I cried reading this. I still am. I am not ok. I am not eating enough, sleeping schedule ridiculous, I am isolated and having trouble reaching out. When I leave my apartment and go into the world it doesn’t make sense that everything looks the same but it is not the same. I am fearful that my country is dead and we haven’t had a funeral and everyone is walking around avoiding the body and just leaving it out in the sun.
Oh Jeanne, I wish I could give you a hug. I am also not sleeping well. It’s such a terrible, powerless feeling to think these people are just there in Washington destroying our checks and balances and there’s not a lot we can do. It’s very hard to make it make sense, because it doesn’t make sense.
I don’t think it’s over yet. I think there are a lot of people who didn’t vote - not talking about protest votes, just people who weren’t very engaged - and I think things are going to get very bad and perhaps they will join the chorus of those of us feeling utter despair about what’s happening. And I think it’s possible some of his supporters may abandon ship, particularly those who lose their jobs in these massive layoffs, or get hit hard with the higher cost of everything due to tariffs, or potentially the loss of Social Security and Medicaid. (I am trying to make you feel a little better, ironically).
Try not to give up, yeah? See if you can eat a little something. Where are you? Is there anywhere you can volunteer? If you’re anywhere near me we should meet for coffee. My heart hurt reading your comments, but I relate so much. You’re not alone ❤️
Thanks. I will hang in there. I have made a list of causes and orgs to contact and get involved in resistance. This is a bad week with my therapist out with a family emergency. You have helped me tonight.
My ex-husband flat out lied to me for two weeks about an incident with a woman he was seeing while we were still legally married, co-habitating, and co-parenting. I knew something was off—my female gut told me so—and then he left his text chat window open on his computer right in front of me, and I saw the truth. Yes, I read the text—something I’d never done in 25 years of marriage. But it was RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. He was so incensed about the fact that I read the message that it was somehow suddenly okay that he’d lied to my face for two weeks straight—actually calling me crazy for perseverating on it. So, yeah. Onion-chopping solidarity, sister. And I’m not alright, either. I’m a ragey, angry, old crone. And I’m worried this might just be who I am now. I’m so tired of all the gaslighting, patriarchal bullshit that I could scream. Forever. But at least I’m screaming in good company. 💙
Dang, I just love these dudes who are like, yes I was banging someone else, but I can't believe you were looking at my phone/text window that was right in front of your face. How could you? LOL. Fuck all the way off. And yes, I really miss waking up in a country where you can just go about your day and not worry about whether you'll be dragged out of a town hall for having an opinion. Amongst a million other things. Love and hugs.
Trying to remember where I saw it posted. So many things are flying at us all the time, it’s hard to keep track. Pretty sure it was the TN Holler, and it might have been video they posted that Kristi Burke took before she was escorted out…
OMG. You've just told the story of my life. And yes, cognitive dissonance is necessary for me to get through the day. I've finally gotten to a place where I love myself, am doing the things I've always been meant to do, and I'm not going let rage and fear devour me. And I'm doing what I can to support our cause. It's horrifying.
I left a whole-ass response and somehow it got deleted lol. But I was saying that it is a very strange thing to actively *employ* cognitive dissonance as a coping mechanism so you can do the regular things that need to get done while all this insanity is occurring at the same time. I’ve had multiple days where I’m like, I should just get in the car and drive to D.C. but that’s crazy because it would take days, so really flying is what I’d need to do. So I looked at airfare and thought about it and then of course I’d need a hotel. And then I’m making a sign and going to march, right? For like a day or two? Which I want to do. I would at least feel like I am doing something other than calling my senators every day and boycotting corporations and not shopping. But I have no idea if it makes sense. But nothing makes sense. Anyway. Maybe I’ll do it, who knows? I adore you. That’s all, really. Thanks for being here, thanks for being you ❤️
I ADORE you! I don't know what to do. I'm calling my politicians. Because they're politicians, they're democrats and I've been a dem my whole voting life. But right now, I don't feel like any of them deserve their official titles. I know I'm speaking in broad generalizations, but honestly, I'm sick of and disappointed by the gutlessness that we're witnessing in the dem party. I'm not a street marcher, so protests are not my thing. It's way too anxiety provoking for me. I'll find other ways. Keeping it local for now, that's really important to me.
That, too. I have been helping a few of my elderly neighbors. It started with one and word has spread haha. I may start my own pro bono grocery delivery service if I’m not careful 🤣 I jest, I don’t mind at all, it feels good to do something. I think I just want to be doing more, but more of something that would help faster or sooner, and I’m not sure such a thing exists. I think it’s the small actions every day.
I agree that doing something is the only antidote to feeling helplessly depressed. After retiring from 30+ years of working with immigrants and refugees, I volunteer to teach English to refugees again, and it's great to feel useful (even if in a tiny way). Almost like being part of the resistance after asshole cut all the funding for people who've been through so much and deserve better than to be left out in the cold again. Sticking a finger to the man.
I'm in Canada and I'm not ok. I can't focus. I yelled at a kid at school today. Kids I'm supposed to help. I'm eating way to much junk food and smoking too much weed. I hold it together kinda till 830 when my kids go to bed and then I fall apart. I can't even imagine actually living in America right now. 💔
We keep wishing we could wake up from the nightmare. But the only awakening is to remember all the beautiful things in the world, and to fight for them.
Oh Stacey, I'm so sorry. You know we are in some strange territory when our president is making such a huge and painful mess, even our closest neighbors and longtime friends are hurting. It's horrendous. I hope you can give yourself a little grace. We're all doing the best we can, it isn't going to be perfect. A little too much junk food, weed, losing your patience...it's okay. Kids learn as much from a grownup who can say "I'm sorry, I'm having a hard day and I feel so sad I yelled at you" as they do from a grownup who can't apologize. It's not like any of us are gonna make it through life without blowing it once in a while. I'm sending you the biggest hug. I'm sorry our president is such a terrible person. I hate this for all of us. But I'm so glad to meet you. Thank you for being here, truly <3
I am fully convinced that his fucking supporters will never blame him for anything and are determined to stay willfully blind. even if they lose their livelihood, their meager benefits, their homes, their children (from measles for fucks sake!!!) due to his policies. They will be destitute and diseased and still proudly wear their fucking red hats and praise their orange savior.
Sorry, I'm so full of rage these days I think every other word out of my mouth is something that I would have been punished for as a child, although now my very polite and proper mother is also cursing like a sailor every time we talk about the orange felon and his maggot supporters (my apologies to maggots).
It’s enraging and painful to watch this go down and feel powerless to stop it, so I get it. I drop f-bombs left and right these days. I edited out about 300 in this essay lol. I have more rage toward these men in Washington, intentionally giving the old FU to our structures of democracy than anyone else. Mostly because they know exactly what they’re doing. I read Project 2025 in its entirety like the nerd I am, and this is it, only a bit worse.
I think their supporters are not a swath of likeminded people, I think there are lots of factions, and I think they managed to appeal to them successfully which is hard to acknowledge. They got the single issue voters who think abortion is murder even though we all understand what that really means is people who want to control women. I don’t have to sit here and tell you how nuts it is to say you’re pro-life and then scream about not one single concession on guns, as kids are shot down at school every week, or refuse to talk about affordable childcare, or want to take away free school lunches and Medicaid. Whatever. Let alone these abortion bans which are killing girls and women and making doctors flee those states. But regardless, they got that vote.
They also got the 2nd Amendment folks.
They got the raw milk moms because of RFK, Jr, even though the first thing he did was reverse himself and tell everyone to get their kid the MMR vaccine, guess he didn’t want to get blamed for the deaths of lots of children - or someone told him he’d better release that statement to avoid getting sued.
Some people are gonna have a tough time with this next part, but they got the misogynists, the bigots and the racists. The people who would not vote for a Black woman, who want their undocumented neighbors deported even if they’ve been here 30 years working their asses off and paying taxes and having kids. They don’t want to hear any more about pronouns. They’re “okay” with queer folks but they don’t want to hear about your sex life, and if they take away same-sex marriage, these are not the people who are going to object.
Lastly, they got a group of people I can’t be upset with, and these are the people who’ve been living on the fringes of society far too long. People without a safety net. I’m thinking of the film Nomad, for example, don’t know if you saw it. I think both parties have failed these people, but Dems are supposed to be the party that wants to create the safety net, so I think that’s on us.
There are some other folks, too. Folks who like that sweet, sweet tax break and really don’t give a shit about anything else.
All of it is sad and enraging and thinking of your mom cursing like a sailor made me laugh a little, so at least there’s that! Sending you love and hugs in this unfathomable world ❤️
I was on the edge of my seat with that phone story wondering what was going to happen. Good for you for leaving and not giving in to that bullshit. Now if only we could get more people who are sitting in the same room as the narcissists in power, one of whom routinely shows up to work in a t-shirt yet that toilet stain of a vice lunatic is not pointing that out, to walk out in solidarity, we'd be in a much better place. Without the audience, there's no one to bullshit. It's maddening how many people support the bullshit and lap it up like it's literally life-giving. I am eager to see what is on the other side of this moment in time because I want these people to get theirs, but I'm also scared for what it means for the rest of us.
Funny thing is, by the time that Zillow text thing happened, I’d been through sooooo many experiences like that in my life. I think he was amazed I was not falling for it, but I was like fucker, I have an advanced degree, and you’re trying to sell me this gaslighting 101 course right now. I took that course with a guy when I was 17. Jesus. Still had a nervous system response, though.
I think we are all longing for that moment when the shoe drops and the people we’ve been trying to warn finally see the truth of what we’ve been saying. I think it’s a trap to hope for that, but I still hope. I don’t think it will happen for the people who own red hats. I think they’re in it no matter what, and will somehow find a way to blame Obama when things go wrong 😩
But maybe the people who stayed home because they “don’t really care about politics” or the people who thought he’d lower grocery prices…maybe they’ll come around. Or the people who are horrified he pardoned the J6 crew.
There may be a few of his staunchest supporters who bail if they don’t get Social Security or Medicaid. It’s just such a mess, and we are bound here. Our fates are entangled with people who look at the same things we do, and draw conclusions I cannot fathom. Trying to keep the faith, though. Hugs, Kate. Always love meeting you here ❤️
Brilliant piece. Thank you for putting my cognitive dissonance into words that make sense. I think what is happening in our country is particularly challenging for those of us with narcissists in our pasts. I am so easily triggered.
Yes, there’s the legitimate horror about the onslaught of all the things that are happening, and then there’s the way the president and vp conduct themselves as people. And the first part is painful and enraging for those of us with a similar outlook, but that second thing is so hard to take when you know people like this. You can spot it a mile out. It’s one of the reasons I try to read the news instead of watching it, but sometimes you can’t avoid those clips, and sometimes I do think it’s important to see. At least a little. I sure do a lot of 4-7-8 breathing these days! Thanks for being here, Holly. Sending you hugs x
It's always a wonder why people turn out the way they do. I give a lot of leeway because I want to understand. I know the way I see and move through the world is not the only way one can, or should. But man, when people are cruel and cause harm, especially from positions of power, all my slack disappears. Modernity is insane, and it fucks us up, but it's no excuse for harm and deceit. I hope we figure out a way to choose life over power. The hour is late.
Couldn’t agree more. In my personal life I have given people so much slack if they’re coming out of a traumatic background. Too much. But when you have people like this who are in power, and are cruel for cruelty’s sake, who treat public lands like “assets” to be leveraged, who think it’s okay to speak to and about people with no respect or decency, you lose me. Completely.
I think part of the very basic problem is anyone who is asking me to stop and consider the thoughts and ideas of a man who said he grabs women by the pussy. Just stop. I have less than zero interest in the thoughts and ideas of a man who would utter that sentence. Forget about the millions of other things he’s said and done. I am not interested. He also screwed over my stepmom when I was 12. She had the misfortune of being an architect in a small firm he put out of business. He’s a terrible, shitty human being. So why anyone would think I’d thoughtfully consider his point of view is beyond me.
You know I understand about being raised by narcissists, and watching all of this happen. And I just had a recent rift with a long time friend (who is NPD or BPD) and I'm in that horrible position of it doesn't matter how I comport myself in this, it will be viewed as my fault. I am just exhausted and triggered and I am also ENTIRELY DONE with being treated like shit.
I'm so sorry, Kari. I know how much that hurts and is exhausting. I think I have finally reached the age where I just can't or won't have people like that in my life, but dang did it take a long time. You'd think having parents like that would cure you of the inclination, but it's the old "feels like home, must be love" equation lol/sob. Funnily enough, the pepper-cutting therapist was the last fucker I got entangled with romantically who thought he was gonna run that script with me, and it felt so good to grab my stuff and leave. That was over a decade ago. But it sucks when it's a friend. I had to let go of a friendship with someone I treasured, because part of being close to her required walking on eggshells, and life is just too short. But it hurt, because we were close for 10 years. I just couldn't keep writing apologies in my own head anymore. Huge hugs and lots of love, friend. More space for people who write their own apologies, just like we do when needed <3
Yeah, this is a similar Eggshells situation. This is a person I have been friends with for 20 years. They are not a bad person, and their disorder(s) are not their fault, but it has become exhausting. And I know that no matter what I do, they will see themselves as the victim, which in and of itself is triggering. I can't disabuse them of that notion, so i have to look out for myself in the end. But yes, it hurts, and it also hurts to look back at where I was in my life when I met them and was completely unable to see it.
It happens. It’s really hard. Sometimes things you were willing to tolerate at one point become intolerable later. It’s no one’s fault. You grow together or you grow apart. I’ve never been good at growing apart when there’s love in the mix, I’m always one of those, stay and fight and try, but with this kind of person it doesn’t matter how hard you try - as you well know. Just gotta release with love if you can and tend to your own heartache. I still miss her in my life, but I can’t do it ❤️🩹
I’m so tired tonight and I feel all these words in my chest after reading this and I don’t know how to get them out.
Someone close to me who voted for this shit texted me today like nothing happened. Hasn’t texted since November but today her cognitive dissonance kicked in apparently. I want to scream my face off. Or her face off. It’s fucking exhausting.
But I 🤍 this essay. Always in awe of how well you articulate what comes out of me like explosive diarrh… well. You know. Thank you for the heart you put into every word. You are the best.
It's strange because in a way I've been doing this for most of my life. This whole thing of experiencing something real and painful, and getting up the next day as though everything is okay even though it isn't. I grew up like that. It's pretty much part of the child of an alcoholic playbook. But no one lives that way by choice because it fucking sucks. And you can't have open honest relationships with people who hurt you. But we're all kind of living some version of that now, and I wish those of us struggling lived close enough to meet for lunch or a group hug or to scream into the abyss together. Anyway, I am grateful for you. You're the best. Hope you're sleeping. Love you xx
Oh Sandy, I'm so glad this helped. I am holding on with everything I've got. And I'm stubborn, so we have that going for us, lol. Thank you for being here, I'm so grateful. It helps to know we aren't alone in these feelings. Sending you love and hugs.
This isn't a hostile question at all, but isn't there some level of cognitive dissonance in being a pro-war yogi? I support peace regardless of political affiliation. War is never the answer.
Of course. I’d love to have a world where there is no war. I don’t eat animals because I don’t want to participate in the suffering or killing of any sentient being to whatever degree I can opt out of that. Just trying to deal with the world we’re in and set things in *any* kind of motion that would shift them in a direction where that might be possible for my kids, or their kids one day. And these men who just took over seem to me to be the worst possible path forward. I feel they want to eat the earth. Not saying we were doing well before, or that we’ve ever done well. Some cultures certainly seem to have had a more respectful and compassionate relationship with their surroundings. I think we lost something when we started living in boxes and thinking of land as something to carve up and own. But that’s a totally reasonable question and I am always up for any conversation. If I told you what I really thought about how we ought to be living you’d probably think I was naive or radical. I think it’s all bullshit. All the borders, all the human-made constructs we’ve created that cause division and hatred. Any religion that teaches there’s only one way. Any idea that we arrive here for 80-100 years and think any of this belongs to us. The tree in my front yard isn’t mine. The yard isn’t mine. My kids don’t belong to me, they belong to the world, they just came through me. So…yeah.
Based on your beliefs and moral values—which I deeply respect—it seems like neither party fully aligns with your principles. I personally feel that way too. I don’t compromise on war or bodily autonomy, so I’ve often felt like an outsider. That’s given me a different, more liberating outlook. I truly believe that choosing a side in the current political climate doesn't lead to the harmony we all want. Division is the tool they both use to maintain control.
Absolutely understand and respect your perspective. We are so far from anything that feels right or good or like anything I want for my kids or myself or any of us. And I agree the game is to keep us divided and screaming at each other. Right now I’m so worried for my kids. I really am concerned these guys are going to do so much damage to the actual framework of democracy, I don’t know how or if we will recover. That’s the thing that’s making it different this time. The lack of regard for the Constitution, the ignoring of court orders, the overriding of Congress, drawing the FCC, FTC and SEC under WH control, the lack of trust in journalism. Just not sure what will be left in four years to work with 😩 Trying to have some faith, but not seeing a lot of reason to feel reassured.
I totally hear where you're coming from, especially about the disregard for the Constitution and the overreach of power. That’s something I’ve been thinking about too. From my perspective, though, I think a lot of these issues can go both ways, and sometimes they get framed in ways that play into partisan talking points and fearmongering. Both sides are objectively guilty of overstepping, regardless of who the president is. Yet it often seems like it’s mostly the other side that notices and amplifies it to get a reaction from their base. I always remind myself to wonder if the situation is as dire as it's made out to be, or if it's more about how things are portrayed in the media.
I mean, I hear you, but I think when we have kids with flash drives in the Treasury accessing our Social Security numbers and writing code on our payment systems we're in pretty extreme territory - and that has been verified not just by three different sources inside the Treasury, but by the judge overseeing the court case. I also read Project 2025, all 920 pages of it on a trip to and from Portugal, and it is very much what we're seeing. These guys want to gut the government agencies/dismantle the administrative state, expand presidential power and privatize everything. They love their AI. They're also Christian nationalists. So all of that is very much the agenda, and they are acting on it. And I have two very good friends who work for USAID, one of them is an OB/GYN and she was offering prenatal and postnatal care to mothers in Uganda, she moved her family there to do it, and all funding has been frozen. And for what? To save less than 1% of our total budget? The other friend is a photo journalist who travels to places like Ghana to document the help USAID is giving to farmers to teach them to farm sustainably and resist Chinese-financed gold-mining. That's just one example, he travels all the time. The goodwill that has been built up over years is being torpedoed, and it's not just that people will die of starvation and disease today, it's also medicine and food that stop when USAID workers are sent home. This does feel beyond the pale to me. I don't believe these things would have been happening regardless of who won this election. I think we need new, young leadership, and I'd like to see a lot more women in power, but right now I'm just trying to figure out what I can do to try to throw sand in the gears.
I hear your concerns, but there’s also valid criticisms to be made about USAID, so it’s definitely not a black and white issue. I also see a pattern where each side focuses on the most alarming actions of the other while overlooking when *their own side* engages in similar overreach or harmful policies when given the chance. Sadly, I don’t trust the Trump administration or the Democratic Party to truly serve the people’s interests, and I think the bigger issue is the consolidation of power, the erosion of meaningful checks and balances, and the growing inequality that both parties have failed to address, regardless of which one is in control. I’d like to see more women in power too, but I think it’s important that they not be just more puppets of the establishment. We already have plenty of that, and true change comes from those who challenge the broken system, regardless of gender.
Definitely not me. I’m just pro trying to find a way to not allow these people to overthrow our democracy, isolate us from our allies, and cause even more suffering here and abroad. Which seems to be the plan. I’d love to be in a world where there is no war, but I woke up in the world we’re in, and my kids live in this world and so do all our kids. My feeling is they all deserve a lot better, and so do we, and these are the worst possible people to be in charge.
I’m trying to figure out what we can do to deal with the emergency at hand. And in my view, it is an emergency, and not because the media is saying so. I suppose if you’re coming from the point of view that the whole system has been hijacked, then watching it burn might seem like a good thing. I do think we could use an overhaul, but not one orchestrated by soulless billionaires, tech bros and Christian nationalists! Thanks for being here, Elle. Sending you a lot of love ❤️
The Democratic Party has rejected every peace talk with Russia, while Trump has been pushing for negotiations. The post does seem critical of that stance, especially regarding Zelensky’s visit to the U.S. to secure additional funding.
It’s worth asking who the real dictator is when every peace talk offered by Putin is rejected. There’s nothing brave about watching a population get decimated from afar.
I believe the previous administration believed that negotiating with Vladimir Putin was analogous to negotiating with Adolf Hitler. On the other hand it seemed once upon a time that Russia and the U.S. might be friends. A grievous situation all around, now.
The previous administration called a lot of people Hitler, which shut down critical thinking and real diplomacy. They shouldn’t have been so quick to sacrifice an entire generation of Ukrainian men by refusing to even give peace a chance.
Hi Ally, thank you for being here and still writing. Same as quite a few others here, including you, I'm really not making any sense out of what's happening. For a few years now I've been trying to understand the world better only to realise I don't really understand it.
The bit I'm really struggling with is the potential time line of the events needed to bring some order back. In a way it feels like some dystopian urban Lord Of The Rings. If you replace ring with "insane amount of money" you almost get the correct analogy.
I don't know how to live, I mean, I function, I do my job, but if you asked my how I'm doing I'll probably say I got no fucking clue. I'm just living on the surface.
I don't have many meaningful words right now Ally, so I'll just finish with hoping we will somehow get through this.
Wishing you and your family all the best as always.
I cried reading this. I still am. I am not ok. I am not eating enough, sleeping schedule ridiculous, I am isolated and having trouble reaching out. When I leave my apartment and go into the world it doesn’t make sense that everything looks the same but it is not the same. I am fearful that my country is dead and we haven’t had a funeral and everyone is walking around avoiding the body and just leaving it out in the sun.
Oh Jeanne, I wish I could give you a hug. I am also not sleeping well. It’s such a terrible, powerless feeling to think these people are just there in Washington destroying our checks and balances and there’s not a lot we can do. It’s very hard to make it make sense, because it doesn’t make sense.
I don’t think it’s over yet. I think there are a lot of people who didn’t vote - not talking about protest votes, just people who weren’t very engaged - and I think things are going to get very bad and perhaps they will join the chorus of those of us feeling utter despair about what’s happening. And I think it’s possible some of his supporters may abandon ship, particularly those who lose their jobs in these massive layoffs, or get hit hard with the higher cost of everything due to tariffs, or potentially the loss of Social Security and Medicaid. (I am trying to make you feel a little better, ironically).
Try not to give up, yeah? See if you can eat a little something. Where are you? Is there anywhere you can volunteer? If you’re anywhere near me we should meet for coffee. My heart hurt reading your comments, but I relate so much. You’re not alone ❤️
Thanks. I will hang in there. I have made a list of causes and orgs to contact and get involved in resistance. This is a bad week with my therapist out with a family emergency. You have helped me tonight.
Message me anytime, Jeanne, truly ❤️
That is sweet and kind of you. I feel better now. lol. Nite Ally
My ex-husband flat out lied to me for two weeks about an incident with a woman he was seeing while we were still legally married, co-habitating, and co-parenting. I knew something was off—my female gut told me so—and then he left his text chat window open on his computer right in front of me, and I saw the truth. Yes, I read the text—something I’d never done in 25 years of marriage. But it was RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. He was so incensed about the fact that I read the message that it was somehow suddenly okay that he’d lied to my face for two weeks straight—actually calling me crazy for perseverating on it. So, yeah. Onion-chopping solidarity, sister. And I’m not alright, either. I’m a ragey, angry, old crone. And I’m worried this might just be who I am now. I’m so tired of all the gaslighting, patriarchal bullshit that I could scream. Forever. But at least I’m screaming in good company. 💙
Dang, I just love these dudes who are like, yes I was banging someone else, but I can't believe you were looking at my phone/text window that was right in front of your face. How could you? LOL. Fuck all the way off. And yes, I really miss waking up in a country where you can just go about your day and not worry about whether you'll be dragged out of a town hall for having an opinion. Amongst a million other things. Love and hugs.
Thank you for sharing that video. I live in TN and had no idea. No coverage here, whatsoever that I know of. How did you find out about it?
Trying to remember where I saw it posted. So many things are flying at us all the time, it’s hard to keep track. Pretty sure it was the TN Holler, and it might have been video they posted that Kristi Burke took before she was escorted out…
Thanks so much, Ally. Abby (my wife) advertises in the Holler and even she didn't catch it. It's all just too much. Hugs and stay sane.
This "I’m a ragey, angry, old crone.” Ditto.
The RAOC Sisters. If stupid ass DOGE gets a name, we do, too. 💙
OMG. You've just told the story of my life. And yes, cognitive dissonance is necessary for me to get through the day. I've finally gotten to a place where I love myself, am doing the things I've always been meant to do, and I'm not going let rage and fear devour me. And I'm doing what I can to support our cause. It's horrifying.
I left a whole-ass response and somehow it got deleted lol. But I was saying that it is a very strange thing to actively *employ* cognitive dissonance as a coping mechanism so you can do the regular things that need to get done while all this insanity is occurring at the same time. I’ve had multiple days where I’m like, I should just get in the car and drive to D.C. but that’s crazy because it would take days, so really flying is what I’d need to do. So I looked at airfare and thought about it and then of course I’d need a hotel. And then I’m making a sign and going to march, right? For like a day or two? Which I want to do. I would at least feel like I am doing something other than calling my senators every day and boycotting corporations and not shopping. But I have no idea if it makes sense. But nothing makes sense. Anyway. Maybe I’ll do it, who knows? I adore you. That’s all, really. Thanks for being here, thanks for being you ❤️
I ADORE you! I don't know what to do. I'm calling my politicians. Because they're politicians, they're democrats and I've been a dem my whole voting life. But right now, I don't feel like any of them deserve their official titles. I know I'm speaking in broad generalizations, but honestly, I'm sick of and disappointed by the gutlessness that we're witnessing in the dem party. I'm not a street marcher, so protests are not my thing. It's way too anxiety provoking for me. I'll find other ways. Keeping it local for now, that's really important to me.
That, too. I have been helping a few of my elderly neighbors. It started with one and word has spread haha. I may start my own pro bono grocery delivery service if I’m not careful 🤣 I jest, I don’t mind at all, it feels good to do something. I think I just want to be doing more, but more of something that would help faster or sooner, and I’m not sure such a thing exists. I think it’s the small actions every day.
I agree that doing something is the only antidote to feeling helplessly depressed. After retiring from 30+ years of working with immigrants and refugees, I volunteer to teach English to refugees again, and it's great to feel useful (even if in a tiny way). Almost like being part of the resistance after asshole cut all the funding for people who've been through so much and deserve better than to be left out in the cold again. Sticking a finger to the man.
I love this, Helia. Nothing better than an act of resistance that also helps people being targeted by this twisted administration❤️🔥❤️🔥
A really great piece by Ally Hamilton.
Oh Judith, thank you. That is high praise from one of my favorite writers <3
I'm in Canada and I'm not ok. I can't focus. I yelled at a kid at school today. Kids I'm supposed to help. I'm eating way to much junk food and smoking too much weed. I hold it together kinda till 830 when my kids go to bed and then I fall apart. I can't even imagine actually living in America right now. 💔
We keep wishing we could wake up from the nightmare. But the only awakening is to remember all the beautiful things in the world, and to fight for them.
Oh Stacey, I'm so sorry. You know we are in some strange territory when our president is making such a huge and painful mess, even our closest neighbors and longtime friends are hurting. It's horrendous. I hope you can give yourself a little grace. We're all doing the best we can, it isn't going to be perfect. A little too much junk food, weed, losing your patience...it's okay. Kids learn as much from a grownup who can say "I'm sorry, I'm having a hard day and I feel so sad I yelled at you" as they do from a grownup who can't apologize. It's not like any of us are gonna make it through life without blowing it once in a while. I'm sending you the biggest hug. I'm sorry our president is such a terrible person. I hate this for all of us. But I'm so glad to meet you. Thank you for being here, truly <3
Stay away from lying shouting drunk asshats full of salmon ladies!
Asshats!! Love it
Xxoo and lots of love Ally
George! You’re the best. You’re never a lying, shouting, drunk asshat full of salmon, and I love you for it! Xoxo
I am fully convinced that his fucking supporters will never blame him for anything and are determined to stay willfully blind. even if they lose their livelihood, their meager benefits, their homes, their children (from measles for fucks sake!!!) due to his policies. They will be destitute and diseased and still proudly wear their fucking red hats and praise their orange savior.
Sorry, I'm so full of rage these days I think every other word out of my mouth is something that I would have been punished for as a child, although now my very polite and proper mother is also cursing like a sailor every time we talk about the orange felon and his maggot supporters (my apologies to maggots).
It’s enraging and painful to watch this go down and feel powerless to stop it, so I get it. I drop f-bombs left and right these days. I edited out about 300 in this essay lol. I have more rage toward these men in Washington, intentionally giving the old FU to our structures of democracy than anyone else. Mostly because they know exactly what they’re doing. I read Project 2025 in its entirety like the nerd I am, and this is it, only a bit worse.
I think their supporters are not a swath of likeminded people, I think there are lots of factions, and I think they managed to appeal to them successfully which is hard to acknowledge. They got the single issue voters who think abortion is murder even though we all understand what that really means is people who want to control women. I don’t have to sit here and tell you how nuts it is to say you’re pro-life and then scream about not one single concession on guns, as kids are shot down at school every week, or refuse to talk about affordable childcare, or want to take away free school lunches and Medicaid. Whatever. Let alone these abortion bans which are killing girls and women and making doctors flee those states. But regardless, they got that vote.
They also got the 2nd Amendment folks.
They got the raw milk moms because of RFK, Jr, even though the first thing he did was reverse himself and tell everyone to get their kid the MMR vaccine, guess he didn’t want to get blamed for the deaths of lots of children - or someone told him he’d better release that statement to avoid getting sued.
Some people are gonna have a tough time with this next part, but they got the misogynists, the bigots and the racists. The people who would not vote for a Black woman, who want their undocumented neighbors deported even if they’ve been here 30 years working their asses off and paying taxes and having kids. They don’t want to hear any more about pronouns. They’re “okay” with queer folks but they don’t want to hear about your sex life, and if they take away same-sex marriage, these are not the people who are going to object.
Lastly, they got a group of people I can’t be upset with, and these are the people who’ve been living on the fringes of society far too long. People without a safety net. I’m thinking of the film Nomad, for example, don’t know if you saw it. I think both parties have failed these people, but Dems are supposed to be the party that wants to create the safety net, so I think that’s on us.
There are some other folks, too. Folks who like that sweet, sweet tax break and really don’t give a shit about anything else.
All of it is sad and enraging and thinking of your mom cursing like a sailor made me laugh a little, so at least there’s that! Sending you love and hugs in this unfathomable world ❤️
Yes - apologies to maggots (who are way more useful than his crowd)!
I was on the edge of my seat with that phone story wondering what was going to happen. Good for you for leaving and not giving in to that bullshit. Now if only we could get more people who are sitting in the same room as the narcissists in power, one of whom routinely shows up to work in a t-shirt yet that toilet stain of a vice lunatic is not pointing that out, to walk out in solidarity, we'd be in a much better place. Without the audience, there's no one to bullshit. It's maddening how many people support the bullshit and lap it up like it's literally life-giving. I am eager to see what is on the other side of this moment in time because I want these people to get theirs, but I'm also scared for what it means for the rest of us.
Funny thing is, by the time that Zillow text thing happened, I’d been through sooooo many experiences like that in my life. I think he was amazed I was not falling for it, but I was like fucker, I have an advanced degree, and you’re trying to sell me this gaslighting 101 course right now. I took that course with a guy when I was 17. Jesus. Still had a nervous system response, though.
I think we are all longing for that moment when the shoe drops and the people we’ve been trying to warn finally see the truth of what we’ve been saying. I think it’s a trap to hope for that, but I still hope. I don’t think it will happen for the people who own red hats. I think they’re in it no matter what, and will somehow find a way to blame Obama when things go wrong 😩
But maybe the people who stayed home because they “don’t really care about politics” or the people who thought he’d lower grocery prices…maybe they’ll come around. Or the people who are horrified he pardoned the J6 crew.
There may be a few of his staunchest supporters who bail if they don’t get Social Security or Medicaid. It’s just such a mess, and we are bound here. Our fates are entangled with people who look at the same things we do, and draw conclusions I cannot fathom. Trying to keep the faith, though. Hugs, Kate. Always love meeting you here ❤️
Brilliant piece. Thank you for putting my cognitive dissonance into words that make sense. I think what is happening in our country is particularly challenging for those of us with narcissists in our pasts. I am so easily triggered.
Yes, there’s the legitimate horror about the onslaught of all the things that are happening, and then there’s the way the president and vp conduct themselves as people. And the first part is painful and enraging for those of us with a similar outlook, but that second thing is so hard to take when you know people like this. You can spot it a mile out. It’s one of the reasons I try to read the news instead of watching it, but sometimes you can’t avoid those clips, and sometimes I do think it’s important to see. At least a little. I sure do a lot of 4-7-8 breathing these days! Thanks for being here, Holly. Sending you hugs x
It's always a wonder why people turn out the way they do. I give a lot of leeway because I want to understand. I know the way I see and move through the world is not the only way one can, or should. But man, when people are cruel and cause harm, especially from positions of power, all my slack disappears. Modernity is insane, and it fucks us up, but it's no excuse for harm and deceit. I hope we figure out a way to choose life over power. The hour is late.
Couldn’t agree more. In my personal life I have given people so much slack if they’re coming out of a traumatic background. Too much. But when you have people like this who are in power, and are cruel for cruelty’s sake, who treat public lands like “assets” to be leveraged, who think it’s okay to speak to and about people with no respect or decency, you lose me. Completely.
I think part of the very basic problem is anyone who is asking me to stop and consider the thoughts and ideas of a man who said he grabs women by the pussy. Just stop. I have less than zero interest in the thoughts and ideas of a man who would utter that sentence. Forget about the millions of other things he’s said and done. I am not interested. He also screwed over my stepmom when I was 12. She had the misfortune of being an architect in a small firm he put out of business. He’s a terrible, shitty human being. So why anyone would think I’d thoughtfully consider his point of view is beyond me.
We're at the intersection of so many consequences it boggles. Solidarity.
You know I understand about being raised by narcissists, and watching all of this happen. And I just had a recent rift with a long time friend (who is NPD or BPD) and I'm in that horrible position of it doesn't matter how I comport myself in this, it will be viewed as my fault. I am just exhausted and triggered and I am also ENTIRELY DONE with being treated like shit.
I'm so sorry, Kari. I know how much that hurts and is exhausting. I think I have finally reached the age where I just can't or won't have people like that in my life, but dang did it take a long time. You'd think having parents like that would cure you of the inclination, but it's the old "feels like home, must be love" equation lol/sob. Funnily enough, the pepper-cutting therapist was the last fucker I got entangled with romantically who thought he was gonna run that script with me, and it felt so good to grab my stuff and leave. That was over a decade ago. But it sucks when it's a friend. I had to let go of a friendship with someone I treasured, because part of being close to her required walking on eggshells, and life is just too short. But it hurt, because we were close for 10 years. I just couldn't keep writing apologies in my own head anymore. Huge hugs and lots of love, friend. More space for people who write their own apologies, just like we do when needed <3
Yeah, this is a similar Eggshells situation. This is a person I have been friends with for 20 years. They are not a bad person, and their disorder(s) are not their fault, but it has become exhausting. And I know that no matter what I do, they will see themselves as the victim, which in and of itself is triggering. I can't disabuse them of that notion, so i have to look out for myself in the end. But yes, it hurts, and it also hurts to look back at where I was in my life when I met them and was completely unable to see it.
It happens. It’s really hard. Sometimes things you were willing to tolerate at one point become intolerable later. It’s no one’s fault. You grow together or you grow apart. I’ve never been good at growing apart when there’s love in the mix, I’m always one of those, stay and fight and try, but with this kind of person it doesn’t matter how hard you try - as you well know. Just gotta release with love if you can and tend to your own heartache. I still miss her in my life, but I can’t do it ❤️🩹
Thank you for writing this and articulating what I’m feeling. It all feels so surreal. Crazy times indeed.
Thank you for being here, Bridget. It is surreal, and it helps to connect with people who are feeling the same way. Hugs and love.
I’m so tired tonight and I feel all these words in my chest after reading this and I don’t know how to get them out.
Someone close to me who voted for this shit texted me today like nothing happened. Hasn’t texted since November but today her cognitive dissonance kicked in apparently. I want to scream my face off. Or her face off. It’s fucking exhausting.
But I 🤍 this essay. Always in awe of how well you articulate what comes out of me like explosive diarrh… well. You know. Thank you for the heart you put into every word. You are the best.
It's strange because in a way I've been doing this for most of my life. This whole thing of experiencing something real and painful, and getting up the next day as though everything is okay even though it isn't. I grew up like that. It's pretty much part of the child of an alcoholic playbook. But no one lives that way by choice because it fucking sucks. And you can't have open honest relationships with people who hurt you. But we're all kind of living some version of that now, and I wish those of us struggling lived close enough to meet for lunch or a group hug or to scream into the abyss together. Anyway, I am grateful for you. You're the best. Hope you're sleeping. Love you xx
Thank you, your words helped my heart feel better. I so appreciate you, please hold onto to your hope…
Oh Sandy, I'm so glad this helped. I am holding on with everything I've got. And I'm stubborn, so we have that going for us, lol. Thank you for being here, I'm so grateful. It helps to know we aren't alone in these feelings. Sending you love and hugs.
This isn't a hostile question at all, but isn't there some level of cognitive dissonance in being a pro-war yogi? I support peace regardless of political affiliation. War is never the answer.
Of course. I’d love to have a world where there is no war. I don’t eat animals because I don’t want to participate in the suffering or killing of any sentient being to whatever degree I can opt out of that. Just trying to deal with the world we’re in and set things in *any* kind of motion that would shift them in a direction where that might be possible for my kids, or their kids one day. And these men who just took over seem to me to be the worst possible path forward. I feel they want to eat the earth. Not saying we were doing well before, or that we’ve ever done well. Some cultures certainly seem to have had a more respectful and compassionate relationship with their surroundings. I think we lost something when we started living in boxes and thinking of land as something to carve up and own. But that’s a totally reasonable question and I am always up for any conversation. If I told you what I really thought about how we ought to be living you’d probably think I was naive or radical. I think it’s all bullshit. All the borders, all the human-made constructs we’ve created that cause division and hatred. Any religion that teaches there’s only one way. Any idea that we arrive here for 80-100 years and think any of this belongs to us. The tree in my front yard isn’t mine. The yard isn’t mine. My kids don’t belong to me, they belong to the world, they just came through me. So…yeah.
Based on your beliefs and moral values—which I deeply respect—it seems like neither party fully aligns with your principles. I personally feel that way too. I don’t compromise on war or bodily autonomy, so I’ve often felt like an outsider. That’s given me a different, more liberating outlook. I truly believe that choosing a side in the current political climate doesn't lead to the harmony we all want. Division is the tool they both use to maintain control.
Absolutely understand and respect your perspective. We are so far from anything that feels right or good or like anything I want for my kids or myself or any of us. And I agree the game is to keep us divided and screaming at each other. Right now I’m so worried for my kids. I really am concerned these guys are going to do so much damage to the actual framework of democracy, I don’t know how or if we will recover. That’s the thing that’s making it different this time. The lack of regard for the Constitution, the ignoring of court orders, the overriding of Congress, drawing the FCC, FTC and SEC under WH control, the lack of trust in journalism. Just not sure what will be left in four years to work with 😩 Trying to have some faith, but not seeing a lot of reason to feel reassured.
I totally hear where you're coming from, especially about the disregard for the Constitution and the overreach of power. That’s something I’ve been thinking about too. From my perspective, though, I think a lot of these issues can go both ways, and sometimes they get framed in ways that play into partisan talking points and fearmongering. Both sides are objectively guilty of overstepping, regardless of who the president is. Yet it often seems like it’s mostly the other side that notices and amplifies it to get a reaction from their base. I always remind myself to wonder if the situation is as dire as it's made out to be, or if it's more about how things are portrayed in the media.
I mean, I hear you, but I think when we have kids with flash drives in the Treasury accessing our Social Security numbers and writing code on our payment systems we're in pretty extreme territory - and that has been verified not just by three different sources inside the Treasury, but by the judge overseeing the court case. I also read Project 2025, all 920 pages of it on a trip to and from Portugal, and it is very much what we're seeing. These guys want to gut the government agencies/dismantle the administrative state, expand presidential power and privatize everything. They love their AI. They're also Christian nationalists. So all of that is very much the agenda, and they are acting on it. And I have two very good friends who work for USAID, one of them is an OB/GYN and she was offering prenatal and postnatal care to mothers in Uganda, she moved her family there to do it, and all funding has been frozen. And for what? To save less than 1% of our total budget? The other friend is a photo journalist who travels to places like Ghana to document the help USAID is giving to farmers to teach them to farm sustainably and resist Chinese-financed gold-mining. That's just one example, he travels all the time. The goodwill that has been built up over years is being torpedoed, and it's not just that people will die of starvation and disease today, it's also medicine and food that stop when USAID workers are sent home. This does feel beyond the pale to me. I don't believe these things would have been happening regardless of who won this election. I think we need new, young leadership, and I'd like to see a lot more women in power, but right now I'm just trying to figure out what I can do to try to throw sand in the gears.
I hear your concerns, but there’s also valid criticisms to be made about USAID, so it’s definitely not a black and white issue. I also see a pattern where each side focuses on the most alarming actions of the other while overlooking when *their own side* engages in similar overreach or harmful policies when given the chance. Sadly, I don’t trust the Trump administration or the Democratic Party to truly serve the people’s interests, and I think the bigger issue is the consolidation of power, the erosion of meaningful checks and balances, and the growing inequality that both parties have failed to address, regardless of which one is in control. I’d like to see more women in power too, but I think it’s important that they not be just more puppets of the establishment. We already have plenty of that, and true change comes from those who challenge the broken system, regardless of gender.
Hear hear for new, younger, saner leadership, from all genders and ethnicities!!
The sacking of USAID is unbelievably stupid and heartless…and revealing.
We can be assholes, or we can be stewards. It’s a long road from one to the other, but not an impossible one. It requires some heavy commitment.
Thanks, Ally, for speaking from the heart and mind. This discussion gives me some hope!
I’m confused. Who’s claiming to be pro-war?
Definitely not me. I’m just pro trying to find a way to not allow these people to overthrow our democracy, isolate us from our allies, and cause even more suffering here and abroad. Which seems to be the plan. I’d love to be in a world where there is no war, but I woke up in the world we’re in, and my kids live in this world and so do all our kids. My feeling is they all deserve a lot better, and so do we, and these are the worst possible people to be in charge.
I’m trying to figure out what we can do to deal with the emergency at hand. And in my view, it is an emergency, and not because the media is saying so. I suppose if you’re coming from the point of view that the whole system has been hijacked, then watching it burn might seem like a good thing. I do think we could use an overhaul, but not one orchestrated by soulless billionaires, tech bros and Christian nationalists! Thanks for being here, Elle. Sending you a lot of love ❤️
The Democratic Party has rejected every peace talk with Russia, while Trump has been pushing for negotiations. The post does seem critical of that stance, especially regarding Zelensky’s visit to the U.S. to secure additional funding.
That's because negotiating with dictators doesn't work.
It’s worth asking who the real dictator is when every peace talk offered by Putin is rejected. There’s nothing brave about watching a population get decimated from afar.
I believe the previous administration believed that negotiating with Vladimir Putin was analogous to negotiating with Adolf Hitler. On the other hand it seemed once upon a time that Russia and the U.S. might be friends. A grievous situation all around, now.
The previous administration called a lot of people Hitler, which shut down critical thinking and real diplomacy. They shouldn’t have been so quick to sacrifice an entire generation of Ukrainian men by refusing to even give peace a chance.
I hear you. I’m not sure anything good can come from negotiating with the likes of Putin, but we are about to find out.
Hi Ally, thank you for being here and still writing. Same as quite a few others here, including you, I'm really not making any sense out of what's happening. For a few years now I've been trying to understand the world better only to realise I don't really understand it.
The bit I'm really struggling with is the potential time line of the events needed to bring some order back. In a way it feels like some dystopian urban Lord Of The Rings. If you replace ring with "insane amount of money" you almost get the correct analogy.
I don't know how to live, I mean, I function, I do my job, but if you asked my how I'm doing I'll probably say I got no fucking clue. I'm just living on the surface.
I don't have many meaningful words right now Ally, so I'll just finish with hoping we will somehow get through this.
Wishing you and your family all the best as always.
Namaste 🙏❤️