I would imagine most of us have at least one childhood memory that has to do with cruelty - and feeling unsure about what to make of it. Being little in a big world is not always easy, especially if the situation at home is chaotic and uncertain. Sometimes kids are dealing with things that are hard to talk about, and the feelings come out sideways and twisted.
Sometimes, heartbreaking as it is, kids are dealing with violence or neglect, and it makes them feel weak and small. Then, when they see weak and small beings in the world they lash out. They do unto others, even though they never wanted any of those things done unto them.
I wrote (and talked) about a group of kids I came upon once as I was walking home from fourth grade - a group of kids and a tiny mouse and a tall boy with a broomstick. My guess is he and I both related to the mouse - scared and trapped and at the mercy of someone so much bigger - but his response was to stamp out the perceived weakness he saw, and mine was to save the mouse. The mouse was just being a mouse, after all. It hadn’t done anything wrong.
There’s bystander syndrome and “groupthink” and fight, flight, freeze, collapse or fawn - all responses that might happen in the face of something traumatic and unexpected. Sometimes people are influenced by someone they consider to be an authority figure, and will obey orders that defy their own moral code.
The Milgram Shock Experiment - led by Stanley Milgram in the 1960s - shocked even Milgram himself. I mention this because it is so painful and bewildering to see people we once considered close supporting an administration that thrives on making people suffer. Even children.
The other day I responded under a social media post about the shutdown. I explained about the Affordable Care Act subsidies and the fact that we’re in this situation because Republicans are refusing to negotiate so Americans can have affordable health insurance premiums. For example, my premiums are going from $346/month to $1706/month January 1st if the subsidies are not extended.
And here is an actual exchange I had with a real human being on social media after I explained about the staggering jump in my premiums and how I could not possibly manage that -
Them: Stop using traditional medicine. There are other solutions, both preventative and palliative. Emergency medicine in times of immediate crisis is the only benefit Western medicine provides.
Me: There are those of us who need mammograms/ultrasounds and skin cancer checks, but sure, no big deal, I’ll just have a green juice and hope for the best.
Them: You can get affordable skin care checks - and for free at certain events. And affordable removal of pre-cancerous skin cells all for less than the cost of healthcare premiums.I go to a chiropractor, hot yoga, hike and do my best to eat healthy all for less than what healthcare premiums cost me. If it’s my time to leave this planet, that’s okay, too. We have such an irrational fear of dying. We fear it more than living boldly. Indigenous cultures are not like that. It’s the fear of death that allows the sick healthcare system to take full advantage of all of us.
Me: I’ve been teaching yoga for 30+ years and I am healthy and eat well and all of the above. I don’t have an irrational fear of dying, but I do have children and I’d like to be here for them as long as I can. The point is this is a developed country and affordable healthcare should not be out of reach.
Them:
Maybe I should just loosen my grip on wanting to live. Adopt a more laissez faire attitude about breathing.
Anyway, between the ICE agents macing protesters in the face in Portland (which was peaceful until the POTUS invaded with his thugs), and ICE agents in Chicago traumatizing children - paid for with our tax dollars - and now South Carolina Judge Diane Goodstein’s home burning to the ground after an apparent explosion (she’s the judge who just refused to give DJT access to voter information) we really have reached new heights of violence and mayhem here. People’s rights are being trampled.
We just wanted healthcare, and for this administration to honor the rule of law.
I’m waiting for his supporters to realize they’re in trouble, too. They are. This is not normal, and it’s not okay. At a certain point, everyone needs to understand these are the people who have no issue with cruelty - they get off on it. They shoot puppies with no remorse. They send Ghislaine Maxwell to “prison spa” with no regard for the survivors who gathered up so much courage to come forward. They’re the grown-up versions of the boys with the broomsticks, and we’re just mice in a bucket to them, but they’ve misjudged.
We are not weak, they are. Cruelty is not a badge of honor, it’s an illness and you stop it by continually saying no. Hell no. You refuse to watch your neighbors be treated without compassion while you do nothing. You decide that is not acceptable and you resist and boycott and organize and protest in every way you can and you get loud, friends. You don’t give up. Do not give up. Check on the people who’ve gone quiet.
Apple and Google removed ICE-tracking apps, but if ICE is in your neighborhood, you can go to Waze and tap the Report icon, then “bad weather” and “icy conditions” in the parking lot of the closest store. Get creative. See if there’s a Community Garden near you, and whether it’s big enough to feed people in your neighborhood who might be struggling. Maybe you can set up a Neighborhood Watch not just for ICE, but so you get to know your neighbors and they get to know you - and realize you care, and they’re safer than they think. Be kinder to everyone you meet.
It’s time to get in the streets.
