My friend Jaeda said once as she was massaging my neck during a massive migraine that it could be from tight neck muscles or, maybe I was like Zeus and had a goddess in my head.
I think that’s us, Ally. We just have to keep trying to find ways to live with the goddesses who don’t want to leave us, and let out the ones that are needed somewhere else. The one in this essay looks beautiful out here.
Either that or we scuba to the ocean floor and just don’t come back up. Poseidon that shit.
What a beautiful way to celebrate your mom. It's especially lovely that it's a vineyard. I don't have anything that symbolic for my mom's birthdays, but we do go around at dinner and tell a story, or mention something we appreciated about her.
The unfriending/friending made me laugh. I've been off socials for a long while, but my wife (a middle school librarian) put up her usual display of LGBTQ+ books for Pride Month, and the school posted it on their FB account. As expected, there were tons of happy, positive comments, and then the expected nonsense from folks saying the most awful things. The district actually said, just let all the bigots make themselves known, and you know... they sure did. I really, really wanted to comment back to some of these folks, but it just felt gross, like rolling in mud.
I keep thinking back to your earlier post about not hating our way out of hate, and I tried to imagine, would these people make these comments if a queer kid (like my own) was sitting right in front of them, face to face? I like to think they wouldn't. I hold out hope for that, anyway, that the disconnection is most often created by distance and lack of familiarity. I tried to imagine some way these folks could access a greater sense of humanity and love, but I don't think there's a FB comment in the world that could reach them. Not one I could think of, anyway. It seems like something that would be much more liable to work in person.
Anyway, I hope the rest of the retreat goes well, and the headaches stop. Sounds like a lovely time with your kids and everyone. All the best to you all!
I love that the district is taking that approach, and I am incredibly sad there are so many people who are openly hateful. It’s WILD to me. How you go on a public school Facebook page and attack books supporting the LGBTQ community and then look yourself in the mirror while you’re brushing your teeth is just astounding to me. Just like people attacking Mamdani. Like what are you doing right now? But yes, trying to appeal to someone’s better self in the comments usually doesn’t work (though I can’t pretend I haven’t tried). That block button is lifesaving though. Unfriend, unfriend! Lol. Hugs and love to you and the family ❤️🩹
This made me have to stop and catch my breath: "I never enabled her drinking when she was alive, but I guess this is my way of saying all is forgiven and here is a thing you enjoyed. I wish we could have done more things together that she found fun."
Also, here is something my mom (who also died from alcoholism) once wrote me about being sensitive:
"Your sensitivity is your strength, not your weakness. It fills you with empathy, joy, sadness, and makes you human. People who don't 'feel' with their full range of emotions are not only boring, they don't contribute to the cosmic vibe. You do!"
“No Sleep for You, Fucker” did inspire a snort laugh. It’s so true. Lack of sleep puts you on the fast track to losing your mind so I hope the Spanish NyQuil brings some relief.
When I first moved to Chicago I went to a yoga studio that appeared to be super groovy and was close to my apartment. I barely remember stuff that is important and I still remember how the owner/yoga teacher humiliated me in front of the entire class (I’m very prone to not understanding instructions if the instructor is agro) He said “Here’s a quick way to break your neck” and rearranged my mat in a big huff.
Much like your Iran bombing enthusiast pal, I thought “HOW CAN THIS BE YOGA APPROVED” and never came back. Nothing makes sense anymore, dude. Blocking is your best friend, again no reason to give yourself more reasons to feel crazy.
Namaste, Ally. The light in me honors the light in you, always. ♥️
Nothing like shaming someone in front of the entire class! Very yoga. Smh. Adore you. Finally slept, yay. Blockity block block block FTW. And you are always full of the best light and I love you for it!!!
I've been mulling over your post off and on all day. There is no real respite from what's happening here because even in the quietest moments, we know it's out there.
I'm watching a K-drama, a typical romantic comedy filled with wounded souls, and the soundtrack for this episode includes "Someday at Christmas", which I must have heard before, but didn't remember. These lyrics, "Someday at Christmas men won't be boys
Playing with bombs like kids play with toys
One warm December our hearts will see
A world where men are free" brought me right back to your Carl Sagan quote, because my brain is so stream of consciousness it's like a news ticker.
I'd love to see our world turned right-side up very soon, will hold out hope for Christmas, and will keep up the struggle no matter what.
I hope your headaches go on their own adventure and let you enjoy yours🧡
I just hope so much that we can start to regroup and stop screaming at each other, but short of that, maybe we do it one mayoral election at a time. One school board election, etc. NYC gave me some genuine hope. So at least there’s that, and that’s something. Sending you so much love. So many of us hurting right now ❤️🩹
I already tried to comment but not sure what I've done, but I kind of pressed back and Poof!, my comment was gone haha.
I quite like your swearing. I also swear a lot lol. Funnily I've also recently heard Anneke swear too and I don't know if I should have told her that's not a word she should be saying, but I must admit, there's so many things that shouldn't be happening that I actually enjoyed it. I'm quite lucky that she's a brilliant child and knows what is right and is kind, but I think learning how to swear is a good way how to stay sharp when she might be confronted by others.
I'm not saying I'm proud, but quite frankly I'm also not upset. We live in a mad world.
Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about your sleep, that sucks! I sincerely hope you get a good sleep today and your migraines go away!
Wishing you and your family all the best as always 🙏❤️
Sometimes I go back and edit out a few f-bombs but lately the rage feels appropriate and anyway I still go back and edit some out so you can imagine there are times I’m really letting it rip. I read some study that it’s a sign of intelligence but it was probably conducted by someone who swears a lot so. Anyway, I managed to not swear around my kids until they were old enough to understand you can’t do it everywhere or anytime. And once they were old enough to understand that, well. They’ve heard some things. And now they are 15 and 18 and I don’t correct them if they swear but they are strategic about it so it’s fine by me. Much more important things to worry about and they are kind and smart and wonderful humans so. Fuck it. Haha. Glad you’re here as ever, love to you and Anneke.
I haven’t slept for shit in weeks, and I paid the piper by getting a cold. I’m exhausted.
I got altitude sickness in Costa Rica after touring a volcano. It’s not a joke. I felt hooorrrible. Here’s hoping you get some good rest when you are back. ❤️
It’s the gift that keeps on giving lol. I’m in the hot flashes stage. Still never know when or if I’ll get my period, and now, apropos of nothing, it’s like my engine overheats. I do not break out in a sweat, I am literally overheating from inside my body. And I run around saying I’M HOT!!!! as I rip off clothing. It’s fucking fantastic. Cheers. I love you xxxxx
I mean, same. I’ve never slept worse than I have since he took office this time around. But I still usually manage five hours. I genuinely thought this week would be better. Joke’s on me. Though I did finally sleep last night. Anyway, I’m sorry you relate, and not very surprised. Hugs and ughs basically ❤️🩹
Aw Mary, I’m so sorry to hear that. What did you have to give up? Traveling or scuba diving or yoga? Vertigo is unbelievable. Had it once. Would like to never have it again. Finally slept last night and actually did not take the NyQuil, though I had it on the bedside table open and ready if I didn’t fall asleep instantly. Anyway. Hugs and love from SMA, thanks for being here ❤️🩹
My friend Jaeda said once as she was massaging my neck during a massive migraine that it could be from tight neck muscles or, maybe I was like Zeus and had a goddess in my head.
I think that’s us, Ally. We just have to keep trying to find ways to live with the goddesses who don’t want to leave us, and let out the ones that are needed somewhere else. The one in this essay looks beautiful out here.
Either that or we scuba to the ocean floor and just don’t come back up. Poseidon that shit.
Glad Dylan’s better. xo
I like that idea. And I would hang out on the ocean floor and Poseidon the shit out of lots of things with you any day. You’re the best.
You and Ally have goddesses in your heads. This explains so much.
What a beautiful way to celebrate your mom. It's especially lovely that it's a vineyard. I don't have anything that symbolic for my mom's birthdays, but we do go around at dinner and tell a story, or mention something we appreciated about her.
The unfriending/friending made me laugh. I've been off socials for a long while, but my wife (a middle school librarian) put up her usual display of LGBTQ+ books for Pride Month, and the school posted it on their FB account. As expected, there were tons of happy, positive comments, and then the expected nonsense from folks saying the most awful things. The district actually said, just let all the bigots make themselves known, and you know... they sure did. I really, really wanted to comment back to some of these folks, but it just felt gross, like rolling in mud.
I keep thinking back to your earlier post about not hating our way out of hate, and I tried to imagine, would these people make these comments if a queer kid (like my own) was sitting right in front of them, face to face? I like to think they wouldn't. I hold out hope for that, anyway, that the disconnection is most often created by distance and lack of familiarity. I tried to imagine some way these folks could access a greater sense of humanity and love, but I don't think there's a FB comment in the world that could reach them. Not one I could think of, anyway. It seems like something that would be much more liable to work in person.
Anyway, I hope the rest of the retreat goes well, and the headaches stop. Sounds like a lovely time with your kids and everyone. All the best to you all!
I love that the district is taking that approach, and I am incredibly sad there are so many people who are openly hateful. It’s WILD to me. How you go on a public school Facebook page and attack books supporting the LGBTQ community and then look yourself in the mirror while you’re brushing your teeth is just astounding to me. Just like people attacking Mamdani. Like what are you doing right now? But yes, trying to appeal to someone’s better self in the comments usually doesn’t work (though I can’t pretend I haven’t tried). That block button is lifesaving though. Unfriend, unfriend! Lol. Hugs and love to you and the family ❤️🩹
This made me have to stop and catch my breath: "I never enabled her drinking when she was alive, but I guess this is my way of saying all is forgiven and here is a thing you enjoyed. I wish we could have done more things together that she found fun."
Also, here is something my mom (who also died from alcoholism) once wrote me about being sensitive:
"Your sensitivity is your strength, not your weakness. It fills you with empathy, joy, sadness, and makes you human. People who don't 'feel' with their full range of emotions are not only boring, they don't contribute to the cosmic vibe. You do!"
Carl Sagan quote is always a welcome reminder.
Your mom’s quote made me cry. Thank you for sharing that. Huge hugs to you, Cody ❤️🩹
“No Sleep for You, Fucker” did inspire a snort laugh. It’s so true. Lack of sleep puts you on the fast track to losing your mind so I hope the Spanish NyQuil brings some relief.
When I first moved to Chicago I went to a yoga studio that appeared to be super groovy and was close to my apartment. I barely remember stuff that is important and I still remember how the owner/yoga teacher humiliated me in front of the entire class (I’m very prone to not understanding instructions if the instructor is agro) He said “Here’s a quick way to break your neck” and rearranged my mat in a big huff.
Much like your Iran bombing enthusiast pal, I thought “HOW CAN THIS BE YOGA APPROVED” and never came back. Nothing makes sense anymore, dude. Blocking is your best friend, again no reason to give yourself more reasons to feel crazy.
Namaste, Ally. The light in me honors the light in you, always. ♥️
Nothing like shaming someone in front of the entire class! Very yoga. Smh. Adore you. Finally slept, yay. Blockity block block block FTW. And you are always full of the best light and I love you for it!!!
I've been mulling over your post off and on all day. There is no real respite from what's happening here because even in the quietest moments, we know it's out there.
I'm watching a K-drama, a typical romantic comedy filled with wounded souls, and the soundtrack for this episode includes "Someday at Christmas", which I must have heard before, but didn't remember. These lyrics, "Someday at Christmas men won't be boys
Playing with bombs like kids play with toys
One warm December our hearts will see
A world where men are free" brought me right back to your Carl Sagan quote, because my brain is so stream of consciousness it's like a news ticker.
I'd love to see our world turned right-side up very soon, will hold out hope for Christmas, and will keep up the struggle no matter what.
I hope your headaches go on their own adventure and let you enjoy yours🧡
I just hope so much that we can start to regroup and stop screaming at each other, but short of that, maybe we do it one mayoral election at a time. One school board election, etc. NYC gave me some genuine hope. So at least there’s that, and that’s something. Sending you so much love. So many of us hurting right now ❤️🩹
Hi Ally,
Thanks for another great essay!
I already tried to comment but not sure what I've done, but I kind of pressed back and Poof!, my comment was gone haha.
I quite like your swearing. I also swear a lot lol. Funnily I've also recently heard Anneke swear too and I don't know if I should have told her that's not a word she should be saying, but I must admit, there's so many things that shouldn't be happening that I actually enjoyed it. I'm quite lucky that she's a brilliant child and knows what is right and is kind, but I think learning how to swear is a good way how to stay sharp when she might be confronted by others.
I'm not saying I'm proud, but quite frankly I'm also not upset. We live in a mad world.
Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about your sleep, that sucks! I sincerely hope you get a good sleep today and your migraines go away!
Wishing you and your family all the best as always 🙏❤️
Sometimes I go back and edit out a few f-bombs but lately the rage feels appropriate and anyway I still go back and edit some out so you can imagine there are times I’m really letting it rip. I read some study that it’s a sign of intelligence but it was probably conducted by someone who swears a lot so. Anyway, I managed to not swear around my kids until they were old enough to understand you can’t do it everywhere or anytime. And once they were old enough to understand that, well. They’ve heard some things. And now they are 15 and 18 and I don’t correct them if they swear but they are strategic about it so it’s fine by me. Much more important things to worry about and they are kind and smart and wonderful humans so. Fuck it. Haha. Glad you’re here as ever, love to you and Anneke.
I haven’t slept for shit in weeks, and I paid the piper by getting a cold. I’m exhausted.
I got altitude sickness in Costa Rica after touring a volcano. It’s not a joke. I felt hooorrrible. Here’s hoping you get some good rest when you are back. ❤️
The head cold made me sleep. My body forced me to. Also NyQuil. All hail the ‘Quil 😂
Finally slept! Probably just sheer exhaustion but I’m so grateful lol. I could kiss the ground. Hugs to you and love ❤️
Hope you feel better soon. And thanks for the Carl Sagan reminder…
Thank you! Slept last night, yay. Can’t believe it. Maybe I did just need to write the essay ;) Hugs!
Love this!!!!! (I also can’t sleep anywhere but home these days! Altitude or no! Perimenopause/menopause is ruining my wanderlust 🤪
It’s the gift that keeps on giving lol. I’m in the hot flashes stage. Still never know when or if I’ll get my period, and now, apropos of nothing, it’s like my engine overheats. I do not break out in a sweat, I am literally overheating from inside my body. And I run around saying I’M HOT!!!! as I rip off clothing. It’s fucking fantastic. Cheers. I love you xxxxx
First time ever in my life I've had trouble sleeping started in January. Weird, huh? Sending you love and light.
I mean, same. I’ve never slept worse than I have since he took office this time around. But I still usually manage five hours. I genuinely thought this week would be better. Joke’s on me. Though I did finally sleep last night. Anyway, I’m sorry you relate, and not very surprised. Hugs and ughs basically ❤️🩹
Hope you feel better. This yogi had to give it up because of vertigo which comes and goes. Namaste
Aw Mary, I’m so sorry to hear that. What did you have to give up? Traveling or scuba diving or yoga? Vertigo is unbelievable. Had it once. Would like to never have it again. Finally slept last night and actually did not take the NyQuil, though I had it on the bedside table open and ready if I didn’t fall asleep instantly. Anyway. Hugs and love from SMA, thanks for being here ❤️🩹
I had to give up yoga because of vertigo which comes and goes. It is okay. I have walking, traveling, Mah Jongg and mostly writing to keep me busy.
Truth is you don’t have to do the poses to be doing the yoga. You don’t even need the $100 pants haha. Xo