You Do Not "Owe" Your Husband Sex

And other things I shouldn't have to say - Podcast Version

Ally Hamilton

Aug 18, 2025

Transcript

Sometimes I feel like I’m in one of those action movies where there are those six random people who somehow know the world is ending - you know the ones. They have eleven hours to get the word out, and the grid is down and the freeways are jammed with abandoned cars because people had to take off running from the aliens or the asteroids or the zombies - or whatever it is that’s causing the threat. Whenever these six people manage to come up with a plan and they break into some government facility or television station, something major goes wrong, or someone doesn’t believe them, or two of them are taken into custody, so then there are only four people left to save the world.

Meanwhile things keep deteriorating or becoming more unstable or precarious or pressing.

There are a lot more than four or six people trying to get the word out about what’s happening in our country, of course, but I do understand the feeling of pointing at things that are just as terrifying as giant asteroids screaming towards us - and seeing a lot of other people pointing at them, too - but being astounded as a whole bunch of other folks are not really engaged, or don’t want to look because it’s exhausting, or they “aren’t into politics”, or they just want to go to yoga and chill - or they’re looking at the same asteroids hurtling in their direction and thinking, “Good, yes, I like that because it’s going to hit my neighbor, and my neighbor needs to be taught a lesson.”

Do I even stop to explain asteroids and what happens if - nah.

It’s very odd to me because I don’t see how anyone can feel good about a lot of these things on any level. It makes me want to remind people that women could not have credit cards, bank loans, or mortgages in their own names until 1974. I was three years old in 1974. So just to be clear, I was alive when women could not get a credit card in their own name. We have not had the same rights as men for all that long, not sure if I need to put this in sparkling lights or hire a band or what I need to do to get across what a huge thing this is, and how easily our rights could be taken away if we are not careful.

wE aRe NoT bEiNg CaReFuL*

My dad left my mom in 1975, and he did not come through with consistent child support. If my mother had not been able to open a bank account in her own name, that would have made it pretty hard for her to deposit the checks she got from her employer when she ran out and found herself a job to keep a roof over our heads.

It’s good that my dad left us in the apartment, though, because if my mom had tried to go rent a place with me in tow, landlords could have refused to rent to her based on the fact that she was a single mother with a child. That did not change until 1988. If you’re wondering why I’m bringing up the past, it’s because the people who opine for the “good old days” are referring to days like these. Days when straight, white men of means had the power and the rights, and everyone else had to fight for theirs.

But these guys - the ones in power - don’t even want people fighting for their rights, they want to remove the tools to put up any kind of a fight. See: ICE raids, the SAVE Act, the growing number of states with total abortion bans, attempts to make birth control harder to get, the justice system (continuing) to prioritize the lives of men who commit sexual assault over the lives of survivors, and efforts to end no-fault divorce - off the top of my head.

So I’ll just be here pointing at asteroids, because even if we don’t agree about things, I care about your daughters and your moms and your sisters and your grandmas, too. They fought hard so we could have rights. And I care about my friends and my neighbors and my kids, and leaf sheep and the planet and all the sunflowers. But I do not care about men who don’t respect me, I don’t vote for them, and I don’t want them deciding what rights I get to have or what rights my daughter gets to have. You know who those men are? They’re the men who make us unsafe - all of us. These are not just “women’s issues” - women’s rights affect everyone.

*If we want to be careful and if we want to be safe, we need to stop voting for men who don’t respect women, and “grab them by the pussy” (how that was not obvious is beyond me and always will be) and talk like Mike Knowles and Charlie Kirk and Pete Hegseth’s favorite pastor - and all the husbands in his congregation who expect their wives to submit. If you missed that horrifying interview, it’s linked in the essay this week, along with everything else I mentioned in this episode along the way.

Sending you a lot of love out there. Pace yourself, stay hydrated, check out the leaf sheep linked in the essay if you haven’t - because they understand symbiosis and they know how to shine. This is a really hard time we’re living through, but living through it together makes it manageable. It’s our turn to fight for our daughters, sisters, mothers, aunts, best friends, neighbors…anyone who isn’t safe right now. Which is almost everyone. We can do it, I believe in us, and I believe love will always win in the end.

By the way, in 1988 when single moms could be turned away by landlords, here were the top 4 songs: