53 Comments
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Faith Senie's avatar

Men like him are afraid of the patriarchy going away because they’re afraid that women will treat them how they’ve been treating women.

Ally Hamilton's avatar

Yup, and because they are scared of a world where they can’t dominate — a space, a conversation, women, resources, etc. These are the kind of men who are not safe, whether they know it or not. Thanks for being here, Faith.

Meg Powers Livingston's avatar

Yep, and they are afraid that, without the automatic granting of dominance, they will have to get by on actual merit. Oh, the horrors!

Genessa L Krasnow's avatar

You are an excellent writer. The truth to power righteous journey I travel with you is worthy of a gold medal. Thank you!

Ally Hamilton's avatar

Oh Genessa, thank you! You made my morning! Hugs and love to you ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

Ann Lam-Anh Pham's avatar

I knew the sport sponsorship amount for women are low, but to have that <1% figure staring back at me is nauseating. So is the conversation about men being afraid of being silenced or losing the ability to dominate. Thank you for writing this piece and raising awareness.

Ally Hamilton's avatar

Yeah that was really shocking to me, too. I knew it was bad, but didn’t imagine it was that bad. And my god, Ann. I thought my head might implode when I was in that conversation. “You’ll be silencing my voice”?! Smh. Thanks for being here, I appreciate you ❤️

Amy Johnson's avatar

Good to know from this aside that I wasn't the only one questioning the math: "(a number I had to check twice, because 1980 was not 46 years ago, obviously)." 🤪

Ally Hamilton's avatar

Amy, the way my brain stopped dead and said NO. Lol 😂

Rita Ott Ramstad's avatar

When it comes to women's sports and how they are regarded, I get great hope from The Sports Bra, a sports bar in my city that shows only women's sports on its screens. It's been a great success, and it shows that there is an audience for women athletes. As you say, a place like that invites everyone to the table. I think your essay today is in conversation with one Dina Honor published today (https://dinahonour.substack.com/p/shes-got-some-balls). I like the way she's encouraging us to think about the whole table differently.

Ally Hamilton's avatar

Ha, love the name AND the concept. I would totally go there. And I love Dina, can’t wait to curl up and read that as my treat at the end of the day ❤️ Yours, too.

Kate Delhagen's avatar

Regarding The Sports Bra: thank you for the support (😉) There will be four more opening soon as the founder Jenny / TSB is franchising. Indy, Boston, Vegas and St Louis are all underway. LFG. Plus there are about a dozen others w different names around the country. Support them all!

Ally Hamilton's avatar

Oh my gosh that is so cool, Kate! I will definitely support!

Rosemoon Mecho's avatar

Silencing the male voice sounds dreamy to me! I mean, what if they all just stfu for a minute….

Ally Hamilton's avatar

Lol. Like, can we just have a moment of silence for all the people we didn’t get to be because we couldn’t exist safely in this world? I started that with lol but then it got real sad. Sigh.

Mary Varner Hutto's avatar

Thankful for the SC Gamecock Women's Basketball team. They work as a team under a great coach Dawn Staley who has coached Olympic teams as well. They pack the Colonial Life Arena in Columbia, SC. They won another regular season SEC Championship last night. As for some old, white men my husband says they are making him look bad and I can assure you he is not!

Ally Hamilton's avatar

Love to hear this, Mary. I feel 100% sure women’s teams could fill arenas across the country easily given the chance. And haha to your husband 🤣👏🏼Love to you xo

Shar W 🌲🪾's avatar

Thank you Ally for shining a light on this!! 💕 I was exposed to male hockey culture in Canada in the 90s and wow was it disgusting. The way women were treated and the way the players acted with each other and towards women left no doubt that women were nothing more than a piece of ass, and the player that got to her first won. Loved the stats on the medals btw. Women are positively amazing!!

Ally Hamilton's avatar

Totally the same in NY! I got into hockey in NYC in 1994 when the Rangers were in the playoffs and then won the Stanley Cup. I don’t think I missed a game leading up to it and even went to some games in person. I was SO excited when they won, and went out with friends that night. Crazily ended up in the same club where they were celebrating and I got a birds-eye view of the way they were treating the women present 😳That burst any bubble I had about what kind of guys they were off the ice. I’m sure there were exceptions to the rule, but it didn’t look good. I remember feeling very let down, I had been rooting for them all season.

And yes, women are so amazing 🔥🔥🔥 Hugs and love xx

Paula Simmons's avatar

Well done! If we look closely, and as women, we don’t need to look closely as we live it every day, the patriarchy has infected everything in this country. And the world. Language. Think about getting good at something – – it’s called “mastering” it. “History.” “Mankind.”

Ally Hamilton's avatar

100%. There’s also the entitlement. I have a man in the comments under a different essay (You Should Smile More) telling me now I should write about some good men. Like, sir. What? lol. It never ends. Thanks for being here, Paula ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🔥

A CRONE WITH A BOTTLE. Or two.'s avatar

Let's. Burn this shit down. xoxoxo

Ally Hamilton's avatar

Yes! LFG🔥🔥🔥

TrishB's avatar

If it takes burning the shit down, so be it.

Ally Hamilton's avatar

Agreed. So incredibly over this. Thanks for being here, Trish ❤️‍🔥

TrishB's avatar

My pleasure to be here.

Wendy Wolf's avatar

You're a genius and I love you.

Ally Hamilton's avatar

Aw girl! I love you, too!!

Ann Spragens's avatar

NHL hockey is not longer even my “there’s nothing else on tv” choice. I might watch the Blackhawks because I love the city of Chicago, but it won’t be for quite a while.

Ally Hamilton's avatar

Agree, I’m so disappointed. Women’s hockey all the way, though. That I will watch, given the opportunity! Thanks for being here, Ann.

Saffi's avatar

For him, silencing his voice means other people get to speak.

Ally Hamilton's avatar

Yeah the level of entitlement and perceived victimhood at the thought of such a thing was pretty wild. Thanks for being here, Saffi.

Elizabeth Beggins's avatar

And how easily men (groups and the individuals who form them) seem to lose their integrity. I've been doing a lot of thinking about biology and where the impulses therein cross over into cultural norms and conditioning. It's all too formless to put anything here and it may never make it into an essay. Suffice to say, we--and by we I mean they--know better, and given that, they need to do better. Appreciate you.

Ally Hamilton's avatar

There is a part of my brain that instantly picks up the thread you’re dropping here, and another part that is so tired. I’m trying to find the energy to record the podcast right now 😶‍🌫️ and am seriously wondering if I can make sense. So I feel you. I think that’s one of the many side effects of this existing on this timeline, it is really exhausting. But if you do form the words, I shall read them 🤍 And I thank you for being here, Elizabeth xo

Kelly Thompson TNWWY's avatar

This the lay of the land. I’m verklompt. Nothing fucking changes.

Ally Hamilton's avatar

It does feel that way, Kelly, and it’s enraging. I refuse to give up, though. I have times when I need to curl up under a blanket or walk away from all the screens and go sit by the ocean, times when I feel like I could breathe fire I’m so furious, and times when I let myself have a good cry, but there’s no way I can accept this is how it is. I think it’s good we’re talking about it, I think it’s becoming clear to more and more of the sane people among us that this is not working well for anyone. And at the very least, it feels better to call it out for the bullshit it is, than it does to be quiet. Hugs to you, Kelly. Try not to give up, and when you feel despair, just think of all the Gen Xers hitting perimenopause and the postmenopausal women out there who contain the fury of a million suns

🌞🌞🌞 I believe in us xo