This Is Not an Audit

Maybe put down the kombucha

Monday night, when I finally sat down on my couch and had a chance to do a little reading, I saw that my friend Kate had a new post up. I’d called Kate earlier in the day to check in and see how she was doing. She’d texted back before she went to bed. We have a time difference, so we missed each other. When I read her post, I felt sick. The kind of thing where your hand flies up over your mouth and you’re crying before you know what happened, because all you can think of is this poor kid who was here on this earth, and now isn’t. Sam Nordquist.

This poor sweet kid, and also his mother. I can’t even retain the thought because it hurts too much. I cannot think of anything worse than having to live with the knowledge that your child died at the hands of violent people. It makes no sense for human beings to be so cruel, and for a family to have to live without their son, their brother, a kid you can see - even from a picture - was just a sweet, loving soul.

Something is going very wrong with people. I know it isn’t new, but it feels worse, more common, more precarious. It’s scary. We can’t keep up with all the heartbreaking things at the moment, so it’s a safe bet to assume your friends who think the world ought to make some kind of sense, are probably not okay.

I had an anxiety dream last night. I was in a dystopian-feeling building, stuck in the stairwell. There was fluorescent lighting on some of the landings, and that buzz that goes along with it. Many of the lights didn’t work and were hanging from the walls, wires exposed. The walls were a pale, yellowish-green color, the stairs were concrete. I had an apartment somewhere in the building, but I never got there, because I kept forgetting something in my car. There wasn’t a handrail, so I had to stay close to the wall.

Photo by Riccardo Pelati on Unsplash

I’d be heading up the stairs and suddenly remember that I was supposed to get something out of my trunk, so I’d race back down several flights to the garage, get to my car, open the trunk, and somehow not take the thing I needed. Then I’d head back up the stairs and repeat the whole thing. One way or another, and this is awful, I knew it was a Musk-owned building and those doge boys were there somewhere. I can’t even get a break from this crap when I sleep. Whatever I was supposed to get out of my car was important, and I was more anxious every time I failed to take the thing I needed. I did not want to get caught in the stairwell.

In dream symbolism, stairs are supposed to represent growth or change - if you go in for that kind of thing. If you’re going up the stairs, you’re changing, you’re heading in a new, expansive direction. If you’re going down the stairs, you need to do some soul-searching. If you’re going up and down the stairs continuously, your country is in the middle of a coup and the people who got elected don’t give a shit about the Constitution or the rule of law. I don’t make up the rules.

But let’s talk about rules for a second. Imagine I take over a large business. Doesn’t matter what the business is, just imagine there are board members, shareholders, workers, a union, and an HR department. And I come in one morning and announce to the board and the shareholders, the union reps and the workers - that regardless of the bylaws or whatever the union has to say, whatever HR might think, whatever is stipulated in anyone’s contracts…only I and this other person I’ve appointed will decide if what I do is okay from here on out. Even if this other person is an immoral, dishonest bootlicker, and I lie every time I open my mouth.

I can do whatever I like with investors’ money, I can fire people at will and without cause because I don’t like the way they look, or because I’m in a bad mood, I can break contracts and freeze funds, I can decide friends of mine can come in on the weekends and access anyone’s most sensitive personal and financial information with a flash drive if that’s what I want to do. I can even grab a bunch of my kid’s college-age friends, and give them access, and not a single person can stop me. My conduct will not be questioned or challenged by anyone.

What do you think would happen? I’d probably be fired at best. I think it’s likelier I’d be removed by force, or that someone would have me committed, because that’s insane, right? No company would stand for that. But that’s what happened in our country yesterday, and I bet you half the voting public doesn't know. Or they know and think it’s great.

The president signed another terrifying and unconstitutional Executive Order Tuesday, bringing the formerly independent Federal regulatory agencies that reported directly to Congress - namely, the Federal Communications Commission (FCC), Federal Trade Commission (FTC), and Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) - under the control of the White House. Of course he can’t do this with an EO, people keep saying that. People who still believe he cares about the judiciary branch or the rule of law. I am not one of those people. He does not care.

Also, it would behoove you to see what each of these agencies does, which is why I linked them if you care to look later. Essentially, they protect us, the American people, from fraud. From scams created by monopolies that occur when there is nothing in place to encourage competition with broadband, for example. I wonder who the fuckity fuck would benefit from doing away with that, because it is certainly not us. Maybe a guy who owns a company like Starlink? Just a thought.

So now the president, and Attorney General Pam Bondi will decide what is legal. Pam Bondi who refuses to say he lost the election in 2020. Pam Bondi who stopped investigating fraudulent Trump University when he sent her an illegal $25,000 campaign contribution. I’m sure this is going to be great, she seems super ethical, nothing to worry about.

I’m getting really tired of the people still on board with this, pretending it’s normal or okay. Truly. I understand some of his supporters don’t really pay attention to the news, they don’t like to get sucked into all that exhausting “political stuff” - they’re just trying to have some kombucha and live, man. They just want to go hiking, do a cold plunge, and enjoy the tax breaks. Women will be fine. Gay people will be okay, it’s not like things are gonna get really crazy here, it’s still America. The left went too far with all that trans pronouns business, tsk, tsk, they should head more to the center next time. Have you tried that mushroom coffee place on Main yet?

Some of his supporters took the disinformation highway during the pandemic and got off at Red Pill Boulevard. They did their own YouTube research on the can, which is just as good as being a lifelong epidemiologist. There are a lot of ways to boost your immune system without injecting an untested vaccine, they said. Who is Fauci, anyway, isn’t he part of big pharma and the deep state? He probably flew to Jeffrey Epstein's island. Maybe he was in the basement of that pizza place with Hillary.

My body, my choice, they say, stay away from me with your mandated Covid-Bill-Gates-implanting-5G vaccinations. Stay away from me with your measles vaccinations, too. I’ll get measles if I want them, and so will my kids. I hate Bill Gates. I decide what happens to my body - don’t tell me to wear a mask - but I will vote for men who decide what happens to yours, that’s the price you pay for not giving me what I wanted. Kamala should have taken Bobby’s call, then it wouldn’t have to be like this. I don’t like Trump, I don’t like either party, I just like Bobby. What’s that you say? Now eleven-year-olds will be forced to have babies if they happen to live in Texas and their stepdad is a pedophile? I hadn’t heard about that. I’ll have to look into it.

Ugh, I’m nauseated by all the flavors of people looking at this situation - this situation where so many of my close friends are scared, where I am scared - still refusing to acknowledge that what we’re seeing is flat-out wrong by anyone’s standards. We have so far surpassed party lines - and moved to a place where all Americans should be alarmed, working together to bring this shit-show to a full stop. You either love this country or you don’t, you care about democracy and the Constitution - and the idea that we can keep trying to work toward a more perfect union - or you do not.

Some of us who are in despair have been asking where the guardrails are. How can this be happening, how is there nothing in place to stop a coup? Well, the election was the first guardrail, and much as many of us tried with all our might, too many people voted for him, or stayed home. I promise you the Founding Fathers never thought more than half the voting public would be naive, foolish, disengaged, ignorant, racist, bigoted or selfish enough to vote for a known felon/insurrectionist/adjudicated rapist twice. I said what I said, feel free to read it again.

The second guardrail should be the senators and congresspeople. I really thought there would be more Republican senators and congresspeople who cared about the Constitution and the oath they took to uphold it. I see now it was naive of me, but I truly believed there were at least a handful who had some genuine love of country. There is not one. Not. One. They are all kissing the ring. And the king is pissing on the Congress while they do it. Wait till he fires them.

It makes me sick to my stomach to see people who have so much security they wouldn’t know a financial worry if they tripped over it, celebrating the downfall of democracy - as if what is really happening is not a coup. I see these people in some of my feeds. Why are you so upset, they ask blithely, as if they cannot imagine. The government already has your Social Security number! They already have your tax return. This is just an audit, and it’s good. Businesses have them all the time. Independent people come in and find the fraud and cut the waste. There’s nothing illegal happening, everything is fine.

When you mention that there are surgical ways to conduct an audit that don’t violate the Constitution - with transparency and bipartisan oversight, since we are talking about federal tax money that has been paid by all Americans - they change the subject. When you ask them how they would feel if Harris had won and the first thing she did is send Melinda French Gates to the Treasury with six co-eds aged 18-25, all carrying flash drives and downloading everyone’s sensitive financial data, they start screaming about what a nightmare it would have been if Kamala had won, and never answer your question. Because they won’t.

We all know very well what would be happening in that case. These are the people who attacked the Capitol, and refused to accept the outcome of a free and fair election - we all saw it. They beat police officers, carried stun guns, pepper spray, baseball bats, flagpoles and fire extinguishers, broke down doors, defecated on the Senate floor. They hunted for Nancy Pelosi. They wanted to hang Mike Pence, they had a noose. They’re very concerned about their Second Amendment rights. We know exactly what would be happening right now in a reverse situation. And I am not painting all Republicans with the same brush, but if you were okay with this and voted for it again, then hi. You saw this, were okay with it, and voted for it again. Your president calls this a peaceful, loving protest.

Joseph Prezioso/AFP via Getty Images

Meanwhile we are making phone calls, and waiting for someone to tell us what to do. I think of my grandkids asking me what I did to try to save democracy, and telling them I left a lot of voicemails. I made signs and went to protests. I stopped shopping for a day. A week. I’m afraid we’re too polite for this fight. We respect the rule of law and the Constitution. We aren’t thugs.

We believe people should get to love who they love and that trans people should not be scared they aren’t safe in this country and that Black women should get a fucking break from trying to save us yet again. And listen, I’m going to keep doing all of those things - making the calls and trying to help my neighbors in tangible ways, donating to organizations doing good work, trying to do some community organizing, and exercising whatever power I have to try to stop this madness. I’m not giving up, not yet, anyway. I’m an optimist, or I have been all of my life. But I’m worried.

How is this not treason? These people are taking aim at all the checks and balances we have, piece by piece, in broad daylight, and it’s being televised. You all want to deport undocumented workers who work their asses off and pay taxes - but keep Elon who gets the same outrageous tax breaks we give all billionaires in this country, has all your financial information and has thrown his support to the AfD in Germany? You think it’s funny that the White House is posting ASMR videos of the sounds of ankle shackles as people are being deported?

Allow me to share with you a likely scenario if these people are not removed from office quickly. The cost of living will keep going up, and these bastards will keep raping the earth and drilling it for everything it’s got, cutting down the trees and polluting the waters and not worrying one bit about any promises to reduce our emissions. Rockets will rip through the sky as they set their sights on Mars, next. There won’t be any regulatory agencies to stop them. And it will be harder and harder for women to vote, and no-fault divorce will be a thing of the past, and jobs will be harder to find because these guys love their AI. They love it.

That’s assuming we haven’t been launched into WW3 by an American president who is siding with Russia against our Allies for the first time in the history of the United States, of course. Pretending Ukraine started the war, spouting Kremlin propaganda. Nothing to see here. And oops, efficient DOGE fired more than 350 government workers who oversee our nuclear weapons.

There won’t be government agencies to help with infrastructure or healthcare or childcare - already woefully inadequate. Medicaid will be gutted and so will Social Security, so the most vulnerable members of society will struggle more than they are now, and some will die unnecessary and heartbreaking deaths, plus add in the folks opting out of measles and polio vaccines. But we’ll be able to homestead and homeschool, and rich white kids will still be able to go to college. It will be easier for your sons, they’re gonna want your daughters at home, popping out white babies.

If your sons are gay, though, or your kids feel like they’re not living in the right bodies, or you happen to be a member of the LGBTQ community or a Black, Indigenous Person of Color, do not expect any understanding, empathy, concern, or acknowledgement that life might be a bit more fraught for you. That there are systemic issues in this country that have a real and felt impact on your life. These men in power do not want to hear it. Veterans? Yeah, thanks for your service, no extra support for you, though.

The wealth gap - already enormous - will continue to widen. But we’ll be able to read the books they don’t ban, and use the social media they control, and marry off our daughters young and, well, good luck to us. Forced birth and white supremacy for the win. Laugh/cry emoji I guess.

That is not the country I want, and I can’t imagine it’s the country anyone wants, though I must be wrong. Let’s say I can’t imagine it’s the country the majority of people want. That’s not the vision I have for my daughter, or yours. These people are not good people. This is not an audit. Zelensky is not a dictator. An insurrection is not a peaceful protest. Musk is not your friend and he is not “volunteering his time” (omg) because he’s a good guy. He’s making more money every day from this endeavor than you will ever see in your lifetime. He has conflicts of interest up the wazoo.

I don’t know what else to say, but your friends, family and neighbors who want better than this? They’re not okay, and you shouldn’t be, either. Maybe put down the kombucha.

It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

~ J. Krishnamurti

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Friends, I know I sound worried and I am, but I am not hopeless. It is hard to see people you love, hurting and scared, and it’s hard to be worrying about your kids, and especially your daughter. My heart hurts for all of us, frankly. I am exhausted by people who look at the same things we’re all looking at, and skip off to the beach like everything is fine. I’m tired of the gaslighting. But I love us. There are a lot of us trying out here. We just have to let ourselves have the dips when they happen, and dig for the hope when we feel low. I’ll be talking about that 2/21/25 here at 11:15am PST, or you can wait for the Come As You Are podcast version which comes out Saturdays. I want to do shorter live conversations here on the ‘Stack I think, working on an idea. I’m heading to Croatia in June, and really looking forward to it, maybe you want to come? I’m going to meet you in the comments section of course. Love y’all so much, thank you for being here x