Today on the pod, Dina and I talk about holding the ache of the empty nest and the excitement of what a third act might hold simultaneously, the odyssey of the “male genius” and whether any of them will ever take a note along the way? We’re looking at you Chris Nolan and Steven Spielberg (lol, they’re not sweating it), and the very real pain of losing close friends when the request to “agree to disagree” means you have to accept not all people are deserving of empathy, dignity, and bodily autonomy. A line many of us are not willing to cross.
Also, the horror, despair, and heartbreak of recognizing your old friend is now standing on the other side of that line.
That’s the nutshell version of our conversation, but as ever, we dug in. We both have older teenage/young adult kids on the cusp of their own heroes’ journeys, and the mixed bag of pride and unending love, along with mourning for the days of chubby arms around our necks, waists, legs, is real. So is the joy of the new kinds of adventures you have with your adult kids.
We both saw Disclosure Day, and Dina just saw The Odyssey, and wrote about her feelings, too, so after you listen to this conversation, if you’d like more (you will) you’ll find her essay here. Get ready for gems like this, which you’ll also hear in our talk,
It can’t be that hard to imagine a version of Helen who, bored with her Spartan trinkets and grossed out by Menelaus scratching his balls with the same hand he eats with, manifests a different future for herself.
So yes, we laughed a lot. I wrote about losing a friend this week, but also about the pain of being asked to pretend things aren’t what they are. There were some tears in this episode, too. You can find my essay here. This is the heart of it,
One thing I dislike with the heat of a thousand suns is the feeling that arises when someone says they love you, but wants you to stand in a field of horse manure and pretend it smells like roses. Being asked to behave like things are not as they are, or to carry on after something hurtful has happened without any kind of acknowledgement, is an invitation to betray yourself so someone else can feel comfortable. That’s the moment love starts dying on the vine. What’s the point of standing there, smiling with sad eyes while we murder any chance of intimacy or trust between us? The first time someone asks won’t be the last. The first time is a test, and failing is the only way you win.
It’s always such a joy to be in conversation with all of you.
Sending you so much love. Watch out for those Trojan horses ;)
Ally & Dina
