Discussion about this post

User's avatar
Ged's avatar

This year my Grandma died. I loved her an awful lot. She did all the things you mentioned in the last paragraph. And was an enormously powerful part in my moral upbringing. I told everyone and their pet monkey this story of how when I was... I don't know how old, maybe 6 or 7, we always drove to a nearby town where she would get me a book and we would have a pizza or an ice cream. She'd always give money to every panhandling person she saw.

So that one time we got out of the bus and were approached by somebody asking for spare change. And she handed him 100 Mark, an awful lot of money at the time and for us. And being the young smartass that I was, I would tell her that she couldn't do that and that was way too much and that was one of the rare cases where she would get (rightfully) angry at me and tell me: "Why would that be too much? Who's even deciding that? I don't go out, I don't drink, I don't buy fancy clothes or go much to the hairdresser, I have this one luxury and that's helping other people. There's nobody taking that away from me." And that always stuck with me.

I gave her Eulogy. I didn't mention that, then, because most people had heard it from me in other contexts, before. But I ended on a tweet... most people didn't know what that was, due to the age discrepancy and us living somewhere deep down the German countryside... but still, the message was very understood and I thought you might appreciate it as well, if you don't know it yet to begin with...

"I hope death is like being carried to your bedroom when you were a child & fell asleep on the couch during a family party. I hope you can hear the laughter from the next room."

Be hugged. And... it's not true you'll never hear her voice again. I truly believe I am not just being a smartass but rather saying something unexpectedly profound when I stress that the voice of people like this we hear in our memories is _still_ their voice. This living voice within us matters. But that doesn't solve the loss, I am aware. For now we will make do without them. But their memory will be a blessing.

Expand full comment
Debra Charych's avatar

I'm so sorry for your loss, Ally. Having an aunt like that is so special, I know. My mom had 3 sisters and all of them felt like my mother. They gave me different things at different times. I still have one, My Aunt Carole. She's almost 102 still living in the same house exactly a mile away from where I grew up. I did have a mother who knew how to mother, but we often had conflicts as mothers and daughters do. I would go running to my Aunt Carole and she helped me to understand. After reading this post of yours, I'm committed to spending more time with her. I am her person. She has lost a husband and both of her children. I need to make her feel as special as she always made me feel. So sorry for your deep hurt.

Expand full comment
43 more comments...

No posts