Won't You Be My Neighbor?

I went to see It’s a Wonderful Life on Christmas Eve — they play it on the big screen at a theater near us every year — and if that film fails to put you in the holiday spirit you probably have to give up for the season and try again next year. It’s a strange year for all the reasons, so I think there are a lot of us trying. I love Jimmy Stewart. One of his other films, Harvey, is one of my favorite films of all time. If you haven’t seen it, Stewart plays a man named Elwood P. Dowd whose best friend is a huge white rabbit named Harvey who no one else can see.

Jimmy Stewart loved the film, too. He loved playing Elwood, a man with no guile who was kind to everyone, and he loved Harvey so much that he doodled him on napkins and scraps of paper for the rest of his life. He’d write “Harvey” underneath, and sign them. One year for my birthday, one of my best friends got me a framed print of one of those doodles. I’m not a shopper, I don’t go in for jewelry or handbags or fancy dinners out, but that doodle is one of my prized possessions. Also, I can’t recommend the film enough if you want to feel good about human beings for a little while, which I always do. I want to feel good about human beings now more than I ever have.

I grew up watching Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, and sometimes I think we should all start watching episodes again. My mother could never understand my obsession, she thought the show was so boring. This middle-aged man coming through the door singing about how we’re all neighbors, and asking if I’d be his neighbor, too? Unhurriedly taking off his jacket or raincoat and hanging it up, putting on his cardigan, then swapping his outside shoes for sneakers and tying them while he talked about nothing in particular? For the life of her, she could not figure out why I was rapt at four years old, five years old, six years old. I loved him.

We all did as far as I know, I rarely meet any Gen Xer who didn’t grow up feeling like they were partially raised by Fred Rogers. Most of us had parents who needed to be reminded we existed at 10pm, and there he was, taking us on little field trips to learn about the Post Office, or teaching us to think about how things were for other people. Elwood P. Dowd is like Fred Rogers, except he likes to go to the bar. There are all kinds of theories about the film and why he’s seeing a huge white rabbit (a púca). I won’t ruin it for you if you haven’t seen it, I’ll just say I think Harvey is real because that’s what I choose to think — in the context of the entire thing being a film where everyone is a fictional character, of course. I’m not insane.

People believe all kinds of things because that’s what they choose to do. I saw a clip on Instagram of Mary and Joseph in couples’ counseling. Joseph was upset because he was feeling erased. Mary said it wasn’t her fault, the Angel Gabriel showed up and said she was pregnant with God’s baby, what was she supposed to do? Joseph said he was just a blip in their story now. Just a sheepherder, shoveling shit all day. If someone ever wrote a book about them — at which point Mary interrupted and said no one was ever going to write a book about them — and I snort-laughed my coffee everywhere.

Once about fifteen years ago the same friend who got me the Harvey doodle came to Los Angeles for a visit. We decided to go see a movie at The Grove, we just drove over after a class I taught to see what was playing next. The Passion of the Christ was the only film about to start. This was before everyone knew Mel Gibson was a wife-beating racist, mind you.

We asked the woman behind the counter if she’d seen it, and if it was good. “Yes,” she said solemnly, “it’s really good. It’s about the last twenty-four hours of Jesus’ life. It’s a cinematic documentary.” I’m not sure how long we stood there staring at her, trying to figure out if she was serious, but it was long enough to realize she was serious.

Many people who identify as Christian and therefore believe in Jesus say they voted for the current administration because they believe abortion is murder so they had to vote for this administration*…but they do not seem to realize this administration would deport Jesus himself and Mary and Joseph, too, if they showed up in the United States today. Brown people from the largest Arab city in Israel who had their baby in Palestine and then walked forty miles to Egypt before emigrating? Without papers? Jesus Christ, good luck and I mean that.

Also just because I have to, even though I’ve said it eleventy bajillion times:

*The number of abortions has risen and continues to rise since Roe was overturned — a thing conservatives said would never happen, but we all knew would happen. Then they said, well it’s okay, we’re just sending it back to the states! This is what happens when you send it back to the states. Maternal and infant mortality rates rise in states with the most restrictive abortion bans. Women who have the means, travel to other states to get lifesaving healthcare when they need it. More women use telehealth services.

The president takes credit for the overturning of Roe, so it stands to reason he would also take credit for the rise in abortions, as he should. If you voted for him, you voted for that, too, even if you did not mean to do that. If you believe abortion is murder and you want fewer abortions, you should be voting against restrictive abortion bans that endanger girls and women, which means you should be voting for people who are pro-choice.

Pro-choice is not pro-abortion, it is pro respecting women and girls. It is pro believing all human beings are deserving of the same rights and respect when it comes to bodily autonomy and lifesaving healthcare procedures. It is pro thinking your rights should not change every time you cross state lines. My son’s rights don’t change if we take a road trip across the country, why should my daughter’s? Why any woman votes against her own best interests, or the best interests of her daughters, sisters, mothers and friends is a thing we should all ponder.

Also, if you believe in Jesus in any capacity —

whether you believe he is literally the son of God (and you believe in the Immaculate Conception like my friend at The Grove),

or you believe the Bible was written by men trying to control society at large,

if you believe men wrote the Bible to take the power of creation away from women — and give it to an all-powerful man in the sky no one can see,

or you believe there was a flesh-and-blood guy named Jesus who was a peace activist who walked this earth and did a lot of good,

if you believe we are all children of God, but you don’t think God is some white be-robed and bearded man in the sky with a ledger and a penchant for deducting points if people play with themselves while the world burns — if instead you think of God as the energy of creation and Jesus as an allegory and an aspiration, and neither as gendered (oh I know it’s tough for some people to give that up!) —

Whatever you believe, from everything I have ever understood, Jesus’s entire purpose was to spread compassion and kindness.

If I’ve got that part right, he would not have appreciated a message in his name written by the political leader of our nation calling the half of us who did not vote for him “radical left scum” on Christmas Day, or any day. He would not approve of a president who openly admitted to grabbing women by the pussy. He would not support a man who mocked Serge Kovaleski — or anyone suffering from any congenital condition, disease, or affliction of any kind, because who does that? What kind of person does that, and why would anyone vote for him?

He would not approve of a man who spent fifteen years hanging out with the most infamous and despicable pedophile rapist and his pedophile rapist girlfriend, calling him a “terrific guy”, laughing with him at parties, celebrating birthdays and holidays together, flying on his plane and lying about it later, inexplicably getting his girlfriend a sweetheart deal a few months ago, so she is now in a prison camp in Texas instead of behind bars for twenty years where she belonged. Why would he do that, and why would anyone support it?

He would not have approved of a president who called female journalists “piggy” and “stupid” and “terrible people” for doing their jobs. He would not have approved of a childish, petty, violent, racist, misogynistic president who turned the White House garish gold because there is definitely something about a camel and the eye of a needle. Which means he would have been appalled to learn the Trumps have pocketed $1.8 billion in cash and gifts since his re-election in 2024.

This is not a man who cares about anyone’s grocery prices or healthcare. He’s no “man of the people.” He is working “outside the lines” in Washington, for himself and his billionaire buddies.

Of the Ten Commandments, there are at least five that seem glaringly problematic for the current occupant of the White House and all his cohorts:

Thou shall not kill. Oops.

Thou shall not commit adultery. Bwahahahaha.

Thou shall not steal. Dang. Points deducted!

Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor. Lol.

Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife. Oops. Oops.

Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s goods. Triple oops.

I don’t think they’re doing too well with the other five commandments, or the Seven Deadly Sins. Or just being the very average level of baseline decent.

At least this administration is doing one really good thing. I’ll always give credit where credit is due. Finally, it seems, we white people won’t have to apologize for being white anymore. I have to admit I’m relieved, I was really getting tired of that. How many times do I have to walk into Whole Foods, grab my cart and yell, “Hey, everyone! I am so sorry for being white!”

All I want to do is buy some overpriced nut milk and kale.

Or like, at the Post Office? When you walk in and there’s a long line and you have to take your place at the back and let everyone around you know how bad you feel for being white? And also at the DMV when they call you up and you’ve already taken your ticket and waited forty-five minutes, and now you have to apologize, too. Jeez, sorry I’m white. Oh! And in the doctor’s office in the waiting room, or like, when you get into a Lyft. It’s just crazy how many times a day we white people go around apologizing for being white, I mean it adds up to:

<do not need to check notes or use calculator>

ZERO TIMES

In my entire life on this planet I have never been in a situation where the people in charge have given me the impression I should apologize for being white. Not in an academic setting, not in a work setting, not in a social setting, not in any setting. I grew up In New York City, and I have lived in Southern California for the last twenty-four years. I think we can agree these are two of the most liberal cities anywhere. I went to Barnard College at Columbia University. If I have never been made to feel like I should apologize for being white, please tell me where this is happening. I’ll wait.

Having said that, there have been a million times when I have felt like apologizing for being white, because of some white crapjackal in the vicinity. The older I get, the more often I do apologize for people like that because they are embarrassing. Apologizing isn’t enough, stepping in is the thing, because guess what? Just like a certain kind of man listens to other men more than they listen to women, a certain kind of white person listens to other white people more than they listen to anyone else.

There are white people who make racist jokes in public places and in places where they think it’s okay, because no Black people are around to hear, and it isn’t funny, and not laughing is not good enough. I will be the person to make it uncomfy, Beth Ann, don’t invite me next time I guess. Are these the kind of white people I want to know? Nah. But if I encounter them in the wild, yes I will get in that fray.

It is disgusting that we have a VP who has an Indian American wife and biracial children suggesting any of us should do otherwise, or pretending that white people have it hard, or that straight white men are burdened these days. Please allow me to grab the world’s tiniest violin and bust out a rendition of My Heart Bleeds for You.

Sometimes it happens online. A Black person will write something about what they wish white people would understand, or they’ll write about an experience they had, or express anger about something systemic or historical like, I dunno…slavery? And then some white person will pop up and say, not all white people, and if you want us to be allies, maybe don’t say we’re all racists!

You want to know what kind of white people get worked up about that and take it personally and feel the need to say “oh, hey, not me, I’m one of the good ones”? Or, “excuse me, sorry about slavery, but I am not responsible for what my ancestors did”? I’ll give you a hint — it isn’t the white people you want to sit next to at a wedding, and it isn’t the kind of white person you want to be.

Until more than half of white women stop voting for men who put all of us in danger, the only people we need to be responding to with our “input” or our “feelings” are other white people.

Speaking of white people you don’t want to know, it seems there are a million more Epstein documents, and we are still waiting for any modicum of justice for the survivors. It’s almost like they are going to stall and redact and stall and redact and deflect and postpone and delay and deny and gaslight and put his dumb face and name on all the buildings in the meantime. But apparently we are going to have marble armrests at the Kennedy Center, because what is better than bone against marble, really? Jesus wept.

Anyway, let’s end with some good news. It’s the week between Christmas and New Year’s which means it’s the week when no one knows what day it is and you can eat pie for breakfast. California is raising the minimum wage to $16.90 starting January 1st, with higher rates for food industry workers and healthcare workers ($20/hour). There are many cities and counties that set their own (even higher) local minimums. These are routine adjustments for inflation.

Please remember California is the 4th largest economy in the world, so when the federal government tells you it isn’t possible to raise the minimum wage because of *reasons* — those reasons are that the federal government does not care to give regular people a living wage. Or healthcare. Aw dang, I said we’d end with good news.

There are people like Fred Rogers in the world, and Elwood P. Dowd, even if he is a fictional character. There are people like George Bailey, trying to help their neighbors even if it doesn’t make sense for their “bottom line” because they know the real bottom line is what kind of person you’re being in this world, and that you can’t take any of the other stuff with you. There are people like Mary Bailey in this world, too, seeing the best in everyone, and pulling it out of them when they can’t pull it out of themselves. Fighting for them when they don’t have any fight left. Saving the day when the day needs to be saved and they can’t find their cape anymore, or it has too many holes to fly. They’re everywhere. They’re all of us. We are all neighbors. That’s the good news.

There are probably púcas, too. It wouldn’t surprise me.

So grateful for you, friends. I love you. Hang in there. We’re going to be okay.

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