I was on a Zoom call a few months ago with an organization that is targeting white middle class moderate women in swing states. What I learned is that in vast swaths of this country, people have NO IDEA that a D&C for a miscarriage is considered an abortion. Why is that? Because their local media is all right leaning. Murdoch and co bought up the local markets - affiliates, local print news, you name it. Fox News is on everywhere - waiting rooms, bars, stores. They buy the narrative that abortion= killing babies wantonly, because they are fed that every day all day. These are women trying to put food on the table and get through the day, and don't have the media literacy to cut through the bullshit. Their news tells them that you can waltz into a Planned Parenthood at nine months pregnant, have your baby butchered, and walk out with a lollipop. Because that is the news that is available.
Unsurprisingly, when they are informed, they are horrified. Maybe they wouldn't choose abortion for themselves, but they all know someone who has had a miscarriage, or have had one themselves. When women are given accurate information, they are strongly against these bans. I am sorry you had to deal with shouty caps, but I truly believe it is important to deal in facts, and I am glad you wrote about it.
It is wild to interact with people who believe anyone, anywhere is aborting a healthy baby in the 8th or 9th month, or "after birth" - it is hard to understand how *anyone* can believe that, and it's the kind of thing that makes my head and my heart hurt. But I think there is a dearth of information about D&C or D&E, when these procedures are used and for what - across the general population. These aren't fun issues to discuss, they're painful. It's difficult to talk about infertility, miscarriage, traumatic birth stories, periods, endometriosos, PCOS, perimenopause, menopause - we just have not had an open dialogue about issues affecting more than half the population, and the lack of open dialogue, education and conversation, shows.
I recognize we're all products of our environment - at least for some amount of time - and try to be patient if I'm talking to someone who was brought up to believe any number of things I don't believe, but sometimes it's very depressing. I struggled a little this week because obviously I'm human, and to watch women defend a man and a ticket I find reprehensible and dangerous to women, girls, non-binary folks, POC, LGBTQIA and pretty much anyone who isn't a straight, white, upwardly mobile man is so fucking disheartening. But there's something especially awful about watching women defend this horrifying individual and his disgusting running mate. It's tough to take, but I feel compelled to at least try to get through. And it helps to meet y'all here, that's for sure. Lots of love.
I think so, too! Ally, every time I read one of your newsletters, I find about three different phrases I want to print on a giant banner and stick in my yard for my red-voting neighbors to read!
I applaud you for trying to have a civilized and fact-based conversation with people who suffer from internalized misogyny. It's so important, but more than most of us are willing to do because it can feel like ... going to the hardware store for apples (great analogy, btw.). You are very brave.
Thank you so much. I don't feel very brave right now, I feel kind of exhausted, but if even one person thinks twice, then it's worth it to me. I'm glad it's Friday, that's for sure :) And I'm sending you lots of love. SO grateful to meet you all here in the comments <3
I've already had two conversations based on this post. Walking with my daughter last night, I told her about "going to the hardware store for apples," which she loved. "It's so poetic," she said. Feels like the thing I've needed a term for since forever.
The second was a conversation with my wife, who had a D&C years ago after one of our several miscarriages. I'd known, of course, that abortion rights are at risk more than ever, but hadn't realized the extent of the madness—that simple, potentially lifesaving procedures are putting doctors and patients at risk of going to prison. To imagine that a procedure she went through in a very rough time could have put her and her doctor at criminal risk... it's unthinkable.
She already knew, of course, and I felt a little dim for not knowing. But then I felt hopeful that there's this wave of women who've had enough of these maniacs, and that it could certainly be enough to propel Kamala into office. We'll do everything we can, of course—no letting up until she wins. In the meantime, I'm very happy you're writing about all of this, and helping to raise funds AND spark so many important conversations.
Rob, I want to respond in a way that makes it evident how much your comments mean to me. The thought of you walking with your daughter and sharing that saying is just - beyond anything I could hope for - and the fact that she loved that saying made me teary enough I had to go blow my nose.
And I’m so sorry you and your wife went through that. It’s so painful. I think this is the reason my heart just aches over this whole thing. I dealt with infertility for over a year (which is not long compared to many people), and finally got pregnant with help.
My son and I almost died during childbirth, and I wouldn’t be sitting here if not for the doctors, nurses and respiratory team who got us through. He wouldn’t be leaving for college in a couple of weeks. These are people’s lives. And I just cannot believe this is what we’re dealing with. Anyway, thank you for your kind words here, and I wouldn’t know how to be quiet about all this even if I wanted to at this point. I appreciate the conversation and I hope we manage to turn the ship in the right direction. Thanks so much for being here, and love to you and your family 🤍
Oh, I so appreciate the conversation, too. I hope all goes well in these last few weeks before your son goes away to college. Love to you and your family, as well.
Sadly women can be awful to other women. During the shitshow before the 2016 election, I heard many women talk about Hillary”s pantsuits, her screechy voice, her lack of humor, her acceptance of Bill being a horny piece of shit, her EMAILS ….ok, I get it. The same women who told me they didn’t participate in our contract negotiations because “my husband says unions are bad”. They were parroting Fox News talking points ad nauseum….nauseating.
I’m not sure if you mentioned how you know the SHOUTY CAP EMAILER, I assume through Substack or possibly your yoga practice. Even if she is closer in your circle, I am still gobsmacked that anyone would attempt to bully you for promoting something you believe in, something you write passionately about. What happened to civil discussion?
I know, I know. Too much to hope for. I have some strong opinions on related topics, I’m hoping to cobble them together into something coherent when I finish my holiday stint on the dirty bird. Until then, I’ll be hitting the Cold Case Files in room 433.
ps my friend/fam starts every other story with “what had happened was”. It sets the tone 😜
I so love and relate to all your posts, keep it coming ❤️❤️❤️
It is disheartening. I try to remind myself if I grew up in the family this person did, if I grew up in the town they did, went to the same schools, received the same messages, had the same experiences...I'd be them. But sometimes I'm like, no I wouldn't lol. Because of course the hope is, whatever you grew up thinking, whatever you were told, at a certain point you'd start to question. Or you'd learn things that disrupted the narrative and gave you pause. Sometimes it's just willful ignorance, or a person has decided they have this one belief and will tolerate just about anything as long as someone shares this one belief. But yeah, women can be awful to one another, and to themselves and there's something very depressing about that.
I don't know how SHOUTY CAPS found me. I asked her, but that was not one of the questions she answered. Same with the woman who told me she'd been running a successful business for 9 years (I've been in business since 2009, but whatever) and I should trust her when she said sharing my opinions to my email list was something I was going to regret and she hoped all my clients unsubscribed. WhenI explained I'm a writer, and sharing opinions and feelings is the job, she stopped talking to me lol. I mean, even with my yoga people, being transparent about my feelings is not something I've ever shied away from, because if what you're doing on your mat isn't transforming whatever you're doing in your life, there's a foundational disconnect.
And I'm so glad someone got the Richard Pryor reference, hahaha. Love you, Eileen, and I look forward to reading your thoughts whenever you write them down! Onward we go xx
I'm glad you gave them some logical pushback, not to attempt to educate them, but to solidify your healthy position. I can hear Tom Petty singing "I Won't Back Down" in your honor :) xoxoxoxoxo
Aw Nan, I love you, too. And that's so kind of you. If you want to donate to the event you can send a donation to my Venmo: Ally-Hamilton-5 or to PayPal: support@yogisanonymous.com
(just write Harris/Walz in the notation if you would!)
And if you want to join the live class (I know it will be late on the east coast, but I'm going to leave the class up for people to join anytime) it will be here: Facebook.com/yogisanonymous
I'm also thinking about doing a live 15-minute version of the class for people who want something chill - some very gentle yoga and guided meditation. I'll do that the day of, too. Thanks for your support, Nan. You're a gem.
Thanks, Ally! I'll check out the link. Gentle yoga is more my speed these days. Gone are the days of Ashtanga and Jivamukti practice. Can't do that anymore! xoxo
Hey Ally, once again, thank you for speaking the truth. I really appreciate how your clever writing allows me to reflect on the world, outside and inside.
My friend just posted an article, from Slovakian portal, which essentially says women are supposed to stay with abusers according to 71% (though it was was worked out as opposite to 21% that said she should leave). I'm not going to debate whether she really has somewhere to go it's essential a same scenario as some dead end, low paid job, sometimes people get stuck and whilst it's easy to suggest "just change your job" or "just leave him", reality is often much more difficult.
But regardless of whether she can or can't, it's appalling that people think "she should not". No matter how I'd live as a parent, my daughter could come to me at any point! I don't know where I'll be in future, but she'd be always welcome.
I keep my fingers crossed for all USA and women, not only there but here in UK or Slovakia or anywhere in the world.
Funny (or not at all funny, really), but not too long ago I commented under someone's post about yet another school shooting, how much it destroys me that we have not done anything after all this time to protect our children by banning assault weapons in this country. And someone commented that I should move to China.
It's amazing to me how nasty people can be on the internet. We are not going to agree on everything, but if I read a comment and can tell someone is expressing genuine anguish, my very last impulse is to lash out, or say something snarky, obnoxious or sarcastic. I can certainly be sarcastic, but I would not do that in response to a person's genuine sorrow.
Anyway, I don't know, there are moments when I feel so much hope because human beings can be so incredible, brilliant, kind, inspired, and compassionate, and times I despair because they can be so cruel and violent. I hope for all of our sakes our better natures prevail, but I'd really like for us to hurry up and move in that direction!
Another brilliant post that sent shivers of recognition straight down my spine. If we can’t live in the world we need and deserve (and it seems, at this moment anyway, we can’t), at least we’ve got your wise words to call this shit out and make us feel less alone. Brava.
I was on a Zoom call a few months ago with an organization that is targeting white middle class moderate women in swing states. What I learned is that in vast swaths of this country, people have NO IDEA that a D&C for a miscarriage is considered an abortion. Why is that? Because their local media is all right leaning. Murdoch and co bought up the local markets - affiliates, local print news, you name it. Fox News is on everywhere - waiting rooms, bars, stores. They buy the narrative that abortion= killing babies wantonly, because they are fed that every day all day. These are women trying to put food on the table and get through the day, and don't have the media literacy to cut through the bullshit. Their news tells them that you can waltz into a Planned Parenthood at nine months pregnant, have your baby butchered, and walk out with a lollipop. Because that is the news that is available.
Unsurprisingly, when they are informed, they are horrified. Maybe they wouldn't choose abortion for themselves, but they all know someone who has had a miscarriage, or have had one themselves. When women are given accurate information, they are strongly against these bans. I am sorry you had to deal with shouty caps, but I truly believe it is important to deal in facts, and I am glad you wrote about it.
It is wild to interact with people who believe anyone, anywhere is aborting a healthy baby in the 8th or 9th month, or "after birth" - it is hard to understand how *anyone* can believe that, and it's the kind of thing that makes my head and my heart hurt. But I think there is a dearth of information about D&C or D&E, when these procedures are used and for what - across the general population. These aren't fun issues to discuss, they're painful. It's difficult to talk about infertility, miscarriage, traumatic birth stories, periods, endometriosos, PCOS, perimenopause, menopause - we just have not had an open dialogue about issues affecting more than half the population, and the lack of open dialogue, education and conversation, shows.
I recognize we're all products of our environment - at least for some amount of time - and try to be patient if I'm talking to someone who was brought up to believe any number of things I don't believe, but sometimes it's very depressing. I struggled a little this week because obviously I'm human, and to watch women defend a man and a ticket I find reprehensible and dangerous to women, girls, non-binary folks, POC, LGBTQIA and pretty much anyone who isn't a straight, white, upwardly mobile man is so fucking disheartening. But there's something especially awful about watching women defend this horrifying individual and his disgusting running mate. It's tough to take, but I feel compelled to at least try to get through. And it helps to meet y'all here, that's for sure. Lots of love.
I am with you. It is really really hard to stay above water. Internalized misogyny is a dragon I do not know how we slay.
You are so bloody articulate about stuff that really really matters. Never stop writing.
Thank you so much, Cathy. If I stopped writing, I'd lose my mind, so no worries there! And thank you so much for being here.
I think so, too! Ally, every time I read one of your newsletters, I find about three different phrases I want to print on a giant banner and stick in my yard for my red-voting neighbors to read!
Thanks so much, Kate, I really appreciate that. And I hope things have been okay with your neighbors! 😬💙
I applaud you for trying to have a civilized and fact-based conversation with people who suffer from internalized misogyny. It's so important, but more than most of us are willing to do because it can feel like ... going to the hardware store for apples (great analogy, btw.). You are very brave.
Thank you so much. I don't feel very brave right now, I feel kind of exhausted, but if even one person thinks twice, then it's worth it to me. I'm glad it's Friday, that's for sure :) And I'm sending you lots of love. SO grateful to meet you all here in the comments <3
I've already had two conversations based on this post. Walking with my daughter last night, I told her about "going to the hardware store for apples," which she loved. "It's so poetic," she said. Feels like the thing I've needed a term for since forever.
The second was a conversation with my wife, who had a D&C years ago after one of our several miscarriages. I'd known, of course, that abortion rights are at risk more than ever, but hadn't realized the extent of the madness—that simple, potentially lifesaving procedures are putting doctors and patients at risk of going to prison. To imagine that a procedure she went through in a very rough time could have put her and her doctor at criminal risk... it's unthinkable.
She already knew, of course, and I felt a little dim for not knowing. But then I felt hopeful that there's this wave of women who've had enough of these maniacs, and that it could certainly be enough to propel Kamala into office. We'll do everything we can, of course—no letting up until she wins. In the meantime, I'm very happy you're writing about all of this, and helping to raise funds AND spark so many important conversations.
Rob, I want to respond in a way that makes it evident how much your comments mean to me. The thought of you walking with your daughter and sharing that saying is just - beyond anything I could hope for - and the fact that she loved that saying made me teary enough I had to go blow my nose.
And I’m so sorry you and your wife went through that. It’s so painful. I think this is the reason my heart just aches over this whole thing. I dealt with infertility for over a year (which is not long compared to many people), and finally got pregnant with help.
My son and I almost died during childbirth, and I wouldn’t be sitting here if not for the doctors, nurses and respiratory team who got us through. He wouldn’t be leaving for college in a couple of weeks. These are people’s lives. And I just cannot believe this is what we’re dealing with. Anyway, thank you for your kind words here, and I wouldn’t know how to be quiet about all this even if I wanted to at this point. I appreciate the conversation and I hope we manage to turn the ship in the right direction. Thanks so much for being here, and love to you and your family 🤍
Oh, I so appreciate the conversation, too. I hope all goes well in these last few weeks before your son goes away to college. Love to you and your family, as well.
Thanks so much, Rob.
Sadly women can be awful to other women. During the shitshow before the 2016 election, I heard many women talk about Hillary”s pantsuits, her screechy voice, her lack of humor, her acceptance of Bill being a horny piece of shit, her EMAILS ….ok, I get it. The same women who told me they didn’t participate in our contract negotiations because “my husband says unions are bad”. They were parroting Fox News talking points ad nauseum….nauseating.
I’m not sure if you mentioned how you know the SHOUTY CAP EMAILER, I assume through Substack or possibly your yoga practice. Even if she is closer in your circle, I am still gobsmacked that anyone would attempt to bully you for promoting something you believe in, something you write passionately about. What happened to civil discussion?
I know, I know. Too much to hope for. I have some strong opinions on related topics, I’m hoping to cobble them together into something coherent when I finish my holiday stint on the dirty bird. Until then, I’ll be hitting the Cold Case Files in room 433.
ps my friend/fam starts every other story with “what had happened was”. It sets the tone 😜
I so love and relate to all your posts, keep it coming ❤️❤️❤️
It is disheartening. I try to remind myself if I grew up in the family this person did, if I grew up in the town they did, went to the same schools, received the same messages, had the same experiences...I'd be them. But sometimes I'm like, no I wouldn't lol. Because of course the hope is, whatever you grew up thinking, whatever you were told, at a certain point you'd start to question. Or you'd learn things that disrupted the narrative and gave you pause. Sometimes it's just willful ignorance, or a person has decided they have this one belief and will tolerate just about anything as long as someone shares this one belief. But yeah, women can be awful to one another, and to themselves and there's something very depressing about that.
I don't know how SHOUTY CAPS found me. I asked her, but that was not one of the questions she answered. Same with the woman who told me she'd been running a successful business for 9 years (I've been in business since 2009, but whatever) and I should trust her when she said sharing my opinions to my email list was something I was going to regret and she hoped all my clients unsubscribed. WhenI explained I'm a writer, and sharing opinions and feelings is the job, she stopped talking to me lol. I mean, even with my yoga people, being transparent about my feelings is not something I've ever shied away from, because if what you're doing on your mat isn't transforming whatever you're doing in your life, there's a foundational disconnect.
And I'm so glad someone got the Richard Pryor reference, hahaha. Love you, Eileen, and I look forward to reading your thoughts whenever you write them down! Onward we go xx
I'm glad you gave them some logical pushback, not to attempt to educate them, but to solidify your healthy position. I can hear Tom Petty singing "I Won't Back Down" in your honor :) xoxoxoxoxo
I love you Ally. And everything you stand for. Where can I send a donation?
Aw Nan, I love you, too. And that's so kind of you. If you want to donate to the event you can send a donation to my Venmo: Ally-Hamilton-5 or to PayPal: support@yogisanonymous.com
(just write Harris/Walz in the notation if you would!)
And if you want to join the live class (I know it will be late on the east coast, but I'm going to leave the class up for people to join anytime) it will be here: Facebook.com/yogisanonymous
I'm also thinking about doing a live 15-minute version of the class for people who want something chill - some very gentle yoga and guided meditation. I'll do that the day of, too. Thanks for your support, Nan. You're a gem.
Thanks, Ally! I'll check out the link. Gentle yoga is more my speed these days. Gone are the days of Ashtanga and Jivamukti practice. Can't do that anymore! xoxo
Venmo on the way! ,LA! ,LA! ,LA!
🙏🏼💙🙏🏼💙
Hey Ally, once again, thank you for speaking the truth. I really appreciate how your clever writing allows me to reflect on the world, outside and inside.
My friend just posted an article, from Slovakian portal, which essentially says women are supposed to stay with abusers according to 71% (though it was was worked out as opposite to 21% that said she should leave). I'm not going to debate whether she really has somewhere to go it's essential a same scenario as some dead end, low paid job, sometimes people get stuck and whilst it's easy to suggest "just change your job" or "just leave him", reality is often much more difficult.
But regardless of whether she can or can't, it's appalling that people think "she should not". No matter how I'd live as a parent, my daughter could come to me at any point! I don't know where I'll be in future, but she'd be always welcome.
I keep my fingers crossed for all USA and women, not only there but here in UK or Slovakia or anywhere in the world.
Love and peace to you and your family as always.
Namaste 🙏
Hi Peter,
Funny (or not at all funny, really), but not too long ago I commented under someone's post about yet another school shooting, how much it destroys me that we have not done anything after all this time to protect our children by banning assault weapons in this country. And someone commented that I should move to China.
It's amazing to me how nasty people can be on the internet. We are not going to agree on everything, but if I read a comment and can tell someone is expressing genuine anguish, my very last impulse is to lash out, or say something snarky, obnoxious or sarcastic. I can certainly be sarcastic, but I would not do that in response to a person's genuine sorrow.
Anyway, I don't know, there are moments when I feel so much hope because human beings can be so incredible, brilliant, kind, inspired, and compassionate, and times I despair because they can be so cruel and violent. I hope for all of our sakes our better natures prevail, but I'd really like for us to hurry up and move in that direction!
Sending you and Anneke lots of love.
Wow!
Hi Steph! Welcome to the conversation ❤️
Another brilliant post that sent shivers of recognition straight down my spine. If we can’t live in the world we need and deserve (and it seems, at this moment anyway, we can’t), at least we’ve got your wise words to call this shit out and make us feel less alone. Brava.