By the time you read this I will have been in Portugal for six days. I’ll have a little over two days left before my retreat ends and I fly back to Paris. I’ll be there for two nights, and then I’ll be heading home to California on July 1st. I know it sounds glamorous, like I’m this world traveler who can just hop flights from LAX to Paris, Paris to Lisbon, and then home again. But I’ll be working my ass off I assure you, it’s just my “office” is going to be 25 miles south of Lisbon at a stunning venue surrounded by eucalyptus trees, and my work is rewarding in ways that are hard to describe. It's not like sitting under fluorescent lights at a job that’s sucking the lifeblood out of me, or bartending until 4am, or dealing with an abusive boss, but it’s also not like I have a 401k, benefits, or any kind of retirement plan. This essay is getting weird, but there are tradeoffs to everything, that’s what I’m saying. I’ve somehow managed to keep a roof over my head and provide for my family doing the things that light me up - writing and teaching yoga - and I know what a gift it is. I had some truly awful jobs in my teens and twenties, I’ll tell you about it sometime, probably in the memoir. In any case, I don’t take it lightly when a large group of people say
First of all, thank you for another beautiful essay. I only just came home and ate some crepes I made yesterday, even though I am still full from the food we had at this amazing small Greek restaurant here in Nottingham.
My ex boss had a leaving meal today and it was probably the most amazing I had. Nothing super extraordinary happened, but I noticed how grateful I felt for all the ex colleagues I met there and how I finally felt content after a bit of shake up from a relationship that almost was, but wasn't. Looking at the bitter outcome of the Stanley Cup finals for Oilers on Monday I wonder if it wouldn't be better to lose the battle earlier as coming too close to winning and then don't win is just painful. But somehow as I read your essay I started to notice being OK, instead of trying to be OK, or telling myself I should be OK. I suppose it takes time to accept "defeat" in whatever form it manifests.
Also, after I read your essay I had this metaphor in my head, that it's like Bridge To Terabithia, you write it, I read it, then I reply in the comment and you reply back. It feels like a bridge between our minds separated by space, yet somehow it's possible to connect and experience closeness.
I really hope your retreat in Portugal is amazing and I would love to wish you a safe journey back home next week (I hope I remembered this right lol).
I always love how your essays make me feel and I am grateful for you. Thank you.
Hi Ally,
First of all, thank you for another beautiful essay. I only just came home and ate some crepes I made yesterday, even though I am still full from the food we had at this amazing small Greek restaurant here in Nottingham.
My ex boss had a leaving meal today and it was probably the most amazing I had. Nothing super extraordinary happened, but I noticed how grateful I felt for all the ex colleagues I met there and how I finally felt content after a bit of shake up from a relationship that almost was, but wasn't. Looking at the bitter outcome of the Stanley Cup finals for Oilers on Monday I wonder if it wouldn't be better to lose the battle earlier as coming too close to winning and then don't win is just painful. But somehow as I read your essay I started to notice being OK, instead of trying to be OK, or telling myself I should be OK. I suppose it takes time to accept "defeat" in whatever form it manifests.
Also, after I read your essay I had this metaphor in my head, that it's like Bridge To Terabithia, you write it, I read it, then I reply in the comment and you reply back. It feels like a bridge between our minds separated by space, yet somehow it's possible to connect and experience closeness.
I really hope your retreat in Portugal is amazing and I would love to wish you a safe journey back home next week (I hope I remembered this right lol).
I always love how your essays make me feel and I am grateful for you. Thank you.
Namaste 🙏