Attempt to Injure
USA Hockey Rule Book:
Rule 602: Attempt to injure or recklessly endanger an opponent:
(a) A match penalty shall be assessed to any player who recklessly endangers or attempts to injure any opposing player or team official.
(b) A gross misconduct penalty shall be assessed to any team official who recklessly endangers or attempts to injure any opposing player or team official.
(Note) All incidents of attempt to inflict physical harm to game officials should be penalized under Rule 601 (e.1).
I was sitting at a restaurant the other day, waiting for a friend. She’d texted that she was running a few minutes late, so I ordered a matcha latte and grabbed us a table. I pulled out my phone to answer some emails, but became aware of the conversation at the table next to me — at which point I only pretended to look at my phone.
“... seems like he lied under oath, Dad, and Bondi, too. They interviewed this woman four times in 2025. That’s a big deal, they don’t waste resources. Why would they delete those files if there was nothing to hide?”
I took a careful peek at my table-neighbors. The woman speaking was probably around my age, hair in a ponytail, dressed in yoga clothes. Her dad was in a button-down shirt and jeans. I knew she was talking about the deleted Epstein files — specifically, the ones where a woman had accused the sitting POTUS of sexually assaulting her when she was thirteen years old.
“I don’t know,” he said, shrugging, and pausing for a spoonful of soup, “but I doubt anyone can or will prove they witnessed Trump getting his dick wet with a fifteen-year-old innocent, unsuspecting cheerleader —”
“Ew! Dad! That’s disgusting,” she said (my mouth had fallen open in horror), “and she wasn’t fifteen, she was thirteen, and she wasn’t a cheerleader. God! The point was the cover-up. That’s how these guys always get caught, like Watergate. Never mind.”
My friend walked through the door just then and that was the last I heard of the conversation happening next door — but I did notice the daughter looked unhappy for the rest of lunch, and I had the urge to invite her to our table. It isn’t easy being a woman right now, not that it’s ever been particularly easy.
I’ve thought about that exchange many times over the last few days. It’s partly the violent language that came out of that man’s mouth so casually, whilst talking to his daughter no less. It’s partly that he imagined a “fifteen-year old, innocent, unsuspecting cheerleader” — because what is that, except a fantasy in his own mind? No one said cheerleader.
No one said fifteen, either, except all the podcast bros and Megyn Kelly, trying to downplay child rape, and the grown men in Congress seeing if they can finagle how old a child is depending on their needs. If they want to prosecute “roving mobs of wild youth” — the phrase used by the POTUS to describe kids in DC — and let’s be clear, he means Black kids — fourteen is a good cut-off age, apparently. According to him, those kids should understand the consequences of their actions and spend decades behind bars.
But — if it’s a bunch of racist, homophobic Young Republicans in a group chat in their late twenties to mid-thirties, those are “kids” who should be given some leeway. I give you our VP, JD Vance:
“The reality is that kids do stupid things, especially young boys. They tell edgy, offensive jokes. That’s what kids do.” Kids. Young boys. Men in their late twenties to mid-thirties.
The hypocrisy is tiresome and insulting. These same men use the term “underage women” when they talk about the Epstein survivors and the things they went through as children — as if they hope we won’t notice you never hear the term “underage men.”
An underage woman is a girl. If you’re a grown man and you’re attracted to girls, at least be man enough to own it. It’s not like you’re going to get in trouble for it in this country, anyway, unless you run into the wrong woman at the wrong time, or unless more of us start training our daughters to be fucking warriors, which is where I’m at. Not all mothers, though.
On her podcast a while back, Megyn Kelly spent a lot of time trying to make Epstein one of those good pedophiles you never hear about. “He was into the barely legal type, like, he liked 15-year-old girls,” Kelly continued. “I’m not trying to make an excuse for this, I’m just giving you facts — that he wasn’t into, like, 8-year-olds. But he liked the very young teen types that could pass for even younger than they were, but would look legal to a passer-by.”
So, eight would be like, a “real” pedophile, and guys that like the “barely-legal types” are not the worst kind of pedophile? Is that the idea? Because fifteen means 9th grade for most kids. I have a sixteen-year-old daughter, I know exactly what we’re talking about here. So does Megyn Kelly — she has a fourteen-year-old daughter.
For the life of me, I cannot imagine what could happen to make the mother of a daughter (or anyone) become a pedophile-apologist, but it makes me sick.
I’m tired of all of it. I was enjoying the Olympics, a bright light in the midst of what is certainly the darkest chapter of American history I’ve experienced — and I say that as someone who was in New York City on 9/11. That’s my hometown, and that was the most heartbreaking day I’ve lived through, collectively speaking. We banded together after that.
We launched a twenty-year war as a result, this is true, but we were not hateful to each other, we were not divided this way. This was back in the days when (if you were white and still not understanding the water you were swimming in was full of poison) you could convince yourself “the enemy” was somewhere else.
Trump was just a gold name on tacky buildings, just a conman “real estate tycoon” with zero ethics. Everyone in New York knew he was a scam artist, a racist and a misogynist. These days he pretends he was at Ground Zero after the Towers went down, assisting with recovery. Close your eyes and try to picture that man extending himself to help another person. It’s hard to keep track of all the lies, but that is one of the most despicable.
What he did do on 9/11 was call into a radio station shortly after the Towers fell, and assert that because the Towers had fallen, 40 Wall Street — one of his buildings — was now the tallest building in the city. Lovely.
Maybe someone should take his phone away. The thing about the “locker room” phone call was how seamlessly the USA Men’s Hockey Team gave up any integrity or decency they had, any respect, concern, or friendship they felt for the Women’s Team (or any women in their lives, or any kids who looked up to them) — for the approval of a man accused of child rape. A man who was bffs with a convicted pedophile, who got Ghislaine Maxwell a sweet deal just months ago so she can now enjoy Pilates and organic food after trafficking and raping young children for years. Why?
As a woman, it makes you feel hopeless and disgusted. I don’t even have to talk about the idiocy of Kash Patel chugging beers like some kid who got picked last in gym class every time and is now desperate to be towel boy. It’s all the lowest of the low, and then the NHL couldn’t even get it together to issue an apology to the Women’s Team. Nope. Those men went to the White House and sat in a conference room eating McDonald’s and got trotted out for the State of the Union — which is not good at all, in case that needed to be said. They allowed themselves to be used by this unhinged, dementia-ridden president to distract from all the harm he’s causing.
Well done, fellas. You betrayed all the women and girls in your life for a weak, vindictive man who just wanted proximity to strength — but you gave yours away the minute you laughed at his demeaning non-joke. Why do you want to be close to a lying, cheating, adjudicated rapist criminal? Why do you care about his opinion more than the opinion of all sane, self-respecting women, and likely a large percentage of your daughters when they grow up and see what you did?
There are women who will laugh along because they also think proximity to the people in power will keep them safe or keep them on the inside. The inside of what, though? The inner circle of a president who uses AI to pretend he can play hockey and beat up Canadian hockey players? A woman asked me if I was bothered by the beer-drinking or the misuse of taxpayer money under someone’s post about Kash Patel, because Jill Biden went to the Olympics, too — and I didn’t bother answering because there’s nothing more depressing than a woman who is all in with these men.
There were posts from men saying the disgust over the phone call was “performative rage” and — astoundingly — this is why Democrats don’t win elections. And one from a male comic who decided it was a good time to mansplain “affiliative laughter” and how sometimes people laugh just to get along, and not because they agree or think something is funny. OMFG.
Then he said women should understand because sometimes they laugh to stay safe. I replied that there’s a difference between laughing at a man’s joke so he doesn’t kill you, and a whole team of grown men laughing at the president because they want his approval. He must’ve thought better of it after 9,877,631,987 women told him to sit this one out, because that post is deleted and all I can tell you is his name is Andy and I don’t think you should see his show.
The rage is not performative. The rage is real, and every time a man (almost always straight and white) posts some garbage take suggesting it isn’t, he adds more fuel to the fire.
I’d much rather talk about the Women’s Hockey Team, or the fact that of the 12 gold medals we took home, 8 were won by women. I’d rather talk about the fact that 49 athletes at the Olympics this year were/are openly queer, and 19 of them took home medals. I’d rather tell you of the 33 medals Team USA took home, 11 were won by athletes who are children of immigrants. There’s a Venn diagram in there somewhere comprised of almost everything worth nurturing in this world.
I could have watched Alysa Liu for weeks on end. That is what joy in motion looks like, and I cried every time she got on the ice. That’s what I’m fuckin’ talkin’ about, too. It was extraordinary. Mikaela Shiffrin won gold in the slalom and also in the hearts of anyone living with grief and wondering how to keep living, a thing I have had to learn myself these last few years. Breezy Johnson defied gravity multiple times and I was laughing at the announcers describing certain moments as “mistakes” because all I saw was a miracle flying down a mountain. Whatever the mistakes, she still took home gold in alpine skiing.
Elana Meyers Taylor, 41, won her first Olympic gold with her husband and two sons cheering her on. Kaillie Humphries, 40, won bronze — her 6th Olympic bobsled medal (3 gold, 3 bronze — and the only woman to win gold medals for two different countries, the USA and Canada). She’s also a mom as of June, 2024 after an IVF journey. Women are amazing.
And, of course, the fantastic USA Women’s Hockey Team won gold in overtime against Canada. The Women’s Team has medaled in every Olympics since the sport was introduced in 1998. Meaning, they have never gone to the Olympics and not gone home with a medal. They’ve won 3 gold, 4 silver, and 1 bronze.
The Men’s Team has been playing since 1920. They had not won a gold medal since 1980, so this year broke a 46-year drought (a number I had to check twice, because 1980 was not 46 years ago, obviously). They’ve won 8 silver, and a bronze. The last medal (silver) was 16 years ago. So 46-year gold medal drought, 16-year medal-of-any-kind drought. Maybe we should get Eileen Gu in here to ask if it is 16 years of medals lost…or?
I share this not to take anything away from the USA Men’s Hockey Team, but to highlight the incredible Women’s Team, who have had to work harder with less, and still did better.
They had to fight for a living wage along the way, for example. Back in 2017, the Women’s Team fought to get more than the $1000/month they were receiving to play — and that was just during the years when the Olympics occurred. Most of the players had to work two and three jobs in addition to training — a thing the members of the Men’s Team did not have to worry about. The Women’s Team had to fight for a decent budget for equipment, too.
The common (boring, tired) response is women are paid less because they bring in less money. If they sold tickets the same way the men did, they’d be paid more. Oh, yeah? How do you suppose male hockey players become well-known outside the people who follow hockey? They get brand endorsements and sponsorships:
While 40% of U.S. athletes are female, women’s sports sponsorship comprised less than 1% of total sports sponsorships back in 2020. In addition, female athletes received a mere 2-4% of media coverage compared to male athletes. This lack of representation could be rooted in outdated gender stereotypes. Sponsorships for male athletes are primarily influenced by their strength, skill set, and popularity, rather than their alignment with conventional beauty norms. Conversely, female athletes often encounter greater challenges, as their appearance can sometimes receive more attention than their abilities.
Shocker. Maybe if women got more exposure, support, respect and recognition, they’d fill arenas the same way men do. See how this is a systemic issue, and how it permeates everything?
The part of this that hurts so much is if you zoom way out, none of it is new. For whatever reason, ever since we decided we wanted to own things we keep choosing violence. Gladiator shit. Burning women at the stake. Domination. Invading countries, raping and pillaging, enslaving and trafficking, planting flags on a planet we only get to visit for a flash of time.
Thinking the tree in our front yard belongs to us, that we own it.
A few months ago I was talking to a man who said he was disturbed when a young woman he worked with told him the patriarchy had to go. “I told her, if the patriarchy goes, you’ll silence my voice!” He said this to me with a lot of emotion. I looked at him like he had three heads because I have no poker face. It made me wonder how many men think this way.
“Patriarchy” is derived from Greek for “rule of the father” — where the eldest male in the family ran the household. It is a male-centered, male-identified, male dominated system, and it affects everyone by enforcing strict gender roles. Men are supposed to be emotionless, women are supposed to be submissive, treated as objects. Comply or die. Make me a sandwich. Have my babies. Get me a beer.
It leads to the normalization of systemic inequality everywhere — things like the gender pay gap, violence against women, not believing women, denying women the right to vote or bodily autonomy or the ability to say no to their husbands (marital rape was not outlawed in every state in the U.S. until 1993). The inequality bleeds over into our children. They are not as valuable as men in this system, not by a long shot, so they can (and will) be used and abused.
Doing away with the patriarchy isn’t the silencing of the male voice, it’s inviting everyone to the table. It’s admitting this isn’t working well for anyone sane. It’s relinquishing male domination and giving everyone a chance to speak. It’s keeping the most vulnerable amongst us safe. It should not surprise any of us to know that matriarchy is not the opposite of patriarchy. In a matriarchal system, communal living is emphasized, cooperation is the foundation — not competition — and all are nurtured.
We might have to burn shit down to get there, though.
Thumbnail image/Photo by Tim Foster on Unsplash
Men like him are afraid of the patriarchy going away because they’re afraid that women will treat them how they’ve been treating women.
You are an excellent writer. The truth to power righteous journey I travel with you is worthy of a gold medal. Thank you!