to let them take the lead because it’s so heavy. So I try to only talk about it if they bring it up and I do my best to watch for cues when they’ve had enough. But sometimes I miss a cue and they’ll get a look and I’ll change the subject. It is just a lot for all of us right now. I say this to you with constant helicopters overhead. I don’t know what’s happening but I imagine it isn’t good. Smh. Hugs and love to you and your kids ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡
The light in me sees and honors the light in you, Ally. Let's light this up.
Back at you, Michele. You're just lighting it up all over the place and I adore you for it. Let's light it up together<3
The excuses Americans make for their homicidal police…in 2020, I finally understood that the United States just wasn’t for me. I have an American passport but I was raised elsewhere, with different values. I never felt at home in the US and 2020 was when it suddenly hit me why: I don’t accept the social contract. It is complacent in the face of murder, whether school shootings or police shootings. Like you, I just…couldn’t accept people talking about fentanyl when we all just watched a man die as a cop played judge, jury, and executioner. No, thank you, forever.
I can so relate to your dismay. It’s that sinking realization that we aren’t on the same page, actually. I thought we were all on the same page. I thought we were all fans of democracy, of the real rule of law (where everyone is subject to it, including presidents), of basic human rights. But we aren’t. The people I thought were like me just aren’t.
It’s really a form of heartbreak.
I sadly resonate with every word of this. We truly need an overhaul in this country in so many ways and I don’t know what it will take for more people to see what seems so obvious. Maybe it isn’t in the cards, I really don’t know 😩🥺 but there are so many people I love who are here. Giving up would break my heart even more. That’s where I am now, anyway. Where are you living if you don’t mind me asking? (Totally understand if you’d rather not say).
Thanks for your comments, Liya, I so appreciate them. And thank you for being here ❤️🩹
Oh Ally, first of all, part one of this made me feel so sad and angry for you - and in reading the comments, I see that nothing happened to John. It sadly sounds so typical of this type of situation back in the day, when violence and rape were too often swept under the rug. And of course all that rings a bell with the current climate, which takes it all to another level. Thank you so much for your passionate and beautiful writing and I agree, we need to continue to express ourselves through our art in whatever way we can. To be in touch with our internal light and continue to let it shine to help us find our way in the darkness. Thank you.
Thank you so much for these kind comments, Sarah. It really is devastating when I think about the things that happened to so many of us in the 70s and 80s and beyond.
I will say it didn’t help foster the idea that anything would be done if you did come forward, especially as a girl, but I think generally that was the message — “It’s 10pm. Do you know where your children are?” 😳
That’s a sweeping generalization of course, I have no doubt there were lots of kids with very engaged parents, but you don’t put that message in the commercial breaks of the prime time news for no reason.
It is infuriating and heartbreaking to watch as the current administration actively works to roll back the progress our grandmothers and mothers fought for. I wish we could all get on the same page and fight for each other, all the time. I wonder if we will ever get the lesson that our fates are bound.
Thank you so much for being here. I appreciate you ❤️🩹
Agree 💯. Infuriating and heartbreaking, too, to see the celebration and encouragement of the worst behaviors capable of people: intolerance, racism, sexism, homophobia, rape and murder. I hope that soon there will be a swing in the pendulum cause this has all gone way too far.
This is everything I feel.
I read many passages to my husband.
I am grieving for so many losses, including for a friend who isn’t who I thought she was.
The grief is the thing that does me in sometimes, Michelle. There’s my no-longer friend who is in support of all this, and then I have some friends who are totally checked out. I can’t consider those “close people” in my life anymore. I guess this is a time when you really get to see what someone’s core beliefs are, what their values are — and there are some things you can never un-know. It’s a lot of loss on top of everything else. Anyway, I’m glad this resonated and I appreciate you so much ❤️🩹🙏🏼
First and foremost, I am so sorry this happened to you. What a nightmare to have to face such a cruel bully the next day. Unfortunately, big donors = no consequences. I am sickened about the cruelty of some everyday humans in this country. Something that seems so definitively right or wrong, suddenly has nuance? No, I don't think so. I've seen so many people say that the mocking of a disable journalist was the last straw for them. Some people are still drinking from that straw after all that has happened in the last 11 years. It's unbelievable to me. I have reached out to so many "content creators" that I used to enjoy. They were a nice escape from the reality of what is happening right now. A few responded and directed me to their statements about what is going on in MN, but most ignored me. The same women who ignored me were very vocal about October 7th, the encampments on college campuses, Charlie Kirk, and even weighed in on the Mayor's race in NYC. Their silence is deafening now. And yet, they still post their videos, hawking the latest in skincare, color trends, unregulated supplements, and their workouts all in the skimpiest clothes possible. And let's not forget the vacations in St. Barth's. Would it hurt to make one simple benign statement about preserving our democracy or the blatant mistakes being made in MN? Could they at least make a statement that murdering unarmed citizens is wrong? No. They're afraid of making people angry. Why would anyone want people who condone what is happening right now following them. Creepy. I know I'm only one person, but I unfollowed all of them. When I need an escape I'll get on my mat or read a book. All of a sudden {am I that naive???} I see them all for the narcissists that they are and I can't stomach it any longer. This morning I read a statement by Mother denim on Facebook. I couldn't believe the amount of hate that one statement received ~ by YOUNG WOMEN! What is wrong with people? The cruelty is beyond what I can deal with right now. I'm sickened by all of it. I'm starting to see cracks, is anyone else seeing that? Will it be over soon? Please.
I don’t think it’s just you unfollowing people. Or following people who are making their position clear. I have no patience for anyone in the “wellness space” who isn’t speaking up right now. People are being murdered, families are being separated, these detention centers are inhumane. So if your “wellness” allows you to ignore that I’m not interested. And you know me, I blab my head off about where I stand, no one is confused 🤣 Sometimes I get hate but byeeeee. I don’t want MAGA money. Truly. We good 🤘🏼 I think it’s great you spoke up. I think people in those fields should feel uncomfortable if they aren’t making their views known. I have strong opinions about that but 🤷🏻♀️ Hugs and love to you. I’m happy you’re here ❤️
While you were up all night writing about the epic battle part, I was also up very late (pulled my all-nighter earlier this week) writing about epic battles... We're so on the same wavelength. The details of your own story set against the backdrop of so many hateful men given full permission to do this to anyone and everyone with immunity, it's gut wrenching. Thank you.
Well, I am going to have to go and read your epic battle piece. We totally are on the same wavelength <3
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hope somehow “John” gets to read this. Thank you for always putting words to how we’re all feeling. 🫶🏻
Oh, thank you, Janeen. I'm guessing the odds that John will find his way here are slim, but if he does, fine by me! And thank you for being here. Hugs <3
I cannot finish this on one go . It is devastating seeing it laid out so clearly. I will archive so as to dose myself.
It is fine writing nonetheless.
Totally understand. Everything is just so much right now. Glad you are taking care of yourself and thank you for being here, Jeanne ❤️🩹🙏🏼❤️🩹
First, I hope John got some karma and lessons in his life because that behavior was vile. Now that that’s out of the way, gorgeous essay. Thank you for putting this all down on the page. The kindest people I know are furious too. I’m so thankful to have them by my side.
I hope so, too, Lindsay. It really is insane that nothing was done. So funny (not haha) to think back on these things as an adult.
And thank you so much, I really appreciate it and I’m so glad you’re here ☺️❤️🩹
To your subtitle, Ally, yes, and fear-based regimes always fail. Like you, I have no framework from which to understand how anyone supports the actions of this administration. But all I have to do is look across history to be reminded that we are far from the first to see this happen. Justification after justification, like someone struggling with addiction who is convinced they have the situation fully under control and simultaneously can't go a day without using. "It's not really hurting anyone I know..." rolls into "What's happening is bad, but still not as bad as 'them.'"
I learned today that someone I've been acquainted with at the gym for several years is a rabid supporter of this administration. Or his wife is -- they have a joint Facebook account (ew!) so it's hard to know who's doing the posting. I'm so disappointed. I try not to make sweeping determinations about people based on their political affiliations, but when someone feels compelled to plaster their social media in defense of what's happening, it displays a whole other level commitment...and smallness.
I'm babbling, which is indicative of what my brain is doing these days. I'm grateful for your words, and I hope by now John has figured out how to not be a dick.
I can’t have a genuine conversation with anyone still in support of this cruelty and lawlessness. At this point it is flat out racism, bigotry, misogyny, hypocrisy, a Constitutional crisis, an abandonment of any moral or ethical code at all, a lack of empathy that is breathtaking, and an “empire” built on daily, blatant lies. So. Yeah.
Sending you love, Elizabeth. So glad you’re here ❤️🩹
Fortunately, in this case, I wasn't having "genuine conversations," just small talk at the gym which is easy to have or not have. But - ugh. Yes.
Horrible story. Sorry for you. What an ass.
Yeah it remains one of the strangest experiences of my life because it was so random. I have had other more violent things happen, but this was so odd, all the way around. A friend, the explosive nature of what happened, and the absence silence after. I wonder if I will ever see him at a reunion. I’d have to go to one I guess 🤣 Thanks for being here, Prajna. I hope your knee is feeling a lot better 🙏🏼
I have not been to any reunions. It would be weird as I skipped graduation—that tells you something. My next older brother was held back in first grade. We went through the grades together. It was tough being the baby sister to him and his bully jock friends. Yes, I am back in yoga.
That sounds hard. I skipped my senior year of high school and went right to college so I missed all the senior things. I went to the graduation but sat in the audience and watched my class graduate. My first year at college was hard, I didn’t know anyone and, anyway.
I am so glad you’re back at yoga. You healed quickly 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I'm in Belgium, in the heart of the European Union and I am following all of this with trepidation. You are not alone. Also we in 'the old continent' are struggling to keep fascism and authoritarianism at bay. Keep fighting the fight. I hope when the time comes (not if) we will be brave enough to do the same.
It is so sad to me that there is this “lean” toward authoritarianism across the globe. One would hope we might have learned by now, this is not a form of government that works out well for the people! It’s one of the reasons this administration is working so hard to control the curriculum in public schools across the country. Straight out of the playbook. Anyway I thank you for being here and I can’t tell you how much it means to have people in other parts of the world who understand there are millions of us here who do not want this and never did. I am grateful ❤️🩹🙏🏼