Yesterday my 17 y/o came home from school and told me about a debate they'd had in his Global politics course about taxing the rich. And we talked and I passionately spoke--or as my kids say, yelled--and he did and we nodded and fist pumped, metaphorically, and I smiled to know that I'd helped to raise a fundamentally sound person. Earlier that day my older son called me--for advice!!!--and I smiled to know that I helped to raise another fundamentally sound person. That's what I sort of hang onto these days, especially on days where the crazies are crawling out from under the rocks with the speed of Clickers in The Last of Us and endangering us all.
Haha, yes,our kids could probably have a good laugh together. Mine say “mom’s getting passionate again.” 🤣 But I’m with you, I take comfort knowing I’ve raised two human beings who don’t need help figuring out what’s okay and what’s not okay. They’re compassionate and engaged and that goes a long way on a tough day. It sure would be nice to have fewer tough days for all of our sakes, but I’m grateful for them every second.
The "Lady in the streets..." made me think of Melanie Griffith's line "I've got a mind for business and a bod for sin" from "Working Girl", a film that embodies all the worst stereotypes of women, and confirms how many men still hold on to them. That film is almost 40 years old, but those ideas are still regurgitated today. Those men want to remain faultless for all of their destructive behavior, and right now it looks like they have the upper hand. But we will come around to accountability, and sanity, I hope sooner than we think.
Ha, yes it’s a line from “Nasty Girl” a song by Ludacris from 2008 if you want all the deets. A lot of weird stuff popped into my head while I was writing this 😳
I remember that line from “Working Girl” too. The messages about girls and women are so pervasive and exhausting. I was talking to someone my age (a woman) and she said she never felt held back by her gender, she was taught she could do anything, and we all were. It’s just when you get out in the world you find out you can “do anything” but you won’t be paid the same rate as a man for the same job even if you do it just as well. And you may get harassed by your boss or your colleague and reporting it may cost you your career. And whatever, I could be here all day. I’m preaching to the choir. We need to stop voting for people who don’t respect women and every other marginalized group if we want any of this to change. Feels like the most obvious thing, doesn’t it? Hugs and love to you.
Yeah, I was also told that I could do anything, but it turned out the thing I really wanted to do was poetry. Which I did, but still had to spend time at a paying jobs. Work was usually not miserable, but never fulfilling, and there were always men who would stare at our breasts when talking about projects, and those who insisted that my unmarried female colleagues should be able to work overtime on weekends because they "didn't have a husband or kids", who, in the 1990s were still talking about the sales bullpen. Cool stuff like that.
We do have to defeat those running for office who ignore those of us who are not white, or male, or wealthy.
In Boston, Mayor Wu is running for reelection. She has three challengers. In the democratic primary, there's Bob Kraft's son, who seems to have taken campaign advice from Trump.
There are also two Republicans. I received a campaign flyer from one today. His goals include: no sanctuary city, no new homeless shelters anywhere, no transgender (people) in Boston public school sports, full cooperation with ICE, and no free buses. They did spell buses "busses", but otherwise, it's a grim read.
I'm not concerned that he'll get to the general election, but he's so far removed how the majority think here that's it's clear he has big money coming in from some out of state fascist friends.
Sorry for the rant. Thank you, always, for your posts, and good luck with the used car hunt.
Your son talking about having children breaks my heart. But his considering adoption mended it.
The kids know. Our comfortable denial is dying. And I had the same misgivings when I was 34. But the signs were less obvious, more intellectual/"radical", and I was still trying hard to within our system and traditions. I tried really hard, even though somewhere deep inside was warning me, the part that knew what was coming.
After a hellish trial of multiple rounds of in vitro fertilization that ended in quadruplet embryos, three of which that miscarried--and all the other cold, invasive procedures before that, we got our son.
And then he was diagnosed with T1 diabetes the day after his 4th birthday.
And then the banks blew up and the economy tanked.
And everything went to shit, and progressively so in the years that followed.
And now? I love my son. Dearly. But what have I done?
It’s all so sad because we could have created anything, and we created this. I’m talking 10,000 feet up or whatever, but sometimes I really think about humanity and humans and “progress” and it is so insane to have a planet that provides everything everyone needs - all the water and fresh air and food and all of it, but I guess we’ve been violent selfish assholes from the beginning? Obsessed with “mine”? I just don’t get it. Anyway, I went “wide” on my response here, I know, but this is the kind of thing I think about sometimes. All the art, poetry and music notwithstanding. All the wonderful inventions and strides we have made.
I just wish people generally would get the download. You’re not taking a single thing with you, just fucking be chill. Enjoy. You don’t need all that much. Smh.
These are important questions. The wide view is the place to start, IMO.
The first book I recommend to people struggling to understand why we ended up here is Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. I read it in 1996 and it’s haunted me ever since. The second book I recommend (and much more recent) is The Dawn of Everything — A New History of Humanity by David Graeber and David Wengrow.
Humanity is not the problem. The culture that has conquered the world is.
Ally, every time I read your writing I find myself thinking "I wish some MAGA person would engage with this." And I'm sorry for thinking that, because I know that would actually be horrible in practice, but I just feel like if people could see things the way you lay them out, how could they possibly argue? It's wishful thinking but there's also a rage behind it, like people who shove their dogs face into their poop when they go in the house (that metaphor is not a commentary on your writing hahaha). I want to be like "Look at this!!! Look at it!! Now explain yourself!!!" Anyway, that same rage place had me almost get into a fight with another grown man at a social adult soccer game and then crying about it this morning because I am so frustrated by entitled men who are bad sports who never seem to give any passing thought to the feelings or the humanity of the people around them. And I'm tired of being treated badly (in the world, as a trans person - this wasn't so much about the soccer, you see) and expected to still play fair and be positive and have a good attitude. Anyway, it wasn't my proudest moment because I definitely had an "if you can't beat em, join em" mentality but you have written your rage so beautifully that I thought I could probably share this story with you.
Thanks for writing it down and sharing it with us. It makes me feel seen. I hope your son has a great return to college in the coolest, safest car of all time. (As someone who inherited my great-grandmother's Honda Civic at 16 for a few hundred dollars and the promise to drive her around, I highly endorse that model. 😁)
I’m not perfect by a long shot, but in my entire life I have never gone after someone else to make myself feel better. As a kid when I would see other kids bullying someone, I could not imagine being that awful. The “mean girl” gang up was horrible to me, even if it just manifested as whispers and pointed fingers. I think I understood the kids doing the bullying or excluding etc were in their own hell. Still, I just could not wrap my head around the idea of “I’m suffering internally so I want to make people around me suffer. I feel weak and insecure so I’m going to lash out at someone with - seemingly - less power than I have.” It’s such a strange and sad way to be. As a kid you can maybe understand they are acting out and their frontal lobe is not fully online etc. But as an adult? Truly, wtf.
Obviously I don’t know the whole story but I am so sorry and so angry on your behalf, Cody. And I do not think you need to be worrying about how it wasn’t your proudest moment. No one can “take the high road” every minute of the day. We’re all human and you are fighting just to fucking exist these days and that isn’t right or okay. I wish I’d been there if you want to know the truth. Because I’ve never bullied anyone, but I’ll jump in the line of fire for my friends every day of the week. I’m really sorry life is like this right now. You deserve a lot better. We all do. Hugs and love. You can always share anything here.
Thank you ❤️ I agree, it doesn't make sense to me either. I think that's probably why our perspectives are important. I wish you had been there too! I think you would have been much more fun to play soccer with :)
Yesterday my 17 y/o came home from school and told me about a debate they'd had in his Global politics course about taxing the rich. And we talked and I passionately spoke--or as my kids say, yelled--and he did and we nodded and fist pumped, metaphorically, and I smiled to know that I'd helped to raise a fundamentally sound person. Earlier that day my older son called me--for advice!!!--and I smiled to know that I helped to raise another fundamentally sound person. That's what I sort of hang onto these days, especially on days where the crazies are crawling out from under the rocks with the speed of Clickers in The Last of Us and endangering us all.
There seem to be a lot of those days lately.
Haha, yes,our kids could probably have a good laugh together. Mine say “mom’s getting passionate again.” 🤣 But I’m with you, I take comfort knowing I’ve raised two human beings who don’t need help figuring out what’s okay and what’s not okay. They’re compassionate and engaged and that goes a long way on a tough day. It sure would be nice to have fewer tough days for all of our sakes, but I’m grateful for them every second.
Hugs to you and your awesome kids 🤍
Right back at you, Mama.
The "Lady in the streets..." made me think of Melanie Griffith's line "I've got a mind for business and a bod for sin" from "Working Girl", a film that embodies all the worst stereotypes of women, and confirms how many men still hold on to them. That film is almost 40 years old, but those ideas are still regurgitated today. Those men want to remain faultless for all of their destructive behavior, and right now it looks like they have the upper hand. But we will come around to accountability, and sanity, I hope sooner than we think.
Ha, yes it’s a line from “Nasty Girl” a song by Ludacris from 2008 if you want all the deets. A lot of weird stuff popped into my head while I was writing this 😳
I remember that line from “Working Girl” too. The messages about girls and women are so pervasive and exhausting. I was talking to someone my age (a woman) and she said she never felt held back by her gender, she was taught she could do anything, and we all were. It’s just when you get out in the world you find out you can “do anything” but you won’t be paid the same rate as a man for the same job even if you do it just as well. And you may get harassed by your boss or your colleague and reporting it may cost you your career. And whatever, I could be here all day. I’m preaching to the choir. We need to stop voting for people who don’t respect women and every other marginalized group if we want any of this to change. Feels like the most obvious thing, doesn’t it? Hugs and love to you.
Yeah, I was also told that I could do anything, but it turned out the thing I really wanted to do was poetry. Which I did, but still had to spend time at a paying jobs. Work was usually not miserable, but never fulfilling, and there were always men who would stare at our breasts when talking about projects, and those who insisted that my unmarried female colleagues should be able to work overtime on weekends because they "didn't have a husband or kids", who, in the 1990s were still talking about the sales bullpen. Cool stuff like that.
We do have to defeat those running for office who ignore those of us who are not white, or male, or wealthy.
In Boston, Mayor Wu is running for reelection. She has three challengers. In the democratic primary, there's Bob Kraft's son, who seems to have taken campaign advice from Trump.
There are also two Republicans. I received a campaign flyer from one today. His goals include: no sanctuary city, no new homeless shelters anywhere, no transgender (people) in Boston public school sports, full cooperation with ICE, and no free buses. They did spell buses "busses", but otherwise, it's a grim read.
I'm not concerned that he'll get to the general election, but he's so far removed how the majority think here that's it's clear he has big money coming in from some out of state fascist friends.
Sorry for the rant. Thank you, always, for your posts, and good luck with the used car hunt.
🧡🧡🧡
Your son talking about having children breaks my heart. But his considering adoption mended it.
The kids know. Our comfortable denial is dying. And I had the same misgivings when I was 34. But the signs were less obvious, more intellectual/"radical", and I was still trying hard to within our system and traditions. I tried really hard, even though somewhere deep inside was warning me, the part that knew what was coming.
After a hellish trial of multiple rounds of in vitro fertilization that ended in quadruplet embryos, three of which that miscarried--and all the other cold, invasive procedures before that, we got our son.
And then he was diagnosed with T1 diabetes the day after his 4th birthday.
And then the banks blew up and the economy tanked.
And everything went to shit, and progressively so in the years that followed.
And now? I love my son. Dearly. But what have I done?
The grief stacks high.
It’s all so sad because we could have created anything, and we created this. I’m talking 10,000 feet up or whatever, but sometimes I really think about humanity and humans and “progress” and it is so insane to have a planet that provides everything everyone needs - all the water and fresh air and food and all of it, but I guess we’ve been violent selfish assholes from the beginning? Obsessed with “mine”? I just don’t get it. Anyway, I went “wide” on my response here, I know, but this is the kind of thing I think about sometimes. All the art, poetry and music notwithstanding. All the wonderful inventions and strides we have made.
I just wish people generally would get the download. You’re not taking a single thing with you, just fucking be chill. Enjoy. You don’t need all that much. Smh.
These are important questions. The wide view is the place to start, IMO.
The first book I recommend to people struggling to understand why we ended up here is Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. I read it in 1996 and it’s haunted me ever since. The second book I recommend (and much more recent) is The Dawn of Everything — A New History of Humanity by David Graeber and David Wengrow.
Humanity is not the problem. The culture that has conquered the world is.
I loved Ishmael, haven’t read A New History of Humanity but will get it!
HA! Like minds. Love it.
Ally, every time I read your writing I find myself thinking "I wish some MAGA person would engage with this." And I'm sorry for thinking that, because I know that would actually be horrible in practice, but I just feel like if people could see things the way you lay them out, how could they possibly argue? It's wishful thinking but there's also a rage behind it, like people who shove their dogs face into their poop when they go in the house (that metaphor is not a commentary on your writing hahaha). I want to be like "Look at this!!! Look at it!! Now explain yourself!!!" Anyway, that same rage place had me almost get into a fight with another grown man at a social adult soccer game and then crying about it this morning because I am so frustrated by entitled men who are bad sports who never seem to give any passing thought to the feelings or the humanity of the people around them. And I'm tired of being treated badly (in the world, as a trans person - this wasn't so much about the soccer, you see) and expected to still play fair and be positive and have a good attitude. Anyway, it wasn't my proudest moment because I definitely had an "if you can't beat em, join em" mentality but you have written your rage so beautifully that I thought I could probably share this story with you.
Thanks for writing it down and sharing it with us. It makes me feel seen. I hope your son has a great return to college in the coolest, safest car of all time. (As someone who inherited my great-grandmother's Honda Civic at 16 for a few hundred dollars and the promise to drive her around, I highly endorse that model. 😁)
I’m not perfect by a long shot, but in my entire life I have never gone after someone else to make myself feel better. As a kid when I would see other kids bullying someone, I could not imagine being that awful. The “mean girl” gang up was horrible to me, even if it just manifested as whispers and pointed fingers. I think I understood the kids doing the bullying or excluding etc were in their own hell. Still, I just could not wrap my head around the idea of “I’m suffering internally so I want to make people around me suffer. I feel weak and insecure so I’m going to lash out at someone with - seemingly - less power than I have.” It’s such a strange and sad way to be. As a kid you can maybe understand they are acting out and their frontal lobe is not fully online etc. But as an adult? Truly, wtf.
Obviously I don’t know the whole story but I am so sorry and so angry on your behalf, Cody. And I do not think you need to be worrying about how it wasn’t your proudest moment. No one can “take the high road” every minute of the day. We’re all human and you are fighting just to fucking exist these days and that isn’t right or okay. I wish I’d been there if you want to know the truth. Because I’ve never bullied anyone, but I’ll jump in the line of fire for my friends every day of the week. I’m really sorry life is like this right now. You deserve a lot better. We all do. Hugs and love. You can always share anything here.
Thank you ❤️ I agree, it doesn't make sense to me either. I think that's probably why our perspectives are important. I wish you had been there too! I think you would have been much more fun to play soccer with :)