Years ago, back when writers blogged, I wrote for an online wellness magazine that had a very large audience. I’d usually write about the practical ways to apply yoga philosophy to daily life, which for me at the time included single motherhood, divorce, parenting, post-divorce dating, working, and somehow being present for all of it without dropping dead. Still not totally sure how I did that, but I’m here, so clearly I figured it out. The editor and publishing team loved me because my posts tended to do well, which meant they got shared, which meant people saw the ads in the banners, which meant companies wanted to buy their ad space, which meant the magazine made money. This was, of course, before they started selling their own supplements and how-to courses and tickets to wellness summits that cost several thousand dollars. If I’d seen all that coming, I wouldn’t have been writing for them in the first place, but I digress. I wasn’t paid for my writing, but their reach was big enough that I accepted access to their subscribers as payment. They called me one of their
Just wanted you all to know how much I appreciate your thoughtful comments. They encouraged me to be even more open about all this in the podcast, which just went live. I know some people like to read (me) and are not as into podcasts (also me with a few exceptions but mostly because I don’t have time) but if you’d like to listen while you’re doing laundry or driving somewhere etc, here it is. I feel like you are all co-creators so 🤷🏻♀️:
Sorry you have been treated this way online Ally.😞 Thank you for sharing. Your compassion and understanding with your faith has bounce me back up from many black holes. Your blogs have helped enormously. Keep shining your beautiful light lovely lady. I adore you and love you 💛 sending ❤️ love, biggest hugs and much gratitude 🙏🥰😘xx
I've sat down in my parent's old country house where I cooked goulash for us and then later some friends. I sat down to read your essay and respond.
Not only I love your essays, because they lift me up (although this one felt more like my own inner thoughts on the state of things currently, which in my case is a very dark view), but I also want to let you know that they matter, that I received your message and effectively our exchange of comments feels like being pen pals.
I quite like that!
I think you're right, it's our duty to dilute the vitriol in online space, even though it's becoming increasingly hard and I also feel frustration in me growing.
I didn't understand British "Keep calm and carry on" until many years after I arrived to the UK.
I'm not sure how calm I can be, but I know I should and will carry on.
I am sorry for the experience you had back then, personally I wouldn't find that title overly negative, though I'm not suggesting it was fair to change it. It is quite different to yours and misleading, but it's not a ground for someone to be rude. Even though changing it was wrong, I'd find people who commented from what they perceived as superior status even more wrong.
I understand we live in a culture of calling out, but sometimes I think I should carry a list of things I should call out, almost like some fucking checklist and serve as some morality officer to strangers, thus putting myself in harms way, because let's be honest, calling out someone these days requires willingness to be at least swore at.
I often ponder how much peace I can actually afford and how much activism I am prepared to commit to, because of indeed this life is all we have and there's no "reward" for behaving the right way, one must feel very threatened to willingly go into confrontation. Even big animals (I'm sure you are aware of bear vs man argument) prefer not to confront something that can potentially cause them serious injuries.
This balancing act between being a coward, an OK sensible person and reckless activist is something I've not mastered yet.
Sorry for long comment. Your essays are always a good inspiration and I'd love to say thank you for this one.
As for the rest, yes, being online feels increasingly like what I imagine the Wild West must’ve been like. Sometimes you’re in a saloon, having a great time with your friends, and the next minute, you walk outside and you’re in a gunfight except you didn’t bring a weapon. It’s exhausting.
I guess I would say the reward for putting yourself in harm’s way for people whose rights are being threatened or violated is your own humanity. Even if we can’t change the world single-handedly, I think it makes a big difference when everyone who can, tries. And even if it doesn’t move the needle as fast as you’d like, you know you tried and are trying. You’re fighting the good fight. But you do also have to take care of yourself. Sometimes I realize I’ve spiraled into despair and then I step away and try to tend to my own nervous system. It’s definitely not perfect, there are days when I go quiet and don’t post and don’t go online because I’m overwhelmed with sadness about the world or exhausted by the rage and hate. Truly, it does me in. But I don’t think I’ll ever give up on humans. I just keep hoping we’ll get the memo. I would love for it to be sooner than later, for all our sakes. And I do think it helps if those of us who feel this way try to turn down the heat online. I mean, I think you can still say “oh fuck you, go fuck yourself” out loud if you need to when you see something offensive that someone has posted, lol, I just think when you go to respond if you can be sure you aren’t “othering” someone and turning up the heat on what is already a pressure-cooker situation, it’s for the greater good. Or just not respond at all. Some people are just rage-baiting. We’re all exhausted from the rage, I can feel that. Thanks for your comments and thanks for being here 🤍
So sorry you had that horrible experience but not sorry you wrote about it in such a grown-up, eloquent way. The judgement and cruel othering have taken over even benign social spaces (such as neighborhood websites intended to help people look for lost pets). I stopped engaging unless I have something NICE to say. Thanks for your brave words.
Thank you so much. I wonder if you’re talking about Nextdoor, I had a terrible experience on that site. I suppose the internet is a reflection of everything that’s happening in the world, just a bit worse because people feel anonymous. On the other hand, there are beautiful things happening, too, like the ability to connect this way. So glad you’re here 🤍
Yes! Nextdoor. Where people pile on people who have to re-home their beloved dog because their downsized apartment doesn't allow them, but cheer on people who shoot coyotes for fun. So scary to find out who your neighbors are. And equally disturbing to learn who we are by our judgmental knee-jerk reactions. As you said, it's complicated...
I’m sorry you had that experience. I found so much of this deeply relatable. I’m struggling at the moment because for my own sanity I’ve disconnected from social media as much as I can, and several folks in my circle have taken me to task for “being silent” on current issues. I tried to gently explain that I realized I was making myself nuts, and I can’t afford to lose it entirely since we have a loooong fight ahead. I was told that valuing my mental health is privileged. I decided to let it go and let them be angry at me, but it’s frustrating since a lot of these people have known me for a long time. Anyone who knows me knows I’m not okay with any of it.
Everyone is angry with nowhere to put it, and that misdirected rage and grief is flying everywhere.
I’m so sorry, Kari. These are such painful times we’re living through and people are lashing out in every direction because none of this is normal or okay. It’s understandable but not helpful, and I do think it’s exhausting for everyone. We’ve just really lost the thread. Hope we find it again sooner than later. Sending you love and hugs.
Wowee. Girl, tell it. I'm sorry you had that experience. But I guess something positive came out of it because you're here, doing your thing, and no one's editing you, and for that, I am most grateful. I get what you're saying about not othering people...it's a scary slope, but the world is so toxic right now and I think most of us are scared, and when people are really scared they sometimes say and do really stupid things. How do I react against hatred? My first reaction is "Fuck you!" But if I can catch myself, I might dig a little deeper and find some empathy...It's really hard sometimes. I am committed to being a kind and loving person, and that's very challenging these days. And I have to say that when the revolution comes, I want to be on your side, not theirs. Ugh. It's so complicated. Sending love, Ally. Thanks for another great essay!
Believe me, I have to catch myself, too. There are a lot of scared and angry people out there who want to legislate who people can love, what they can say or do, what kind of pay they receive or healthcare they get, what kind of pronouns they use or bathrooms they have access to, whether they’re entitled to exist with dignity and freedom and whether their rights are more important than everyone else’s. I just recorded the podcast and tried to draw that line between vehemently and wholeheartedly disagreeing with those people, fighting back in every meaningful and productive way we can, and still staying on this side of the line so we aren’t othering them. Otherwise we become them and then we’re really screwed. But my god is it a practice!
This post is a breath of fresh air. It's such a great reminder to pause and breathe and extend a little grace to people without judging them. I feel like I'm 100 years old when I complain about the lack of common courtesy and respect floating around in the world right now, but anything we can do to bring some of that back makes a difference.
Ha. Some days I feel ancient when I hear myself wondering what the world has come to. It’s such a strange time to exist. I feel like we were luckier when we were out running around and didn’t have to know what was on everyone’s minds all the time. I find myself missing the days when people knew enough to hide the worst in themselves, instead of announcing it on a lawn sign or bumper sticker. Now it’s all out in the open and people feel free to scream any awful thing they like and all our nervous systems are burnt out. Anyway, I’m very grateful this was like a breath of fresh air. That made my day. And I’m sending love and hugs. Thanks for being here 🤍
Seriously, my carefree childhood and 90’s teen years seem downright enviable to the current social climate! I now appreciate the filters I didn’t event know existed back then. You’re right, everyone is just flying their freak flag on a bumper sticker at the moment, but I’ll take it if it’s that cool coexist one!!
It’s so sad because it can be such an incredible way to connect to people you might not have met otherwise, but the dark side is really dark. I’m very glad you’re here. I’m sure the great people we meet are the reason we all stick around, and I know that’s the stuff that keeps me hoping 🤍
Thank you so much, Michelle. I have at least one moment every day - and usually several moments - when I just can’t believe what I’m seeing, when I just can’t fathom that this is where we are as human beings - but it really helps to know there are other people feeling the same way. Lots of love to you, thank you for being here 🤍
It is so hard to be a part of the human race but here we are. It's so true tho that adults do not necessarily have it together but I remember that comforting feeling that they did. We do need to share the planet with some harmony if we want to have the kind of lives we assumed we would have that we took for granted as kids.
And I'm glad you were transparent in your writing and seeing how what you put out there isn't necessarily all yours if someone else is publishing. That sucks that your title was twisted but shows how just one word can change the entire meaning.
Personally, when I'm overwhelmed with the state of the world and how people are acting or not acting or being treated I go to Jesus. Honestly, it's the only way I have learned to live and be as nonjudgmental and forgiving as possible because lord knows I have fucked up so much in my life and I have been forgiven over and over. So that allows me to extend that much to others not matter where we stand politically or otherwise. We will get through this and if anything, it will keep giving us material to write about.
I’m such a big believer in whatever works. If your beliefs are helping you to be a better, kinder, more tolerant and compassionate person, that’s all that matters to me. I don’t mean you, personally, I mean anyone. That to me is what a meaningful “spiritual practice” looks like. I love the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh and Pema Chodron, and when I’m in nature I’d say that’s the closest I feel to free, easy and open, like life makes sense. I meditate every day which is a great practice for “developing a witness” and realizing I am not my thoughts and don’t have to give energy or power to every thought I have. And I get on my yoga mat because it helps me get out of my head, and obviously there are other benefits. Then there’s my dog :) That’s all the stuff that makes me the best person I can be. It’s still a practice though. And I try to take it with me when I go online. I definitely do not succeed every minute of every day, but I know it helps so much to have some tools! Thanks for being here 🤍
lol yes dogs/cats are great comforters and teachers and they make everything better. I agree with you on all of this. Getting outside gives you instant serenity and reminds you that you're not your thoughts and getting out of your head and into your body via walking, yoga or anything to move your body is the best, so absolutely I think the people who have found these things to be helpful and consistently use them are probably the content especially during trying times.
Just wanted you all to know how much I appreciate your thoughtful comments. They encouraged me to be even more open about all this in the podcast, which just went live. I know some people like to read (me) and are not as into podcasts (also me with a few exceptions but mostly because I don’t have time) but if you’d like to listen while you’re doing laundry or driving somewhere etc, here it is. I feel like you are all co-creators so 🤷🏻♀️:
https://open.substack.com/pub/allyhamilton/p/sea-of-rage-5dd?r=gcqpo&utm_medium=ios
Sorry you have been treated this way online Ally.😞 Thank you for sharing. Your compassion and understanding with your faith has bounce me back up from many black holes. Your blogs have helped enormously. Keep shining your beautiful light lovely lady. I adore you and love you 💛 sending ❤️ love, biggest hugs and much gratitude 🙏🥰😘xx
Thanks Barbara, felt that right in my heart. And it’s okay, the upside of being here outweighs the downside because of people like you 🤍
❤️❤️❤️ you xx
Hi Ally,
What an important piece! Thank you!
I've sat down in my parent's old country house where I cooked goulash for us and then later some friends. I sat down to read your essay and respond.
Not only I love your essays, because they lift me up (although this one felt more like my own inner thoughts on the state of things currently, which in my case is a very dark view), but I also want to let you know that they matter, that I received your message and effectively our exchange of comments feels like being pen pals.
I quite like that!
I think you're right, it's our duty to dilute the vitriol in online space, even though it's becoming increasingly hard and I also feel frustration in me growing.
I didn't understand British "Keep calm and carry on" until many years after I arrived to the UK.
I'm not sure how calm I can be, but I know I should and will carry on.
I am sorry for the experience you had back then, personally I wouldn't find that title overly negative, though I'm not suggesting it was fair to change it. It is quite different to yours and misleading, but it's not a ground for someone to be rude. Even though changing it was wrong, I'd find people who commented from what they perceived as superior status even more wrong.
I understand we live in a culture of calling out, but sometimes I think I should carry a list of things I should call out, almost like some fucking checklist and serve as some morality officer to strangers, thus putting myself in harms way, because let's be honest, calling out someone these days requires willingness to be at least swore at.
I often ponder how much peace I can actually afford and how much activism I am prepared to commit to, because of indeed this life is all we have and there's no "reward" for behaving the right way, one must feel very threatened to willingly go into confrontation. Even big animals (I'm sure you are aware of bear vs man argument) prefer not to confront something that can potentially cause them serious injuries.
This balancing act between being a coward, an OK sensible person and reckless activist is something I've not mastered yet.
Sorry for long comment. Your essays are always a good inspiration and I'd love to say thank you for this one.
Namaste 🙏
Peace to you and your family.
Firstly, I’m sure your goulash was delicious.
As for the rest, yes, being online feels increasingly like what I imagine the Wild West must’ve been like. Sometimes you’re in a saloon, having a great time with your friends, and the next minute, you walk outside and you’re in a gunfight except you didn’t bring a weapon. It’s exhausting.
I guess I would say the reward for putting yourself in harm’s way for people whose rights are being threatened or violated is your own humanity. Even if we can’t change the world single-handedly, I think it makes a big difference when everyone who can, tries. And even if it doesn’t move the needle as fast as you’d like, you know you tried and are trying. You’re fighting the good fight. But you do also have to take care of yourself. Sometimes I realize I’ve spiraled into despair and then I step away and try to tend to my own nervous system. It’s definitely not perfect, there are days when I go quiet and don’t post and don’t go online because I’m overwhelmed with sadness about the world or exhausted by the rage and hate. Truly, it does me in. But I don’t think I’ll ever give up on humans. I just keep hoping we’ll get the memo. I would love for it to be sooner than later, for all our sakes. And I do think it helps if those of us who feel this way try to turn down the heat online. I mean, I think you can still say “oh fuck you, go fuck yourself” out loud if you need to when you see something offensive that someone has posted, lol, I just think when you go to respond if you can be sure you aren’t “othering” someone and turning up the heat on what is already a pressure-cooker situation, it’s for the greater good. Or just not respond at all. Some people are just rage-baiting. We’re all exhausted from the rage, I can feel that. Thanks for your comments and thanks for being here 🤍
So sorry you had that horrible experience but not sorry you wrote about it in such a grown-up, eloquent way. The judgement and cruel othering have taken over even benign social spaces (such as neighborhood websites intended to help people look for lost pets). I stopped engaging unless I have something NICE to say. Thanks for your brave words.
Thank you so much. I wonder if you’re talking about Nextdoor, I had a terrible experience on that site. I suppose the internet is a reflection of everything that’s happening in the world, just a bit worse because people feel anonymous. On the other hand, there are beautiful things happening, too, like the ability to connect this way. So glad you’re here 🤍
Yes! Nextdoor. Where people pile on people who have to re-home their beloved dog because their downsized apartment doesn't allow them, but cheer on people who shoot coyotes for fun. So scary to find out who your neighbors are. And equally disturbing to learn who we are by our judgmental knee-jerk reactions. As you said, it's complicated...
I’m sorry you had that experience. I found so much of this deeply relatable. I’m struggling at the moment because for my own sanity I’ve disconnected from social media as much as I can, and several folks in my circle have taken me to task for “being silent” on current issues. I tried to gently explain that I realized I was making myself nuts, and I can’t afford to lose it entirely since we have a loooong fight ahead. I was told that valuing my mental health is privileged. I decided to let it go and let them be angry at me, but it’s frustrating since a lot of these people have known me for a long time. Anyone who knows me knows I’m not okay with any of it.
Everyone is angry with nowhere to put it, and that misdirected rage and grief is flying everywhere.
I’m so sorry, Kari. These are such painful times we’re living through and people are lashing out in every direction because none of this is normal or okay. It’s understandable but not helpful, and I do think it’s exhausting for everyone. We’ve just really lost the thread. Hope we find it again sooner than later. Sending you love and hugs.
Wowee. Girl, tell it. I'm sorry you had that experience. But I guess something positive came out of it because you're here, doing your thing, and no one's editing you, and for that, I am most grateful. I get what you're saying about not othering people...it's a scary slope, but the world is so toxic right now and I think most of us are scared, and when people are really scared they sometimes say and do really stupid things. How do I react against hatred? My first reaction is "Fuck you!" But if I can catch myself, I might dig a little deeper and find some empathy...It's really hard sometimes. I am committed to being a kind and loving person, and that's very challenging these days. And I have to say that when the revolution comes, I want to be on your side, not theirs. Ugh. It's so complicated. Sending love, Ally. Thanks for another great essay!
Believe me, I have to catch myself, too. There are a lot of scared and angry people out there who want to legislate who people can love, what they can say or do, what kind of pay they receive or healthcare they get, what kind of pronouns they use or bathrooms they have access to, whether they’re entitled to exist with dignity and freedom and whether their rights are more important than everyone else’s. I just recorded the podcast and tried to draw that line between vehemently and wholeheartedly disagreeing with those people, fighting back in every meaningful and productive way we can, and still staying on this side of the line so we aren’t othering them. Otherwise we become them and then we’re really screwed. But my god is it a practice!
This post is a breath of fresh air. It's such a great reminder to pause and breathe and extend a little grace to people without judging them. I feel like I'm 100 years old when I complain about the lack of common courtesy and respect floating around in the world right now, but anything we can do to bring some of that back makes a difference.
Ha. Some days I feel ancient when I hear myself wondering what the world has come to. It’s such a strange time to exist. I feel like we were luckier when we were out running around and didn’t have to know what was on everyone’s minds all the time. I find myself missing the days when people knew enough to hide the worst in themselves, instead of announcing it on a lawn sign or bumper sticker. Now it’s all out in the open and people feel free to scream any awful thing they like and all our nervous systems are burnt out. Anyway, I’m very grateful this was like a breath of fresh air. That made my day. And I’m sending love and hugs. Thanks for being here 🤍
Seriously, my carefree childhood and 90’s teen years seem downright enviable to the current social climate! I now appreciate the filters I didn’t event know existed back then. You’re right, everyone is just flying their freak flag on a bumper sticker at the moment, but I’ll take it if it’s that cool coexist one!!
Yes, some of the bumper stickers I’m like 👍🏼✌🏼and others 😣🤦🏻♀️ Just hoping some kind of sanity prevails.
The internet is the greatest weapon for dehumanization right now. It’s scary and dangerous.
Thanks for writing this Ally— for reminding me to stay hopeful.
It’s so sad because it can be such an incredible way to connect to people you might not have met otherwise, but the dark side is really dark. I’m very glad you’re here. I’m sure the great people we meet are the reason we all stick around, and I know that’s the stuff that keeps me hoping 🤍
Staying hopeful is hard as hell but at least we’ve got you for company. Great piece
Thank you so much, Michelle. I have at least one moment every day - and usually several moments - when I just can’t believe what I’m seeing, when I just can’t fathom that this is where we are as human beings - but it really helps to know there are other people feeling the same way. Lots of love to you, thank you for being here 🤍
It is so hard to be a part of the human race but here we are. It's so true tho that adults do not necessarily have it together but I remember that comforting feeling that they did. We do need to share the planet with some harmony if we want to have the kind of lives we assumed we would have that we took for granted as kids.
And I'm glad you were transparent in your writing and seeing how what you put out there isn't necessarily all yours if someone else is publishing. That sucks that your title was twisted but shows how just one word can change the entire meaning.
Personally, when I'm overwhelmed with the state of the world and how people are acting or not acting or being treated I go to Jesus. Honestly, it's the only way I have learned to live and be as nonjudgmental and forgiving as possible because lord knows I have fucked up so much in my life and I have been forgiven over and over. So that allows me to extend that much to others not matter where we stand politically or otherwise. We will get through this and if anything, it will keep giving us material to write about.
I’m such a big believer in whatever works. If your beliefs are helping you to be a better, kinder, more tolerant and compassionate person, that’s all that matters to me. I don’t mean you, personally, I mean anyone. That to me is what a meaningful “spiritual practice” looks like. I love the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh and Pema Chodron, and when I’m in nature I’d say that’s the closest I feel to free, easy and open, like life makes sense. I meditate every day which is a great practice for “developing a witness” and realizing I am not my thoughts and don’t have to give energy or power to every thought I have. And I get on my yoga mat because it helps me get out of my head, and obviously there are other benefits. Then there’s my dog :) That’s all the stuff that makes me the best person I can be. It’s still a practice though. And I try to take it with me when I go online. I definitely do not succeed every minute of every day, but I know it helps so much to have some tools! Thanks for being here 🤍
lol yes dogs/cats are great comforters and teachers and they make everything better. I agree with you on all of this. Getting outside gives you instant serenity and reminds you that you're not your thoughts and getting out of your head and into your body via walking, yoga or anything to move your body is the best, so absolutely I think the people who have found these things to be helpful and consistently use them are probably the content especially during trying times.