👏👏👏👏👏 My first thought when he - no need to name him - told a female reporter to smile was, “We need to raise an army of Amazons.” (Not the Bezos version.) What slays me is that he can insult any female reporter in the room, and none of her colleagues will stand up for her. Thank you for this gut-wrenching story.
I keep thinking there’s nothing more any of them can do to astound me, and I continue to be wrong. Honestly, to watch her ask about the way this last release was so poorly handled, the way perpetrators’ names were redacted and a literal list that was called “Epstein victim list” was not, how survivors are STILL asking for accountability, investigations, and legal action — and to watch him respond and tell her she should “smile more”?? It’s despicable and depraved. And on brand. I really need to stop being surprised.
I would be calmer if I could stop being surprised but I don’t know how to do that. Every day, my unexamined assumption that most people care about simple decency is…what? Waterboarded? Almost drowned but kept alive so it can be almost drowned again? I am so sorry for what happened to you, and I know that mama rage you describe so well. Been there. All mothers and daughters have been there, I guess.
I sometimes wish I could “turn off” whatever part of me can still be shocked, but I know it’s the part they want to extinguish or exhaust out of all of us. So I suppose it’s a good sign that we are still horrified and disgusted, but I will never understand the people who continue to be in support of all this, even now. The cruelty is the point I guess.
And yes to that mama rage. The most intense form of rage I’ve felt.
Hugs to you. It won’t always be like this ❤️🩹❤️🔥
My heart was in my throat. It's a long road from being raised that we do not belong to ourselves. But we fucking do. What you modeled for the girls that day was probably life changing.
Probably no surprise, but standing up for my kids has always been the easiest thing in the world for me. Standing up for myself has taken a lot of effort, and it still takes more than I would like depending on the circumstances. But I was glad to model that for them that day, even though I was a little worried the other mom might not be thrilled about the f-bombs. I need not have worried, though, when I told her what happened she dropped about twelve herself, right there in front of the kids. My son, too. So they all got a lesson that day that that f-bomb is for very serious situations and if you are in danger you can yell anything at all. And my daughter is a badass. And I love you.
It's still hard for me, too. My first response is to keep the peace. To be "nice." Honestly, I'll be thrilled when my outsides match my insides. I'm getting closer. Also, "twelve" fucks. Haha. I'm sure your daughter IS a badass. Your son, too. And I love you right back.
It never goes away, does it? Our history didn’t disappear, and neither did the threat. When it swells up, like now, it’s devastating. I don’t know why so many women chose this. It hurts my heart. Hugs, Nancy.
Hugs to you both, and to all of us. I think it was so ingrained in us to be good and polite and to keep the peace, it’s HARD to override the wiring. It’s the default so you really have to like, break the circuit in the moment and see how you actually feel. Also, we were taught angry women were the worst kind. And look what happened. Fuckers. Who’s sorry now???
Yes. All of that. Also for me, there were additional influences pushing me in that direction. Religion, and the fact that my mother was such a bad person, I needed to be the opposite of her, so I was RIPE to be a perfect little christian. It’s hard to reclaim a toughness that people will not like. I read an essay this morning that Kari posted by Ashnelle Hall and she asserted that she’s not just a bitch, she’s THAT bitch. Goals.
That was me too. Enraged and abusive mom, but a sweet loving dad who had no skills for dealing with it. Guess whose behavior I chose to model. Yep, sweet and clueless dad. Through 3 abusive marriages. WTF? But I just didn’t want to be the “heartless bitch.” It wasn’t a good look and none of my hero’s tolerated such behavior. I’m 67 and still learning to be me, but I’m really glad I live in a time where I’m surrounded by other amazing, beautiful, and heartless bitches. Good company!
We are heart-full bitches! (Despite what others may say who do not like our choices.) Angry and taking action because we DO love—ourselves and others. I’m so sorry you were in abusive marriages. I have made some painful alliances, too. But those of us who are learning to love ourselves (and have always loved each other) are the best company!
Here I sit, trying to catch my breath after reading another powerful essay from you, Ally. I see myself in your childhood experiences, as I expect many women do.
It is no surprise that the only person sitting in jail for all the crimes of rich white men is a woman. (Don't get me wrong, she deserves it, too.)
No surprise at all. Though of course now she is in a prison "camp" getting to go to Pilates classes and have visitors and roam around freely, instead of sitting in a cell behind bars for twenty years where she belonged. Because of this despicable president. How his supporters make that one make sense I will never know.
Thanks for being here, Michele. I appreciate you <3
This one right here. I’ve been wanting to write in Substack- but life and fear have prevented it so far. But this broke me open. Many of us are either the mountain lion trying to live our lives- or we are dazed, disoriented and tranquillized while those with power hold the guns (tranq darts or bullets). Many of us chose the tranq darts and called it a “better way.” Don’t be unpleasant, bare your teeth or claws, growl, bite or scratch. Sit in this cage and be a pleasant thing to look at, and we will feed you, and call it love and protection. And if you aren’t grateful- bang. You asked for it, right?!
I will be mulling this over. My life was different from yours, Ally, but in many ways- it wasn’t. It was just the times I chose to fight back, the times we got hit with the tranq dart, and the times (like now) where I lay low and avoid the possibility of meeting the weapon holders.
Also- in the pagan and witchcraft community- many abuses of women (and some young men) under the guise of leadership or someone who has “sacred knowledge” or something. If it’s not a pastor or priest, it’s a guru, shaman, or priestess or head of a coven. It’s bad practice utilized for bad acts. Thus so many solitary practitioners that are women- who do we trust? We keep our circles tight and our hearts guarded. No one should be put on a pedestal.
Thanks for being here, Jen. I am always saddened when I write pieces like this and every woman I know, relates. We all have these stories in some form or another. But there is also a lot of comfort in communing and talking about it all, openly. It took me decades to get my head around it — the realities and the repercussions, and of course there's so much shame and confusion in the mix — my mother was not one for conversation about this kind of thing. I think she was enraged about it, but felt powerless to stop it, so ignoring it was the next best thing.
When things happen on the street — catcalling or worse — 99.999999% of the time, no one does anything, says anything, or helps in any way. As a kid the message is, "this is normal, this is how things are." You feel like it's "tax" for existing as a girl or woman. You get to be publicly humiliated on the street. Lovely. And that's nowhere near the worst of it. Then you go to school and watch as there are a set of rules for boys and another for girls. And on and on we go. So many things get normalized, and so many things are insidious, by the time we're all grown it's just the water we're swimming in. Frankly, it isn't good for any of us, boys and men included.
Anyway, I hope you do write. I don't know what the specific fear is that you're working with (fear of being attacked on the internet, or other fears), but feel free to message me xo
Oh Ally. Thank you for using your pain as a powerful teacher. You shouldn't have to. People shouldn't have to experience what you have experienced to understand that it's wrong, or to be reminded that their daughters/sisters/wives/mothers have experienced these things. I felt your rage when reading about the incident with your 7-year-old daughter, so strongly it brought tears to me eyes. I have a pool of rage too, and it gets harder and harder not to spill it all over the place. But you inspire me, that maybe when we all spill in the same direction we can cleanse the world of some of these sick fcks. You've got wings in my book ✊🏼🪽
Well, you did it again, because now I'M crying. Thank you for this, Cody. It is a special kind of fury to think of my daughter out in this world, but god knows I have prepared her in every way I can think of, and I keep adding to her arsenal anytime something new occurs to me. It has been a helluva balance to do that, and also not raise a fearful kid — but some way or another she is open, she adores her brother, she has really good friends of every gender, she is confident, and she can kick some ass. I have a little Linda Hamilton here lol. I want her to be open to all people. But I also want her to be ready to throw down if she needs to.
My son was home over winter break, he's 19 and taller than me and my daughter both, and they are super close. At one point he asked if she thought she could escape if he tried to pick her up, and my god, she had him pinned to the floor in about twelve seconds. And he's strong and was not "letting her win." It gave me a lot of comfort, and my son, too. He was like, well, that's good to know. Anyway, hugs and love to you, Cody. As ever, I am so glad you're here <3
I've read what you've wrote about this topic before, and thank you for putting your heart out there again. I'm so sorry for the abuse you and your mom and your daughter and virtually every girl/woman have received. You did not deserve that. You deserved to be treated with the respect that you so obviously deserve. You are doing good in the world. I have so much respect for the women who are telling the truth about their pain, the pain of living under this system that panders to men, and excuses evil men. Your courage--demonstrated at an early age and only increasing in knowledge and power as you have grown older--is inspiring. You are part of a truly praiseworthy heritage that includes Rosa Parks, Gloria Steinem, Susan B Anthony, Angela Davis, Ruby Bridges, Harriet Tubman, et al. I hope you feel the commendation of the Universe. Peace.
Oh thank you, Robert. I am very grateful for the excellent men in my life, and for my sweet, kind, amazing son and for all of the good men who are disgusted and horrified when they hear these stories. Men who would never. I count you among them of course, and I’m very glad you’re here.
That’s kind of you to say. It really is a sad and challenging time for all of us. I have to remind myself frequently that everyone at their core is good, even the many lost and broken men sleepwalking through their lives perpetuating dysfunction and inflicting pain. My demographic is, I’m afraid, uniquely filled with angry and confused men who cannot fathom the changes that are happening and must happen for us to achieve a world of equality and peace and love. So many, like I used to be, are clinging to systems that provided meaning and comfort and, in my case, religious traditions that I thought were God-ordained, that enshrined male authority, systematized the degradation of women, and covered up abuse.
At a minimum I think the world will, on balance, be a better place when my generation is dead. I remain hopeful that there will be many, like me, who finally could not abide the internal pain and disconnection between what we know to be good and true, and the ways we are living that undermine goodness and truth.
For me it began by listening to my pain, sitting with it, and then beginning to listen to (especially) women and POC more attentively.
You were and are an important voice for many of us. Keep up the good work. You are helping change the world. Peace.
Oh Ally. It's all so awful, but coming here somehow makes me feel better. Someone isn't letting the truth keep being unsaid. I hope the ones being deterred from reporting what's been done to them due to horrific comments will find their way here. I would hope more men would show up here too but I'm managing my expectations on that one.
I am so glad you feel a little better being here, I do, too. At the very least we are having these conversations, and I hope any kid who needs help realizes there are so many of us who would believe them, and care, and do everything to help. I think that is one upside — we aren’t being quiet anymore. I don’t think we’ll go back to being quiet again.
I think they have unleashed a rage they might have underestimated, Mary Beth. I think this whole thing is going to collapse in on them because it’s rotten at the root — and because we will not give up. Hugs and love ❤️🩹❤️🔥
The silence of the ‘not all men’ contingent is deafening. Our racism and sexism are embedded so deeply into our marrow, it takes real consequences to get it out. Real blood-letting. And men, especially the ones in charge right now, remain untouched and unbothered by consequences. It’s the women and children who bleed.
Thanks for this Ally. I don’t know how you do it. xo
I would really love it if more of the good men got a LOT louder. I wrote a whole thing but decided I’d save it for the podcast micro essay lol. Love you.
Brilliant piece. So powerful. In my childhood and teen years I had very similar experiences to the ones you describe. I think most of us did. Holding all of this, seeing the reality that so many “experts” and “professors” and “thought leaders” have been all in on this predation leads to a feeling of betrayal and disgust and distrust because, sadly, it’s actually so unsurprising.
Sadly as women we all have stories to tell about being fearful or abused. I so wish this wasn’t the world we live in. Your mentioning of Deepak makes me remember how much my Mom fell for what Dr Oz said on his show and thought he was so great. Pretty sure Deepak was on his show back when I sometimes watched. Now as a Medicare recipient I get emails from the great Oz telling me how to eat and take care of my health by walking while Medicare raised the cost of my anxiety medication this year. Can’t wait to see what the cost of my estrogen cream is when I get it refilled. I’ll let you know if they want sex to be painful for old women.
Remember when people thought Dr. Phil was so great with his "folksy, down-home" wisdom? Then he rode-along with ICE agents on some ICE raids out here last June. Then when it hurt his brand they said he was "just hanging out with Tom Homan in the field office" after they'd already released all this footage of him in the vehicles, riding along.
And Dr. Oz, smh. I think you are correct that all of these guys — Oz, Chopra, Dr. Phil, etc, fed each other. They're on the same "grift circuit" and it's so gross.
It is painful to know how many women are still supporting this, when the entire administration makes it clear how much they despise and have zero respect for women and girls every day. I hope your estrogen cream hasn't quadrupled in price, Mary. I don't think they care about any of us enjoying sex or feeling good in our bodies if we aren't producing babies. Big love to you xoxox
(I’m not always able to live up to it, of course, but it’s worth it to try…that was a tough time in my life, but I had this one flash of clarity, for which I am still grateful…thank you for shining your light onto what’s wrong with humanity—and onto what could and would be helpful!)
PS I’m still reeling about all those “gurus” who turned out to be so awful. It becomes obvious that we have to be our own teachers; better that way, as long as we can stay sane.😬
There are some really excellent teachers, but no one is enlightened or floating above the surface of the earth. It’s always the ones yelling “Shri!” all the time who have the craziest stuff in their closets, smh. I think the thing is to be discerning and not get swayed by bs and grifters.
I think more of us need to tell our stories. The stories of when we first seen a male penis and how that come to be. I don’t think there is any understanding of just how young little girls are when it happens or how frequently it happens. Somehow we have been taught to be quiet about it, as if it were our fault, something young child who didn’t even recognize what it was they were seeing, were somehow responsible for the mans behavior. And from then on, we assumed the blame. We need to tell our stories, let people be uncomfortable. God knows we have been, for years and years!
Exactly my thoughts. We’ve been carrying the shame, and it isn’t ours to carry, it belongs to them. I’m done being quiet about it, and I am very glad you’re here ❤️🩹❤️🩹
I am glad you are here too! Stories like this feed a fire in me. I believe we have to share our stories to heal and to protect others. I am planning to write a book, but meanwhile we have to get the word out that this is not acceptable!!!
👏👏👏👏👏 My first thought when he - no need to name him - told a female reporter to smile was, “We need to raise an army of Amazons.” (Not the Bezos version.) What slays me is that he can insult any female reporter in the room, and none of her colleagues will stand up for her. Thank you for this gut-wrenching story.
I keep thinking there’s nothing more any of them can do to astound me, and I continue to be wrong. Honestly, to watch her ask about the way this last release was so poorly handled, the way perpetrators’ names were redacted and a literal list that was called “Epstein victim list” was not, how survivors are STILL asking for accountability, investigations, and legal action — and to watch him respond and tell her she should “smile more”?? It’s despicable and depraved. And on brand. I really need to stop being surprised.
Thanks for being here, Mary.
I would be calmer if I could stop being surprised but I don’t know how to do that. Every day, my unexamined assumption that most people care about simple decency is…what? Waterboarded? Almost drowned but kept alive so it can be almost drowned again? I am so sorry for what happened to you, and I know that mama rage you describe so well. Been there. All mothers and daughters have been there, I guess.
I sometimes wish I could “turn off” whatever part of me can still be shocked, but I know it’s the part they want to extinguish or exhaust out of all of us. So I suppose it’s a good sign that we are still horrified and disgusted, but I will never understand the people who continue to be in support of all this, even now. The cruelty is the point I guess.
And yes to that mama rage. The most intense form of rage I’ve felt.
Hugs to you. It won’t always be like this ❤️🩹❤️🔥
And back at you. Oh, I hope so!
My heart was in my throat. It's a long road from being raised that we do not belong to ourselves. But we fucking do. What you modeled for the girls that day was probably life changing.
Probably no surprise, but standing up for my kids has always been the easiest thing in the world for me. Standing up for myself has taken a lot of effort, and it still takes more than I would like depending on the circumstances. But I was glad to model that for them that day, even though I was a little worried the other mom might not be thrilled about the f-bombs. I need not have worried, though, when I told her what happened she dropped about twelve herself, right there in front of the kids. My son, too. So they all got a lesson that day that that f-bomb is for very serious situations and if you are in danger you can yell anything at all. And my daughter is a badass. And I love you.
It's still hard for me, too. My first response is to keep the peace. To be "nice." Honestly, I'll be thrilled when my outsides match my insides. I'm getting closer. Also, "twelve" fucks. Haha. I'm sure your daughter IS a badass. Your son, too. And I love you right back.
Same here! I had to tell myself to breathe. I’m 78 so the scars from the patriarchy run deep even after years of therapy and recovery.
It never goes away, does it? Our history didn’t disappear, and neither did the threat. When it swells up, like now, it’s devastating. I don’t know why so many women chose this. It hurts my heart. Hugs, Nancy.
Hugs to you both, and to all of us. I think it was so ingrained in us to be good and polite and to keep the peace, it’s HARD to override the wiring. It’s the default so you really have to like, break the circuit in the moment and see how you actually feel. Also, we were taught angry women were the worst kind. And look what happened. Fuckers. Who’s sorry now???
Yes. All of that. Also for me, there were additional influences pushing me in that direction. Religion, and the fact that my mother was such a bad person, I needed to be the opposite of her, so I was RIPE to be a perfect little christian. It’s hard to reclaim a toughness that people will not like. I read an essay this morning that Kari posted by Ashnelle Hall and she asserted that she’s not just a bitch, she’s THAT bitch. Goals.
That was me too. Enraged and abusive mom, but a sweet loving dad who had no skills for dealing with it. Guess whose behavior I chose to model. Yep, sweet and clueless dad. Through 3 abusive marriages. WTF? But I just didn’t want to be the “heartless bitch.” It wasn’t a good look and none of my hero’s tolerated such behavior. I’m 67 and still learning to be me, but I’m really glad I live in a time where I’m surrounded by other amazing, beautiful, and heartless bitches. Good company!
We are heart-full bitches! (Despite what others may say who do not like our choices.) Angry and taking action because we DO love—ourselves and others. I’m so sorry you were in abusive marriages. I have made some painful alliances, too. But those of us who are learning to love ourselves (and have always loved each other) are the best company!
Here I sit, trying to catch my breath after reading another powerful essay from you, Ally. I see myself in your childhood experiences, as I expect many women do.
It is no surprise that the only person sitting in jail for all the crimes of rich white men is a woman. (Don't get me wrong, she deserves it, too.)
No surprise at all. Though of course now she is in a prison "camp" getting to go to Pilates classes and have visitors and roam around freely, instead of sitting in a cell behind bars for twenty years where she belonged. Because of this despicable president. How his supporters make that one make sense I will never know.
Thanks for being here, Michele. I appreciate you <3
This one right here. I’ve been wanting to write in Substack- but life and fear have prevented it so far. But this broke me open. Many of us are either the mountain lion trying to live our lives- or we are dazed, disoriented and tranquillized while those with power hold the guns (tranq darts or bullets). Many of us chose the tranq darts and called it a “better way.” Don’t be unpleasant, bare your teeth or claws, growl, bite or scratch. Sit in this cage and be a pleasant thing to look at, and we will feed you, and call it love and protection. And if you aren’t grateful- bang. You asked for it, right?!
I will be mulling this over. My life was different from yours, Ally, but in many ways- it wasn’t. It was just the times I chose to fight back, the times we got hit with the tranq dart, and the times (like now) where I lay low and avoid the possibility of meeting the weapon holders.
Also- in the pagan and witchcraft community- many abuses of women (and some young men) under the guise of leadership or someone who has “sacred knowledge” or something. If it’s not a pastor or priest, it’s a guru, shaman, or priestess or head of a coven. It’s bad practice utilized for bad acts. Thus so many solitary practitioners that are women- who do we trust? We keep our circles tight and our hearts guarded. No one should be put on a pedestal.
Thank you for writing this.
Thanks for being here, Jen. I am always saddened when I write pieces like this and every woman I know, relates. We all have these stories in some form or another. But there is also a lot of comfort in communing and talking about it all, openly. It took me decades to get my head around it — the realities and the repercussions, and of course there's so much shame and confusion in the mix — my mother was not one for conversation about this kind of thing. I think she was enraged about it, but felt powerless to stop it, so ignoring it was the next best thing.
When things happen on the street — catcalling or worse — 99.999999% of the time, no one does anything, says anything, or helps in any way. As a kid the message is, "this is normal, this is how things are." You feel like it's "tax" for existing as a girl or woman. You get to be publicly humiliated on the street. Lovely. And that's nowhere near the worst of it. Then you go to school and watch as there are a set of rules for boys and another for girls. And on and on we go. So many things get normalized, and so many things are insidious, by the time we're all grown it's just the water we're swimming in. Frankly, it isn't good for any of us, boys and men included.
Anyway, I hope you do write. I don't know what the specific fear is that you're working with (fear of being attacked on the internet, or other fears), but feel free to message me xo
Predators. So many predators. And I’m not talking about the mountain lion.
Too many, sadly. Lots of love, Ros ❤️🩹
Oh Ally. Thank you for using your pain as a powerful teacher. You shouldn't have to. People shouldn't have to experience what you have experienced to understand that it's wrong, or to be reminded that their daughters/sisters/wives/mothers have experienced these things. I felt your rage when reading about the incident with your 7-year-old daughter, so strongly it brought tears to me eyes. I have a pool of rage too, and it gets harder and harder not to spill it all over the place. But you inspire me, that maybe when we all spill in the same direction we can cleanse the world of some of these sick fcks. You've got wings in my book ✊🏼🪽
Well, you did it again, because now I'M crying. Thank you for this, Cody. It is a special kind of fury to think of my daughter out in this world, but god knows I have prepared her in every way I can think of, and I keep adding to her arsenal anytime something new occurs to me. It has been a helluva balance to do that, and also not raise a fearful kid — but some way or another she is open, she adores her brother, she has really good friends of every gender, she is confident, and she can kick some ass. I have a little Linda Hamilton here lol. I want her to be open to all people. But I also want her to be ready to throw down if she needs to.
My son was home over winter break, he's 19 and taller than me and my daughter both, and they are super close. At one point he asked if she thought she could escape if he tried to pick her up, and my god, she had him pinned to the floor in about twelve seconds. And he's strong and was not "letting her win." It gave me a lot of comfort, and my son, too. He was like, well, that's good to know. Anyway, hugs and love to you, Cody. As ever, I am so glad you're here <3
That is hilarious, I love your son's response to that lol. You've raised a good man, which is also no small feat in this world.
I've read what you've wrote about this topic before, and thank you for putting your heart out there again. I'm so sorry for the abuse you and your mom and your daughter and virtually every girl/woman have received. You did not deserve that. You deserved to be treated with the respect that you so obviously deserve. You are doing good in the world. I have so much respect for the women who are telling the truth about their pain, the pain of living under this system that panders to men, and excuses evil men. Your courage--demonstrated at an early age and only increasing in knowledge and power as you have grown older--is inspiring. You are part of a truly praiseworthy heritage that includes Rosa Parks, Gloria Steinem, Susan B Anthony, Angela Davis, Ruby Bridges, Harriet Tubman, et al. I hope you feel the commendation of the Universe. Peace.
Oh thank you, Robert. I am very grateful for the excellent men in my life, and for my sweet, kind, amazing son and for all of the good men who are disgusted and horrified when they hear these stories. Men who would never. I count you among them of course, and I’m very glad you’re here.
That’s kind of you to say. It really is a sad and challenging time for all of us. I have to remind myself frequently that everyone at their core is good, even the many lost and broken men sleepwalking through their lives perpetuating dysfunction and inflicting pain. My demographic is, I’m afraid, uniquely filled with angry and confused men who cannot fathom the changes that are happening and must happen for us to achieve a world of equality and peace and love. So many, like I used to be, are clinging to systems that provided meaning and comfort and, in my case, religious traditions that I thought were God-ordained, that enshrined male authority, systematized the degradation of women, and covered up abuse.
At a minimum I think the world will, on balance, be a better place when my generation is dead. I remain hopeful that there will be many, like me, who finally could not abide the internal pain and disconnection between what we know to be good and true, and the ways we are living that undermine goodness and truth.
For me it began by listening to my pain, sitting with it, and then beginning to listen to (especially) women and POC more attentively.
You were and are an important voice for many of us. Keep up the good work. You are helping change the world. Peace.
Learning about the divine feminine from any man is like learning sobriety from a raging alcoholic. No. No. No. A thousand times no.
Thank you! Could not agree more.
Oh Ally. It's all so awful, but coming here somehow makes me feel better. Someone isn't letting the truth keep being unsaid. I hope the ones being deterred from reporting what's been done to them due to horrific comments will find their way here. I would hope more men would show up here too but I'm managing my expectations on that one.
I am so glad you feel a little better being here, I do, too. At the very least we are having these conversations, and I hope any kid who needs help realizes there are so many of us who would believe them, and care, and do everything to help. I think that is one upside — we aren’t being quiet anymore. I don’t think we’ll go back to being quiet again.
I think they have unleashed a rage they might have underestimated, Mary Beth. I think this whole thing is going to collapse in on them because it’s rotten at the root — and because we will not give up. Hugs and love ❤️🩹❤️🔥
The silence of the ‘not all men’ contingent is deafening. Our racism and sexism are embedded so deeply into our marrow, it takes real consequences to get it out. Real blood-letting. And men, especially the ones in charge right now, remain untouched and unbothered by consequences. It’s the women and children who bleed.
Thanks for this Ally. I don’t know how you do it. xo
I would really love it if more of the good men got a LOT louder. I wrote a whole thing but decided I’d save it for the podcast micro essay lol. Love you.
Brilliant piece. So powerful. In my childhood and teen years I had very similar experiences to the ones you describe. I think most of us did. Holding all of this, seeing the reality that so many “experts” and “professors” and “thought leaders” have been all in on this predation leads to a feeling of betrayal and disgust and distrust because, sadly, it’s actually so unsurprising.
I think that’s the part. Most of us are heartbroken because it isn’t at all surprising. But it is enraging. Thanks for being here, Elizabeth ❤️🩹❤️🩹
Sadly as women we all have stories to tell about being fearful or abused. I so wish this wasn’t the world we live in. Your mentioning of Deepak makes me remember how much my Mom fell for what Dr Oz said on his show and thought he was so great. Pretty sure Deepak was on his show back when I sometimes watched. Now as a Medicare recipient I get emails from the great Oz telling me how to eat and take care of my health by walking while Medicare raised the cost of my anxiety medication this year. Can’t wait to see what the cost of my estrogen cream is when I get it refilled. I’ll let you know if they want sex to be painful for old women.
Remember when people thought Dr. Phil was so great with his "folksy, down-home" wisdom? Then he rode-along with ICE agents on some ICE raids out here last June. Then when it hurt his brand they said he was "just hanging out with Tom Homan in the field office" after they'd already released all this footage of him in the vehicles, riding along.
And Dr. Oz, smh. I think you are correct that all of these guys — Oz, Chopra, Dr. Phil, etc, fed each other. They're on the same "grift circuit" and it's so gross.
It is painful to know how many women are still supporting this, when the entire administration makes it clear how much they despise and have zero respect for women and girls every day. I hope your estrogen cream hasn't quadrupled in price, Mary. I don't think they care about any of us enjoying sex or feeling good in our bodies if we aren't producing babies. Big love to you xoxox
I'm pretty sure they don't care even if we *are* producing babies. They're age-blind in that way.
It's my first time reading your work, and I love it. My story parallels yours in so many ways. Your children are lucky to have a protector.
Thank you so much, Anna. I am sad so many of us relate, but always thankful when we find each other. I’m very glad you’re here ❤️🩹🙏🏼
“The world founders for the lack of any intelligent use of intelligence, any lovely use of love.”
Ally, thank you for this.
I wrote the above quote when I was 18. It’s even more pertinent now than it was then.
Wow that is quite a thing to write at 18. Thank you for being you, and for being here, David.
Likewise!
(I’m not always able to live up to it, of course, but it’s worth it to try…that was a tough time in my life, but I had this one flash of clarity, for which I am still grateful…thank you for shining your light onto what’s wrong with humanity—and onto what could and would be helpful!)
PS I’m still reeling about all those “gurus” who turned out to be so awful. It becomes obvious that we have to be our own teachers; better that way, as long as we can stay sane.😬
There are some really excellent teachers, but no one is enlightened or floating above the surface of the earth. It’s always the ones yelling “Shri!” all the time who have the craziest stuff in their closets, smh. I think the thing is to be discerning and not get swayed by bs and grifters.
I hear you on that. Discernment: a skill, or a gift, or both?
I quit my first job in the Wendy's drivethru because my manager told me I needed to smile more. I was 14. Good on you mamma!
Good on you, too! Nice to meet you, Nika ❤️🔥
I think more of us need to tell our stories. The stories of when we first seen a male penis and how that come to be. I don’t think there is any understanding of just how young little girls are when it happens or how frequently it happens. Somehow we have been taught to be quiet about it, as if it were our fault, something young child who didn’t even recognize what it was they were seeing, were somehow responsible for the mans behavior. And from then on, we assumed the blame. We need to tell our stories, let people be uncomfortable. God knows we have been, for years and years!
Exactly my thoughts. We’ve been carrying the shame, and it isn’t ours to carry, it belongs to them. I’m done being quiet about it, and I am very glad you’re here ❤️🩹❤️🩹
I am glad you are here too! Stories like this feed a fire in me. I believe we have to share our stories to heal and to protect others. I am planning to write a book, but meanwhile we have to get the word out that this is not acceptable!!!
❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥 and yay for your book!