Yeah, it occurred to me writing about it this time that my mom was clearly trying so hard to get this man to love her/love us/love the situation - or at the very least be decent enough to her kid that she could see a future. There’s no way he bought me the tutu, she must have gotten it for him to give to me, and then it all went to shit …
Yeah, it occurred to me writing about it this time that my mom was clearly trying so hard to get this man to love her/love us/love the situation - or at the very least be decent enough to her kid that she could see a future. There’s no way he bought me the tutu, she must have gotten it for him to give to me, and then it all went to shit because I wouldn’t thank him, providing us this moment to bond lol. And he could not have been less interested in bonding with me. All this effort for a man who was pushing down and editing out his own feelings. Anyhoo. Yes, I am beyond grateful to be heading into 2025 with all of y’all here 🙏🏼☺️❤️ It gives me the confidence to know we’ll get through it and keep our sanity and gallows humor. Hugs and love xx
Your mom's need reminds me of the first post of yours I read and that touched me so much I felt the need to respond (about Alice Munro and fucked up complicity). What a mess to sort through, but I'm so glad you're here to do it.
I try to remind myself that women couldn't have their own credit cards or loans until 1974. My dad and mom split up in 1975. I think in my mother's mind, the best thing she could do for us was find a new husband. Nonetheless, she was a complicated person and I'm not sure she was well-equipped to have a daughter. It still amazes me that we were able to get as much healing done as we were in the last three weeks of her life. And I find it ironic that we started communicating clearly after she lost the ability to speak. She was not easy lol.
Yeah, it occurred to me writing about it this time that my mom was clearly trying so hard to get this man to love her/love us/love the situation - or at the very least be decent enough to her kid that she could see a future. There’s no way he bought me the tutu, she must have gotten it for him to give to me, and then it all went to shit because I wouldn’t thank him, providing us this moment to bond lol. And he could not have been less interested in bonding with me. All this effort for a man who was pushing down and editing out his own feelings. Anyhoo. Yes, I am beyond grateful to be heading into 2025 with all of y’all here 🙏🏼☺️❤️ It gives me the confidence to know we’ll get through it and keep our sanity and gallows humor. Hugs and love xx
Your mom's need reminds me of the first post of yours I read and that touched me so much I felt the need to respond (about Alice Munro and fucked up complicity). What a mess to sort through, but I'm so glad you're here to do it.
I try to remind myself that women couldn't have their own credit cards or loans until 1974. My dad and mom split up in 1975. I think in my mother's mind, the best thing she could do for us was find a new husband. Nonetheless, she was a complicated person and I'm not sure she was well-equipped to have a daughter. It still amazes me that we were able to get as much healing done as we were in the last three weeks of her life. And I find it ironic that we started communicating clearly after she lost the ability to speak. She was not easy lol.
can't wait to read your memoir. xo
Thank you, Helia.