I love this and you, Ally. I relate to so many things in this essay. I was a kid who was afraid to speak in class, especially my high school English class. In my head, everyone was smarter than I and I would sit and listen to my peers opine. Sometimes I was impressed and sometimes meh. But getting the courage to add to the conversation wasn’t there. I could not cobble together the guts to play. Failing in front of others was something I didn’t want to experience. I wonder where I got the idea that I would fail at all. Such mean self talk. I’ve done so much work to heal that stuff. I don’t feel that way anymore. Being on Substack has been so good for me confidence-wise. I love growth at any age. I feel like I’m doing my best learning right now. Thanks for being one of my teachers! xoxo
I had a private client years ago, he was my most consistent private for 15 years. I met him when I first moved to Los Angeles, and I would go to his office twice a week to teach him yoga. He was a child psychologist and a wonderful guy. Brilliant, quick-witted and knew an unending number of limericks that would make a sailor blush. He was 70 when I met him. I saw him twice a week when I got married, when I was pregnant, after I had the kids (I’d bring them with me and they’d clamber around his office which was designed for kids), after I got divorced and was doing the single mom thing for many years. He became family.
Anyway, I share all this because it was the first time I had a genuine friend who was in his seventies, and prior to that I had this crazy idea that people were mostly “cooked” by the time they were 50 or 60 🤣🤣🤣 and then in getting to know him I realized we are never, ever done! Always learning, always growing, always able to become kinder and more compassionate and maybe a little less absurd, but maybe not. He was never less absurd. And I miss him every day. Anyway. That’s what came to mind ❤️ Lots of love xx
This: "They don’t give awards to daughters who are easy and helpful and get straight A’s and never complain and just repress it all until they have eating disorders and migraines."
There’s so much of this I can fully relate to as always, Ally. I still never raise my hand even when I know the answer.
Love that you envisioned your teacher grading papers with wine and Miles Davis…
I noticed recently that my voice is getting softer and my handwriting smaller (common symptoms of Parkinson’s) and it felt like I might be…..disappearing? Reading your post made me feel like I could claim some more space. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Oh Eileen. My heart hurt reading that last part. You’ll never disappear. I haven’t even met you and I feel like we are old friends. And I’m sending you a lot of love ♥️
I am late to this because I was one of those daughters and repression and migraine, but I want you to know it feels so good to find someone else who can articulate all these things that give me literal headaches. So much in your essay and the comments here have me thinking me too, me too, but I especially love the wonderings about what the 70's did to us who were children in that decade. Some things I know were terrible (so many ways in which adults didn't properly care for us, beyond just a widespread lack of supervision), but I also remember it as a time in which it was absolutely not OK to tell racist jokes and it was cool that women were gaining equality with men and not cool when extreme religious people tried to force their beliefs on others and us kids were "free to be you and me." It was, of course, a racist, sexist, homophobic time, but I remember it as a time of striving for being better. Nobody questioned that book banning and Nazis were bad. And I know all the likely reasons why things have changed and it's not that way any more, but that island sure sounds like a great idea. Thanks for bringing into being in my head, if nowhere else.
I loved your comments, Rita, they were worth the wait! I’m sorry you also get migraines, it’s no fun, and I hope you’re feeling better. And I agree, the seventies were not the golden years of parenting by and large (lol, sob) but the world did feel like a kinder place. It did seem like we were heading in a better direction. I know historically we tend to swing from one end of the pendulum to the other, and usually find our way back to center eventually, but since he came down that escalator it really feels to me like we’ve been on one of those roller coasters that has twenty loops in a row so you lose all sense of what is up and what is down and where the hell you are. And you feel kind of sick and dizzy all the time. I would LOVE to get off that ride and I hope with all my heart that’s about to happen. If so, there’s going to be a lot of work to do, but at least we can do it with some ground under our feet. Sending you lots of love and many hugs. So happy you’re here 🤍
I'm so happy to be here, too! Thank you for being so welcoming and creating such a great space. YES to getting off that ride! For me, it can also feel like being stuck in a house of mirrors maze. Everything is distorted and there's no clear way out. And there's a fucking scary clown who pops up around every turn! Hugs and love back to you 💕
I love your writing style and the honesty with which you put your struggles out there. It makes me feel less alone for the times I too struggled to speak in public.
I wonder if you have ever tried hypnosis for the claustrophobia? I have seen many people find the key to their fears and unlock the door to freedom.
It is possible to have a session from the comfort of your own home.
I am not trying to sell you anything. Let me know if you would be interested in discussing a trade.
Hi Patricia. Thanks so much for your kind comments. Nothing better than writing something that makes someone else feel seen. And I have not tried hypnosis for the claustrophobia, mostly because it’s a brand-new thing and has only come up a few times - and also because I’m spinning plates these days, or so it feels! When things are calmer, and assuming it persists, I’d definitely be open to giving that a try. Sending you lots of love 🤍
Glad you brought up the Bill Whitaker interview! He, in my opinion, was very condescending, looking down from above so to speak! Enjoyed your post so much!
As what we now call neurodivergent, I spoke very little as a child. But like you Ally, I won a speaking contest (in grade school) and ended up in the semi-finals for the province. The subject? Why you should not force children to do public speaking. I did not win, but I learned that crazy little me could speak in front of a crowd of strangers as long as I was passionate about the subject.
As a plenary speaker at a conference on the future of health care many years later, I spoke in front of 1,500 people. It could've been better, especially because - who the hell do I think I am speaking on such an important and complicated subject? - kept popping into my head.
I love this. It’s kind of great when you win at something you desperately don’t want to win at and have to face a fear or maybe unravel a story you tell yourself about yourself. I love that that was your speech topic as a kid. And I totally get the “could have been better if not for the inner voice” thing. Works in progress for the win haha. Thanks for your awesome comments, I’m really happy you’re here 🤍
Thank you Ally. I am happy to be here too. And very happy to be retired and no longer expected to speak about anything in front of anyone - if I don't want to.
I feel you about the "never talking in class" - I didn't talk in class from elementary school through college (and most likely grad school too!) it even took years for me to talk at my job - I'm a supervisor at my library. Also, I used to take piano lessons and I always got so stressed at the competitions - it was hard to play because my fingers would get so cold, plus we had to memorize the music. At home I could play fine!
So sad the pressure we put on ourselves to get everything right, when no one ever does! And such a relief to just be human. Lots of love, Mary. I’m happy you’re here 🤍
Ah, so moving and relatable. The moments in class, the circle... I can feel it all. I had a similar nervous system, for very similar reasons. It's hard having parents like that. And look where you've taken everything from there.
This is everything: "If there is anything more priceless and tender and worth celebrating than the people in our lives who love us, and the people we love back, I sure don’t know what it is. And I wouldn’t trade that stuff or those people for anything on earth."
Thanks for another beautiful, heart-felt post. The Ernie pic is amazing.
Omg that is hilarious. And yes, I think about some of the insane things we did growing up in NYC and it’s amazing we’re here. Gen X is made of different stuff lol. And thank you, Rob, that means a lot to me.
I think back on all of us, all our tiny bodies and forming, overwhelmed nervous systems, and I feel so much tenderness. I know people say it was a different time, and of course it was. There’s so much more conversation about parenting and early childhood development, and also - the seventies, omg.
I found that Ernie pic when I was going through my mom’s things after she died. It was like finding buried treasure lol. Thanks for being here, Rob, I always appreciate your comments 🤍
My kids don't believe me when I tell them things about the seventies. I mean, just how long we were all left alone, waiting, in random places. I wrote about this somewhere in a piece, but my son's friend was waiting solo in a nice neighborhood for something like 15 minutes after soccer practice, couldn't reach his dad, and called 911. For real.
We were like 11, walking around very much not-safe parts of L.A., skateboarding places, taking the bus, and always just hanging around with no adults, doing dangerous things, super sketchy people interacting with us all the time. It's amazing that any of us made it through.
Anyway, I always look forward to your posts, as they feel so vital, and yet warm & inviting. It's a hard balance to strike. As another formerly constantly-terrified kid (and still occasionally terrified adult), they make me happy.
Similar to your previous post, you opened with the reality of uncertainty here, and it’s so resonant to me now. The culmination of losses, grief that you’ve been describing in the past couple of pieces have been mirroring my experience. I’m often left appreciative that someone else is able to talk about these things; albeit miles and worlds apart-because it lets me know that others are wrestling with it. Like you, I tend to live in my head more often than not. And these days, approaching 40, I find myself coming to grips with how everything I thought I knew about the world was flimsy and mostly wrong. And when one’s assumptions and beliefs get shaken, it can make things foggy. As always, thank you for these posts; they help me to feel connected and sometimes give me a language for thinking through what are often similar paths.
Hi Corey. It’s a funny thing, the older I get, the less sure I am that I know anything. Life is humbling but I think it’s also so beautiful and fragile and amazing. And I mostly love human beings, with all their idiosyncrasies and insecurities and stories. I don’t understand half of what we’re doing here on the planet, and I get very sad when I see people who are so hurt and angry, they’ve hardened themselves against pain and heartache, but also joy and empathy. I don’t really know what I’m saying because it’s Friday, but basically I think I’ve finally gotten to the point where I can accept the uncertainty and fragility and appreciate the bumbling way we get through sometimes. And it’s the best thing ever when you somehow find yourself at a party with a bunch of other kind-hearted people who are also just trying to work it out, stay open, and extend love. I guess that’s lots of words to say I’m very happy you’re here ❤️
I know what you’re saying, on a Friday to boot: because I know how bitterness and resentment can easily take root. And I’m grateful that these tragedies have taught me kindness and compassion instead. Thank you for your response. I’m happy to be here too : )
Every essay you write, I pretty much read the entire piece while nodding my head in agreement. Sadly this time I strongly disagree with some of the ideas you put forth, namely the part about the withered orange reptile and his cohorts being whisked away to some island. My main issues with this idea are as follows:
(a) I think there needs to be some sort of apology to poor reptiles, what have they ever done to be put in the same category as that orange demon (apologies to demons too). I share my home with a reptile named Jeffrey the Turtle and he is one of the sweetest creatures that ever walked the earth, and he told me that he and his kin want nothing to do with that withered orange excuse of a thing
(b) An island seems way too close and way too luxurious for them. I was going to suggest a galaxy far far away, especially since "Leon" is involved, but then I felt bad for the inhabitants of said far far away galaxy, so how about sending them to Tartarus since Google tells me that it's the deepest part of hell.
My deepest and most heartfelt apologies to all reptiles everywhere. I really should have thought harder about that. I hope you will extend my horror and regret for any offense to Jeffrey the Turtle.
And I’m not attached to the island idea. I’m just spitballing here, Sonbol. And also hahaha. I was worried when I started reading your response and now I’m laughing. Hugs and love and thank you (and Jeffrey) for being here! 🐢🐢🐢🤍
I loved this: "It is amazing to me that at the beginning of every interview she gives, she’s there having to name her long list of accomplishments, whilst running against a man whose most notable feat is making people feel proud about expressing the very worst in themselves." Seriously—she is SO accomplished and qualified and professional and intelligent and he is...not.
I had a similar sort of day yesterday. I wanted to sit down and write, but I had agreed to go to an author luncheon that I was actually very interested in yet somehow never managed to read the books by the authors who were speaking. I felt like I was giving up something by attending, but I went anyway, and it ended up being a wonderful afternoon where it didn't matter at all that I had not read the books because the authors spoke mostly about themselves and their processes and their experiences with publishing. It was interesting and fun and I enjoyed myself, and I was so glad that I went even though it meant that my day turned out to be very different from what I had thought I preferred. I talked to people whom I otherwise would not have interacted with, and it made my day feel complete in a way that I did not expect. That's a win!
I was so shy when I was younger and totally hated speaking in front of other people. As I got older, it didn't really get better. I had a boss who recommended I do Toastmasters or whatever that group is where you work on your public speaking skills! Ugh! I did not do it, LOL. I still feel awkward in group settings sometimes because I feel like if my experience does not match those of the people around me, or if I don't have the same knowledge that they have, I'm going to look like an idiot if I speak. I try to ask questions in those instances, although sometimes it's hard to do because I have noticed that a lot of people just want to talk. A lot of times I end up saying nothing and just nod my way through their monologues.
Anyway, thanks for another wonderful, thought-provoking essay. I so enjoy your posts!
So funny. I’ve learned how to be an extroverted introvert or an introverted extrovert or whatever you want to call it. If you came to my class you’d never imagine I had an issue. I can talk to people after class about anything at all, usually it’s very personal stuff. It’s really something about the folding chairs and people staring lol. But also, I don’t love going to social events unless I know at least a few people. Having said that, if I went to a party with you, I’d be fine if you went off on your own, because I, too, have learned people love to talk and have someone really listen. So I ask questions, and then there are always follow-up questions because I really do like to hear people’s stories. I guess we all figure it out as we go! Or we don’t, whatever. Haha. Happy Friday, Kate. I always love your comments ❤️
Hi Ally, thank you for another wonderful essay. I can't pick a specific part I want to highlight, it's all great read, but I love the feeling of understanding where your coming from, some sense of connection to the way you must think to come up with the sentences you use, the closeness. I keep telling Anneke I love talking to her, because I do, but also because I want her to feel opposite of not being sure she can take space, or doubting if she has anything to say. Luckily she seems to know she can be herself and even though I'm sure she'll get hurt or disappointed at some point (and more then once), I love seeing her growing and I your essays, where you mention growing up, always remind me of her and I recognise this is her time of growing up where she needs encouragement and feel supported.
I fully agree with the idea of the island too lol.
I wish you and your family all the best as always.
Thanks so much, Peter. I have no doubt your daughter feels loved and respected and cared for because it’s obvious she is in the way you write about her. And thanks for your kind comments, I appreciate them so much. Lots of love to you both 🤍
I love this and you, Ally. I relate to so many things in this essay. I was a kid who was afraid to speak in class, especially my high school English class. In my head, everyone was smarter than I and I would sit and listen to my peers opine. Sometimes I was impressed and sometimes meh. But getting the courage to add to the conversation wasn’t there. I could not cobble together the guts to play. Failing in front of others was something I didn’t want to experience. I wonder where I got the idea that I would fail at all. Such mean self talk. I’ve done so much work to heal that stuff. I don’t feel that way anymore. Being on Substack has been so good for me confidence-wise. I love growth at any age. I feel like I’m doing my best learning right now. Thanks for being one of my teachers! xoxo
I had a private client years ago, he was my most consistent private for 15 years. I met him when I first moved to Los Angeles, and I would go to his office twice a week to teach him yoga. He was a child psychologist and a wonderful guy. Brilliant, quick-witted and knew an unending number of limericks that would make a sailor blush. He was 70 when I met him. I saw him twice a week when I got married, when I was pregnant, after I had the kids (I’d bring them with me and they’d clamber around his office which was designed for kids), after I got divorced and was doing the single mom thing for many years. He became family.
Anyway, I share all this because it was the first time I had a genuine friend who was in his seventies, and prior to that I had this crazy idea that people were mostly “cooked” by the time they were 50 or 60 🤣🤣🤣 and then in getting to know him I realized we are never, ever done! Always learning, always growing, always able to become kinder and more compassionate and maybe a little less absurd, but maybe not. He was never less absurd. And I miss him every day. Anyway. That’s what came to mind ❤️ Lots of love xx
This: "They don’t give awards to daughters who are easy and helpful and get straight A’s and never complain and just repress it all until they have eating disorders and migraines."
Wish I’d figured that out sooner! Thanks for being here, Iris 🤍
Thank you for allowing us to see ourselves by revealing your true self. I feel supported and honored when I get to read your work.
There’s really nothing better you could say. Thank you so much.
There’s so much of this I can fully relate to as always, Ally. I still never raise my hand even when I know the answer.
Love that you envisioned your teacher grading papers with wine and Miles Davis…
I noticed recently that my voice is getting softer and my handwriting smaller (common symptoms of Parkinson’s) and it felt like I might be…..disappearing? Reading your post made me feel like I could claim some more space. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
ps Hater Island project: APPROVED
Oh Eileen. My heart hurt reading that last part. You’ll never disappear. I haven’t even met you and I feel like we are old friends. And I’m sending you a lot of love ♥️
I feel like we’re old friends too 😘 At least I can get loud here no matter what happens.
Always ❤️❤️❤️
This is lovely. I so appreciate you, and what you share with us, Ally. Sending a hug…
Thank you so much, Steve!! I appreciate that. And I see your hug and I raise you two! 🤗🤗
I am late to this because I was one of those daughters and repression and migraine, but I want you to know it feels so good to find someone else who can articulate all these things that give me literal headaches. So much in your essay and the comments here have me thinking me too, me too, but I especially love the wonderings about what the 70's did to us who were children in that decade. Some things I know were terrible (so many ways in which adults didn't properly care for us, beyond just a widespread lack of supervision), but I also remember it as a time in which it was absolutely not OK to tell racist jokes and it was cool that women were gaining equality with men and not cool when extreme religious people tried to force their beliefs on others and us kids were "free to be you and me." It was, of course, a racist, sexist, homophobic time, but I remember it as a time of striving for being better. Nobody questioned that book banning and Nazis were bad. And I know all the likely reasons why things have changed and it's not that way any more, but that island sure sounds like a great idea. Thanks for bringing into being in my head, if nowhere else.
I loved your comments, Rita, they were worth the wait! I’m sorry you also get migraines, it’s no fun, and I hope you’re feeling better. And I agree, the seventies were not the golden years of parenting by and large (lol, sob) but the world did feel like a kinder place. It did seem like we were heading in a better direction. I know historically we tend to swing from one end of the pendulum to the other, and usually find our way back to center eventually, but since he came down that escalator it really feels to me like we’ve been on one of those roller coasters that has twenty loops in a row so you lose all sense of what is up and what is down and where the hell you are. And you feel kind of sick and dizzy all the time. I would LOVE to get off that ride and I hope with all my heart that’s about to happen. If so, there’s going to be a lot of work to do, but at least we can do it with some ground under our feet. Sending you lots of love and many hugs. So happy you’re here 🤍
I'm so happy to be here, too! Thank you for being so welcoming and creating such a great space. YES to getting off that ride! For me, it can also feel like being stuck in a house of mirrors maze. Everything is distorted and there's no clear way out. And there's a fucking scary clown who pops up around every turn! Hugs and love back to you 💕
I love your writing style and the honesty with which you put your struggles out there. It makes me feel less alone for the times I too struggled to speak in public.
I wonder if you have ever tried hypnosis for the claustrophobia? I have seen many people find the key to their fears and unlock the door to freedom.
It is possible to have a session from the comfort of your own home.
I am not trying to sell you anything. Let me know if you would be interested in discussing a trade.
Hi Patricia. Thanks so much for your kind comments. Nothing better than writing something that makes someone else feel seen. And I have not tried hypnosis for the claustrophobia, mostly because it’s a brand-new thing and has only come up a few times - and also because I’m spinning plates these days, or so it feels! When things are calmer, and assuming it persists, I’d definitely be open to giving that a try. Sending you lots of love 🤍
Glad you brought up the Bill Whitaker interview! He, in my opinion, was very condescending, looking down from above so to speak! Enjoyed your post so much!
It was palpable, wasn't it? I felt a little sick to my stomach. And thank you, Anthony! So happy you're here.
Glad you’re here too, speaking up!
As what we now call neurodivergent, I spoke very little as a child. But like you Ally, I won a speaking contest (in grade school) and ended up in the semi-finals for the province. The subject? Why you should not force children to do public speaking. I did not win, but I learned that crazy little me could speak in front of a crowd of strangers as long as I was passionate about the subject.
As a plenary speaker at a conference on the future of health care many years later, I spoke in front of 1,500 people. It could've been better, especially because - who the hell do I think I am speaking on such an important and complicated subject? - kept popping into my head.
I love this. It’s kind of great when you win at something you desperately don’t want to win at and have to face a fear or maybe unravel a story you tell yourself about yourself. I love that that was your speech topic as a kid. And I totally get the “could have been better if not for the inner voice” thing. Works in progress for the win haha. Thanks for your awesome comments, I’m really happy you’re here 🤍
Thank you Ally. I am happy to be here too. And very happy to be retired and no longer expected to speak about anything in front of anyone - if I don't want to.
i 💗u so much ally. you are so my people and i am so grateful for that.
Oh, Cindy! I love you, too. We’re each other’s people, always have been. I’m so happy you’re here ❤️
I feel you about the "never talking in class" - I didn't talk in class from elementary school through college (and most likely grad school too!) it even took years for me to talk at my job - I'm a supervisor at my library. Also, I used to take piano lessons and I always got so stressed at the competitions - it was hard to play because my fingers would get so cold, plus we had to memorize the music. At home I could play fine!
So sad the pressure we put on ourselves to get everything right, when no one ever does! And such a relief to just be human. Lots of love, Mary. I’m happy you’re here 🤍
Ah, so moving and relatable. The moments in class, the circle... I can feel it all. I had a similar nervous system, for very similar reasons. It's hard having parents like that. And look where you've taken everything from there.
This is everything: "If there is anything more priceless and tender and worth celebrating than the people in our lives who love us, and the people we love back, I sure don’t know what it is. And I wouldn’t trade that stuff or those people for anything on earth."
Thanks for another beautiful, heart-felt post. The Ernie pic is amazing.
Omg that is hilarious. And yes, I think about some of the insane things we did growing up in NYC and it’s amazing we’re here. Gen X is made of different stuff lol. And thank you, Rob, that means a lot to me.
I think back on all of us, all our tiny bodies and forming, overwhelmed nervous systems, and I feel so much tenderness. I know people say it was a different time, and of course it was. There’s so much more conversation about parenting and early childhood development, and also - the seventies, omg.
I found that Ernie pic when I was going through my mom’s things after she died. It was like finding buried treasure lol. Thanks for being here, Rob, I always appreciate your comments 🤍
My kids don't believe me when I tell them things about the seventies. I mean, just how long we were all left alone, waiting, in random places. I wrote about this somewhere in a piece, but my son's friend was waiting solo in a nice neighborhood for something like 15 minutes after soccer practice, couldn't reach his dad, and called 911. For real.
We were like 11, walking around very much not-safe parts of L.A., skateboarding places, taking the bus, and always just hanging around with no adults, doing dangerous things, super sketchy people interacting with us all the time. It's amazing that any of us made it through.
Anyway, I always look forward to your posts, as they feel so vital, and yet warm & inviting. It's a hard balance to strike. As another formerly constantly-terrified kid (and still occasionally terrified adult), they make me happy.
Similar to your previous post, you opened with the reality of uncertainty here, and it’s so resonant to me now. The culmination of losses, grief that you’ve been describing in the past couple of pieces have been mirroring my experience. I’m often left appreciative that someone else is able to talk about these things; albeit miles and worlds apart-because it lets me know that others are wrestling with it. Like you, I tend to live in my head more often than not. And these days, approaching 40, I find myself coming to grips with how everything I thought I knew about the world was flimsy and mostly wrong. And when one’s assumptions and beliefs get shaken, it can make things foggy. As always, thank you for these posts; they help me to feel connected and sometimes give me a language for thinking through what are often similar paths.
Hi Corey. It’s a funny thing, the older I get, the less sure I am that I know anything. Life is humbling but I think it’s also so beautiful and fragile and amazing. And I mostly love human beings, with all their idiosyncrasies and insecurities and stories. I don’t understand half of what we’re doing here on the planet, and I get very sad when I see people who are so hurt and angry, they’ve hardened themselves against pain and heartache, but also joy and empathy. I don’t really know what I’m saying because it’s Friday, but basically I think I’ve finally gotten to the point where I can accept the uncertainty and fragility and appreciate the bumbling way we get through sometimes. And it’s the best thing ever when you somehow find yourself at a party with a bunch of other kind-hearted people who are also just trying to work it out, stay open, and extend love. I guess that’s lots of words to say I’m very happy you’re here ❤️
I know what you’re saying, on a Friday to boot: because I know how bitterness and resentment can easily take root. And I’m grateful that these tragedies have taught me kindness and compassion instead. Thank you for your response. I’m happy to be here too : )
Every essay you write, I pretty much read the entire piece while nodding my head in agreement. Sadly this time I strongly disagree with some of the ideas you put forth, namely the part about the withered orange reptile and his cohorts being whisked away to some island. My main issues with this idea are as follows:
(a) I think there needs to be some sort of apology to poor reptiles, what have they ever done to be put in the same category as that orange demon (apologies to demons too). I share my home with a reptile named Jeffrey the Turtle and he is one of the sweetest creatures that ever walked the earth, and he told me that he and his kin want nothing to do with that withered orange excuse of a thing
(b) An island seems way too close and way too luxurious for them. I was going to suggest a galaxy far far away, especially since "Leon" is involved, but then I felt bad for the inhabitants of said far far away galaxy, so how about sending them to Tartarus since Google tells me that it's the deepest part of hell.
The rest of the essay was brilliant as usual 🧡
My deepest and most heartfelt apologies to all reptiles everywhere. I really should have thought harder about that. I hope you will extend my horror and regret for any offense to Jeffrey the Turtle.
And I’m not attached to the island idea. I’m just spitballing here, Sonbol. And also hahaha. I was worried when I started reading your response and now I’m laughing. Hugs and love and thank you (and Jeffrey) for being here! 🐢🐢🐢🤍
I loved this: "It is amazing to me that at the beginning of every interview she gives, she’s there having to name her long list of accomplishments, whilst running against a man whose most notable feat is making people feel proud about expressing the very worst in themselves." Seriously—she is SO accomplished and qualified and professional and intelligent and he is...not.
I had a similar sort of day yesterday. I wanted to sit down and write, but I had agreed to go to an author luncheon that I was actually very interested in yet somehow never managed to read the books by the authors who were speaking. I felt like I was giving up something by attending, but I went anyway, and it ended up being a wonderful afternoon where it didn't matter at all that I had not read the books because the authors spoke mostly about themselves and their processes and their experiences with publishing. It was interesting and fun and I enjoyed myself, and I was so glad that I went even though it meant that my day turned out to be very different from what I had thought I preferred. I talked to people whom I otherwise would not have interacted with, and it made my day feel complete in a way that I did not expect. That's a win!
I was so shy when I was younger and totally hated speaking in front of other people. As I got older, it didn't really get better. I had a boss who recommended I do Toastmasters or whatever that group is where you work on your public speaking skills! Ugh! I did not do it, LOL. I still feel awkward in group settings sometimes because I feel like if my experience does not match those of the people around me, or if I don't have the same knowledge that they have, I'm going to look like an idiot if I speak. I try to ask questions in those instances, although sometimes it's hard to do because I have noticed that a lot of people just want to talk. A lot of times I end up saying nothing and just nod my way through their monologues.
Anyway, thanks for another wonderful, thought-provoking essay. I so enjoy your posts!
So funny. I’ve learned how to be an extroverted introvert or an introverted extrovert or whatever you want to call it. If you came to my class you’d never imagine I had an issue. I can talk to people after class about anything at all, usually it’s very personal stuff. It’s really something about the folding chairs and people staring lol. But also, I don’t love going to social events unless I know at least a few people. Having said that, if I went to a party with you, I’d be fine if you went off on your own, because I, too, have learned people love to talk and have someone really listen. So I ask questions, and then there are always follow-up questions because I really do like to hear people’s stories. I guess we all figure it out as we go! Or we don’t, whatever. Haha. Happy Friday, Kate. I always love your comments ❤️
How lovely. How brave of you to be you. Fully you. Well done.
Thank you so much, Marita. That made me smile. I’m happy you’re here ❤️
Hi Ally, thank you for another wonderful essay. I can't pick a specific part I want to highlight, it's all great read, but I love the feeling of understanding where your coming from, some sense of connection to the way you must think to come up with the sentences you use, the closeness. I keep telling Anneke I love talking to her, because I do, but also because I want her to feel opposite of not being sure she can take space, or doubting if she has anything to say. Luckily she seems to know she can be herself and even though I'm sure she'll get hurt or disappointed at some point (and more then once), I love seeing her growing and I your essays, where you mention growing up, always remind me of her and I recognise this is her time of growing up where she needs encouragement and feel supported.
I fully agree with the idea of the island too lol.
I wish you and your family all the best as always.
Much love 🙏
Thanks so much, Peter. I have no doubt your daughter feels loved and respected and cared for because it’s obvious she is in the way you write about her. And thanks for your kind comments, I appreciate them so much. Lots of love to you both 🤍