Mother passed early Friday, the cruelty of her dementia... that no one would even tell me, I trusted my gut she was dying and drove across the country w my daughter. Only to be unwelcomed by a gatekeeper brother w MPOA. (feeling guilt mom that was suffering? Y’all were in denial?) She suffered. I was a hospice charge nurse from 2006/2008-9 ish. So glad I’m learning from your podcasts & my extra senses..
one last:
Mom: I never really liked you, good for nothing (insert devil face plus the intended connection from her left foot to my right forearm). The last night she’d ever spend in her house on the hill.
I went through the roller coaster abuse I’d long ago blocked.
Ultimately my elderly father told me ‘you have to go, I think you & your brother hate each other“. Thought he was joking. Now I’m pissed, i didn’t intend anything less than relieving the pain and anxiety of mom’s, i swear i saw her as a small abused child.
I made tearful calls to try & find in home hospice for her, brothers reply was something akin to I’m getting a neurology consult. Uh bro, 20 years too late. I’m being hit w waves of tears from out of nowhere. I know, takes time. It’s foggy but it wasn’t about ‘I’m here to judge you’, i felt her cries for help and we didn’t have the best relationship.
They shot the fucking messenger. “Mom is dying”, sure throw and yell shit, looks like elder abuse to me.
Oh Laurie, I’m so, so sorry. I had the first panic attack of my life about 12 hours after my mom died. It was unlike anything I’ve experienced, just sheer panic. It sounds like there’s a whole history there of pain and abuse and really challenging family dynamics you’re dealing with. I hope you and your daughter can land somewhere safe and that you can give yourself some time to just let all this shock and grief move through you. For me the first few weeks were surreal and the first year was very tough. It does get easier. Also your relationship with your mother will keep evolving which is something I didn’t realize. The way you think about things that happened and the compassion you have for her will likely continue to grow. That’s been my experience, in any case. Right now just see if there’s anywhere you can be that feels safe and be as gentle with yourself as you can be. Sending you so much love 🤍
I love the wisdom I’ve seen from your channel/substack. As you can tell, I’m not a writer but reading was my escape ever since I was reading at 3 years old. Same for my late older brother, we resented the IQ tests prior to entering school and knowing beforehand that we didn’t belong with anyone near our ages. I just found out how to accept my artistic talents and talk to my angels. Dad thought I was an old soul, mom side whispered, “child psychiatrist” and this was the early 1960s.
Blessed my son, who enlisted in the Navy for a carton of cigarettes and today, is a chief petty officer, is driving me home. Sarah flew out yesterday early in the middle of a cluster f by the airlines.
I expect you’re correct. I’ll get through this, I know there are no accidents that I found you here.
Appreciate the enlightenment and encouragement you send out from this space.
I’m really glad you’re heading home, Laurie. And I hope you can be particularly gentle with yourself over the next few weeks and months. Try to surround yourself with people who understand grief and know how to show up. Sending you tons of love, I am really grateful the work I’m doing is comforting to you 🤍🙏🏼
Mother passed early Friday, the cruelty of her dementia... that no one would even tell me, I trusted my gut she was dying and drove across the country w my daughter. Only to be unwelcomed by a gatekeeper brother w MPOA. (feeling guilt mom that was suffering? Y’all were in denial?) She suffered. I was a hospice charge nurse from 2006/2008-9 ish. So glad I’m learning from your podcasts & my extra senses..
one last:
Mom: I never really liked you, good for nothing (insert devil face plus the intended connection from her left foot to my right forearm). The last night she’d ever spend in her house on the hill.
I went through the roller coaster abuse I’d long ago blocked.
Ultimately my elderly father told me ‘you have to go, I think you & your brother hate each other“. Thought he was joking. Now I’m pissed, i didn’t intend anything less than relieving the pain and anxiety of mom’s, i swear i saw her as a small abused child.
I made tearful calls to try & find in home hospice for her, brothers reply was something akin to I’m getting a neurology consult. Uh bro, 20 years too late. I’m being hit w waves of tears from out of nowhere. I know, takes time. It’s foggy but it wasn’t about ‘I’m here to judge you’, i felt her cries for help and we didn’t have the best relationship.
They shot the fucking messenger. “Mom is dying”, sure throw and yell shit, looks like elder abuse to me.
God bless you for this podcast
Oh Laurie, I’m so, so sorry. I had the first panic attack of my life about 12 hours after my mom died. It was unlike anything I’ve experienced, just sheer panic. It sounds like there’s a whole history there of pain and abuse and really challenging family dynamics you’re dealing with. I hope you and your daughter can land somewhere safe and that you can give yourself some time to just let all this shock and grief move through you. For me the first few weeks were surreal and the first year was very tough. It does get easier. Also your relationship with your mother will keep evolving which is something I didn’t realize. The way you think about things that happened and the compassion you have for her will likely continue to grow. That’s been my experience, in any case. Right now just see if there’s anywhere you can be that feels safe and be as gentle with yourself as you can be. Sending you so much love 🤍
I love the wisdom I’ve seen from your channel/substack. As you can tell, I’m not a writer but reading was my escape ever since I was reading at 3 years old. Same for my late older brother, we resented the IQ tests prior to entering school and knowing beforehand that we didn’t belong with anyone near our ages. I just found out how to accept my artistic talents and talk to my angels. Dad thought I was an old soul, mom side whispered, “child psychiatrist” and this was the early 1960s.
Blessed my son, who enlisted in the Navy for a carton of cigarettes and today, is a chief petty officer, is driving me home. Sarah flew out yesterday early in the middle of a cluster f by the airlines.
I expect you’re correct. I’ll get through this, I know there are no accidents that I found you here.
Appreciate the enlightenment and encouragement you send out from this space.
L xo
I’m really glad you’re heading home, Laurie. And I hope you can be particularly gentle with yourself over the next few weeks and months. Try to surround yourself with people who understand grief and know how to show up. Sending you tons of love, I am really grateful the work I’m doing is comforting to you 🤍🙏🏼